Confession Tuesday "Fall for Unavailable Guys" 11-19-13

Welcoming back to Central New York, Ms. Rebecca. Silence.

Hello.

Hi. You come back from Florida and you. And you get like black ice.

Yes. But it's good to be home.

Absolutely. Had. They had a little. Had a little travel stuff that I saw on Facebook and whatnot. But being able to go out of town and celebrate someone's wedding on the beach, absolutely therapeutic.

Oh, yeah.

You know, honestly, just being able to get away. There's something to be said about just getting away and disconnecting from your day to day grind really can be just phenomenal for you.

Well, and I got to reconnect with a bunch of my friends from Denver. And you know what I really am so grateful for is the ability to just get on a plane. You know, it doesn't matter where you live. You can stay connected. And so I did. I had a wonderful time.

It is a confession Tuesday and your chance to get life coaching right here on the radio. It's absolutely free, it's absolutely confidential and we do it right here on the radio. So email big papa@cny kiss.com now. It's. Sometimes they're super serious, sometimes they're light hearted. It all, it all depends on what you give us.

Right?

So here is question number one. Dear Rebecca, Big Papa, I am 36, never been in a real long term relationship. I think I quote, unquote, fall for guys that aren't available, emotional, emotionally distance, etc. Not sure what I knew. Let me try that again. Not sure what I need to do differently.

Mm. Okay, first of all, it's a great question and you're not alone. Right. I find over and over again, people come into my office, people that I'm speaking to in seminars or at training events, they're having the same type of situation where, okay, I'm doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results right now. What? Okay, so it doesn't just have to apply to attracting that great relationship. It can apply to anything. But when we're talking about the relationship piece, I want to start by talking about attraction.

Isn't it human nature and I'm sorry to cut you off. Isn't it human nature for people to want what they can't have?

Interesting. I think it is common, but not necessarily human nature.

Okay. Cause if you have a little kid and does it matter? You know, and there's a million toys all over the place, but you tell that little kid, okay, little kid, you see that Lego right there?

Right. Right.

You can't play with that one Lego, Right. What do you want to do I want to play with Lego?

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, that could be. That could kind of play into it.

So I have some thoughts on that. It's like a whole nother. Oprah, that question that you just asked, I'm going to suggest that attraction when we're unconscious. Okay. That's when we're just on autopilot.

Attraction while we're sleeping.

Attraction when we are just on autopilot, okay.

We're going through the motions of the day.

Right. We're not really awake to what we're doing. That's creating those same results.

Okay.

Does that make sense?

Sure.

So when we're talking about attraction, that's unconscious. That default where you're just like, wow, I just woke up with the same person with a different face. This happens to so many people. Sure. So attraction when you're unconscious is what you still need to heal.

Okay.

We attract unconsciously what we still need to heal. This is why over and over, you hear about people that say, oh, I just married my father. Oh, I just married my mother, because we're attracting the same dynamics from childhood that we haven't healed yet.

Do you think this is why certain people have a certain type as well?

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Because everyone's always like, it's funny because I've always gotten. I've gotten the question, well, what's your type?

Yep.

I don't know if I have everybody out there.

Be really careful of your type. One of my mentors had said to me a long time ago, rebecca, whatever your type is, run. If you're attracted to him, go in the other direction.

If you're attracted to him, run in the other direction.

And it was the best advice I ever got because at that point, I was so unconscious to what I hadn't healed yet. I was attracting some pretty sticky stuff.

Are we talking, like, physical attraction or, like mental attraction or like a little bit of everything?

Yeah. It'll manifest as physical attraction and mental attraction.

Okay.

So just be careful of that pattern because it might be you unconsciously just attracting old stuff. You. You haven't healed from childhood.

Okay.

Okay. Now, this idea of wanting what you can't have partially, it might just be, you know, that chase game, caveman type, human nature thing.

Unga bunga, hit him over the head. You know, drag him by the ponytail.

Get the bear. But.

Get the bear.

Yeah. The cavemen like going out, getting the bear. They had to feed their families.

And now, you see, I was going protect. Yeah, yeah, screw the bear. I Was just going out, grabbing, you know, grabbing a mallet, hitting the girl over the head, then dragging the girl by the ponytail.

Alright, yeah, screw the bear.

You know, forget the bear.

It also could be there's twigs and berries.

We'll be fine.

It could also be considered a learned behavior. How many of us have a parent that wanted what they couldn't have?

Oh, sure.

Was never satisfied. Okay, so they learned that this is just the way to be in the world.

Fair enough.

Could also be a learned behavior. And again, what we're doing in coaching, what we're doing in the seminar world in inspired results is we're waking people up to those unconscious choices, those unconscious patterns and emotional blocks that are creating the same results.

Okay?

Okay. So you're 36 years old, you're wanting a new relationship. I'm going to suggest the first different dance step for you to try here is to give yourself a break. What if it isn't the end of the world that you're 36 and not in a relationship? Okay. You know, I'm 33. I've already been divorced, I've already moved my kid all around the country, my dog's moved 13 times because of decisions I've made about men. What if it's not a bad thing? What if you've spent 36 years figuring out what you want so that you're not in dead end relationships? What if it's okay? So that would be my first hot tip for you. Another different dance step is for you to really start looking at what am I attracted to? Just write it down and then run. First write it down, write it down. Because see, once you have consciously woken up to what you're attracted to, you can start picking what you actually want and becoming that person instead of just unconsciously. Oh my God, it's the same person again. Sure, it's the same situation again. Here we go again. How many of you have ever felt like that? Here we go again.

How many, how many times? And it's not necessarily with you, but how many times have you seen like one of your friends come to you and be like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And insert the member of the opposite sex's name here. Same situation, but the name changes. Right?

Exactly. So Wayne Dyer is an incredible guru in the personal growth world and he talks about three different levels of consciousness, okay? Being awake. And the first one is where you're just kind of asleep at the wheel. Anything goes. You're just doing life on autopilot. The second level of consciousness is where you notice after the fact, oh, I'd like to do that differently next time. Not too proud of the way that just got handled, huh? I'm gonna think about how I could handle it next time.

Sure.

Okay, then. The third level of consciousness is to actually be awake enough to handle it in the moment. To in the moment go, oh, I just. For example, you know, I have a woman client who wants a new relationship, and she was saying to me last week, oh, my gosh, I. I was just on the phone with this guy I met on match.com and I noticed I was actually making myself smaller on the phone to try to impress him. And I said to him, I'm doing this weird thing that I always do with men, and I just have to acknowledge it right now with you. She woke up in the moment and addressed it with the guy.

That's awesome.

And he was actually impressed. So that's the third level of consciousness, where you handle it right here, right now. That's harder to get to, but it's possible.

Absolutely.

So give yourself a break. Everybody out there where you are. It's where you are. So you can either embrace it or you can reject it, but it will only move forward in your life when you embrace it, I promise you. And you can check that out for yourself. But that's the homework.

Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results coach.com? like them on Facebook and follow on Twitter as well. And inspired results coach.com it is a confession Tuesday. Email big papacykiss.com more of your situations, more of your questions. What's going on in your world? We'll handle it next here on KISS fm.