A short call-in advice segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring life coach Rebeccah Silence. A listener asks whether to wait for or move on from a man who said he didn’t want commitment while at college. Rebeccah reframes “commitment issues” as choices people make, urges clarity about one’s own desires, recommends honest communication (frame the conversation around your needs), and advises against passively waiting — be committed to getting what you want whether it’s with that person or elsewhere. The segment also includes brief self-promotion (InspiredResultsCoach.com) and an upcoming leadership training event.
All right, here's how it works. Rebecca is a life Coach. Inspired Results Coach.com is the website. Everything from personal to relationships to family to corporate, including tomorrow, you're going to be doing a corporate speaker.
Yep. I've got a full day empowered leadership training at Lutheran Care, which I'm looking forward to with all staff tomorrow.
Very cool. Very cool. And if you want details on how that works and what's involved, inspired results coach.com and of course, you can like them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter as well. How it works, here is you go to cnykiss.com, you tell us your story confidentially. We talk about it here on the air, and Rebecca helps you get out of your way to get the results that you want.
Right. And I don't believe there's anything ever wrong with anyone. And people who see me, it doesn't mean their lives are a mess. It means they have a specific goal that they want so much that they're willing to do whatever it takes to get there as fast as possible. And that's what I do. I just help people see what's in the way of getting where they're wanting to go. And that's what we do. We make it happen.
All right, so here is the first email. You ready?
Yes.
Dear Rebecca, I met this guy at the beginning of this past summer. We became really close. I ended up spending my whole summer with him. I also became really close with his family. We used to do a lot with his family. I started to like him a lot. He's in his last semester of college, and he's a few hours away. He said he didn't want any commitment right now because of school. And I'm. I was okay with that until I started getting mixed signals. He would act like he liked me, too, and then the next minute, he would say he doesn't want any attachment. He's now back at school, and I don't hear from him as much. I know he's busy at school. I do hear from his family all the time. My question is, do I move on or do I wait?
Mm. Thank you for this email. The first thing I want to talk about is commitment. And then I want to address your question about do I move on? Do I wait? So when people tell me that they have commitment issues, I just want to challenge that, because whatever you're doing is what you're committed to. So no one actually has commitment issues. I want you guys to get that no one on the planet has commitment issues because you're A living, breathing human being up to things in the world.
Yeah. If they're not committing in a relationship, they're committed to not being committed.
Exactly. Exactly. And then they might be just more committed to playing the field, which good for them. So it's really important to get real about what you're actually committed to and then what you're looking for in a partner, what you're wanting them to be committed to. Right. Do you want a partner who's committed to working through conflict? Do you want a partner who, when conflict pops up, kind of runs away from it? Right. Some people might actually prefer that their partner run away from it. Get real about what you're looking for. But it's just not the truth that anyone has commitment issues. Because whatever you're doing, you're committed, right? Absolutely. All in. Or you wouldn't be doing it. So consider that. And then in my experience, the right match comes along. Someone who hasn't committed ever before may be willing to commit. So, you know, never say never. And then get in leadership about what you want. And I would encourage you to never wait. Why wait?
No.
For anything.
No.
And this goes in any area of our lives to every single person out there listening, why wait? How is that serving you? And when you're waiting, what are you committed to? Crossing your fingers and hoping that things can work out in your favor. Go make it happen.
And what you're doing by waiting is you're absolutely putting your happiness and putting what you want in the hands of something that you cannot control. And it'll absolutely change the person that you are, because all of a sudden you're looking at it from a different point of view instead of you being you and living your stuff day by day. Now you're always wondering if that's going to happen. And that's a huge distraction they'll take away from. From every other aspect of your life.
Now, if you're not clear about what you're looking for, that's a different animal. Wait until you're clear. Right, Right. Or if you're extremely charged or triggered or upset, I encourage you to wait before you have conversations. But in terms of if you already know what you're looking for, what your. And you're just waiting. Why? And then when it comes to romantic relationships, I know a lot of the couples that come into my office, they wait to tell the truth about what's going on with them until they're in my office with their partner. If you have support like that, not necessarily a bad thing. But if the Honesty doesn't actually leave your mouth. Then you leave people in the dark. And you're not gonna know whether or not they're in this with you or supporting in the same way that you want unless you actually say something. So I would encourage you listen to what he's saying. If you've already had a conversation and he's saying like, this is where I am. I want space. I'm at college. Then he's probably not going to change his mind. And why chase him? Why try to get him to be different? Or just really look honestly and see if you've had that honest conversation yet. Does he really know where you stand? I want a committed relationship. And when you're having these conversations, I encourage you. A great strategy is to just talk about you, not talk about the other person. Like, I need you to be more committed to me. What a great way of having that conversation differently is to say, the type of relationship I'm looking for is one that's committed. Where we're seeing each other regularly, where we're in communication regularly. That's something that I'm not going to change my mind about. Not sure where you stand on it, but here's where I'm at. What are your thoughts different than you need to do? XYZ for me.
And even if that's not where the other person is, doesn't make them wrong or bad. And it doesn't mean that It's World War 3 and you can still be friends walking away from that conversation. It all depends on how you approach it. And you need to be able to accept the fact that you may not get the answer that you want. And that's a big thing, too.
Absolutely. And just consider that the answer is perfect because this information, it's available for you as soon as you're ready to heal. And if this relationship wasn't compatible, better to know sooner rather than later, in my experience, than waste years, months, weeks even. You know, why? Why wait? Get what you want. And it starts by knowing what you want and then being honest about it. And here's the most important piece. Be honest about what you want, but then so committed to having it that it doesn't matter if it's this person or not. Right? I mean, if it's not this person. I love what you said about it. Doesn't have to be World War Three. Good to know you and I have finished our chapter together. And now I'm gonna go get what I'm looking for someplace else. But know that you can have it if you're not willing to settle.
So in the words of the Beastie Boys, so what you. What you. What you want?
I love it. There you go. We should play that next local. Go get it. Don't wait unless you're triggered and angry. Wait till you calm down.
Local life coach Rebecca silence. Confession Tuesday, cnykiss.com More with Rebecca coming up next on a confession Tuesday here on kiss ff.
