A 2014 Confession Tuesday studio interview (Gary and life coach Rebeccah Silence) exploring the "friend zone": how assumptions and low self-worth can create perceived rejection, why direct, in-person conversations are necessary, and practical tips for having awkward relationship conversations (be sober, in person, willing to hear the answer, avoid sugarcoating). The segment also promotes Rebeccah's Radiance seminar (women's leadership event) with registration details and a coaching website.
Questions this video answers
March 8, 2014
$300
9:00 AM to 6:00 PM
Stanley Theatre
12 seats left
Local life coach Rebecca Silence is in studio. This is a Confession Tuesday. What else do you have coming up? I mean, you're doing Lotus, Radiance. Radiance. Oh my goodness.
Radiance is March 8th. We have 12 seats left. So, ladies, that is it. We're capping it at 50. And this is the only Radiance seminar this year in 2014.
Oh, wow.
That's it. We're gonna do some other things in the fall. Some surprises are on the way. But for now, Radiance is designed for women leaders. Women are so, so much more powerful when they're supported. And to me, there's nothing sadder than a woman who doesn't know her own power. And there's so many. There's so many women who don't know their own power. And we make a difference. We lead in our families, in our careers in the community. And Radiance is designed for women to address issues with money, career, wellness and relationships.
And every woman who has gone through Radiance absolutely raves about it.
It's a great day.
And absolutely. I can't say anything more other than they rave about it. It's one of those, like, you really need to.
If you have, you'll never forget, you'll never forget this day. It's a life changing day. It's $300. March 8th from 9 to 6pm at the Stanley Theatre. 12 seats left. So register to get yours. That's the only way to get a seat is to register and you go to inspiredresultscoach.com to do that. I'd love to have you there.
That's, I can't wait. That's awesome.
Yeah.
And it's one of those things where like, I wish I could, like, I know, like be a part of it.
But yeah, but he's a dude.
But yeah, I have, I have the wrong equipment. So I do. Yeah. It's funny because I let you borrow some sound equipment.
Right.
We need music for last year and I was almost afraid to like show up at the end to tear down because I didn't, you know, it was a woman thing. And, you know, it's a woman thing. It's a woman thing. And the same reason that, you know, if girls go out with, you know, a bunch of girls at the bar and they're like, well, how come guys don't talk to us? Because guys are intimidated by groups of girls. That's. That's what it is. This is a confession Tuesday. Go to cnykiss.com and there's a Full catalog of past segments. You can kind of go through and check them out and you know, if there's something going on, maybe there's an old segment that, that hits a nerve and, and whatnot. And of course, at cnykiss.com you can tell us your story and as well, hearing a lot about friend zoned.
Okay.
People getting friend zoned and going the transition from being friends to possibly the romantic end, wanting to. Afraid to ruin the friendship if you cross that line. Yeah, there's a lot I'm hearing and seeing a lot of that. So if someone is, if they feel friend zoned and want to explore more, why don't we talk about that a little bit? Because there seems to be a lot of that.
Okay. All right. So my first thought is you have to check it out. This could be an assumption.
Okay.
It could be fear, it might not be real, that you're in the friend zone. Okay, so let me give you an example. I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone the other night. She lives on the other side of the country in Oregon. She's in this great new relationship, just moved in with a guy and she's like, I don't know, I'm just not convinced he's really into me. Now I know this relationship and he's into her, but she's so convinced that maybe he's not. She's just looking for evidence all over the place.
But if that, if that's the case, is she, you know, almost sabotaging herself?
Oh yeah, we had a good conversation about that.
Okay.
You're going to set up what you're focused on if you don't look at the fact that maybe he does care about you. So it's the same thing with the friend zone. You have to actually check it out. I mean, if you've got self worth issues and you're not convinced that they'd really want you just the way you are, you're going to be looking for evidence that they don't want you. Whether you call it the friend zone or you call it they fell out of love with you or you call it. Yep, this was a mistake. It could be your own self worth issues talking and not reality. Okay, so that's the first point. I just want people to consider. I want you to consider checking it out with the person and that would look like so. So tell me how you're feeling about things.
