A short transcript of a 2013 Confession Tuesday segment featuring BIG PAPA and life coach Rebeccah (Rebecca) Silence. They promote local coaching events (a weekly coaching circle and a "Radiance"/big seminar for women), share contact info and website (inspiredresultscoach.com), and discuss parenting dynamics—how parental "rule books" and unresolved mom/dad issues influence adult behavior and relationships. Rebeccah emphasizes that parents are often innocent/unconscious, people can unlearn patterns with coaching, and that parents should model emotional behavior because children absorb both actions and energy. The tone is conversational, supportive, and promotional.
It is confession Tuesday Local life coach Rebecca Silence tonight. Coaching circle. Yes.
Yes. We have the coaching circle at the office on Main street from 7 to 8pm It's 10 bucks come in. We're gonna have some great company and some cool information for you.
So details on that atinspired results coach.com and also add inspired results like the page on Facebook as well. Lots of, lots of details on that as well. Lots of feedback on the, on the, on the conversation about. About what's going on with, with my family. Hi mom, by the way.
Yeah, love you Grandma B. Yeah, grandma.
Grandma B's grandma B is listening. So just a couple things. One email the email address, by the way is bigpapa ny kiss.com youm can also add me on Facebook, facebook.com bigpapacny or Twitter @bigpapa CNY email number one one I feel bad for your mom. She's such a wonderful person and you are a great son. She will get through it. Number 2 Ouch. LOL. Love, Rebecca. Number 2 hey big papa. I really feel what you're talking about this morning. I've long ago given up on my dad, but my mom is still hurt so much. Not so much from the years of abuse, but how she thinks it's affected us. He constantly goes through my mom to get to me and my siblings and she thinks I need a relationship with my dad. But I don't think it's necessary. Not at least now. Thanks for making me feel not alone on this one.
I love it. Thanks so much for sharing everyone. And see, what I'm so impressed with Gary about is his ability to be vulnerable and actually talk about the things that affect everyone. Every single one of us that breathes has mommy issues and daddy issues. So this has nothing to do with our parents being bad people.
That sounds so. I feel. I feel like less of a man right now because. Because you just called me out for having daddy issues.
The problem though is that we pretend that we don't. Right? Everyone has mommy issues and daddy issues and then this. I want to address this idea of parents feeling guilty that they screwed up their kids and it's their fault. I really believe that we're all innocent and parenting is not easy. We do better than our parents did and they aren't bad people for the things that happened that screw us up a little bit. No one on the planet has a perfect childhood where they're emotionally nurtured 100% of the time. It's just impossible.
Right?
Right. So it's not like your parents Did a bad job, or my parents did a bad job or anyone's. They just did the best they could based on the set of rules they followed given their parents.
Okay.
Parenting. Right. Does that make sense?
Okay, yeah.
So our parents. Parenting is our rule book. That's the truth. So.
Because that's what I mean, that's what we saw growing up.
That's our normal.
Right?
That's it. We have one mom. We have one dad. The mom teaches us what women do. The man teaches us what men do, and that's that. And so there's 7.5 billion people on planet, and. And we follow that one person.
And if I'm. And if I'm following my dad's rule book, I have to become an alcoholic and leave. Become the, you know, go and. You know, and have an addiction to Playboy magazine.
Or you find another way to do it outside of the family circle. Right. Which is what you've done. Which is what all the people that come and see me or other therapists are trying to do. So I just want to honor your courage because. Because it is absolutely the same for every single person, whether they want to admit it or not. We've all got these things that we don't talk about that are weighing us down and that are impacting our relationships. But for all the parents that are feeling guilty, like, you've screwed up your children, number one, you've still got time to do it a different way. If you want to.
You can unscrew it up.
Absolutely everything you learn, you can unlearn. That's the premise of my work.
Right.
That's what Radiance is all about. We're just spending a whole day unlearning and relearning.
Ladies, Radiance is one week from Saturday at the Stanley. Details, inspired results.
Coach, love to meet you.
Okay, go ahead.
