A short talk-segment (Confession Tuesday) in which a listener describes feeling annoyed by a friend who sent three consecutive texts after a 15-minute delay. Local life coach Rebeccah Silence and a guest coach discuss expectations around texting, the importance of communicating boundaries, the legal permanence of text messages, and self-reflection ("look in the mirror" / like attracts) as a way to address perceived neediness. Practical advice includes calling for delicate issues and examining one’s own patterns.
All right, so it is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. Here's how we roll. You go to cnykits.com you tell us your story, what's going on in your world, and Rebecca will take it, smack it up, flip it, rub it down, and give you.
That's one way to put it.
Oh, no. Honestly, take away all of the extraneous stuff and get to the core of the issue and help you get out of your own way.
Absolutely. That's what I'm doing as an inspired results coach is just looking at what's in the way. So people ask me, so what is it that you work on with people? I just help people create the results that they're looking for by helping them see what they're doing. Whether it's an emotional block or a past pattern that keeps repeating or fear that they're up against that stopping them from getting the goal. Anyone can create anything. I firmly believe that.
And it doesn't matter what the subject is, whether it's family, whether it's relationship, whether it's work, whether it's boy girl interaction. It doesn't matter. Are you ready?
I'm ready.
All right, Here you go. The other day, I was texting with my best friend, and I put my phone down for 15 minutes because I had some chores to do. I came back to three text messages from her. First, she made a random comment. Then she asked why I wasn't responding. And finally then she asked if I was mad at her. I couldn't believe it. If this is how she is when she texts guys, I can understand why she's single. Sending three texts in a row is way too needy. Are there rules for texting, especially with guys?
This is a great email. You know, I don't know if there are rules for texting. What I know is people have rules for themselves that if you don't teach other people, you're probably gonna be disappointed. Right? So if I have needs or expectations or when I'm texting someone, I'm wanting a certain amount of time to go by before I get the text. I better communicate that, okay, if I didn't communic that, it's just drama. And then you gotta ask yourself, with these needs that you may think you have, is it reasonable? Right. Is it reasonable to get bent out of shape? Or as my husband would say, all jammed up if someone didn't text you back in 15 minutes, is that reasonable?
I'm sorry. I'm laughing at all jammed up. Keep going.
Yes. Well, I'm sure you could just see Mark. This is what he says. People get all jammed up, so you gotta think about what jams you up and ask yourself, is it even reasonable that this thing will ruffle my feathers or that I'm willing to get bent out of shape? So, you know, as far as. Are there rules for texting? I mean, I think you want to remember that text messages are legal documents that never go away. So you might want to think about the fact that they can haunt you. Ooh, they absolutely can.
Well, I've never really thought of it that way. Have you ever?
I teach in schools, right? When I'm in these schools, I was just a proctor last week working with the kids. A text message from follows you everywhere, no matter what, and it's a legal document. When I was working in Columbine, kids could get arrested. They'd get tickets depending on whether or not their texts were harassing or in any way destructive.
I never knew that kids can get tickets.
So, you know, you just want to think about that. When you're really angry at someone and wanting to communicate that via text message, be careful what you write down. Oh, that would be, you know, the big rule I see. If you want to know about rules for texting, even if you delete it, the company still has never goes away. So you just want to make sure that that is handled. Because they could also follow you to court. If you're in any type of custody battle or court case. Just be careful about the text messages.
Yes. Wow.
And if it's a delicate scenario, I always encourage people to pick up the phone, pick up the phone, address it. I mean, if it were me and this was happening, number one, I'd probably laugh it off and just call the person and say, are you kidding? Or is there really a problem here?
Right.
You know, like, check it out, because they might just be being silly, and then they might not.
You realize. You realize there are a bunch of people being like, ooh, watch what I. Text text messages, legal documents. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh.
But it's the same thing with Facebook, with Twitter, right? I mean, all kinds of things that you write down don't go away. So just remember that. Just remember that. And then if you're being needy, think about what it is that you actually need underneath that drama. What's going on? And then if you're judging other people for the way they're behaving, like she's being too needy for sending me these text messages. How could she be this way? This is probably why she doesn't have a relationship. Look in the mirror and see if any of those judgments are ways you show up, too. Because we got to remember, like attracts, right? So however your friends are, you just really want to look at. Well, like attracts. So if I have a bunch of drama queens in my life, like, in my 20s, I was the queen drama queen, absolutely the best one ever on the planet. And I had a lot of friends who were also drama queens because like attracts. So just look at that. Your friends are just a reflection of you. And no one's bad or wrong, but people that we're surrounding ourselves with are always a reflection of us. So just notice that not good or bad. And just look at. Okay, is this how I want to show up, or am I showing up this way also in some areas? Because, see, another way to be needy is to need your friends to be different than they are. That's just another way to be needy, which doesn't work either.
Wow. You've absolutely blown my mind in 12 bajillion different ways on this. Go to cnykiss. Tell us your story. What's going on in your world? It is Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. More on a Confession Tuesday coming up here on KISS fm.