That's a rough conversation. That's a, that's a rough, like Gary's.
Eyes just got bigger. Than mine.
Seriously? Seriously. I mean, that's. You know, that's a. So, yeah, like, we're friends. How would you feel about being more than friends? That's.
Yeah, but how do you progress without that conversation?
I don't know.
How do you not have the conversation? See, to me, a lot of people, right, would think, oh, it's crazy to have that conversation because you're opening up Pandora's box. Gary's like, yeah, but to me, you're crazy not to have the conversation because the truth is existing.
I'm not saying it's crazy to have the conversation. I'm saying it's crazy hard to have the conversation.
Yes. So take a deep breath. Do it in person, too, by the way, like, not over text messages or on the phone, because that leaves lots of room for interpretation and error, especially in text message. I highly recommend that you don't do that.
Oh. Especially if they're, you know, there's insecurities.
Right.
Because, I mean, it's an awkward, insecure conversation.
Here are my hot tips for the awkward conversation, which looks like finding out, what are we actually doing.
Number one, a guy named Jack. A guy named Jim.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, I'm sorry. No, go ahead.
Be sober.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Be sober and do it in person.
And.
And then, you know, be willing to hear what they say because they might say, you know what? I'm really glad you're bringing this up. To be honest with you, I'm feeling like this isn't a romantic connection.
Okay.
They might say that, or they might say, I'm so glad you're bringing this up. I'm really looking for more.
What about the. Because here's another thing, too. You do bring it up, but the person, you know, the other person, there's a genuine, like.
So, like, what if one side really wants it and the other doesn't?
My point is, you bring it up, you start to have the awkward conversation. But obviously there's feelings between the two because, you know, they are friends, but the other one doesn't want to hurt the feelings of the one that brings it up. So there's a sugar coating and, you know, not necessarily a definite. No, we are friends. Because there doesn't, you know, there doesn't want to be hurt, involved, you know. You know what I'm saying?
I get it. But you're just prolonging the inevitable. If you sugarcoat, eventually the truth comes out all the time.
Oh, yeah, right.
Like it or not. So your sugarcoating is what we call a rescue which means it will blow up. So instead of sugarcoating, you know, and when you're setting up the conversation, I would suggest that you say, I really want us to tell the truth right now. Please don't be afraid of hurting my feelings. We're gonna get through this either way, whether we're friends or we decide to take it to the next level. But you're not responsible for hurting anybody else's feelings. I want everybody to get that.
Say that again.
You are not responsible for hurting other people's feelings.
Okay?
Anybody that gets their feelings hurt, the feelings got hurt because of what they made it mean about them.
Okay.
It's not ever, you know, like, if Gary has some criticism of me, it's going to be my interpretation that hurts if I, if I take it that way. Or I could take it as constructive feedback or I could take it like, yeah, that's his crap. Doesn't resonate with me at all. Right. But it's up to me how I interpret it that causes my experience. So we're not actually as powerful as the Almighty, able to cause people to suffer.
We will cause people to suffer.
We're not that powerful. So you're only responsible for your suffering. And, and if you're suffering, I always suggest communication to get you out of it. So the friend zone. You might find that one person does like the other one more. But in those situations, I just want you to consider that maybe if you're the one that really likes the person and you're not getting it reciprocated, you might be more in the fairytale mode, looking for the idea of what you want than seeing what's actually real.
Yep.
Because when it's real, it's reciprocated. So I just want you to consider that.
Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results Coach.com, coaching circle tonight. And for details on radiance and for corporate trainings and speakings and schools and all that fun stuff. Inspired results, coach dot com.
Here's the homework.
Go for it.
Okay? Don't be afraid to have the difficult conversations. Go for it. You're worth it. And just get responsible for. Did I tell the truth? Am I proud of the way I showed up? And then be willing to. To wait for what you're looking for. Don't settle.
How do you feel about what you just heard? Use hashtag Confession Tuesday. And we'll do it up again just after 7 o' clock next Tuesday. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
Thank you, everybody. Happy Valentine's Day.
You too. Going to break him back. We pop in the morning Kiss fm.
