Radio segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring life coach Rebeccah Silence and co-host Big Papa on Kiss FM discussing a listener's concern that her 12-year-old daughter has been video chatting with unknown boys late at night (some chats after 9pm). Rebecca emphasizes education over fear/shame, recommends proactive rules framed as agreements (shared hours, no bedroom video chats, progressive consequences), parents holding device passwords and checking devices, and maintaining open communication. Also includes promotion for Rebecca's "Women's weekend" retreat (Nov 4–6) and practical homework for parents to set technology rules with explanations.
Questions this video answers
12 years old
After 9pm
November 4, 5 and 6
inspiredresultscoach.com
Rebecca Silence and Big Papa
9791055 Kiss FM 731. Liz and Big Papa.
And it is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
So here's how we roll on a confession Tuesday. You hit us up with whatever's going on in your world and Rebecca helps with whatever it is. It doesn't matter if it's family, career, relationships. Yeah, relationships. It's all about getting whatever it is you want out of whatever the situation is.
Yeah. What are the inspired results that you want to create for your life that maybe you've given up on, that maybe you think you can't have? And then where I come in is helping you figure out why you don't have it yet and help you get there.
And when it comes to really, you do corporate training, you do school talks and whatnot, and you have a retreat coming up which is selling like hotcakes right now.
Women's weekend, our inspired results. Women's weekend. This will be the third one. It's November 4th, 5th and 6th. And because of demand, we actually have two houses this year so that we can have double the participants. And it is incredible very, very quickly. So if you're interested, you want to get in touch with me right away. I know November seems far away, but it'll be here before we know it and it'll be a great way for you to wrap up this year and move into 2017, designing your life the way you want to. So go to inspiredresultscoach.com There is a tab called RET. You can get information there. You can see videos of past participants doing testimonials. Message me and we will get you in.
You don't want to miss this inspired results. Coach.com and how we roll here on a Tuesday. You go to cnykiss.com you tell us what's going on in your world and we handle it here confidentially on the air. And as we handle it here, we actually not only help you, but we help so many other people.
Oh yes, suffering is something that we can all relate to. So any questions you have are helping so many people. We want to know what's going on.
All right. Is this week's question. Dear Rebecca, my 12 year old daughter is very active, always outside, riding her bike, playing sports, playground, etc. Over the last week or so, she's been opting to stay in her room with the door closed instead of being outside even when the weather is gorgeous. Last night I asked to see her iPad and she told me that she had been video chatting with boys. Some of the boys have never heard their name before. And I saw that some of the video chats have happened after 9pm when she's in PJs and in bed. My initial reaction was to take the iPad away and restrict to video chatting to areas of the house that are not her bedroom. I'm really uncomfortable. How can I express the dangers of video chatting and catfish predators without making it be the forbidden fruit in quotes that makes her want to do it just because I said not to. Thank you and it signed really scared.
Wow. I get goosebumps. I have an 11 year old daughter who looks about 16 and we have been dealing with this very same issue, just not understanding the dangers of the video chats. Not only that, but she'll make there's this new musically video.
Musically video. Yeah. Musically videos. Yeah.
And all of these opportunities for the kids to make videos of themselves. And my daughter has a group chat from her school. So there are 20 to 30 kids that are just chatting after school and they'll send videos to each other. So what I've done with my daughter is we have ground rules and if she breaks them, she loses the iPad. But I'm trying to do it in a way where I'm educating her and not scaring her or trying to shame her. In my experience, fear based parenting and shame based parenting is something that ends up blowing up. So instead I just highly encourage you to educate your child and to set some agreements up. What can we both agree to so that things are set up better?
Okay, so we're gonna talk about what those agreements are, how to do it, how to set yourself up to win and not be shameful and whatnot. Find out what those ground rules should be. Coming up. More Confession Tuesday. Oh, this really and truly is especially from a parenting aspect because we didn't have to worry about this when we were kids.
I've come home from work and Madison's iPads in my face. I want you to talk to my friend's mom about whether or not I can come over.
Exactly.
I just walked in the door.
Exact.
So yeah, we need some iPad etiquette.
Absolutely, we'll do that. Coming up next, Confession Tuesday with Rebecca Silence here on Kiss FM 979155 Kiss.
FM 751 lives and Big Papa.
