A short radio/YouTube segment (Confession Tuesday, May 5, 2015) in which a listener confesses feeling guilty about shopping at Goodwill despite being able to afford nicer items. Life coach Rebeccah Silence reframes the issue around self-worth, explains guilt as a learned coping skill, cautions against comparing people’s outward situations, and encourages holding others (and oneself) capable rather than pitying them. Practical points: being frugal can be smart, examine underlying emotions under guilt (sadness/fear/anger), and choose decisions that serve your growth.
All right, so here's how we roll on a confession Tuesday. Rebecca is a life coach. Not a therapist. A life coach. And not a psychiatrist. A life coach, there is a difference. And a life coach, it's all about getting what you want out of a certain situation and out of life in general.
So what I believe is if you know what you want, even if it's just a whisper, if you think about it and it's a dream, you can create it. And so what I do, I do have a therapy background. I have a math master's in counseling, but I'm working with people on creating inspired results. We get you through past patterns, emotional blocks, and faulty beliefs that are in the way of getting what you want. And my clientele are not coming to me in big crisis and big breakdown. These people's lives are working, they're successful, and they just want more. And that's possible. And if we knew how to create exactly what we wanted, we would have everything we wanted. And, you know, we get coaches, we get mentors. I have two myself. And that person can help you see what you can't see to help you get out of your own way.
Absolutely. Because a lot of times there's blinders. There's, you know, there's all kinds of stuff. So way it works is you go to cnykiss.com and click on the Confession Tuesday banner, and not only can you submit your story with whatever's going on in your world, it'll be completely confidential, and we'll handle it right here on the air. And a big backlog of past segments are up there as well, so you can. You can check those out. So here we go. You ready?
I'm ready.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, I make a decent salary, enough that I can afford nice things when I want them, but typically, I'm pretty frugal. So frugal that I actually shop at Goodwill and other thrift stores. I don't need to shop there, but I do it to find good deals. I sometimes see families there who can't afford the stuff I can, and it makes me feel like a jerk. Is it wrong to shop at Goodwill when I can afford to pay for nicer things? Where do you shop that you're embarrassed? Is that bad?
Wow. Thank you so much for this email. First of all, I think when you ever start comparing yourself to other people's situations, it's a recipe for disaster. Because you know what? If you're pinned by a Mack truck or you're pinned by a Toyota, it does make a difference. Right. I mean, you're still pinned under a car or a vehicle. I mean, your situation is not better or worse than someone else's. I want you to just entertain the possibility that that's true. Your situation is exactly what you need for your highest growth, and their situation is exactly what they need for theirs. So you don't necessarily know what's going on underneath the surface with other people. And when we jump to those conclusions and make assumptions, it's just drama. So it's also an avoidance to looking at whatever may be going on in you in terms of an insecurity. And I think you have a lot to be proud of. I think it's smart to be frugal with your money and to be smart with your money. You don't know in 30 years, 40 years what your money situation's gonna be like. And I think it's actually great that you're being smart about it. You're knowing what you need, what you don't, and going to stores that support that. But I think it might be bigger than this money piece. It's owning that your decisions are fine. Whatever you decide, if it works for you, that's good enough. It doesn't have to make sense to other people. And you have nothing to prov. You have absolutely nothing to prove. So when you're shopping at Goodwill, I would just make sure you're not doing it because you don't think you're worth more. Know you're worth whatever it is that you want.
I'm not sure I get what you're, what you're saying.
I'm saying, you know, if you're shopping at Goodwill because you don't think you're worth more than that, then I want you to just consider the possibility that you're worth whatever it is you want. But I think you already get that from your email. You're saying, I could afford anything I want. I could go other places. So I just want you to get that your self worth is the key. Okay? And then other people's opinions of your self worth, who cares? And then your opinions of other people's self worth, I want you to consider who cares about that too.
What about it sounds like there's guilt involved. What about the self imposed guilt? Because, because, you see, because yes, there, there is the comparison. But you know, you know, if, if someone is financially secure and they can afford, you know, finer things, but they're purposely going to, you know, Goodwill to go shopping, what about that self imposed guilt? Because, you know, some people that's the only place that they can go. And you're choosing to go. There's a guilt thing in there.
Well, and there's two pieces, right? There's guilt and then there's this, like, better than idea that something's better or worse than something else. And with guilt, I want you to just consider that guilt is a coping skill, okay? Guilt is not an emotion, okay? It's a coping skill. We learn to be guilty, right? My baby does not know how to be guilty about anything. She just cries when she needs to cry, does what she needs to do. There's no guilt there. We learn how to be guilty, okay? So you have nothing to be guilty about. And when you are feeling guilty, there's a different emotion underneath it that you might want to look at. It might be sadness, it might be fear, it might be anger, but things like jealousy, things like guilt, those are coping skills, okay? They're not actually emotions. Because we learn how to be jealous, we learn how to be guilty. And then this idea of better than. I've shopped at Goodwill. I mean, it's great store, it's got great deals, and it's like a gold mine. So it's not like it's worse than another store. It's just if in your mind you're doing this hierarchy, I want you to consider the possibility that there isn't one. Right? You know, and people, you may assume they're not winning and you feel bad for them. I mean, it may be more even that than guilt, like this. This pity or this feeling bad for someone. Please don't ever feel bad for another human being because exactly where they are is the perfect place for them. If you had met me, seven. I mean, Gary knows me really well and knows my story. Seven years ago, eight years ago, my life looked like a hot mess. I was on paper and on the surface, falling apart, and it was exactly what I needed.
I didn't say it, she said it.
For me, but I was. I mean, my life looked like it was unraveling, but that was so I could put it together, sure, in a solid way. And if anybody had tried to save me from those experiences, they would have cheated me. So just get that whatever you're perceiving as something you should feel sorry for for someone else, don't see them as winning. Hold them capable. More than anything else. What I'd like for you to do is hold other people capable of being able to survive whatever their situation is, and know that it's perfect for them. And your situation is perfect for you, you could do the world the biggest favor by never looking at anyone again and thinking, oh, poor them. Don't think poor them. Think good for them. Think they can have anything, hold them capable. Believe for them that they can have whatever they want.
Local life coach Rebecca silen inspired results. Coach.com is the is the website and of course seeing my kiss.com on a confession Tuesday. We're going to break Come back more with Rebecca coming up here on KISS fm.
