A Confession Tuesday episode where a listener asks about her brother-in-law wanting to be their two-and-a-half-year-old's full-time babysitter. The hosts and life coach Rebeccah Silence discuss reactions from coworkers, societal gender stereotypes around caregiving, and practical advice: communicate clear expectations, monitor for behavioral red flags from the child, and set boundaries when family members are hired to preserve relationships.
98791055 KISS FM clean bandit czar lost and it's symphony it's pleasant Big Papa.
And it is a Confession Tuesday. Life Coach Rebecca Silence in Studio Good morning.
Good morning.
And how we roll on a Confession Tuesday. Of course you can get a hold of Rebecca@InspiredResultsCoach.com youm can also like her on Facebook Inspired Results LLC. So here's how we roll. We have listeners submit topics or questions that they'd like for you to handle and then we handle them here on the air. So are you ready?
I am.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, My husband and I have a two and a half year old daughter. She's currently being watched during our working hours by a female sitter. My brother in law will watch her when our normal sitter is not available or during the weekend when we have something planned. We visit my brother and sister in law, my brother in law and sister consistently or constantly and consider ourselves close. My brother in law recently asked me if he could be my daughter's full time sitter. My husband and I both agreed to the new arrangement. The issue is when I mentioned the change to a few co workers of mine, I received a lot of sideways glances and uncomfortable faces. A few responses such as a surprised really? Are you sure you trust him? And also an accusing why would he want to do that? Why is it such a big deal, shock and surprise for a responsible man who loves children and whom my child loves very dearly back to be a full time babysitter, but it is 100% acceptable for a woman to do the same thing.
Wow. What a good question. Thank you for your email. So one child, two and a half. And you know, it's so interesting to think about the stereotypes.
Yep.
Right. And you know what I encourage any parent to be thinking about with who you are allowing and inviting to watch your child is, you know, have you been really clear with that person about what your expectations are, what it is that you're looking for? You know, have you had the conversation about how you want discipline done? My two and a half year old requires constant redirection right now. And then the way I do redirection may be different than another methodology and nothing's right or wrong or good or bad. But do you know, but there's a.
Certain way that a parent wants stuff handled for their child.
You want it handled and then have you communicated that to the sitter, you know, regardless of the the gender of the babysitter. And then you know, I've had it where we've had babysitters in the past and you can really love that person. And then they're still maybe some red flags, you know. So my second tip is don't be afraid to address any type of red flag and have those difficult conversations. But when the red flags are somebody else's opinion, that isn't necessarily anything to, you know, take on yourself in terms of judging yourself or questioning your decision making.
Right, Right.
This is just somebody else's opinion and.
Somebody who's outside of your circle, who has, who doesn't know everything. They're just looking at it. An outsider's perspective.
Yeah. And, and I don't know, you know, what your brother in law's situation is, if he's trying to make some extra money for a specific goal that he has in mind. If, you know, it works with a different job that he has and the timing's right. You know, I, I don't know. But what I want you to just make sure you're doing is understanding what it is that you need and what you want for your child having that conversation and then be willing to pay attention, whoever the babysitters are, to potential red flags so that you can address it, you know, and then, you know, your, your child is at an age. I know my two and a half year old will let me know, you know, if she's uncomfortable, if she's comfortable.
Right.
And if that dynamic is good and feels healthy to you, then trust that. And then if at any time I don't care again who the babysitter is, your child's letting you know behaviorally that something's off. They're at an age where they can't articulate clearly and communicate what it is they're upset about. But you're going to know if something energetically feels off.
And maybe this is just me. I think the bigger thing is going from you're hiring someone who isn't family to going to someone who is family. And anytime that there's business dealings with family, that adds a whole other can of worms. I think that's the bigger, the bigger red flag than whether it's a guy or a girl. That's just, that's just me looking at it.
Of worms. But again, if, if, even if it's family, you've been super clear about these are the things I'm looking for and make sure that that person's on the same page with you. You know, even if it's family, you guys can get through that. It's, you know, when there are loose conversations, when it's not clear then, you know, that's breeding ground for fights later. So open communication is really important. Your child needs role models of both sexes. Right. We need to follow whether we're men or women. Healthy men, healthy women. You know, I think it's great to introduce, you know, in your family whoever you feel good about to your children, and you're picking people for a reason, you know, and then if it gets sloppy or slippery with a family member, I would just encourage you to have a conversation up front that our relationship is the most important thing. So if at any time things start to feel uncomfortable, let's make sure we talk about it, you know, because what I'm committed to is this relationship, and there's nothing we can't get through.
Yeah. The way I. The way I would look at it is don't worry about what other people are saying about your situation because they're not there. As long as you have, you know, communicated and are crystal clear with, you know, everyone's all on the same page with everything. As far as, like, you talked about.
Paying attention to your kid, and then, you know what? Maybe not. Just don't worry about what they're saying. Listen to it. See if there's truth. If yes, handle it. If no, that's just their opinion. It's not a fact.
Absolutely. If you have a question for Rebecca Silence to handle at this time next week, all you have to do is go to cnykiss. Com or inspired resultscoach. Com. Amazing job as always.
