Radio show segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring local life coach Rebeccah Silence discussing a listener’s concern about dating a boyfriend who shares her father’s name. The coach explains attraction to familiar patterns (e.g., partnering with people who resemble parents), encourages awareness and personal growth to break unconscious repeating patterns, and offers practical suggestions (conversations, nicknames, couples work).
It is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
So here's how we roll on a confession Tuesday. You go to cnykiss.com you tell us what's going on in your world. And Rebecca is a life coach and she gets through all the muck and the mud and a lot of times you kind of bear through all the emotional stuff, right? Because you know how many times you hear a story well, and then, you know, this happened and then so and so said this and then so and said that, and then this person over here did that and they have a friend and next thing you know, it's like this huge snowball coming down the hill and it seems like you can't stop it. And that's where you really come into play. That's where you do your best.
Right? What I'm helping people do is get out of drama about their situation so that they can see clearly and then come up with some solutions.
So hit us up. Go to cnykiss.com and if you would like, if you'd like help cnykiss.com on the left hand side, click on confession Tuesday. And there are all bunch of different segments from the past are there where you can listen and you can submit your story as well. Of course you can go to inspired results coach.com. all right, you ready?
I'm ready.
All right. Dear Rebecca, I've never dated. Let's see here. I've dated around a lot, but I've never dated any two guys who've had the same name. I've also never dated a guy with the same name as a member of my family. Well, that's changed now. My boyfriend and I have been together for two months and his name is quote, unquote Dave, which means it's not Dave, it's whatever, which also happens to be my dad's name. Oh, my. I never thought about it until my brother pointed out how weird it is every time I mention my boyfriend, he laughs and tells me he doesn't know whether or not I'm talking about our dad or not. Is it weird to go out with someone who has the same name as your parents?
Thanks for writing in. And no. Why does it have to be weird? I think we're attracted to what we know, the first level of attraction. And this is something really interesting. I had a coach tell me once, be careful who and what you're attracted to because it might just be your pattern.
Okay.
And so that was a really interesting thought for me. And I think that you date whoever you want to date. There may be a coincidence in this name situation and there may not be, but that would be a horror reason to break up with somebody.
Is it, is that the same reason why a lot of girls end up dating someone that's a lot like their dad? Yeah, because that seems to happen a lot. Am I wrong on that?
No, I don't think you're wrong. Absolutely. Absolutely. And men do the same thing. Dating people that either remind them of their mother or they behave like their father. Right. So we either end up behaving like our same sex parent or attracting the opposite sex parent. And that is totally normal and not weird. But once you've done some personal growth work, you can make it so that you're not just attracting your past and what you know, you can attract something new and create something different. With my couples that I coach, what we're doing in all of my couples coaching, when there's a breakdown, it's because people are comparing their right here, right now with their partner to their past. And so we bust that all up and then the couple can create from right here, right now. But if we're just unconsciously going through the motions, we're definitely attracted to what we know.
Wow. I've never like, I've seen like a lot of people be attracted to, you know, people that are like their parents or like people have a, you know, a go to kind of, you know, whether it be physical or emotional. Kind of like the same thing over and over and over again is that that's, I mean, that's all in the same. That's all in the same world, right?
Yeah. Yeah. And the patterns repeat because even if, like, for examp, if one parent had an affair, oftentimes someone will have an affair if one of their parents had an affair or they'll get cheated on, these patterns continue and we repeat what we know. If we're unconscious. The good news is we do not have to be unconscious. You can be absolutely in the driver's seat and in leadership of your relationships and your choices. And so what if the name is the same? This is much bigger than that.
So what if you're talking about things happening over and over if you're unconscious. But how can you be unconscious if you know you're getting cheated on or you know what I'm saying? Like, how is that possible? You'd be unconscious to it. Even though you're in the middle of.
Something that hurts, you can be unconscious to the pattern. Like you could be unconscious to oh my Gosh, did my parents have fidelity issues? And now I'm experiencing that. That's what I'm talking about with the unconscious. But you can wake up any second, anytime you want.
How?
Bye.
You're welcome.
By starting these conversations, by looking at when you're uncomfortable. Wait a minute. Is this me? Is this something that I'm afraid of from my past? Is this something that needs to be addressed right here, right now? And just by looking at your partner and understanding your partner is not your past or your parents, your partner is innocent. So see your partner as innocent. And that's a great way to get out of that unconscious mode, because your partner is innocent. They're doing the best they can with what they come to the table with, and then they're going to be doing the same thing. They're going to have reminders or coincidences that make them think of some old stuff, too.
A lot of times people have triggers from old relationships and baggage from old relationships, this, that, and the other. And you end up realizing that you have to be like, listen, I'm not your past. That's not me. Kind of stuff that seems to have to happen a lot. And a lot of times fights will happen and one person will have no idea what's going on and turn to find out. That's the reason. Right?
Right. And we play it out until we heal it. So for this listener, give your boyfriend a shot. I'm not worried about what his name is. I'm more worried about the patterns. And another way to make sure that you are awake to what's going on in your relationships is to really think about, is there anything from my childhood that I learned from my parents that I'm repeating now? Ask yourself that question.
Either that or just give your boyfriend a nickname.
There you go.
See? See? Simple.
You could see you didn't need me. That's perfect. Yeah, but give him a nickname.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But your answer was way, way better than mine. Okay. There's a lot. There was a lot more there. So it is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence in studio. What's going on in your world? 733-ISS-733-5477. Or you can hit us up on Facebook. Facebook.com bpmbana cnykiss.com and of course, Rebecca's website is inspired results. Coach.com we're going to break and come back. It is a confession Tuesday with Rebecca Silence here on Kiss fm. Rebecca.
