Confession Tuesday "Pep Talk For Yourself" 6-25-13

It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Inspired results coach.com. it's all about you getting out of your own way. And it doesn't matter. We were talking off the air. We were talking about businesses coming to you about, like, coaching and team building. And it really doesn't matter what type of business that you're in. No, it really what you do can help. Doesn't matter what kind of business.

Right. It's a very different type of corporate training, but we're working on how do you deal with office drama? How do you utilize everyone on the team in the best ability, you know, possible? How do you have a team that's efficient and effective and where everyone's being used effectively? Because a lot of times people aren't used effectively.

Absolutely. And if you want details, hit up inspired results coach dot com. That's inspired results coach dot com. However, here on a Tuesday, it's all about you submitting emails confidentially. We talk about them here on the air and you get life coached for free. Right. Right here. All right, you ready?

Yes.

Okay. Dear big poppet and Rebecca, is it okay to give yourself a pep talk before I start my day? I've been doing that for the past couple of weeks. I run through a checklist. Problem is I tend to overthink things all the time. I don't think I'm gonna ask that girl out. Even though we talk all the time and get along well, she can do much better than me. So I think it's better that I just talk to her like I do now. She's a cool girl. If she says no, I don't want that weird awkward moment when we talk again.

Okay, so number one, I love that question about is it okay to give yourself pep talk in the morning? I. I do. I give myself pep talks all day, every day. But especially at night before I go to bed and in the morning when I wake up, when I remember to do it, if I'm honest, don't do it all the time. But when I remember to, it makes a huge difference. And you guys have all heard me talking about, focus on what you want, not what you don't want.

Right.

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want because you're going to get whatever you're focusing on. So if you're focusing on I don't want to be broke if you're focusing on I don't want to go to work and have that mean person give me a hard time. If you're focusing On I don't want to run out of gas. I mean, watch yourself. Create whatever you're focused on.

Yeah, my. My pep talk at 3 o' clock this morning was, okay, get out of bed. You got to drive into Utica from Lake George to be on the air at 6. Yeah. And, and. And here I am, rock star status. Let me grab my coffee.

But whatever we're focused on, we get back. So, you know, I literally do. I had. Louise Hay is an author. She's amazing. She's in her 80s and she teaches about affirmations. So I had read some of her stuff a couple years ago, and she says, when you wake up in the morning, thank your bed first thing. Thank you, bed, for giving me a great night's sleep. Good morning, gorgeous. Like, talk to yourself that way. It sounds crazy and cheesy, but I'm telling you, it works to give you a little energy. And it's almost like in the beginning when you start doing this, you're making fun of yourself, but it's fun, you know, to actually thank my bed. I'm grateful for a good night's sleep. And then I ask myself, what do I want to accomplish? What is the intention for the morning? And intention is just a fancy word for goal. But part of the work I'm doing is we're living life on purpose, which means we have intention and we know what we're up to and we know what we're wanting so that we can create it. Right. If you're going to focus on what you want, you have to know what that is. Which gets really scary for a lot of people. Right. They come to my office. I have clients all the time, every single day that I don't know what I want. But the truth is, you do.

You.

It's just. What are you afraid to say out loud?

Well, I'm afraid to say thank you bet. Out loud. That's just. That's just me. I.

You're gonna do it tomorrow. You know you are. No, I bet you will.

No, no, I'll say, thank you, chair, for supporting my rear end right now.

Okay. There you go.

Thank you, chair, for not breaking. All right, so let's get to that. We got through the pep talk, and I think that's fantastic.

Right?

So let's get to the. The. The. He's talking to a girl, and it seems like he's. He's afraid to go out of the friend zone.

Well, no, he wants. You're committed to believing that you're not good enough. What is that about?

Yeah.

Why would you want to commit to that? And I'm not making you wrong, but I want you to think about whatever we're doing is what we're committed to and we're always doing what we want to do. You know, and commitment gets really scary for people. It starts shaking people up when I use the word commitment.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Uh huh. So it's not just you that sweats when I say the word commitment, it's all my clients. Right. So commitment means that I am willing to do whatever it takes to get the goal. So right now you're focusing on, well, I know I'm not good enough. And you're gonna create experiences to support that if that's what you believe. Because we can only make ourselves right. I could have all the evidence in the world that I'm good enough, but if I believe I'm not, I'll only see the evidence that tells me I'm not good enough. So you can't contradict yourself. It's just not gonna happen. But what's really awesome is that you can change your mind anytime you want to.

