A recorded radio coaching segment (posted to YouTube) in which life coach Rebeccah Silence and a Kiss FM host respond to a listener's email about a favored new coworker and workplace recognition issues. Rebeccah offers practical strategies (speak up, accept responsibility for one's role, present solutions to management) and promotes local coaching circles and a workshop in Whitesboro.
Questions this video answers
Tuesdays from 7:00 to 8:00 PM at the office in Whitesboro; cost $25.
Saturday from 2:00 to 4:00 PM at the Whitesboro Dunham Library.
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
All right, so here's how we roll. On a Tuesday, you go to cnykiss.com and you click on Confession Tuesday and you tell us your story. And what we'll do is we'll handle it here on the air, free and confidentially. And as we're helping you, it seems like we're helping so many other people as well.
Absolutely. Your questions are definitely not just yours. Other people have the same issues in. Your questions definitely help way more people than you can know.
You know, it's funny because people. Oh, you guys don't. You don't even know where to start with me.
I hear that all the time.
Oh, my gosh. But people really don't realize how similar their situation is from a lot of other people. And a lot of times they feel alone.
Absolutely.
In where they're at.
Absolutely. And you're not. And what I'm working on is addressing the root issues, not all of the littler symptoms of the bigger problem.
Right.
That's why this works really effectively because we're getting to the root of it, which then alleviates all those symptoms of the much bigger problem.
And if you want to dip your toe in the water, you have a chance to tonight as well.
Yes. We have coaching circles every Tuesday from 7 to 8 at the office in Whitesboro. You can get more information on the website. And it's just 25 bucks to work with me in a group setting. And you get great tools and strategies.
Now, what's the other? You have another event coming up. Right.
Saturday. Yes. Everyone, mark your calend from 2 to 4 at the Whitesboro Dunham Library, we have Manifest yout Dreams. It's a workshop. And what this is. Probably a lot of you have already broken your New Year's resolutions or you're not quite sure where you're wanting to take this year. Even if you do know the goals that you have for yourself. What we do is we create a step by step action plan. So by the end of the workshop, you actually have laid out for you a strategy and a plan of how to get from where you are to the goal.
And it doesn't matter what you're looking to improve upon.
Not at all. If you're wanting that great goal relationship, we have strategies. If you're wanting a promotion at work, if you're wanting to redesign your relationship, if you're wanting whatever it is, we will get you there. And it's choosing one goal at a time. And I have a very specific formula and strategy that helps you not just know what you want, but create it again.
That's this coming Saturday. Details at Inspired. So join us inspired results coach.com Speaking of promotions at work and things of that nature, let's get to the first email, shall we?
Great. Let's go.
All right. My company just hired a new guy who apparently can do no wrong even when he screws up. My boss acts like it's no big deal. I took the fall for a few of his screw ups when he first started, which was clearly a mistake. Now my boss likes me less and him more. He's always writing suck up emails and generally being annoying. Is there any way to get ahead of someone like that at work? And how do you show them for what and who they really are?
This is a great email. Thank you so much. First of all, I think your honesty around the fact that you took the fall and you're recognizing that for this guy's errors is super important. Not because I want you to like feel bad or I'm making you wrong, but because you want to always look at your part in your experiences if you're going to actually change them. So your part here is that you allowed yourself to take the fall for somebody else. Now you're not alone. So many people do this, right? And it's what I call a rescue where you're trying to save someone else. And what always happens when you're trying to save other people is first of all, you can't save people who don't want to be saved. Period. End of story.
Right?
But also, you get kicked when you're trying to be the hero and you're trying to save someone who hasn't necessarily asked for your permission, you will get kicked. It will bite you. So your email right now is case in point.
Absolutely. Now go ahead.
You teach people how to treat you, whether it's at work or in your personal life. So if you've been kind of a wallflower and not taking credit where credit is due, putting yourself out there, you will get stepped over.
Let me ask you this because it seems like where they're going with this is, you know, he took the, you know, he quote unquote, took the bullet for.
Right.
Whatever, whatever the mess up was or whatever. But how do you go in a professional setting And I know you work a lot with, with companies and dealing with drama and da da da da da. By the way, if you work in a company, you want some help with that inspired results coach.com but if you are in that situation and you want to change, I think it's more like, how do you change your perception at work, how people perceive you at work? How does. How can you twist that around? Because a lot of times you're real. That's. It seems like you. Everything you do is wrong. It seems at certain points I'm following you.
Exactly. And what I want everybody to get is that you could teach people how to treat you different based on how you're communicating. So if you say nothing in an effort to avoid conflict, you teach people that you're going to be a doormat, that you will not be the one to address the conflict, which a lot.
Of people do, because people a lot of times will shy away from the quote, unquote, the awkward conversation.
Yeah, but then you do that to the point until you're so upset you can no longer keep it in, then become a bulldozer, which is what I'm hearing in this email. He's starting to get angry.
Right.
And it isn't to justify the weird behavior of other people, but there's only you that you have control over. And so then if I've been taking it and now all of a sudden I'm gonna explode, you're still teaching people that you're a loose cannon. This is not actually going to serve you at all. And you can't punish somebody or, you know, call them out on the carpet and get them in trouble. Now, when you've been the one not speaking up for so long, okay, so.
If you are in the situation, especially in the workplace where you really haven't stood up for yourself, really haven't done that, how do you do so in a way that doesn't come off like a bulldozer? Because. Because, you know, if you want to try, you want to try hard, and it goes from, like one extreme to the other, is there a good way to kind of ease your way into sticking yourself or be more vulnerable?
The first thing, drop the need for being liked. Right. Do you want to be liked or do you want to be respected? I don't care if this is at work or at home. People who are trying to be liked are going to avoid the conflict and they're not going to be coming across as confident. So I want people to be respected over being liked. Then second of all, make sure you're actually speaking up. If somebody's trying to create, take credit for what you've done. You could say, oh, yeah, actually, that was my idea. I'm so proud of it. Don't be afraid to make somebody look bad. Let the other person do it for themselves. Let them do it for themselves, because karma will come back and people are going to be seen for who they really are. So it's okay to say, oh, yeah, no, this, this was my idea and I'm. And I'm really proud of it. And talk about you, talk about your ideas, talk about your solutions, talk about your strategies, and be the person that people are following in a positive way instead of just being a wallflower and feeling like, why doesn't anybody see me?
If you would like Rebecca and myself at your place of business to deal with office drama and anything having to do with team building. Inspired results. Coach.com for all the details. And how about this? Um, what do you think of what Rebecca said? Is there, is there another trick or two to help? Use hashtag confession. Yeah, Use hashtag confession Tuesday on Twitter and on Facebook and. And go from there. So CNY Kiss.com confession Tuesday local life coach Rebecca Silence. We're going to break. Oh, homework is. Oh, homework. Yes.
This is the homework to go to your boss with some solutions and strategies for anything that you're seeing. Put yourself out there with some ideas in a positive manner and see what happens.
Yeah. Calculated risk. Don't do it, you know, just like on a whim, you know, actually have a plan. Yeah.
Have.
Have something, you know, have something viable.
And you don't want to go to your boss with complaints. You want to come with solutions.
Yeah. You don't. Again, perception is reality. You don't want to be the. The troublemaker or the, you know, the whiny one. You want to be, you know, productive.
Don't stir the pot. Create solutions.
Absolutely. It's confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com More next here on Kiss FM.
