Confession Tuesday "MY BF HAD A RECEIPT FOR BREAKFAST FOR 2" 5-26-15

Local life coach Rebecca silence in studio inspired results coach.com is the website. There's so many things to like we've known each other for so long.

Yes.

You know, and like, I just want to say, like, how proud I am of you from where, you know you've come from and where you are now is. Is incredible to me. And I'm just, I'm so proud of you. That's.

That.

That just popped in my head. It's just like, oh, wow. You know, because I rem when you moved back here from Vegas and you were doing a job that you hated and the strides that you've made, you started your own company and now look at you. Now look at you.

Look at you. It's been a ride. It's crazy to think how long we've been doing this show and that really was the catalyst for everything. So thank you for that.

I'm just here.

I'm very grateful.

I'm just here.

It's been a blast. I love having the opportunity to do this show and thank you to everyone who listens.

So if you would like to get involved, of course you can go to cnykiss.com click on the confession Tuesday icon, Submit your story confidentially and local life coach Rebecca silence will handle it here on the air for free. And we've been doing it so long. Yeah, it's confidential. No. It's so funny. But they'll know it's me.

Absolutely not. And just the first question that pops in your head, put it in an email. Why not? Like, don't worry about, oh, there's too many things that I can't even.

She would know where to start with me. Wanna bet?

Try us. Try me. Let's see what happens. And you'll help more people than you can even comprehend in the process.

Absolutely. Cnykiss.com and of course, if you'd like more information on Rebecca, you can like her on Facebook and go to inspired results coach.com as well. Here is an email. Dear Rebecca, my boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. So we met up over the weekend for a little getaway. When he was showering, he left some receipts on the desk in our hotel room. And it turns out that he had breakfast the day before we met up. And there were two meals and two coffees on the receipt. I know he went out and drank the night before we met up too. I have no idea who he had breakfast with, but now I'm getting worried. Is it crazy if I ask him about the receipt, does this mean he's cheating on me.

Thank you for your email. And I don't know. I don't know if he's cheating or not. I think it's really interesting when we get messages almost like the receipt didn't just coincidentally pop up in front of your face. If you saw it, maybe you were supposed to, and maybe that's okay. I wouldn't automatically assume that meant that he cheated. I think it's interesting that, like, if I saw a receipt, it probably wouldn't have even occurred to me that that could have been the case.

Seemed like she was looking for something.

Well, and so what I'm wanting to suggest is you may already have some fears of abandonment, some concerns about your partner being faithful already. And so the problem is, if I have a belief that the partner I have won't be faithful, I will find evidence to support that belief. If I have a belief that I'm ugly, I will find evidence to support that. If I have a belief that I am not smart, I will find evidence to support it. And then what's really interesting is the universe is giving you the evidence in the opposite direction or just as much as the evidence you're looking for. So it's all a matter of we're only gonna see what we're available for. And I'm only available for believing I'm right. So think about what do you want to be right about? Do you want to be right about not being able to trust in a romantic relationship? Do you want to be right about. I can handle anything that happens in my relationships. Even if I get this sign that shows me, okay, he's not being faithful. Good to know. Next, it isn't the end of the world. And the other thing I want to say, I don't know if he's cheating, but if he is, it doesn't have anything to do with you. I want you to get that. It has nothing to do with you.

And he's not very good at it.

Well, I have a crazy story to tell you. Do you want to hear a crazy.

Story about who keeps the itemized receipt if you're out with your side action?

Really, I think this is even better. So talk about not being good at it and getting caught. I had a friend who had a partner that was so wanting to keep her in his life, he left a mouse in her house. He went to petsmart, bought a mouse, so that she would come home and call him and say, there's a mouse in my house. I need you to come and take care of me and so he came. He was the superhero, got the mouse out of her house, took her to dinner. She was like, maybe I should be with him. And then they get in the car, and she sees the receipt for PetSmart for the mice right in the console of the car right there. Right. I mean, it's just like this sign that she was supposed to see. Wow. You aren't very good either at trying to do this planning of the mice in the house. But what I'm wanting you to get, listener, is whatever this person was going to be doing, he would do with or without you. So if he's gonna cheat, he will cheat. And it won't matter what hoops you jump through, what your body size is, what you know you're doing in the bedroom. He will cheat if he's going to cheat. If he gets scared, and when he gets SC wants to run, he will. So it's just good for you to look at what are you attracting into your life. Maybe it's time to raise the bar. If you find out you have people that aren't being faithful to you in romantic relationships, raise the bar for yourself. But I think you get all the information you need all the time to make an educated decision. My friend dumped that guy immediately after she found the receipts for the mice in the car. I mean, that was game over, done. And she actually moved from Denver to New York City just like the next week after that. She was like, we're over. So sometimes we need this sign to kind of push us along in a direction we needed to go already and just maybe weren't brave enough to go in. And so I would definitely have a conversation. Don't be afraid of that. Just where I want you to be careful is don't make a decision before you have all of the information. Don't make a decision because you're making assumptions. Give him the benefit of the doubt and say, hey, I know you went out drinking. Who'd you go to breakfast with the next morning? Why not, right? You have nothing to be guilty about or ashamed of. He left the receipt out. So you were supposed to see it. You saw it. And then it's on him now. So don't make it on you that now there's a consequence for your partner's behavior. The consequence is your partner's consequence, not you. But if you don't address this receipt, then maybe there's a consequence for you.

Yeah. And it's gonna fester. And if you don't bring it up now, it's gonna come up the Next time you two get into an argument about anything, you're gonna. That's gonna come out of nowhere and throw in his face, you know, when he could have brought it up right then and there and be like, hey, what is this? What's going on?

Right. And I think we have opportunities all the time in our relationships to see where maybe we're more disconnected than we thought. So you have an opportunity now to say, I just want us to be open and honest. And I saw this receipt and wondered where you went to breakfast and who'd you go with. You didn't tell me about it. And then you could say, I want us to not ever have anything we don't tell each other. Not that you have to be all codependent and telling each other every little.

Detail, but communication is key for a healthy relationship.

Absolutely. And what gets dangerous is when any one of the two in the relationship, or both are withholding from each other. If I'm deliberately not telling you something, we have a big problem.

Right.

So don't ever deliberately not tell your partner something because you're afraid of making waves. It only is going to blow up the relationship. And in my experience, the truth always comes out, right? Always. Even if it's 20 years later, the truth will come out. One time I had a couple in my office, and the man had slept with the maid of honor right before the wedding. And the wife didn't know for 20 years. It came out. Wow. She found out, and that's why they ended up in my office. So it will come out. I don't know when, I don't know how, but don't withhold, because then you're gonna walk around worrying about getting found out. There is no point in worrying about that. And you deserve a partner that can handle you as is. Flaws and all, mistakes and all. You make a mistake, your partner's human too. They've made mistakes. I encourage you to be upfront about it and say, hey, I made this mistake. I love you. I hope we can get through it together. Don't withhold. Don't be afraid ever to communicate. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever it is, you're human. It's okay. So don't be worrying and wondering. Ask the question to this listener and then see what happens. And good luck to you. And also, I would encourage you to find a coach or a mentor or a therapist. If you do have trust issues, that's totally okay. But just think about this. Trust issue could run your life or you could get through it. You don't have to live with it.

And get your guy an accountant. Inspired results. Coach.com is the website for local life Coach Rebecca Silence on a confession Tuesday. Good luck with anything. If you need anything, you know how to get me.

Thank you. And thanks, everyone. And I will be back in July.

All right, we're going to break. Come back. Big papa and Bana on Kiss fm.