This content was created by Rebeccah Silence. This content was uploaded by Rebeccah Silence. This is a YouTube video titled "Confession Tuesday 6-3-14 WOMAN BOUGHT ME A DRINK" recorded in June 2014. It features a conversational segment between a host (Speaker A) and Rebeccah Silence, a local life coach. The discussion covers topics such as Rebeccah's recent coaching activities, relationship dynamics, social expectations, and the concept of setting intentions rather than attachments in personal interactions. The format is a talk show style conversation with advice and listener story responses.
It is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. You had a busy, busy day yesterday.
Yes, I did. I finished the year off at Donovan Middle School, which was great. Thank you to everyone at Donovan for having me. Yesterday we did an anti bullying assembly with students in the morning and then a parent workshop on transitioning into summer in the evening, full day coaching clients in the middle. It was a good day.
Wow. So if. If you have an organization or you're with a school or. Or you're with a company that would like to have Rebecca come in and help with whatever you feel your company or group could use some help with, Rebecca will come in and absolutely do a group presentation.
Yeah, we have an empowered leadership seminar. We have a seminar on communication, one on conflict resolution. And then I also teach a seminar on the difference between sales versus enrollment because people don't like to be sold anything. You gotta learn how to make things attractive so that people are interested on their own. So there's a lot of different opportunities. The website has all the information, and.
The website is inspired results. Coach.com. all right, so it is a confession Tuesday. Go to cnykiss.com tell us your story, and we'll handle it here on the air absolutely free and absolutely confidentially as well. This email goes like this. My buddies and I went to Sylvan beach this past weekend, and I was eyeing an attractive woman at the end of the bar. She was with a friend, but we kept looking at each other. I was going to get up and talk to her until the bartender brought me a drink from her. It was a huge turnoff. I feel like the guy should always make the first move. And I was kind of emasculating when I didn't get the chance. What do you think? Is it sexy when a woman buys a girl a drink, or does it seem desperate?
Wow. Okay. Thank you for your honest email. You know, I think the first thing is that no one is ever wrong. They're just being who they are in the world. They're just showing you what they do with everybody else. People take things so personally. Right. Like someone lies to their face. Well, you can rest assured you're not the only person that person lied to.
Right, Right.
I mean, people are just always showing you who they are. And I love the Maya Angelou quote that says, you know, when people show you who they are, believe them. And the first time. Right. Instead of thinking they're gonna change later, they keep showing you who they are, believe them. So this girl, she's direct. She's bold. Good for her. If you're looking for something different, good for you. Why does it have to be wrong or bad at all how she showed up? She's just showing you how she is in the world. I think some people would take that as a huge compliment, actually.
I would enjoy that. That's cool for me to have someone be like, hey, here you go. I like. I, you know, I'm a fan of strong, independent, confident women. That's, you know, I like that.
Yeah, definitely. And I think a lot of men do want a reciprocal type relationship. Maybe not the old school where the man has to take care of everything. Right. And then there are men who want to be in that traditional role. And good for both sides of the coin. Nobody's wrong in this situation. So I think the other issue here is we can get ourselves in major disappointment when we have these attachments to how we think things are supposed to be.
Okay, what do you mean by that?
So what I mean by that is whenever you think that things have to go a certain way, for example, I know that you were at Dave Matthews this weekend.
Right.
And if you had a specific attachment to hanging out with the band at the end, for example, then you would have been disappointed because this year it didn't happen.
Right?
Right. And if you were so focused on that and that had to happen for you to have had a good day, you would have been really disappointed.
Sure.
And people do this in relationships all the time. No, Absolutely never Date didn't go exactly the way I wanted it to. So the whole thing's a wash. You know, I remember I'm gonna pick on my husband for a second. He's so sweet. But when we were first married, I remember on Sunday mornings, if I was. Would get on my computer and start doing anything before kind of hanging out with him, he'd be really sad because he had this attachment to how he wanted the morning to be really romantic, connected, no computers. And so once he could tell me that that's what he wanted, I knew. But see, until I knew what he wanted, I couldn't read his mind.
And then he was disappointed and not knowing why. There's no way that, you know, you could. Right, Right.
I didn't have any intention of upsetting you. And I. And I didn't. It wasn't me upsetting him. It was his attachment to wanting things to be a certain way. And I'm guilty of it, too. I'm guilty of it, too. But just know that anytime you're going out, anytime you're In a relationship, if you want it to be a certain way, and then you're going to be okay, you're guaranteed to suffer. You're guaranteed for it to blow up in your face, because good luck having things work out perfectly. When do they? No.
No.
Right. No. So what you can do instead. Here's what you can do instead. Instead of having this attachment to wanting things to be a certain way, you could call it an attachment to an outcome. You could call it expectations. Either way, it doesn't work. So what you could do instead is you could do what I call setting an intention. You could have an intention like, I'm going to have a great night tonight, no matter what happens. That would be an intention.
Okay.
And then if something goes awry, you could remember your intention and then think about what you could do to support your intention instead of the drama.
All right?
Does that make sense? Absolutely. So going into any situation, this is a great tip for people. Everybody, listen up. If you have an intention, you're automatically in charge of your experience. Okay, if I know that. All right, my intention is to go into this meeting where I know it's gonna be difficult, but my intention is to listen and to speak honestly no matter what happens. I'm gonna listen to what people have to say, and I'm gonna speak honestly. If you can go into situations with an intention, you're automatically in charge of your experience and you're in leadership instead of at the effect of whatever's going on around you.
All right, so for homework, what's a good way to come up with intentions? Because a lot of people, you know, this is something new. Like, it's new for me. I've never heard of having an intention before, and I've known you for years.
Yeah.
Like, what's a good way to figure out what an intention is and not to. And not to put pressure on things to go a certain way.
So an intention is. This is what I'm committed to, no matter what. And it can't be about what you want other people to do. It's gotta be about, this is how I'm gonna show up no matter what happens. So an intention is just a fancy word for deciding how you're gonna be in the situation. Right. So I'm gonna be open. I'm going to be willing to change my mind about this. I'm going to be willing to have fun no matter what happens. It's you deciding how you're going to be no matter what's going on around you, instead of, all right, this is how the world has to look for me to be happy.
That's cool.
There's a big difference.
There absolutely is.
So the intention is just very simple. How am I going to be no matter what happened banna with our last segment, you could have an intention that you know what? I'm going to respect myself and I'm going to respect my friend. And then no matter what she says or no matter what happens, anything you say could be respecting you and respecting your friend.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com coaching circle tonight 6: o', clock.
7: o', clock, 7:', clock, 7 to 8.
I mean, you could show up at 6, but you'd have to wait a while. Yeah. Details. Inspired results coach.com and if you would like Rebecca's help here on the air next week, just go to cnykiss. Com and we'll do it up. Great job as always.
