Confession Tuesday 5-20-14 "CHANGED ONCE MARRIED"

All right, that's Rickston on 97-910-55 Kiss FM. Me and my broken heart. 7:38, Big Papa and Bana. Mostly sunny today. High 72 right now, 44 degrees. Coming up at 8:00'. Clock. Your next chance to qualify to go chic or geek. 8, 11, 3 and 7 every single weekday are your chances to get qualified for the. For the prize of your choice. Some are chic. Summer geek. It's courtesy of First Source Federal Credit Union and Lennon's W.B. wilcox jeweler. It is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in inspired results. Coach.com now you got something going on. Like, you have to leave here and like you have to rush out of here to go do like, something right today.

Yep. I'm facilitating the Empowered Leadership Seminar over at the Radisson for the Mohawk Valley Human Resource Management Society.

Wow, that's a lot of words.

It is. Wow. I'm looking forward to it.

I would have to. I would, I would need, like just. I would just need the cheat sheet just for what the. For what you were doing and who it was for.

Yeah. So it's gonna be great.

If you have an event, if you are a manager at a business and you want Rebecca to come in and talk about, there's all kinds of different things you can come in and do presentations on and do talks about. Just give a couple ideas of what stuff that you've. That you've done for, you know, for companies or whatnot. Yeah.

I have about five different corporate training seminars. And one is on communication, one is on conflict resolution. This one today is on empowered leadership, which I think is really fun because so many people, they aren't looking forward to going to work. They don't have a reason to grow in the company. They're not really bought in. It's just a job. So then the company's not getting as much out of their employees as they can. So the Empowered Leadership Seminar is all about people, people getting out of their own way of success and in leadership of their own lives. Because everybody leads. Right. It's just a matter of are you leading and complaining or are you leading in results? What is it that you're leading in? So we have empowered Leadership. I also have a seminar called Writing the Next Chapter where each individual has their own goal, each team and then the company. And in a lot of companies, the goals don't line up. So teams goals don't necessarily match the goals of the company. Individuals goals don't necessarily match the goals of the company. So we get all of that aligned.

For all details on this hit up inspired results, coach.com and also like them on Facebook as well. What we do here on the radio is you go to cnykiss.com, you tell your story, and we take care of it here on the air, free and confidentially with local life coach Rebecca. Silence. Are you ready for it?

Yeah.

Here we go. I've been married for almost five years now, hardly any of it happily. I realized shortly after that my husband. I realized shortly after. After that my husband had major trust issues and insecurity that he hid while we dated. He was confident and seemed trusting, but once that ring was on, he flipped. He is also one of the biggest mama's boys ever. So much so that his mother knows when and if we are having sex. I think this is a bit much and none of her business. We have done marriage counseling two times already with no good result. Question is, with someone like this, is there any hope a third time would work? I think he needs individual counseling, and I need to be free of the misery.

Thank you for your email. You know, I think there's a shift for a lot of people once they go from dating or engaged to married, all of a sudden they become who they think the wife or the husband is supposed to be. And often that's not who they really are. So, you know, you're asking if a third time at counseling would work. I'm gonna say you have to be willing to change your mind about all of the areas that you're making your husband wrong for anything to work. So it sounds like maybe he has some individual things that he needs to work on. But what I'm hearing from your email is that you also have a lot of judgment around how he's showing up. You're saying that he has trust issues and he's a mama's boy, and his mom knows way too much about your relations. And I'm not agreeing with your husband's behavior or making it wrong. I'm just wanting you to look at what you have control over, which is your judgment. And so when I'm talking about judgment, what I'm talking about is all of the things that you think people should be doing differently. And we all do it. Oh, sure, right. Even me. I mean, I'll look at people and think, why are they doing that? Why aren't they doing this? But I try to catch the judgment, because what I know about judgment is whatever you don't like about other people, it's also what you don't like about yourself. So if I'm critical of someone, and I just had someone in my office yesterday, a client talking to me about this because she was really upset at her boyfriend for something, and she said, there's no way that could be me. There's no way. And that's her issue. She doesn't want to believe that she has it in her to be this selfish. That's what her big judgment was on her boyfriend. But we all have it in us. So if you could just look at relationships as an opportunity for you to see the parts of yourself that you're really not liking. Relationships aren't meant to just be all fun. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. And a lot of people think that's what it's for. And then when it's not fun, they want to end the relationship. But what if a relationship is an opportunity for you to become the best version of yourself? An opportunity for you to look at the parts of yourself that you could get stronger at? You know, that's definitely what my relationship is. It's not always easy, but relationships can be a great opportunity for you to look at the parts of you that are keeping you stuck.

It seems to me that in the email, you know, there's. And granted, she seems unhappy, and there's a lot of blame and whatnot and not real. A lot of, you know, you know, I, you know, taking responsibility for any part of it. But there's also too. Is there any hope that a third time would work? It's almost like she's going in knowing that it's gonna fail. That's. That's. That's the. That's how the issue is.

You're seeing your relationship is broken. So as long as you think it's broken, you're gonna create evidence that it's broken. So we're never gonna contradict our beliefs ever. And what I mean by that is, if you believe something's true, you will be right about that. So I'm saying here would be a new strategy, right, for act like you made a good choice in picking your partner.

Seriously, it's so simple.

But, yeah, okay, but how would things be different? Everyone out there just imagine for a second, and maybe not even with your relationship, but even in your career, act like you made a good decision. What would that do to your relationship? How would you show up different if you were looking at your husband or your girlfriend or your boss and going, gosh, I made the best decision Here, try it. That would be something different. And if you have that attitude, then I would suggest that hiring a coach or hiring a therapist would make a huge difference, because energetically, you would be in such a different place.

There's gonna be so many couples being like, I made such a good choice. Yeah, I'm. I made such a good choice.

I'm not kidding. Take it off.

No, that absolutely is gonna happen.

That's my point, Right? If I'm saying, you know, relationships, they're not just fun, they're also meant to be a great, growing opportunity. This is what I mean. I mean, you picked the perfect person for you. Everyone out there just get that. You pick the perfect person for you to either heal something from your childhood or to strengthen a leadership muscle inside of you or to, you know, have the best relationship of your life.

All right, so what's. What is the homework for this? For this lady?

The homework is act like you made a good choice. Write out all the reasons why you made the perfect decision marrying this person. Go back to why you chose him in the first place. He didn't all of a sudden change when you got married. He just became. He thinks he's supposed to be as a husband, and you became who you think you're supposed to be as a wife. It doesn't necessarily mean he changed. Go back to what attracted you in the first place. Write out why you made the perfect decision and see what that does.

Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com. make sure you like them on Facebook as well. Great stuff as always.

Thank you, everyone.

Enjoy.

Have a great week.

Enjoy your thing today. And I feel sorry for you because you forgot your phone at home and you're going to be without a phone.

It'll be good for me. It'll be a good stretch.

You've been twitching since you walked in. Trust me, anybody who's forgotten their phone has been there. All right, Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence here.