This content was created by Rebeccah Silence. This content was uploaded by Rebeccah Silence. This is a YouTube video titled "Confession Tuesday 'Family Drama at Christmas' 12-10-13" featuring a radio-style conversation between the host Big Pop and local life coach Rebeccah Silence. Recorded in December 2013, the discussion centers on family conflicts during the holiday season, offering advice on managing difficult relationships and expectations around Christmas gatherings. The content includes listener-submitted stories and practical coaching insights from Rebeccah Silence.
It is a confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
All right, so this is where we help you. All you have to do is go to cnykiss.com click on confession Tuesday and tell us your story. And Rebecca silence is a life coach not only for personal and family and children but also on the corporate side as well.
Yes, we do lots of corporate trainings. It's great, especially going in the new year. Give your company some new tools and strategies, a new direction. We have a really good time.
Absolutely. Details on that inspired results. Coach.com and make sure you like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter. And social media. Social media. And social media. All right, so here's what we do here. On a confession Tuesday, you submit unanimously. Unanimously. No, that's anonymously. It's. I need. Hold on, let me. More coffee.
We do this nice and early in the morning.
No, here's what happens is the fact that piersma and Elias and Jay are down in Hartford shopping center and they always make the coffee. So. And I just don't have the time because I have to talk everything. So like I brought this from home and it's almost gone and normally I'm like three cups in. So that's where we're at. Alright, so the email address bigpapnykiss.com Are you ready?
I'm ready.
All right, here we go. Dear big papa and Rebecca, I have three children who were very close, particularly my son and daughter. My son is 24 and over the summer we found out his girlfriend was pregnant. They were only dating a few months at the time but know each other for a while. We all love her and my son appears happy. The problem is his sister didn't feel the same way. She said some awful things to them and are not speaking. I don't know what to do about Christmas. I know it'll be awkward for everyone and my heart is broken. I just want to go back to everyone to be happy. I beg them to forgive each other. I have begged them to forgive each other. The baby will be here soon as well as Christmas. Please help.
Wow. Thank you so much for your email. Everyone out there who's got family drama around the holidays can relate to what you're saying. Oh, yeah, and I bet everybody out there could find some holiday drama if they were looking for it in their own lives. It could happen at work, it can happen at home. And you know, I think the really, really important thing here to understand is that in any relationship there is going to be good Times. And there are also going to be bad times. You know, one little piece of advice my mother gave me when I was young, I love my mom. Her advice doesn't always work, but one thing she said was, you know, if you've never gotten in a fight and gotten through it with a friend, it's not actually a solid friendship yet.
Okay?
Right. I've thought about that ever since. And think about it with family. These are the people that really see the most authentic versions of ourselves.
Right.
And what I mean by that is we're the most real around our family. But what that can look like is I was just actually joking with my husband, like, 11:30 last night. I was writing the newsletter for inspired results for the end of the year, and I got a little bit snappy when I was finally finished, and I just laughed and I was like, aren't you so glad you get to see all the sides of me, all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. 11:30 at night, we started laughing about it. And see, the truth is, the people that we care about the most or feel the safest with, we're gonna show the real us.
Right?
And there's dark and there's light in everyone. You know, it's not always sunshine and rainbows and good times. But in relationships, see, what's really, really important here is to focus on what you actually have control over as the mother, what you actually have control over as the person in the relationship that might be going through some hard times.
Because the. The typical mother, the typical parents, wants to take away any pain from.
From.
From any of their children and want to have a good, nice family. You know, her goal is just to have a nice, easy family. You know, Griswold family Christmas.
Sure, let's get the. The Christmas card looking good. That's what matters. But see, power, conflict, and control happens in all relationships. Power, conflict, control. It will happen in all relationships. So if you haven't gone through it yet in yours, just buckle your seatbelt because it's coming and there is a way through it. Or you could end the relationship and just do power, conflict, and control with somebody else.
Right, Right.
