Ben and Big Papa talk with life coach Rebeccah Silence about a listener's problem: their ex's photos are still on Facebook. Rebeccah says it's about control and unresolved feelings. She advises untagging yourself, being honest with your new partner, and working on your own boundaries instead of trying to police what your ex posts.
Rebecca is a life coach, and here's how it works. You go to cnykiss.com and you tell your story. What's going on in your world. Do you have baby mama drama? Do you have work drama? Do you have family drama? If there's some sort of drama, tell us the story confidentially. We'll talk about it on the air. And Rebecca will help you get out of your own way.
Absolutely. Inspired results. Coaching is about creating the results that you're looking for, whatever that might be. And all I do is support people in getting out of their own way through changing any faulty beliefs, removing any emotional blocks, and waking you up to past patterns that keep repeating themselves. We get to the root of that not getting a new direction. So you can create what you're looking for.
So cnykiss.com and if you go to inspired results, coach.com. that is her website. You can also like her on Facebook and follow her on the Twitter as well. Coaching circle tonight.
Yes, we have coaching circles to tonight. It's the first Tuesday of the month at the office in Whitesboro. You can get the address and more information online. 7 to 8pm it's just your chance to work with me in a group setting. We're going to be talking about control tonight.
Ooh. Yeah.
You talked to him about that?
I was just gonna say you should go. That's.
I was saying you should go. That's. That's hilarious that you're gonna say that because you should go.
So at this point, let's get to the email. You ready?
Yes.
All right, here we go. My ex and I dated for three years, and there are a lot of pictures of us up on. I untagged myself from all of them. I just started seeing someone new, and I think it's disrespectful to the new guy I'm dating to have those pictures up there. So I asked my ex to remove them. He refused. He said, what's in the past is in the past, and if my ex can't deal with the pictures, he shouldn't look at them. If you ask someone to remove pictures on your social media, should they do it? Do you have the right to say what people post about you online?
Yeah. This is a great email. So first of all, yeah, the past is the past, but it doesn't go away just because we remove a picture off of Facebook.
Right.
Right. So I would encourage you to think about why it's so important to you. We just said the coaching circles tonight, they're about control. I see Some control issues in this.
Email potentially, because that's something that she has no control over.
Right. So we want to get back to what you do have control over. I would say, of course you have permission to make any type of request. Any of us can make a request anytime, but other people will do whatever it is that they're going to do as a result. So we can't force or manipulate people into doing what we want. You can make a request and then ask yourself, is it really reasonable and what's the purpose behind it?
Right.
Is there still some control game with this X? Is there any unfinished business where you're wanting somebody to do something for you to be okay, you might want to look at that. And then he could do whatever he wants to do. You can untag yourself so that the pictures are off of your Facebook.
Well, she said that she has.
Right.
So at that point, that's all that she can control. At that point, if they're, if they're not her pictures, she untagged themselves. Okay.
I don't understand what the big deal is if they're not going, if they're not together anyway. I mean, I understand, like she's got a new boyfriend. She doesn't want him to make, like, make him feel uncomfortable, whatever. But at the same time, it's just like, you know, if you have a new boyfriend, obviously that person's no longer in your life. Why does it matter?
She's not powerful enough to make her boyfriend feel uncomfortable. And we don't even necessarily know how he feels about it.
Right.
If he's uncomfortable, that's his issue. So people are always responding to your energy. I think that's the biggest thing to point out here.
Okay.
If I am operating based on fear and darkness and making my moves or taking action so that I'm avoiding people getting upset, it's just gonna snowball. People respond to our energy. It radiates off of you like the sun. So if you're confident, like, guess what? I just untagged myself from these pictures and I'm so glad to be with you. There won't be an issue. But that's why I was saying you might want to check out if you have anything unresolved with the X still. Because if there's still this fear based energy, your boyfriend will respond to that. If it's really closed, it's closed.
Absolutely.
A picture can't change that. If it's not closed, a picture might remind you that it's not closed. So you just want to pay attention to energetically where you're at, because that's what people respond to. No one's doing anything wrong.
And if you untag yourself, that means that it's not right on your page, which means you have to go looking for it.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
You have control over so much, and what you have control over is taking good care of yourself and being real about what you need and making sure you're the one getting your needs met. We can't rely on other people to get our needs met. It's a trap. And then eventually you're relying on someone. It's called codependence, to get your needs met. You're going to resent them anyway. It's just muddy. It's messy in a relationship. So you have an opportunity in a new relationship to create a solid foundation. And I would encourage you to do that by making sure as much of that past is clear, closed as possible. And at least be honest about where you're at. I'm afraid that you might get jealous or upset. I've had issues with boyfriends getting jealous in the past. I want you to know I'm all in here. Are you? That would be an honest, real conversation.
Sure. Absolutely. Inspired results. Coach.com it is Rebecca. Silence Local life coach A confession Tuesday. Tell us your story. Go to CNY kiss. Com. How do you feel about it? Use hashtag Confession Tuesday. We're going to break them back. Confession Tuesday. Big Papa and Ben on Kiss fm.
