A short recorded coaching segment (Sept 30, 2014) in which a parent-call scenario is presented: a daughter aged roughly 16–18 is pregnant. Life coach Rebeccah Silence and guest Banna discuss how parents should respond—prioritize unconditional love, avoid blame, offer practical supports (therapist/coach/mentor), and hold the teen as capable. Banna shares a personal anecdote about being supported by her mother, and the segment closes with contact info for the coach.
It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning once again.
Good morning.
All right, I'm just going to. I'm just gonna. This is kind of an awkward thing.
Okay.
Because there isn't a lot of question there. It's more of a guy, a parent, I should say. Parent finds out that daughter is pregnant between the age of 16 and 18.
Okay.
Doesn't know how to handle it, doesn't know how to respond to it, and pretty much that's it. Because there's so many different ways to kind of go with it.
So from the parents perspective.
From the parents perspective, just found out.
What do you do?
Right? What. You know, what's the best course of action at that point?
Yeah. So I'm physically having a reaction to this. Just like goosebumps, right? I would, number one, want this parent to understand how important it is to unconditionally love his child, period. Unconditionally love her. This, I promise, even if it doesn't look like it now, is a gift for her, is an opportunity for her to grow through some life lessons. And if there's ever shame or embarrassment or punishment around this, it could stifle her opportunity to get the lesson and grow through. So unconditionally love her and consider that it's nobody's fault. I think in a situation like this, it would be really easy to want to find somebody to blame, whether it's yourself or your daughter or, you know, the dude who is probably hiding in a closet somewhere, that had something to do with this. Right. I mean, blame isn't gonna help. And that's what happens so often in any type of breakdown is we try to find somebody to blame. Right. But then when we're in that blame mode, you're forgetting that this is happening for everybody to bring them closer together. And sometimes it takes something like this. Sometimes it takes something like this to bring people closer together. I have a client who I love dearly. It's a different type of situation, but she has some medical issues going on that have brought her family so much closer together. And without this, she's not sure if that would have ever happened, if they would have all come together in this way. So it's an opportunity for your family to come together. At the very least, it's an opportunity for you to become an unconditionally loving support system for your daughter. And one of the things that I encourage all parents to say to their kids as much as possible is, there's nothing you can do to make me love you less. There is nothing you could do to make me love you less. I can't make this better for you. I can't fix it. And I know that you're strong and you're capable, and we're gonna get through it together. You have everything you need to get through it. You know, a conversation like that, just building her up, letting her know there's nothing wrong with you. It's 2014, right? I mean, at the Oprah event, there were a couple of speakers talking about teenage pregnancies and how they had to go to the south. And then they came back and it was with their cousin. Like, they weren't allowed to say it was even their child. We don't live in that day and age, and there's so many resources available. This girl can still get through high school. This girl can still go to college. She could still have a career. I was a single mom for just about seven, eight years. And you know what? I could do whatever I needed to do at the same time. So this is not something that is gonna hurt her unless she believes there's something wrong with her, unless she's carrying shame. It doesn't make a difference how old we are or what the actual circumstances, whether it's a teen pregnancy or a brain tumor or an addiction. It's all an opportunity to grow. And, Banna, you know, I know that this is something that you actually went through, and I would encourage you to give listeners your own piece of advice. What would you say? What would you say to this father?
Well, number one, don't get mad at her. Because, I mean, getting mad will do nothing but make her feel even more like she did something wrong. And it's not that she did anything wrong. It's just that, you know, things happen. And that's exactly like what I went through. I still finished high school, I still graduated, and look what I'm doing now.
You know, what would you have wanted to hear from a parent? If you could have heard anything, what would you would have wanted them to say?
Well, what my mom said when I told her that I was pregnant for Nevaeh was, it's okay. We can get through this together. And that was the most comforting thing that I've ever heard because I was so scared.
That's awesome.
I was so scared out of my mind to tell her. And when she told me that, it was just like a big old weight. Just like.
So you were supported? You were unconditionally loved and supported?
Yes.
And then the other piece of this is I would encourage you to offer some type of support, whether it's a coach or a mentor or a therapist because there may be some self worth issues going on here as well.
And you want to, with the, with the situation, you want to make sure that especially the daughter who's pregnant is as strong as possible and as clear headed as possible to be able to take on what's coming.
You are still the parent. And so it's really hard to be objective and not emotionally invested in what's going on. Which is why I'm suggesting a therapist, a coach, a mentor of some kind for her to just kind of empty that cup and have support, be able to articulate her fears. I think sometimes when it's someone who's close family and they're really honest about how scared they are, we can get emotionally invested in that. And so having someone objective as well as you like, I'm here to support you, I'm here to love you no matter what. And I want to make sure you have somebody to talk to if you want that. It's not something to try to force on her, but offering that support and then being unconditionally loving and supportive, those are the things that you can do. And then hold her capable. She's not a victim who needs saving. Hold her capable because she either is or she's gonna need to fall on her face a few times before she gets up. And maybe she never gets up, but that isn't anything that you have control over. But if you can see her as winning regardless of the circumstances, because I promise she is, that's gonna empower her to see herself as winning.
Local Life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com if you have a situation similar to this, go to the website and get in touch with her and get in. And you know, whether it's family, whether it's individual, whether it's couple, whether it's children, even corporate training, inspired results Coach.
We love to hear from you and it doesn't have to be rock bottom before you get support. I don't work with people whose lives are falling apart. I work with people whose lives are working really, really well and they want more. So if you want more, get in touch with us.
InspiredResultsCoach.com Local Life Coach Rebecca silence Great job as always.
Thanks everybody. Have a great week.
We are going to break. Come back Big Papa and Ban on KISS fm.
