A May 2014 Confession Tuesday radio/YouTube segment where host Big Papa and local life coach Rebeccah Silence respond to an email from a mother whose 20-year-old son has been addicted to heroin for three years. Rebecca offers compassionate guidance: prioritize the mother's self-care, seek personal support (therapist/coach, Al-Anon), offer help when the son requests it (rehab/detox options), and recommends readings such as the AA 'Big Book' and Codependent No More. The tone is supportive and pragmatic, emphasizing unconditional love and setting boundaries.
Big pop in the morning with bana and confession Tuesday with a local life coach, Rebecca Silence, who of course is available for corporate stuff and schools. I mean, you're all over the place all the time now. Like, it's like you need a personal assistant for your personal assistant or something.
Well, and thank you for bringing that up because Inspired results is hiring a new administrative assistant slash business manager. So anyone who is interested, you are the first to hear that there is a job opening at Inspired Results. We are growing and we need someone to keep up with us. So if you are interested, feel free to email me right off the website. Inspired results coach.com and I'd love to.
Chat with you and if you would like to have Rebecca come and talk to your team, whether it be a work team, whether it be a school team, whether it be a program or just a school. Again, inspired results coach.com confession Tuesday. The way it works, you go to cnykifs.com you tell us your story and we handle it here on the air, free and confidentially. You ready for the email? All right. Dear Big Papa and Rebecca, I have a 20 year old son that has been hooked on heroin for three years. And every year he wants to get better. I help him by finding him a rehab center for or a detox place to go. And then he starts to do well. And then after about six or seven months, he falls back into the same crowd and goes back to the drugs and cuts me out. My question is that is it. It's that time of the year when he wants help and I've found another doctor and another place for him to help. But I have people telling me that it's a waste of time and I need to stop enabling him. Am I helping or hurting him by always being there? He is my son and I don't want to get that call that says he has overdosed and is no longer with us.
Thank you so much for this brave email. And I'm gonna tell you that your situation holds a special place in my heart. I grew up in a family where there's a lot of addiction. I have experienced a lot of people that I love having addiction problems. And so, you know, this is near and dear to my heart. And what I'm gonna tell you first and foremost is to get support for yourself dealing with this situation. If you're not well taken care of, if you're not putting yourself first, making sure you're eating and sleeping and taking good care of yourself, you're gonna be much less available to your Son, now, this is a really interesting question. People are telling you that it's a waste of time. Well, you know what? Here's what I have to say about people giving their opinions, whether it's about this addiction situation or any other. I say be really careful who you're following, all right? Be really careful whose advice you're taking. If you don't want what they have in the area that they're giving you advice in, who cares what their opinion is? So really think about. Do you want to follow the individuals that are giving you this advice and telling you that it's a waste of time? You know what? Lots of times people's opinions are. They're just an opinion. They're not a fact.
A lot of times with something like this, and luckily I haven't had to deal with. With anything like this. But I would imagine, and I'm just projecting that the people that are telling this mother to stop have seen her suffer because. Because of it. So it's not necessarily because they want anything bad for the child. It's just that they're. They're tired of seeing their friend that they care about suffer along with.
And still the ultimate decision is with you. So I'm saying other people's opinions on a shelf, whether they are doing it out of love or not, I'm sure their intentions are good, but put it on a shelf anyway, because it's about you being solid in your own decision. And, you know, an old mentor I had used to say, people are going to make you wrong 50% of the time, and they're going to make you right 50% of the time. So if you want other people on board with your decision, that can be even more suffering in an already hard situation that you're in. So I would say make sure that you have support for yourself. And then here's the good news. He's asking for help. If it was a situation that in the drama triangle we call rescue, where someone is swooping in and trying to save the day when people didn't actually want the help, that blows up all the time. People hear the word rescue and they think it's heroic. It's not. It keeps people stuck. When we talk about rescue, it keeps people stuck. So in this situation, he's actually asking for help. So that's what we would call support. And that's wonderful that he's asking for support. And then I. All you have control over is giving him support, and then the rest is up to him. He may or may not stick with the Support that you're giving him, that's totally out of your hands. And it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you or love you. Addiction is a very difficult situation that has control of the addict. The addict has no control over the addiction. And there are lots of controversy and schools of thought around this. But just consider the possibility that if the addict's asking for help, great, great, offer it. And then what they do with the support, that's up to them. There are some great reading materials. There's a book in AA called the Big Book that I would highly recommend that you read. I've read it a couple of times. The first time, halfway through the Big Book, I had to start over because I was getting so triggered by it. Just confused about what addiction is and having beliefs that, well, maybe the addict actually has control over it. But the Big Book helped me get really clear about what addiction is. There are support in the community. There's a group called Al Anon. There's also a great book called Codependent no More for people who are struggling with family members or loved ones who are in addiction. Codependence is something that happens a lot in addictive relationships where one person is leaning very heavily on another one for support, and the two people become almost enmeshed. So codependence is really toxic and in these types of situations. So Codependent no More is great. Check out Al Anon. Read the Big Book. Make sure you get yourself your own therapist or coach to deal with the situation. And then I would, of course, encourage you to give the support that this guy's asking for. And whether it's a rehab or an outpatient or insight house here in Utica. But definitely offer the support and then be careful who you're leaning on and asking for their opinions because they're going to tell you what they would do in their situation. It doesn't mean it's going to be right for you. So. So the end decision, it lies with you.
Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results coach.com you. You rattled off a lot of names of a lot of different books. If you could on your Facebook page at some point today, list those off. Make sure you like Inspired Results Coach on Facebook and you'll be able to. You'll be able to find the names of those books and whatnot. Very emotional. Very, you know, it's an awkward. It's an awkward situation. You know, it's. It's an awkward. It's. It's an awkward conversation. It's an awkward topic, especially because, you know, it's family members involved. You know what I'm saying?
And it's a really brave email. And the thing is that I think a lot more people than you realize are dealing with similar situations. And the last thing I want to say about this is thank you for being unconditionally loving. You know that to me, your email is the definition of unconditional love. We don't sign up to love people. Just when it's good times, right? Unconditional love means I love you no matter what, through all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. Your light moments, your dark moments. To me, this is unconditional love and. And that's motherhood. So thank you for this email. Happy Mother's Day and good luck to you both.
Keep us. Keep us updated, please, please. Absolutely. Local Life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com awesome as always. We'll see you next time.
Thanks, everybody. Have a wonderful week.
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