This is a short recorded coaching segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring life coach Rebeccah Silence discussing how to handle being judged by others. Rebeccah contrasts coaching with therapy, explains judgment as both positive and negative projections of the self, and offers practical advice: accept that people will judge, catch judgments quickly, examine what they mirror about you, prioritize self-care and authenticity, and a homework exercise to list top judgments. The piece closes with contact/CTA information for inspiredresultscoach.com and a radio sign-off.
Rebecca Silence is a life coach, which is different from a therapist. If you've. If this is your first. If this is your first. Hey, Rebecca. Silence Just added a photo of me on Facebook.
Coaching is very solution focused.
Thank you. Which is funny because I just lost my focus.
Well, I do have a traditional therapy background. What I'm doing with people is we're working on everyone taking radical responsibility for their experience because that's actually the only experience we have controlled. We can't change other people or the events or circumstances. So I work with individuals, I work with couples, families. I do quite a bit of corporate training right now and we're just developing action plans and creating solutions to get people closer to what they want, looking at the patterns that they have and the unconscious actions that they're doing that might be preventing them from getting what they want.
And it's all available atinspired results coach.com.
We make the drama fun and give you solutions and tools for your toolbox to figure out how to handle it.
Okay, so this question goes like this. A lot of people have been judging me lately. I want them to think differently of me, but I'm not going to change for them. What do I do?
Oh, I love this question. I didn't see this one earlier. I actually didn't get to see a lot of these. So this is fun for me. Lets talk about judgment. That's a great question. What's judgment? Judgment is when you have an opinion about someone or something. Now judgment is not only negative, right? If I have a judgment, that Big Papa's morning show is the best morning show in town, that's still a judgment. Right. So it can be positive or you're also delusional though. Negative.
Yeah, you're fine.
It can be complimentary or it can be insulting. Oh, absolutely right. So that's the first thing to understand about judgment.
But people don't normally think of judgment as a positive thing, so.
But it's still a judgment. Correct. So here's what I like to say and this is what I believe. You don't have to believe it. Check it out for yourself. But I believe that the good, the positive that you see in people, that's just a reflection of the parts of you that you like.
All right?
The negative judgments that we have on people, those are the things about ourselves that we don't like that we're seeing. It's like the person is a mirror.
Okay.
So anytime I am triggered with somebody or I'm making them wrong thinking, why are they doing this? This is what they should be doing, what's really happening underneath it and is. I'm seeing a part of me that I either deny altogether. Like with my ex husband. He's this fun playboy. And I was so judgmental about that because I would not let myself relax. I was like the fake smile, serious person you saw in the dressing room all the time back then. Ooh, right?
Ah, yeah.
Yeah. So it wasn't necessarily him. It was the part of me that I was seeing in him. Does that make sense?
Yeah.
So I'm gonna ask you to check it out for yourself. Any negative judgment, it's you. Any positive judgment, it's also you. But here's the problem. Mother Teresa has a quote, and she says, if I judging you, I.
We've been doing this for how long? You have never quoted Mother Teresa.
Well, I'm about to.
Okay.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Rebecca, Silence. Quoting Mother Teresa. Ready to go?
I wish this was my line, but it's not. So I have to give credit where credit is due. This is actually on a big banner in my office where she says, when you judge someone, you have no ability to love them.
When you judge someone.
When you judge someone, you have no ability to love them.
Okay?
And here's why. Because you can't see the real them. You're looking through your distorted lens of your own stuff, so you don't see the person. You're just looking at you when you're judging.
All right? So the. This person feels like they've been being judged a lot. So how can they kind of go.
Step one, and then what do you do? Because you don't want to change for other people.
Right?
Number one, you gotta understand you're always gonna have people judging you. Good luck with figuring out how to not have people judging you. I have no idea how on earth to make that happen. It won't. It can't.
This one's judging me, but everyone's judging me.
Everyone's judging everyone all the time.
It really happens.
And so if you get conscious, if you can wake up to that, you can catch it faster. You can catch yourself having this opinion and then look for. All right, well, who's this person really underneath it? Are they loving? Are they crying out for love? Who are they? When I'm not looking through the lens, because people are going to 50% of the time, agree with what you're doing. 50% of the time, disagree with what you're doing. I know you've heard me say that before. They're always going to judge you. So it isn't about making other people change. That is a recipe for a whole lot of stress.
It's about being comfortable in your own skin.
Right. And being proud of how you show up as long as you can be proud of how you show up. And Lord knows I'm certainly not perfect. Right. I make lots of mistakes, and it isn't about being perfect. It's just about, can I sleep at night? Am I proud of what I've done? Would I do it again? Am I getting the lessons for me? Or am I being inauthentic and trying to be somebody for someone else, which never works. And I hear it a lot. I was actually at a wedding about a month ago, and the whole homily was about how you have to put other people ahead of yourself, especially when you're married. And I'm sitting there just, like, cringing, sick to my stomach, and I'm watching all these people nodding their heads yes. That's what we have to do. And maybe for some people, that works, right?
You wanted to jump up, didn't you?
Oh, my goodness. At the same time, that's my judgment. Right?
Right.
I'm suggesting that there's just a different way to do it, that when you put yourself first, then you have a different platform to be in your relationships because you've taken care of yourself. And then now I can really be there for other people. Anytime you're putting other people ahead of you, in my experience, it causes resentment and you're sacrificing parts of you that's not going to be peaceful long term. It's gonna eventually blow up. So my hot tips are to just start catching your judgments quicker and look at him as lessons, and then really take care of yourself and be who you are in a way you're proud of. That's all we really have control over.
Local life Coach Rebecca.
Let yourself screw up, because you will, right? We all do.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I love to say the flaws are the frosting.
Oh, yeah.
Those parts of me.
I got so much frosting.
Right?
Mm.
And anyone that gets to see that is a lucky person.
I got so much frosting. I cause diabetes. I got diabetes.
Here's a great homework assignment. Make a list of your judgments. Make a list of the top 10 people you're judging.
Oh, wow.
Just write it down. Just get real about it, and then you can look at it from there. How's this showing up in other areas of my Life?
Inspired results. Coach.com local life coach Rebecca. Silence. It is Confession Tuesday. What would you like us to talk about? Email Big Papa at cnyq Kiss. Com. More of Confession Tuesday next on Kiss fm.
