CONFESSION TUESDAY 6-17-14 "LOOSE WEIGHT TO BE IN MY WEDDING"

It is a confession. Tuesday local live coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. You are so, like, are out of sorts. We've known each other for a very, very, very long time.

I knew you were gonna bring this up.

Of course you came. You came walking in and like, there's normally people have like. I don't want to say like, aura, but like people have like, mannerisms and whatnot. And you walk in like you were shot out of a cannon and you're just like. And I know it's because your daughter's away.

Yes.

And like, you, obviously, I know I'm.

Not without my child ever. She's at a leadership adventure camp in Cheyenne, Wyoming, and it's a great experience for her and it's hard for me to be away from her for two weeks.

And it's not only that, but there's limited. Like, she's not calling. Like, she can't.

No, I can't talk to her at all. There's no contact. Obviously if there was an emergency, I would hear from the camp. Heather Steele, who does the radiant seminar with me, runs this camp. Very dear friend of mine. So I know she's in amazing hands. And I can't talk to her at all. Not at all. I would be going nuts right now.

And it's driving. It's driving her crazy.

It would drive me crazy too if I can talk to my daughter at all the whole time.

And she's. Well, here's the thing, Rebecca, like the two weeks leading up to it, you know, she's like, almost been like psyching herself out for it, you know, she's like, okay, it's. Cause she's gonna be gone for two weeks. I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna. My schedule and I almost feel like I'm life coaching you through this.

Yeah, I need a little coaching with her being gone. It's one know you're doing the right thing as a parent and.

But still, it's.

It's an emotional stretch for me.

Right.

It'll be good all the way around, I'm sure.

Okay, so. So what The. The best thing that can happen is stop by to Saranac Thursday. Rebecca is going to be part of the. Part of the Kiss FM crew that's going to be pouring at. At the brewery.

Stay busy.

Of course. See? Exactly. And. And she will be coming out afterwards, so, you know, keep her busy. See? See? You're welcome.

Thank you.

You're very welcome. Confession Tuesday. Go to cnykiss.com you can hear all of the backlogs all of the back segments, they're all posted online@cnykiss.com and you can tell us your story as well. And we'll help you right here on the radio. And of course, if you want to get in touch with Rebecca. Inspiredresultscoach.com inspiredresultscoach.com you can also like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter as well. All right, you ready?

Yeah.

Okay. Dear rebecc, Rebecca, I'm getting married in six months, and I already know what dresses I want my bridesmaids to wear. My friends are attractive, but a few of them need to lose a little weight to fit into these dresses. I want my wedding to be absolutely perfect. I want to put them on a clean eating diet for the next few months so they can wear the dresses and feel great. Will my friends be offended if I ask them to eat better before the wedding? I really, really, really want them to wear these particular dresses. And should I ask them?

Oh, my goodness. Thank you for your email. You know, the first thing I have to say about this for everyone is I do believe it's incredibly important that we think about how we would want to be treated in any situation. I have to think about how would I want to be treated before I'm taking on some of these more delicate issues in a relationship. So the first question I would ask you to ask yourself, listener, is, how would I feel if I was in the bridesmaid's position? How would I feel if one of my dear friends told me that I needed to eat a certain way and look a certain way to be in her wedding? Now, if you feel as though you would be willing to accept that challenge, next step would be, are you willing for these ladies to back out? Are you willing to have instead of the potential women you wanted in your wedding, are you willing to have just the size and shape that you're looking for at your wedding?

But the wedding pictures are gonna be great.

And it's a real question. I'm not.

No. But I guarantee that's part of the reasoning of it.

Sure. And you know what? I'm not saying that you're wrong either way. I just want you to consider that some of these ladies might absolutely get upset and want to not participate. Are you willing for that to happen? Is that something that at the end of the day, the wedding is done, the photos are taken, you're going to feel okay with? I like to tell people when you're making any type of decision to weigh the obstacles ahead of time, this is a hot Tip. That works really, really well for me. I had to think through all the obstacles of sending my kid off to camp for two weeks before I was willing to make that decision. Any type of decision you want to think about. Number one, there's a few steps. Why? Why is this important to you? What's the reasoning behind it? Number two, are you willing to deal with whatever the outcome is going to be? There could be some potential backlash. Then you think, think about. But there can be in any decision, right?

