A caller on Rebeccah Silence’s Confession Tuesday (Sept 2014) says she was asked to be her sister’s maid of honor but feels forced and unwilling due to a past bad experience. Rebeccah advises clarifying expectations with the bride, delegating tasks (co-MOH, sharing duties with the bride’s best friend or bridesmaids), preparing solutions before raising concerns, and exploring any deeper resistance. The segment emphasizes honest, solution-focused communication and finding middle ground rather than an all-or-nothing refusal.
Confession Tuesday, you go to cnykiss.com, you tell us your story and Rebecca handles it confidentially here on the air every single Tuesday. You ready?
I am ready.
Okay. Dear Rebecca, my sister just got engaged to the guy she's been dating for about two years. And I'm really happy for. The one thing I'm not happy about is being her maid of honor. We don't have any other siblings and naturally she asked me. So I feel I'm basically being forced to do it. The problem is I hate being a maid of honor and honestly, I'm terrible at it. I had to do it once and the whole experience was awful. I think it's my sister's best friend. That would be a much better choice. Can I tell my sister I don't want to be her maid of honor? Is that rude?
Yeah. This is a great question. So I would ask you to consider what in five years will you have wish happened? Time travel forward and think about how you will have wanted to show up for your sister five years from now and then in this position of maid of honor. Why can't you delegate? What if it doesn't mean that you have to take on all of the major roles like the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, all of these things? What if you can work with her best friend or maybe co chair some of these events? You know, you're the maid of honor and that gives you an opportunity to use the rest of the bridesmaids to support you in your role. So what if you don't have to do it all by yourself and then maybe that's not really the issue. Maybe there's something deeper to look at, like what's really your fear or your resistance to being the maid of honor? There might be more here.
Yeah, there's. I mean, there's gotta be something. Like something major must have happened. But I really like the. You know, if you're not comfortable about having it be all you and you'd rather have the best friend, why not have two maids of honor? That's, that's not, that's not outside of the realm at all.
Ask the best friend to just be your right hand person. Ask the best friend to really, really help you. And then of course, I would encourage you to be honest with your sister. But you can do it in a way where you're not all or nothing. Like I'm either the maid of honor or I'm not. What if you found out exactly what will work for you in this scenario? In all relationships this is really important. Come to the table and you can say like, this is what I'm comfortable with. And this is not what I'm comfortable with. The title. Why is that so important? It's just about making sure that you know what will and what won't work for you in this scenario.
And in the grand scheme of things though, too. Remember, it is her wedding, right? So that, you know, you wanted to make sure that it's the best process.
For her so you can get really clear about what she wants these big events to look like, what she wants from the maid of honor. And then you can let her know, all right, this is something that I know I can do and do well. This is something I think we should delegate to your best friend. This is something maybe another bridesmaid could do. And you can work together to organize it. And she doesn't have to tell you all the exact details she wants, but she can give you a general idea. You know, some people want a huge bachelorette party, some people don't. Some people want Jack and Jill's like Joe and Monica, our friends Joe and Monica that we love so much.
I think Jack and Jill party is going to be awesome.
I think so too. They're doing a Halloween party. The point is, P.S.
Hit me up on Facebook if you want to take it. Go ahead.
Yeah, but all of these weddings are different. All of the couples are different. All of the brides are different. So before you jump the gun and throw in the towel or bail on the job, find out exactly what she's wanting and then be really honest about what works for you. It doesn't have to go from zero to 60. It doesn't have to go from I'm your maid of honor. Nevermind. There's a middle ground that I'm sure you could create together if you're willing to do it. And then if there is a deeper issue here, now's a great time to talk about it. I care about you so much. This is getting in the way of me feeling comfortable with this. I just want to be honest about that.
Let her know and be honest about what happened. Be honest about what happened. You know, you what, what made the last experience so terrible and why you have the reservations? Because it's not. Because whatever happened is what's causing the reserv. Now have that conversation. And if you can have that conversation, communicate, you know, you guys can figure it out, right?
But what's important when you have that conversation is that you know what you need different next time. Like make sure anytime you're having a difficult conversation that you come to the table with solutions. And if you don't have a solution yet, wait to have the conversation because otherwise you're just back in the old hamster wheel. But think about what could have been better, what you need now moving forward. And make sure you communicate that when people come to the table with here's the problem, here's the problem, and they don't have solutions, in my experience, they're looking for the other one to make it better. And that doesn't usually work out. So have a solution in place if you're gonna have that conversation.
She's kinda good, this Rebecca. Sounds good.
I know.
Yeah. You're awesome.
Thank you.
Absolutely awesome.
I wish you all the best. Your sister deserves a great wedding and you deserve to have a great experience also.
Inspiredresultscoach.com we do this every single Tuesday, Confession Tuesday. If you would like your sit handled here on the air Confidentially, go to cnykiss.com have a great weekend. We'll see you next week. All right, we're going to break. Come back. Kathleen Madigan will be on the show coming up in just a bit here on KISS fm.
