A recorded Call-In/Confession segment (June 24, 2014) featuring life coach Rebeccah Silence advising a caller worried about being a rebound after the man shes seeing revealed he recently ended an 18-year acquaintance and a seven-year relationship two months earlier. Coach emphasizes honesty, rewarding openness, avoiding projecting fears, focusing on making oneself and the relationship attractive, and considering whether the relationship meets one's standards. The segment also includes announcements for a coaching circle (first Tuesday monthly, 7–8pm, Whitesboro).
It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Inspired results. Coach.com now coaching circle happening next Tuesday.
Next Tuesday, the first Tuesday of the month from 7 to 8pm at the office in Whitesboro. Details are online. Join me.
It's a great time and it's the way I, the way I explain it, it's like dipping your toe in the water with life coaching. It's like you're gonna get new tools.
And strategies and it's not people individually, it's new tools and strategies that you can use in your life across the board. So next week we're going to be talking about commitment.
Wow.
Feel free to join us, Gary.
No, I'm good. I'm okay.
It'll be on commitment. It's great.
Oh, look, look, I.
You can meet like minded people.
Amazing.
I have something and definitely get a.
Taste of the work. I have that thing. So I mean, it's fantastic and I love your coaching circles, but it just so happens I have a thing.
Well, for the rest of you. Yeah, I'd love to see you there.
Yeah, definitely have that thing. So here's.
You're so cute.
So, so here's how it works. You go to see my kiss dot com, you tell us the story of what's going on in your world. And local life coach Rebecca Silence will help you cut through the muck and the mud and get right to the point. Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, I just started seeing a wonderful guy. He's handsome, smart, successful, and we click. I've never met anyone like him. He's also extremely attentive and chivalrous. After weeks of flirtation and dating, he dropped a bomb on me. He just got out of a seven year relationship. Not only that, but he's known the woman for 18 years, since college. They ended their relationship two months ago. I'm a little annoyed he didn't tell me about this when we first started seeing each other. Why would he hide this from me? Am I a rebound for him? Should I cut him loose?
Great questions. So number one, just understand that every relationship is different. Right? No. Two relationships like snowflakes. All relationships are different. They're not going to be the same. So I want you to be very clear that while your concerns might be valid, there might be a red flag here. Is this a rebound? You want to be really careful whether or not you're projecting your fear onto the relationship and then almost making it become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Right.
So first of all, I'd be focusing on the good news. The good news is he told you the truth. Right? You know the truth because he told you so. I would always suggest this is in relationships, parents with their kids, bosses with their employees, you always want to reward what it is that you want instead of putting the focus in the spotlight on what you don't want.
Okay, so he told the truth, so she should give him a treat.
So I'm not saying that he deserves a treat, but I'm saying don't blow up that you wish he told you sooner. I would be focusing on thank you for telling me now. Right, because you're laying the foundation. It sounds like this is still early in the relationship. You're laying the foundation right now for. For the entire relationship. So if it's built on I told you the truth, now I get kicked for it. You're probably not gonna have him being willing to open up.
Right.
And that's what you're wanting. So I'm just saying it happens all the time. People hit fear, and then they end up reaming out their partner for what they don't want instead of looking at, oh, he told me the truth.
So she should give him a treat.
So she should thank him for telling him.
Exactly right.
A thank you's fine. It doesn't have to be a little treat.
A cookie would work.
I just want you Scooby snack. Sure. For Gary. He would want a Scooby Snack. I'm saying, tell this guy thank you for telling me the truth. And then, you know, just look at again, like we were talking about in the last segment. Where is this relationship headed? And then just know if this guy has done what he needed to do to close the door on the last relationship. Very possible. Even if it's only been a couple of months, that he's ready for what he's actually been wanting. You. You know my story about leaving Vegas. Mark and I were together less than a month after I left Vegas, living with a guy I thought I was gonna marry. And I just got really clear over that. End of the relationship. Over the month I was single. It wasn't very long. I get that. But I just got really clear about what I wanted. And then Mark showed up, and then we were engaged three months later and then married six months after that. And it's great. And so just know that every relationship story is gonna be different. And then there have definitely been times in my past where I just bounced from one relationship to the next, and it was a rebound. You know, it's hard to tell on the surface, whether or not it's the rebound, it's the energy of the relationship. And if your boyfriend is thinking about this past relationship, a lot of the time, it'll get in the way of your current relationship that he's the only one that can answer that.
And also, too, if. And you. And you kind of hinted at it earlier. If you feel like you keep bringing up the fact that you don't want to be the rebound and that will end up happening because that's the attention that you're putting on instead of enjoying what you have right there in the moment.
Well, because you won't be making yourself very attractive in the relationship. And, you know, one of my old mentors used to talk about, if you don't have what you want, you're not making it attractive enough. Anything that you're wanting in your life, if you don't have it, then you're not making it attractive enough to get it. So, you know, I have couples coming in, they want more intimacy. Well, if they're constantly complaining, that's not very attractive, it's gonna push the partner away. Right. So we want to learn how to make it attractive to get what you want. You want to make it attractive to have open, honest conversations about where the relationship is headed. If it's. We need to talk. I need you to sit down. I need you to tell me what on earth we're doing here. Probably not going to be a very good conversation. Probably going to shut your partner down. So talking about. I'm really excited about xyz. This is what I'm seeing that's working. This is what I love about you. Let's talk about where it's a very different energy. So just know that your fears can run the relationship, or what you're wanting can run the relationship, the goals that you have for yourself. And then just be willing to go. I've said this a hundred times, but be willing to go for what you want out of a relationship, whether it's the person you're with or not, whether it's the person you're with or not. Consider that you can have exactly the type of relationship you're looking for. And so one of the things that worked really well for me would be to think about, well, if it's not you, it'll be somebody, like, next. You know, be willing to move on to make sure you get what you want instead of settling and trying to make somebody different.
A lot of people settle because they're afraid they're not going to get any what they have right now is the best they're possibly ever going to get. A lot of people do that and.
How gross and how mean to the person you're with. Like, oh, well, you're almost enough. This is not gonna work well.
No one says that to the other person.
But energetically, that's what's pouring out of the person.
Okay. True.
It's like poison in the relationship. And, you know, here's, here's for me anyway, if somebody had that energy with me. Thank you. No, thanks. Like, bye. Bye. I'm not interested in almost being what somebody wants. I want to make sure that I have exactly what I want. So just get that you can. And I understand most people have never seen a relationship that they would want. Most people have never seen a relationship that they think works really, really well. And so we get afraid. But just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean you can't have it.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com if you want to relive some of the past, some of the past segments, they're online@cnykiss.com youm can also tell us your story there as well and we will handle them coming up in future confession Tuesdays.
Thanks, everybody. Have a great week.
Have a great week. GJT set the time traveler coming up after 8 o' clock here on Kiss FM.