And we can't coach ourselves. You can't even. Me, I have my own coaches because I can't coach myself through my own dad crap and my own mom stuff. I've got to find an objective third party to paint that perspective that I wasn't able to see before. Right. So that's true for everyone. And parents, consider the possibility that you are innocent and unconscious until you are woken up. Right? That's what coaching is. We're just waking people up to where you're asleep. That is what I do all day long. And it isn't that people are asleep on purpose. It's just we're doing the best we can with the tools we have. We're doing what's normal. But if there's anything going on in your relationship with your children and that you feel uncomfortable with, just reach out and get some third party support, whether it's me, another counselor, talk about it. That's the first step. That's the homework for everyone listening today. If you don't get anything else from Gary, share, talk about the truth. Talk about it. Even if it feels like it shouldn't be an issue, or maybe it's not that big of a deal, if you're constantly thinking about, oh, I don't like the way this is going with my kid, with my spouse, let's get it out on the table so that you can actually do something with it. Otherwise it festers. And you know, we hear in 12 step programs speak about rock bottom, how so much of the time it takes hitting that rock bottom before we're willing to change our lives. What I'm suggesting today is that you do not have to hit rock bottom. You could change your life anytime you want, right? Even if it's 95% the way you want it, there's 5% that you could improve. Whether it's health and wellness or communication or your, you know, job that you're in. Maybe you're over functioning and underpaid. Whatever it is, you could have more and you can be 100% fulfilled. We just don't believe it. But the only way in my experience to get 100% fulfilled, if that's even achievable, I don't know if it is because I think we can always grow. But you're gonna have to handle your dad's stuff and you're gonna have to handle your mom's stuff. It's just the way it is, right? Because if I'm a woman, my relationship with myself is directly impacted by the relationship I have with my mom. How I see her, the things that trigger me about her are the things that trigger me about myself and are the way I see myself. And then my relationship with the opposite sex parent is what drives my romantic relationships all day long. So you think I'm now an adult, it's not running my life anymore, but you're just replaying and rehashing the old issues with mom and dad in your relationships every single day.
And remember this too. If you are an adult and you have kids and you're trying to set that example, remember that how you react to situations is teaching your children. You may not be, you know, they're absolute sponges as far as how you're Reacting to stuff they absolutely see.
That's the.
And they. And they soak in. So, you know, it's that you can't pull the do what I say, not as I do card with your children. It. Because they absolutely seeing what you're doing and that's what they're soaking in.
Excellent point. And it doesn't matter if it is rational or not, what you do, that's the right way to be because you are on this pedestal and everything a parent says is gospel. And kids aren't going to be like, oh, my dad is weird and dysfunctional and you're their savior. You're their person.
My son says that.
Well, you know what? I met your son and he does think you walk on water. Both of your boys, as they should. But the point is that what you're doing is what your kids are going to think is the right way to be.
Right.
Because if this is the way dad handles it or this is the way mom handles it, this is the way I must handle it. I know with my own kid I've got some undoing to do because I spent so many years hating men and making them the bad guy. You know, she's only eight, but she saw me doing that for a while. So it doesn't make me a bad mom. It just was where I was at at the time. So now I can address it. Now I can model a different way to be with men. And as long as you are open to talking about what's real, you can do something about it. It's when we numb out. It's when we pretend this isn't a real issue that things fester and they escalate.
It is. Inspired Results Coach.com inspired results coach.com Local life coach Rebecca Silence Coaching circle tonight and the big radiant seminar for women happening one week from Saturday at the Stanley Ladies. I'll tell you what, if you are even on the fence about it, do yourself a favor and go and spend the day. It will absolutely change your life. And the half the people that are going, I mean everyone who came last time, coming back again because. Because it's. It's that powerful. It's that Good. Inspired results.
Coach.com One final thought.
Go ahead.
Your kids, not only do they follow you thinking that what you're doing is right, but they follow your energy. So as long as you're okay in your own skin and confident about your choices, your kids are going to be fine. They will absolutely respond. It's when you feel insecure and scared that your kids get insecure and scared. So make decisions that that are best for you. Your kids are going to bounce and then let the guilt go.
Local.
Not even a real emotion. It's a coping skill.
That's fantastic. Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com confession Tuesday. Great stuff.
Thank you so much for sharing with everyone.
Like you said earlier, I'm numb. I could give two craps right now. I'm just whatever. I'm just whatever right now. So. All right, we're going to break. Come back a big pop in the morning. Kiss fm.
