A parent worries her five-year-old is picking up her anxiety. Rebeccah Silence explains that a specific emotion underlies anxious reactions and says the real work is the parent's own therapy or coaching. Kids learn by watching how adults handle problems, not by hearing them say don't worry.
It is a confession Tuesday. Welcoming back from vacay and whatnot. Rebecca. Silence. Good morning. Hello.
Good morning.
Inspired results. Coach.com is the website and helping people all throughout central New York. If you go to cnykiss.com you can tell us what's going on in your world. And the big thing I want to get out before we. Before we get to the question is when people submit to the website and whatnot. We've been doing this for so long, it's all about anonymity. But people have their problems and such personal hits, such nerves that a lot of people are afraid that, well, if you tell my story, people are gonna know it's me.
Right. And absolutely not. One of the best things I think about this show is that we maintain confidentiality and what I'm about. And the reason we've been doing this for over four years now is I really want people to consider the possibility that suffering's optional. So whatever you're in, there is a way out.
Right.
And if you don't see speak the truth about what's going on, you absolutely guarantee you stay stuck longer. So speaking the truth, reaching out, asking for support is definitely one way to get unstuck. And that's why we do the show.
Absolutely. So if you'd like to have something addressed here on the air, you can go to cnykiss.com, click on confession Tuesday and then do it that way. Or you can go to Rebecca's page inspiredresultscoach.com or like Rebecca silence of inspired results on Facebook and go from there.
Yeah. All right.
You ready for this week's question?
Yes.
Dear Rebecca, ever since I can remember, I've always had issues with anxiety. Even with regular medication, I get completely consumed over the smallest of details to the extent that it puts a strain on my friendships and relationships with my family. My problem is that my beautiful little five year old is starting to pick up the same behaviors I have when my anxiety is at its worst. How can I help my child nip this in the bud so she doesn't have to suffer the way that I have?
Thank you so much. And this is a perfect example of an email that more people than you can even know relate to. Everyone on the planet knows somebody with anxiety, even if it isn't themselves. And then I can honestly say I've never met anybody that didn't at one time or another experience anxiety. Oh, sure, right. So it's natural. It's normal. And your kids, of course, pick up on the behaviors that you demonstrate One of the things my first mentor, Carol Reynolds, used to say is that kids pick the parent to follow that they think is surviving the best.
Okay.
So if your child is modeling your behaviors, consider that to be a compliment. And it's important to pay attention to when you are choosing your actions, your words. Do you want your children to follow that? Because they're never gonna do what you say. They watch and repeat what you actually do.
Yeah, yeah. You can't pull the. Don't sit, don't do. Do what I say, not what does I do.
Yeah, they do what you do. Period. End of story. So in some ways, your email tells me that your child has a lot of respect for you and sees you as winning or your child wouldn't be modeling your behavior.
Sure. But it's gotta be scary as a parent, if the. If there's something that maybe you feel you can't control or whatever, and you start to see your child exhibit that, and it's. That's gotta be scary.
Here's what's cool. This listener is awake enough to recognize the pattern before it becomes habit.
Okay.
Right. So your child's only five. There's a lot of time to kind of put correction in and for you to start paying attention to your anxiety and how to handle it in a healthy way so that your child can watch that. I think one of the best things that parents can give their kids is their own personal growth work so that they're modeling getting all the way through drama, getting all the way through breakdowns so the child can see, oh, it's actually possible for problems to have a beginning, a middle, and an end.
Okay.
And not to just have your child watch you stuck in the middle of the tornado, but watch you actually get out of the storm. But for you to get out of the storm, it's important to do some type of personal growth work. Right. So whether you find a therapist or a mentor or a coach, do something to tackle your anxiety. So my beliefs about anxiety are, number one, that it's real, and number two, that there's something going on with you. There's an emotion that you don't actually want to feel or you wouldn't be anxious. So there's a very real emotion underneath the anxiety. I don't know what that is, but I would encourage you because it's different.
For every person, right?
Absolutely. And even the same person may have different triggers. So in one moment, it's anger they don't want to feel. In another moment, it may be grief or sadness. In another moment, it may be fear. In another moment, it may be joy. I was just working with someone who was saying that she's really afraid of being joyful of things going well.
Oh, wow.
It doesn't always have to be those darker emotions that cause anxiety. Some people are used to, like, Eeyore having dark days and dark experiences, and when things get good, they get scared.
It'S just gonna rain anyway.
Yeah. So it isn't always the dark emotions. It can be joy, too. So under your anxiety is a real emotion. I guarantee you, like your child watched a parent with anxiety also. So consider that it might not even be your anx. You learned it too. So what's the real emotion for you? Find some type of personal growth work to help you get through that emotion yourself. And then you're modeling for your child a beginning, a middle, and an end to your drama.
That's very cool. It is confession Tuesday with life coach Rebecca Silence. If you would like her to address whatever your situation is, go to cnykiss.com do you have homework for this listener?
Journal about if you didn't have anxiety, what would life be like?
Ooh.
That'S your homework. Everybody out there who's experiencing anxiety, journal about so if it wasn't there, what would life be like? And then know that you can create. That you can create the life without anxiety.
RebeccaSilence inspiredresultscoach.com on a confession Tuesday. Amazing job as always.
