Rebeccah Silence advises a listener whose friend was rude to their new partner. She recommends setting boundaries, having an honest conversation, and replacing fear-based expectations with clear goals to avoid self-fulfilling prophecies.
It is a confession. Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio once again. Good morning.
Good morning.
So life coaching like a son of a gun. I'm so glad that you are back. I've heard so much.
Absolutely.
About, oh, my God, thank God she's back. And, you know, it just, you have been an inspiration to a lot of people and even though you may or may not have heard it or not, it's absolutely true. And not only with what you're going through, but, but also with this segment, we hear a little bit, but the effect and the ripple from this show and what everyone's doing really is huge. I wanna make sure that I say that to you, please. Well, thank you. Because it's true. Honey.
Thank you so much.
It's so true.
I just love this.
Cnykiss.com Let us know what's going on in your world. It doesn't matter what, you know, what it is, whether it be health stuff, whether it be family stuff, whether it be boy girl stuff, whether it be with your kids, career and whatnot.
Basically, anything that's going on in your life. Yeah.
Anything that's just up right now that doesn't feel settled, let us know. Shoot us an email, please. And then you do. You get to help so many people. This show reaches a lot of folks.
Nah, nah. It's like, it's like, email us. It's like, it's like five people and one of them's my mom, the other one's hers, so.
Especially Deb.
Yeah. Hi, Deb. Hey, what's up, Deb? All right, so you ready?
I am.
All right. Dear Rebecca, one of my best friends is kind of unlucky when it comes to women, but honestly, he doesn't try very hard. All he does is complain that the pretty girls don't like him. Not a bad looking guy. And I tend to date very attractive women. He is always jealous when he meets them. Over the weekend, he took it to a whole other level. We are hanging out with the new woman in my life and he was a total you know what to her. And you know what, in a bad way, he kept making rude comments about where she went to college and what she was wearing. It got so bad, she asked me if we could leave. And I've never seen my friend like this before. What do I do here? Should I confront him about it? Should I just ignore it? Try to set him up with a woman to see if it makes him happier?
Well, good luck with that.
Yeah. Dude sounds like he's kind of at a Loss right now. Mm.
I would definitely say be honest with your friend about how uncomfortable you are and let him know, hey, I'm just kind of at a loss here. I want to be here for you and I need you to treat my girlfriend with respect. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but it came across a little funky. I didn't like it. So I just want to talk to you about what's going on and see if there's anything I can do to help. I would have a real sweet, simple conversation just letting him know you're on his side. And I'm setting some clear boundaries here because this doesn't work for me. Yeah, it sounds like a boundaries conversation.
It sounds like there's like jealousy stuff going on.
That's what I'm getting.
And it has nothing to do with him or his girlfriend. It has everything to do with how unhappy he is with his own stuff. Absolutely.
And I wouldn't even necessarily say it's jealousy. This guy obviously has some issues with women, period. And some fears about women and not knowing how to deal with that. It might be coming across like jealousy, but underneath it, he's got some issues with women. Could be trust. Who knows, right? Who knows? But here's what I do know. Anybody that thinks that they're not lucky in relationships, start over. Give yourself a fresh start. Of course you are. It's just. Again, back to our last segment. We're attracted to what we know. And if all we know is drama in relationships or dysfunctional relationships or heartbreak, then we get afraid that that's gonna happen again. So we attract it again.
How many times have you heard, oh, they're just gonna cheat on me again, I'm just gonna meet someone new and I'm gonna get cheated on. Or I've, you know, how many times have you heard, oh, this always happens to me. No matter what. This is what's gonna end up. It's almost like they're, they're projecting it so it ends up happening. How many times? How many times have you heard that, for crying out loud?
It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It become when we are convinced that certain things are going to happen to us. So be careful what you want to make gospel because you will be right about it. And in relationships, we have to deal with the friends getting used to our new relationship and we have to deal with our own dramas in relationships. That's all normal, but I would encourage this listener to set some boundaries and just say, hey, man, I need your support with my relationship. Anything that you've got going on. I'd love to know how I could help you. Or you could ask him. Do you have a legitimate concern about relationship? Because you seemed as though you did just ask a question. That's way better than a blame or an accusation like how could you be such a jerk to my girlfriend? That's not gonna lead to anywhere. But I would not encourage you to be finding a new relationship for your friend. Let that be your friend's job. Oh yeah, let that be all your friend.
Yeah. Let him handle his own stuff. You don't want to be especially with the way that what just happened, you know what just went down.
You don't want to be the one that's in faul for not a good Right. Date.
Right.
Exactly. You know, so talking about self fulfilling prophecies and whatnot and I realize we're kind of going back and forth. That's okay. Self fulfilling prophecies. How can what's a good step to say, you know, to change the way you feel about that kind of stuff? To kind of change what, you know, what the prophecy is? Because a lot of people, that's the hard part is getting them to change. I don't want to say get them to change but have someone not feel like that's gonna happen and have that be the self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah.
Focus on what you want, focus on your goal. Have a goal and focus on that. That's how you change the self fulfilling prophecy. Right.
Because it's almost like so what's the goal?
So let me just say with the self fulfilling prophecy, it's almost like you're saying a prayer for what you don't want to come true. So instead of that, have a goal so that what you do want will come true instead of what you don't want. So have a in mind and then maybe it's better communication with your friend. Maybe it is more date nights with your significant other. But have a goal and stick to it. In this relationship, I'm starting fresh and I'm going to communicate better this time. Have something new to do. You have to give yourself something to do. Like a smoker needs something else to do if they're quitting smoking. If you're quitting this fear based thinking then you need something else to do. So have a goal and focus on that and then you can check in with yourself. Is what I'm doing me closer to the goal or is it taking me farther away from it?
Local life coach Rebecca silence inspired results coach.com she is absolutely awesome. With what she does. And. Yeah.
Thank you so much.
You're good.
Thank you.
That girl good.
You're real good.
That girl good. What she do? There it is, Confession Tuesday. Go to CNY kiss.com let us know what's going on in your world. And we'll handle it here confidentially on the air every single Tuesday. Plus, it's an archive of all of our past segments where you can kind of freshen up there as well. And of course, more details@inspiredresultscoach.com email us. And on your Facebook as well. Always a pleasure. Thank you, Rebecca.
Thank you very much.
We're going to break. Come back. It's Big Pop and Ben on KISS fm.
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