Radio segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring local life coach Rebeccah Silence responding to a listener who feels lonely in a new/budding relationship. Coach Silence distinguishes ‘lonely’ as an experienced state vs. core emotions (anger, fear, grief, joy, excitement), encourages identifying underlying beliefs, recommends direct communication about relationship intentions, and warns against seeking relationships to 'complete' oneself. The piece offers practical coaching tools and holiday-season context.
Confession Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Good morning.
Good morning.
So congratulations on making it through your daughter's birthday weekend. Oh, yes, hosting, you know, hosting slumber parties.
My husband was a rock star. Yeah, he was a great host.
Yeah, yeah.
It was cracking me up because I was thinking, I'm sure he never expected his house, that used to be the most immaculate bachelor pad, to be the prime location for a bunch of nine year old girls.
Well, obviously, obviously. You know, two years ago, if you were to tell him, yeah, you're gonna have a slumber party with a bunch of nine year old girls, he'd be like, yeah, okay, whatever.
Right.
But he handled it. Everything went well. Everything went good. That's awesome.
A lot of fun.
That's very cool. Very cool. All right, here's how it works on a confession Tuesday. You go to seeonykiss.com and you click on the confession Tuesday little banner on the left hand side and tell us your story. Let us know what's going on in your world. And we talk about it here on the air confidentially. And this way you get to get some help, some life coaching from Rebecca silence From inspired results coach.com and you can take those nuggets of wisdom and move forward to help you get through your crap. I think that's the best way to kind of.
Yeah. And especially during the holiday season, I know you have stuff going on.
Oof.
Everybody does.
Oh, man. It's funny because you can kind of hide some of this stuff.
Yeah.
You know, through the rest of the year. But from now till New Year's going to hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is the time of year, so we would love to hear from you.
Spilled water.
Let us know. Let us know what's going on.
All over me. I just spilled water all over me. All right, so, yeah, here we go. Are you ready?
Yeah. Okay, what do we got?
Dear big papa and Rebecca, I started talking to a gentleman over a month ago, but actually started seeing him just a couple weeks ago. Thing is, we get along fantastic when we're together, but when we aren't together, I feel lonely. I don't want to scare him away by being so consistent, I guess you can say. But I love to spend time with him. And when we're together, he's a gentleman. It's always about my needs and wants. I think I might want more than just a friendship with him, but I'm almost positive that that's all that he wants right now. What should I do?
So, first of all, I just want to acknowledge the way this listener wrote the email. Doing a really beautiful job of only talking about herself.
Yep.
There was a lot of this is how I feel. I'm not sure if he wants more. I love those I messages because it's owning this is your experience. So you did a beautiful job of modeling assertive communication there.
Yeah. And that's. And honestly, that's half of the battle of getting to the solution.
Absolutely. So see, once you've arrived at actually owning this is my stuff now, you're definitely closer to a solution. But I would encourage this listener to actually go even deeper, because what if lonely is an experience but not an emotion?
Okay. Lonely is an experience, not an emotion.
So I'm in an experience of being lonely.
Okay.
But that's not actually a feeling. The feelings are anger.
No, I know. I really think it is.
It's not.
No.
Anger, fear, grief, joy and excitement.
Okay.
Our emotions. And here's why I'm saying that. Because a baby. Does a baby know how to be lonely?
Yeah. They cry for. They cry for somebody at the end.
But is it because they're lonely or is it because they're angry or scared?
They're hungry.
Right. So lonely, hate it when you're right. I'm going to suggest is a learned behavior. It's a coping skill.
Okay?
And we watched it. We learned it from somewhere. Because little kids, you know, they're running around not caring about what they look like, what they're eating. They fall asleep in the middle of the floor. They entertain themselves.
Like me on a surname Thursday.
Yeah. Okay. But then something happens and they realize, oh, I can be embarrassed, I can be ashamed, guilty, lonely.
Okay?
These are learned experiences.
Okay.
In my opinion, you could check it out for yourself. But what I believe and what we're doing in inspired results, coaching, is we're getting to the core natural emotions that a baby could feel. And there's something underneath lonely. There's some belief you've got about yourself. Maybe nobody wants me, or I'm not good enough for other people, or I'm afraid to be alone. There's some belief going on underneath the lonely and some bigger emotion going on underneath the lonely. So until you tap into what that is, you won't heal the experience.
Okay? So with that being said, the email is, you know, she enjoys time with this gentleman. She wants more of it, but she's afraid to cross that line because she's not sure he wants more. Right.
So the only way to find things out is to actually check it out. Right. So this Is a wonderful tool for everyone to throw into your toolkits. And anytime you have an assumption that you're making and you might have a lot of evidence you might actually be onto something, it might be right. Okay, but we want to check it out before we crucify people. And we don't even know if this is whether or not they were actually believing whatever it is you're making up about them. Right.
Okay.
And so, you know, when I'm saying crucify people, if you are really wanting a relationship with somebody and you don't acknowledge it, what if that's cheating everybody? Why not just ask? Hey, so I care about you. Either way, I'm gonna care about you. But I'm just wondering, what are your feelings? Would you be interested in more?
And that way, if anything, and you may not necessarily like the answer, it may not be the answer that you're looking for, but at least you know it's all out there and be on the same page. And it'll take away maybe that awkwardness and that miscommunication.
And see, I believe the closer I can get to actually knowing is this gonna work or next, the better the days, the weeks, the months, the hours they're gonna go by.
Right.
So why not have all the information and then either the relationship can get started or.
Next, local life coach Rebecca Silence. Inspired results with.
You don't know until you check it out Dot com. Check it out.
I love it.
Yeah, why not?
All right. If you want. If you want help with your stuff, and that's the best way Rebecca puts it, if you want help with your stuff, go to cnykiss.com click on Confession Tuesday on the left hand side. Tell us your story. Also, past segments are up there as well, and we've started putting them up on YouTube so that way you can listen to them on your phone.
You can go to my YouTube channel. I have one more quick thought on this.
Sure, go ahead.
Because if anyone out there, you're wanting that new relationship because of this lonely experience, I just want you to be careful. Because you can create a relationship knowing that you're complete already and you want this relationship to enhance your life, or you can create this relationship because you feel incomplete and you think the relationship will complete you. Yeah, Right?
Yeah.
So either I feel complete already and I'm joining. Joining this person in a relationship to enhance my life and make it better, or I feel incomplete and I need this person to help complete me.
And that's not good.
That one is a recipe for disaster. Because the person can never be enough for you to feel complete. And I believe we're all complete, whether we want to believe it or not, just the way we are. And anything that we're wanting more of, what if you don't actually need it? What if you just deserve it?
That's a. That's a big. That's a big. Big. Like, a lot of people don't realize that.
Yeah. Yeah. So I just want everyone to think about that as you're coming into new relationships, because it's a setup. It's a big setup to blow up if you're in that I'm not whole, come make me whole place. And a lot of us learn that I used to be the queen of that type of relationship.
And if you're the person that, you know, enters the relationship and all of a sudden you find yourself being the person with the pressure put on them to make the other person whole.
Right.
That's a. You know, there's a. That's a lot of pressure, and that's a Right.
And you don't have to take it on. Oh, no, no. You can say I care about you, but I can't do that. I can't read your mind. I can't.
I can't make you happy.
No. But see, nobody can. What you just said is so important.
It's true.
Our happiness is up to us. My old mentor in Vegas used to say, I am my only source of pain and I am my only source of happiness.
Wow.
And I totally agree because it's based on our thoughts. Think about that. It's all about the thoughts in your head.
We're getting deep today. It's Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com more of your stuff coming up here at Kiss FM.