Very true.

It doesn't matter what it is. There can be potential backlash in any decision. So are you willing to have that happen? You know, even when I started Inspired results, I had people telling me I was insane. I had people telling me there is not a chance that anyone in Utica, New York is going to be interested in your service. And it was actually the vast majority of people giving me negative criticism. I was willing to deal with that because I was clear about what was possible with this company, and I'm grateful that I did it anyway. So just know with any decision, you will have naysayers, you will have backlash. And sometimes, especially if we're really clear, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what the naysayers say. So if you really feel proud of this decision, it won't matter if people are upset with you. The next step is to really look at what the obstacles are ahead of time and ask yourself, am I prepared to deal with these issues? Maybe you will be, maybe you won't be. And, you know, what type of friend do you want to be and what type of friends do you want? Right? And, you know, quite honestly, I would never tell anybody what to do in this case. But if were me, if I was in this position, I would be really thinking about what type of friend do I want to be? How do I want to support my friends in feeling about themselves? And the reality is that, listener, you're probably pretty hard on yourself. You're probably pretty hard on the way you keep your body, the diet you keep. And often people are transferring the way they are with themselves onto their relationships. If I want xyz, then I want my significant other to want the same thing. Or my best friends. That's very common. But you have to understand that everybody's different. And when we get into this micromanage y type of relationship, it'll come back at you. And just be willing to consider that the best type of friend is someone who is totally unattached to the way other people show up. Right? The best type of friend is willing to let everyone be an individual and love and accept them for exactly who they are.

Rebecca's going a long way around the barn. I'll be. I'll go straight to the point. If you tell your friends that they have to lose weight and eat a certain way to be in your wedding, you're pretty much saying that you have to be thin to be in your wedding. And that's how you're going to come off that for. For. For this particular thing. If you go to your friends and say that you are, that's how you're going to come off, and you're probably going to lose. That cuts through the chase on that.

This person, though, on the flip side, just to be devil's advocate, the friends probably know how she operates. Right. I mean, you're all friends, so you're all friends for a reason. And I'm just gonna suggest that nothing anyone does is ever good or bad. You just want to look at the possible ripple effects of your decisions and the possible consequences of it before you make your choice.

Right.

That's the biggest piece. And then just think about how do you want people to feel is a result of being your friend. Maya Angelou has a quote that it doesn't matter what you do. It matters how you make people feel. That's what they remember. So just know we have no control over anyone.

What was that quote again?

So it doesn't matter what we're doing. It's about how we make people feel. That's what they remember how they feel around us, not what we've done for them. And I love that. So Maya Angelou quote, and I'm not doing the quote justice, but that's the gist of it. And so for me, I just always try to think about, can I be proud of how I showed up? How was I contributing to this person's life? And you're not wrong. Either way, I'm just gonna leave you with that. It's your wedding. However you want it, go for it. Make it your wedding. It's a beautiful day, but at the.

End of the day, treat people how you would want to be treated.

Absolutely. And just think it through. That's the biggest coaching I have for anyone making a decision, is you really want to think it through so that when things come up that might be difficult, you've already thought about it and you're okay with that.

Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com and also think of it this way. Imagine if one of your other friends was going to ask you to be in her wedding, but you were too skinny. Just saying.

Oh, that's interesting.

Just saying. Just saying.

Gain weight instead. Lose weight?

Yeah. Yeah. You're going to have to bulk up to be in my wedding. Oh, yeah, exactly. It's. It's a confession Tuesday. Great job as always.

Thanks, everyone.

Make sure you go to see kiss.com and tell us your story. We'll handle it this time next week. Donny Osmond coming up.