Confession Tuesday "Planning for Valentine's Day" 2-4-14

It is a Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. We love a lot of people that may not listen. Definitely tune in for these segments on Tuesdays, which is. Which is really cool.

Yes, thank you.

Just the huge mass appeal that this has turned into. And of course, we want your feedback. You can go to cnykiss.com and tell us your story. And if you're on Twitter or Facebook, use Confession Tuesday and give us your input. If you. You feel that we're on the right track or if there's something that we're missing. Because sometimes we'll be in the midst of a conversation, completely forget, you know, a different angle on what's going on. So. So, yeah, use hashtag confession Tuesday. And in fact, somebody tweeted that Confession Tuesdays their. Their guilty secret. It's a guilty pleasure, which is. Which is very cool. All right, so inspired results. Coach.com is. Is Rebecca's website we're doing. And I'm bringing it up now because we're less than two weeks away. We're less than two weeks away from Valentine's Day and should see the look on his face.

Like the word Valentine's Day.

Christ. Like it. Like it or not, it's there. You know, it is what it is. And if you are in a relationship and if you're in the quota, like the way you put it, if you're in the new love, fresh love, you know, if you're in the fresh love, oh, my God, this is the best day ever. You know, if you are in a relationship that's been around for a while, the guy's like, I gotta do this. And, you know, so. And if you're single, it's like Single Appreciation Day. With Valentine's Day, I would imagine a lot of people, a lot of your clients are bringing it up to you in some way, shape or form.

Form.

It's a roller coaster of emotion. So I just want to talk to you about Valentine's Day. And I don't want to say how to combat it, but at the same time, how do you prepare for it? If it's something that you're not necessarily looking forward to, I guess is the best way to put it.

So I have a lot of thoughts. First, let's address the last thing you said. Okay. If it's something you're not looking forward to, I want you to consider the possibility that what you focus on is what you will create.

Okay.

So if we're focused on this is going to be terrible. It's not going to be Good. You're going to be right. So be really careful about how you're setting this up two weeks in advance. Now, one thing I think is so important to understand is that you have an opportunity to look at this perception as a choice.

Right.

However you decide to, right. You're at choice 100% of the time in your life. So this isn't just me saying, look at the glasses half full. But what I want you to understand is I believe, and you can check it out for yourself, that there is no such thing as failure. None. There is progress and there is feedback. So if you're getting feedback that is uncomfortable or upsetting, you can actually do different strategies. You can change the game. And, and I want you to think about if you're single, well, that means you must not be in a dead end relationship. That's good news, right? Because how many people are in a crappy relationship? They're settling and they know the relationship.

Is going nowhere and they're unhappy, but.

They'Ll stay because they don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day.

And it's what they know. And it's easier to do what they know and what they're used to.

It's dangerous because that just reinforces self worth issues in a very negative direction. And so if you're single and not in a dead end relationship, good for you. Congratulations. This is good progress.

High five. Yes.

Right. So seriously, I want you to look at that. And if you're in a breakup or if you're in a relationship you know is a dead end and you're doing something about it, this is progress. You cannot have the great relationship that you want if you have a relationship that doesn't work in the way.

Right.

You have got to get the stuff out of the way that doesn't work to create something new.

Okay? So if it's a situation where they're, they're feeling the stuckness and you know, and you have someone in the way and this, that and the other, what, how, what's the best way to kind of come back?

So here's the thing. If you can't see yourself crossing the finish line of actually getting to the great relationship that you're looking for, you won't if you can't see happening.

Say that again.

If you can't see yourself crossing the finish line to get that great relationship that you're looking for, you will never cross the finish line. So if you're committed to believing the relationship that you want is not available to you, you will Be right. I'm gonna suggest that. Of course, everybody wants a relationship. Of course. People crave connection. And relationships are not meant to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. Right. They're meant to make us our best self. They're meant to point out all the darkness, all the areas that were not healed. They're meant to show you where you still need to grow. So. So relationships are very scary for people for that reason. Sure. Right. Because we don't like looking in the mirror and seeing all the parts of ourselves that we're not proud of.

No.

But the only way to.

That's why I always look at mirrors at the department stores. Because when I was growing up, the JCPenney mirror was always the best mirror. I always looked really good in the JCPenney mirror. I looked good in the J. I wanted to take the JCPenney mirror home with me. I looked skinny in the JCPenney year. I love it.

But here's the thing. No matter what your reality is, we gotta face it if we're gonna change it.

Not all mirrors are like the JCPenney mirror.

And we don't wanna look at the weird funhouse mirror. We wanna look at the truth. What's the truth? And what do you have set up? And you have two weeks here to set up with your partner? It's funny. Cause my husband and I, last week, I was like, okay, I'm gonna take off Valentine's Day. We're actually working together now. And I wanted to just spend that day with him.

And.

And he says to me, oh, okay, I think I was gonna go do this and this with a friend of mine that day. And I thought. I was so grateful that I brought this up, he changed those plans. But if I had just had an expectation and never communicated, I would have been.

It would have been bad.

I would have been the one that set it up to fail, though.

Right, because you didn't communicate.

I didn't say two weeks or three weeks actually, in advance. I want to do this with you for the day.

Right.

And without communicating, it would have been a mess. Absolutely right. So be willing to ask her what you want. Couples, you have an opportunity to repair and redesign your relationship anytime you want, any time of the year, any second. But it takes both people communicating and being willing to nurture that relationship.

And I think that a lot of the drama of Valentine's Day is going to be that lack of communication between. Whether it be boyfriend, girlfriend, fiances, or husband, wives, whatever. When one has an expectation and the other one doesn't meet it because they didn't communicate it right.

And don't be afraid, because I hear all the time in my office, well, I don't want to have to tell them what I want. That takes the fun out of it. Well, if you're not going to communicate it, be willing to not get it right. You've got to be willing to say what you want. And I think that that creates a lot of stability in the relationship so that you can grow it together. But the other thing I want to caution people around is please do something different this year. Don't try to please other people. Sacrifice yourself this Valentine's Day. Make sure that you are only agreeing to things that actually work for you.

Okay?

Because if you agree to things that don't work for you, you will resent your partner and it will blow up.

You're absolutely right.

So please do everyone in the relationship a favor and only agree to things that actually work for you.

And worst case scenario, I'm gonna be DJing at shots on Valentine's night on Varick Street. It's gonna be a lovers and friends party. So it's. So it's open to anybody. It's going to be a good time. It's not.

Why does that have to be worst case scenario? Why can't that be best case scenario?

I like the way you're thinking.

I mean, best case scenario.

Best case scenario, that's right.

Whether you're single or not. Go have a drink with Gary.

That's right.

But seriously, perception is a choice. And I want everybody to get that. That your thoughts are what are creating your experience all the time. And you actually are at choice around what you're thinking. You might not wake up in the morning and will yourself to have a negative thought, but once you notice it, you can actually let that snowball. Or you can check yourself and change your mind.

She is local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results. Coach.com How'd she do? Confession Tuesday on Twitter.

Don't settle this Valentine's Day.

And that's the homework. No. What's up? That was awesome.

Thanks, everybody.

If you want to tell us your story and have us talk about it confidentially next Tuesday at this time, go to cnykiss.com we'll see you next week. Okay?

Thanks, everybody. Have a wonderful week.

All right, we're gonna break. Come back Big pop in the morning. Kiss fm.