It's a Confession Tuesday with life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com and the email a little bit earlier was from a parent who found out that their 12 year old daughter was was video chatting Late at night and without supervision and trying to deal with all of this new technology with their, you know, with their child and being scared of predators and whatnot. And what we were talking about is best ways to kind of have the talk and not have it come across as, you know, the forbidden fruit and have it, you know, I'm gonna do it anyway just because you told me not to kind of a thing.
Right. And I just think education is key as well as setting up rules proactively. I like to call rules agreements because I want the parent and the child to both be agreeing on whatever it is that's being decided. So agreements could look like certain hours of the day where the technology can be used. If you're going to be video chatting with the opposite sex, maybe it happens in the living room instead of in the bedroom. I think one of the things that kids don't understand is that these videos never go away and they can go viral. I had someone in my office who had a child who had done some Dirty Dancing on a video and sent it to kids at the school that very easily could have gotten posted on YouTube and then what? Right. So the kids just don't understand that it's not this one person that I'm showing. This could be recorded and gone viral and then there's nothing you can do about that. So anything that you are saying about yourself in social media or in a text message or on a video will follow you forever to the point where colleges look at it, potential employers can look at these things. So I just try to educate and get them to understand the importance of respecting themselves while setting up rules that everybody agrees to. I think this should also be a system where it's kind of like 1, 2, 3, you get a warning. If it happens again, you lose it for a week. If it happens again, maybe it's mine for a month, who knows? But all of that needs to be set up proactively so it isn't just I'm angry and reactively giving you this huge punishment that I probably won't follow through on.
Right.
That's one of the things that really can be detrimental.
Oh, absolutely.
The empty threats are just going to teach your kids not to respect you.
Sure.
And they're going to learn that it doesn't mean anything because tomorrow she'll change her mind.
Right. One of the things that I think is important and correct me if I'm wrong when you find out or you have an inkling, make it about the. It doesn't matter who the individual is you know, say, you know, so and so was video chatting with so and so. Don't make it about, okay, well, you can't video chat with that person. You know, you can't video chat with anyone. And here is why. You know, I think.
I think rules, right, that are universal, right? And you're teaching lessons that are universal. And then this is just an example of what can happen as you were talking to this one person. But I highly recommend that parents have the passwords to all of their children's social media, all of their technology devices, and that they're very open with their kids that, guess what, it's mine. I can check it anytime I want, and it's so that I can help keep you safe. It's not because I don't trust you. This has nothing to do with whether or not I trust you. This is a world where things can happen and get out of control really fast. And I just want us communicating and connected on this. And in the email of this listener, you know, obviously the child is communicating with the parents. So you don't want to shut that down. You want to maintain conversation. You want to say, thank you so much for telling me the truth about this. And one of the things that I say to my daughter and one of the things that I coach all of my parents to say to their kids is there's nothing that we can't figure out together. There's nothing that isn't fixable, nothing that could ever happen. We can get through it, and we can learn from it, and we'll find a way to figure out a solution no matter what the situation is. So if you can keep reminding your children of that and keeping the communication going, that's really the best gift that you can give to your children.
Absolutely. Real quickly, some homework for this topic.
So for all parents, I want you to have a conversation with your kids and set up some ground rules that everybody agrees to around technology. What are the hours we're using it? What are the expectations? You know, if they're talking to opposite sex, what does that look like? Right? I mean, in bed, in my pajamas in middle school or high school. Interesting. That's a whole different world than what we were dealing with in high school.
I was stretching the phone cord around the corner and sitting, you know, trying, trying to get out, just to be in my room, for crying out.
I remember sitting on the floor in the laundry room, and that's where I had privacy. Right. So setting up some rules that everybody agrees to with education. Why is the homework don't just say, this is the rule. Do what I say. Explain why. So that they're bought in.
Right? You're not being mean to be mean. You're doing it for a reason.
Especially with young girls, you want to teach them to respect themselves and they don't need to impress anybody. Whoever they're talking to is lucky to have them in the chat. And I want them to just make sure that they're always respecting themselves no matter what, especially if it's in a video or a text or a social media post because that stuff doesn't go away even if it gets deleted.
It is confession Tuesday life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com check her out for for the retreat that's coming up in November. And we'll see you next week. All right.
Please keep emailing us. Thanks, everybody.
Absolutely. Gonna break. Come back here on KISS FM.
