Confession Tuesday 9-23-14 IN LAW DRAMA

Inspired results. Coach.com is is the website. Of course you can follow them on on Facebook and Twitter as well. All right, Confession Tuesday. Go to cnykiss.com and click on Confession Tuesday. Tell us what's going on in your world and we'll help you, you know, for free and confidentially. Now this was actually posted on the the Kiss Facebook page. Okay. All right. In laws, my in laws cannot stand me because they cannot control my decision. I have sacrificed a lot for my wife and kids, but instead of embracing, they treat me like dirt. I've talked with them, but has always turned into a knockdown, drag on fight. Mother in law has had choice words and father in law and I have had a few talks that turned into him threatening to quote, unquote, tap out. Threatening me to, quote, unquote, tap out and he's going to take care of me. So I gave it right back. We moved into a new house and they will not even come in and see where grandkids even sleep. The reality is that it brought my wife and I closer, but they don't even care or see it because they focus on the hatred of me.

Thank you for this email. In laws are definitely a delicate situation. Oh, absolutely. For many, many people. You're not alone in this.

Well, let's, I mean, let's, you know, let's call a spade a sp. If you have a good relationship with the, with the in laws, they can help make things a lot easier in life. And if you don't, they can help make things really, really hard in life.

Yeah. And what you have control over is your half of your interactions with them. And in my experience, kind of an eye for an eye mentality. It doesn't help anything. No, it's just I want you to consider how important it is that you handle this in a way that you can be proud of, not only for your wife, but for your kids, because they're gonna watch how you handle this. And these are still their grandparents. So I'm never gonna excuse bad behavior or justify it or pretend like it's not happening. However, that's something we have no control over, like you've mentioned in your email. But what you do have control over is yourself. So what I would encourage you to do is really think about, well, what is your. For your relationship with your in laws? And what I mean by that is, is it your intention to teach them a lesson? Is it your intention to kind of get rid of them? Is it your intention to be right? Is it your intention to treat them with Respect, because at the very least they gave you your wife. Is it your intention to maybe create some distance until you know what to do? But think about what's the goal here before you take any action with them? And then I would encourage you to have a conversation with your wife. What's her goal? Like where the two of you stand as a united front around the issue. And then if they just don't want to come over, great. Meet them out, go to their house or set up something, you know, at neither location either someplace where you're going on a weekend vacation or who knows, but set it up to what works best for you, your wife and your children. And then you can invite the in laws to participate in that. And if they do, great. And if they don't, that's their choice. But if you're trying to fight them, the war only continues to get bigger.

To me, and I may be wrong on this, the fact that there are kids involved absolutely makes this a more serious situation. My two cents on this whole thing is the fact that, all right, how would you want your kids to handle the situation when they get older and they get married? You know, they're going to. How you're reacting right now and how you're handling situations. You're showing them exactly how to, because, you know, you're the dad, you know, you're the, you know, you're the bottom line. You know, you're showing them, you're teaching them. Even though you might say, you know, you might be saying, okay, this is how we're going to handle this situation. They're observing it, right. And they're overhearing you and wife talking about it. So all that fat, you know, all that factors in to, you know, to the kids mentality. They're all sponges. They may not say anything, but they're all soaking it in, right?

Absolutely. The kids are following the parents and in how they handle conflict, period. Not just with the grandparents.

Right.

It's how they handle conflict, period. So yes, your kids are following you. You want to consider that. And then you can be the leader of the situation instead of led by the fear based drama. Because of course, whatever's going on with the in laws, if it's something that's drama, it's fear. If they're reactive, if they're, you know, giving ultimatums or threatening or whatever's going on, that's just fear. So either they're loving or they're crying out for love. Right? So it sounds to me like there's a whole lot of crying out for love here. You can give them respect and you can set healthy boundaries around. All right, we want to see you. And when we see each other, let's not be critical. Let's enjoy each other. Let's enjoy the kids. Let's have fun. You can set it up. You can lead instead of letting the drama lead. And this goes for all of us in any area where there's drama in your life and anybody that tells me that they don't have any drama, I don't believe you. We all do. Whether it's in your own head or in relationships or career or with money or with body, we all have drama. I don't know how to eliminate that from your life, but I do know how to teach tools that can help you get out of it faster because it's going to show up. And then when drama shows up, lead in what's best for you and your family.

And if you want more and you'd like to possibly have Rebecca or one of her, one of her awesome life coaches that, you know, work alongside her, help you with this inspired results. Coach.com Absolutely. Like you come in with the wife and the kids maybe at one point or maybe you the wife and the in laws at a certain point. But this way it can just kind of get things up and rolling, you know. Cause I mean, this is a long term situation.

It's tough when it's family and then I promise it's repairable. Even when it's family. I promise. Even if that doesn't mean you become super close best friends, there's a way out of the conflict.

Inspired, resolved. There's always a solutioncoach.com local life coach Rebecca Silence Confession Tuesday. Awesome job as always.

Thanks everybody. Good luck with this. Let us know how it goes.

Absolutely. Tell Oprah we said hi.

I meet her the O. I will let you know. The big O. Thanks everyone. Have a great week.

Big Bob and Beta here on KISS fm.