How does, how does he go from that though? Because that's, that, you know, he's already talked himself into the fact that I'm not good enough for this girl. How do you change that mindset?

Right, so it is about looking at the belief, asking yourself, alright, is this serving me? Right? So is carrying around this belief and being committed to not being good enough serving you? And I want you to think about it, think about what it's costing you and everyone out there that can relate, which I know there are so many people. This, this email is very honest and takes a lot of courage to be that honest about what's going on with you. And so many people can relate. So any, anyone that is feeling not good enough, and it can be professionally, it could be financially, it could be in your relationships, it could be as a parent, right? This can get, get specific with yourself. Everyone out there listening right now. Where do you not feel good enough? And I want you to think about what it's costing you to carry that around. How is this creating an anchor in your life where you know you're, you're creating an illusion of being stuck? What, what is this costing you? Is it costing you happiness? Is it costing you a promotion? Is it costing you vulnerability and a great relationship and an experience of feeling accepted and, you know, accepting someone else having true intimacy? What's it costing you to have this belief and then I want you to think about who's talking, because you didn't, as a little kid, wake up one day and just all of a sudden believe you weren't good enough. There's an event that happened. There was a moment in time where all of a sudden you knew. You went from being a little kid who was happy not caring about what you were eating, what you were wearing, who you were playing with, what was going on to. To all of a sudden you knew you weren't good enough. There's a moment in time where that happened. And it's not the event that creates the experience. It's what you made it mean about you that creates the emotion and the experience of not being good enough after that. So something happened, and you made it mean you weren't good enough. So you can go back there. You can go back to that event. And I'm making it sound very simple. It's not. You know, you got to really dig deep to do this type of work.

Got to go through a couple, two tree layers.

There you go. Yes. Right, Absolutely. But if you can identify an event the first time you felt not good enough, when's the first time you felt not good enough? That's the question that'll usually help you get there. So if you can answer that, you can go back and you can think about, could I have made it mean something different? Is it true that I wasn't good enough? As an adult, you can look back. The little kid, you know, isn't intellectual, isn't able to, you know, not take things personally and separate yourself from the experience. Right. But the adult is. So that's what this coaching with me is all about. We go back, we figure out where all this nonsense started, and we knock you in a new direction. Because it isn't true that you weren't good enough. You just believed it based on something that happened to you as a kid.

Right.

So every time you feel not good enough, you're the kid. The kid is the one driving the bus. The kid is the one leading your life in that moment when you're in that experience.

And we all know as an adult, you don't want the kid driving the bus because he can barely reach the pedals, and you know he's not gonna make good decisions.

So the adult is resourceful.

The adult, he's gonna treat it like Mario Kart.

Right.

He's gonna start throwing shells, gonna crash.

We don't need to crash.

Exactly. We don't need to crash.

Right. So it should be the adult Driving the car and. And, you know, it's just not true that you're not good enough. You are welcome. I invite you to keep that belief and hold onto it as much as you want. But I don't think you'd be writing this email if you really wanted to keep it. So if you want to change your mind, it's possible. If you don't, that's okay, too. But what if you approached any person, right? Maybe, you know, you want to stay friends with this girl and that's cool. So say her friend, but the next woman that you're interested in, what if she's the one who's lucky to have your time and attention? What if she's the lucky one? What if you don't have to cater to be good enough for her? What if you are so great that whoever's around you should be honored to be around you?

Confidence is sexy.

And I really believe that. I really believe that. Whoever I'm around, whoever I'm with, I'm honored to be in their presence. And you know what? It's a different way to be, but you're worth that. People that know you and love you already believe this for you, but nobody can want more for you more than you do. Exactly. So you've got to want it. And whatever you're doing is what you're committed to. So if you want something else, get committed to it. And understand that whatever the obstacles, you can go over them, under them, around them. There are solutions, there are possibilities, and you can have the goal. But. But it's just about how committed you are, in my experience.

Local life coach Rebecca Silence. It is inspired results coach.com at her on Facebook. Start following her on Twitter. There's a blog going on atinspired results coach.com as well, so check that out. And of course, we do it here every single Tuesday. Great job as always.

Thank you, everyone. Have a great week. And please keep those emails coming.

All right, we're gonna break. Come back. What happens when you put Seth Meyers and myself in the same room together? We'll talk about it coming up next year on KISS fm.