And that can happen even in families. So what I believe is that this is a good thing, that this is happening. And I'll tell you why. Because if it wasn't bubbling to the surface now, of course, it's not actually about the baby.
Nope.
That's just the straw that broke the camel's back here. So there's more to it. So for whatever reason, this real Issue is bubbling to the surface. Now we have choice. We can either resolve it, get through it, or try to postpone the inevitable. But eventually this is going to need to get dealt with. So, you know, your job is to take really good care of yourself, to be there available to support, not rescue. You can't save this, otherwise you're going to get kicked. You're going to have them lashing out at you.
Yeah. Because it sounds, it sounds like the mom wants to get everything over and done so they, so they can have the good Christmas. And she, as the mom, cannot force the kids, who are grown adults to, you know, to work it out in the next two weeks so they can have a nice Christmas that you can't control that well.
And then you can be the one getting loud and the spotlight goes on you. And then it's not on them anymore to look at what they're creating and what's going on.
Right.
So you don't want to distract them.
It just makes it worse.
Right, right, right. So your, your role here are a couple of one liners. You know, the first one is how can I support you? You know, and another one is, what do you need? What are you needing to feel better about this and how can I support you in accomplishing that? You know, and maybe this Christmas you're not all together. Maybe you are, but underneath it all, after you've offered that support and asked them, you know, what do they need? I just want you to visualize your family resolving this issue and coming out the other side. That's all I want you to do. I want you to hold a space that allows everyone to just be where they're at. You love them unconditionally and let them know, no matter what's going on, I still love you. I'm here for you. Just hold that space that of course it's going to resolve. Because it is, you know, I'm going to love you all the way through it. And then just in your own mind, imagine all of you is winning because I really believe you are. Even when it doesn't look like it right now, it might not look like you guys are winning, but what if this ends up in the long run bringing you closer to, you know, everyone being their real self and having a more authentic relationship with each other.
Okay, so that's, I mean, that's the long term. You know, that's a long term solution.
But even in the short term, I want you to just hold that space.
But let me, let me ask you this, okay? You know she wants to have a drama free Christmas. What's the, you know, what would be, what would be a good way to approach it if, from her aspect, if she's hosting Christmas, Right. You know, is it, you know, run it, you know, Christmas as normal and, you know, and just kind of hope for the best, Is that, is that pretty much the best thing to do?
So what my first thought is, I love that you're asking this question, is to drop any expectations of what you think it needs to look like.
Right?
Because if you've got a setup that needs to be a certain way, you're ultimately going to be the one who's disappointed.
Right.
Because we can't guarantee anything goes a specific way. You know, the next thing is to really look at what you're wanting and needing and have a conversation with your kids. You know, I want to have dinner. What are you wanting, what are you needing? And if you do it with each of them separate or if you do it with all of them together, you know, just make sure you're on top of what you're wanting and needing and set that up as best you can. You can. All you can do is invite, right? All you can do is offer an invitation and then whether or not they accept it, it's up to them, right? But you can offer an invitation and you could say, at least for this day, let's be together. We don't have to talk about the issues, but to expect drama free ever. I think you're setting yourself up to lose. And I say this, I say I have no idea how to live a drama free life. But what I do know how to do is give people tools that help them get through the drama faster. And again, what we're doing in my type of work is taking responsibility for your part in your experience because that's all you have control over. So you can think about what you're wanting, make sure you don't have any expectations for it going a certain way, and then make the invitations and that's all you can do.
I think you helped a lot of people because there's a lot of drama in families, especially coming towards the holidays.
Yeah. And if people just get honest about what they're wanting and needing that power, conflict and control phase of the relationship, you can get through it so much faster.
Local Life Coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com if you have something going on in your world and want to get Rebecca silenced, you absolutely can. You can go to cnykiss.com and tell us your story and we will talk about it anonymously here.
Thanks so much. That's a great email.
We're gonna break him back. Big pop in the morning. Kiss FM on a confession Tuesday.
