Confession Tuesday Unsure About Sexual Identity 10 29 13

It is a Confession Tuesday. Local life coach Rebecca Silence in studio. Good morning.

Good morning.

I am. I'm so excited about tonight.

I am, too.

I really and truly am. And now here's the thing. It's a good thing. Like, it's a good thing. Your husband is cool with me and is secure in like, our, like, I don't want to say relationship, but like, in our dynamic. And you know, that we've been friends. It's almost like. Yeah. Cause I almost posted on your Facebook wall last. I'm really excited for tomorrow night. And if people didn't know that we're. But if people didn't know that we were doing Confession Tuesday live at mvcc, people have been like, what's up with Gary and Rebecca?

Well, we're having a great show coming up tonight.

We absolutely are. And we put this together. We've had this brainchild for a while now. We've wanted to take this segment and be able to do more with it.

Right.

You know. Cause two segments a week, we do help a lot of people and it does affect a lot of, you know, it causes positive change. But we wanted to take it to the next level.

Absolutely. We get to do this now in an interactive show on stage, in person. And you'll have opportunities to work with me directly if you are brave enough. And there will also be opportunities to submit confidential and questions, just like we do here on the radio.

Absolutely. And. And here's the thing, because people are just like, I. What's it gonna be like? You know, Are we just gonna sit there? Well, here's the thing. It's gonna be fun. It's. It's going to be informative. It's gonna be unscripted.

Right.

You know, it's gonna be spontaneous. It's gonna be honest, it's gonna be educational, and it's going to be this. But taking it to the next level because we'll be able to address things that we don't normally get to address here on the radio. We'll be able to talk in a way that we don't normally get to talk. We get to be a little bit more blunt.

Right. You'll meet the totally real version of me at this thing. And that's really what we're doing, is getting real for 90 straight minutes. And it's gonna be a blast. And that's what I love the most about our little segment, Confession Tuesday, is that we get to talk about really serious issues. But we have fun with it. We have a really good time lightening things up and knocking the things that aren't working in a new direction.

It's at MVCC Theater. It is tonight. It starts at 7 o' clock and it's only $5 to get in. And it's going to be fun.

Yeah.

It's going to be something that you've never been to before, you've never seen before and never.

No.

Even if we end up doing more of these, there will never be a show like the one tonight.

No. This is the first one. You invent it with us.

Well, and that's the thing. Because it's so interactive, you can do it anonymously or not, but because it's so interactive, every show on end, just like every segment is different, you know, so this is going to be a one of a kind show.

Yeah.

And I'm. And I'm. I'm.

This is like the grand opening.

Yeah.

I'm.

I'm chomping. I'm chomping at the bit right now. Like, I just want to. I just want.

I want to like 12 hours from now.

I gotta wait.

Yeah.

All right, so here's how we roll on a. On a normal Confession Tuesday, you email us in and then we have our local life coach, Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com. cut through the crap and help you get to the root of the situation. All right, here is. Here is the email. Having a hard time figuring out who I am as a person and my sexual identity. I always feel shy and secluded and I'm always unsure of myself. I also find it hard to commit to a relationship. How can I help myself with these problems? Please keep this confidential.

Thank you. What an awesome, courageous email. So everyone out there who has ever doubted themselves, take a deep breath. Yeah, Right. And that should be all of us. Right? I don't know anybody who hasn't had a moment where they've doubted themselves. It doesn't have to be about your sexuality. But we doubt ourselves. And the truth of the matter is, each one of us, we are our own advocate if we choose to step into that. And I believe. And you can check it out for yourself, but I believe that no one knows you better than. Then you know you. I tell my clients this all the time. I don't have your answers. Tonight at confession Tuesday Live, I'm going to say I don't have your answers. I know what works for me. I do have tools and strategies. But I believe that we all know ourselves. We really do have our own answers and we are our own best advocate. On the flip side of that coin, Nobody's going to treat you better than you treat you.

Very true.

This is not going to happen because the way you treat yourself is the thermometer. It is the temp check for what you are saying you are worth. That's how you are representing yourself to the world. No one can treat you better than you treat you now.

Let me ask you this. You were talking about the. You know, you don't have the answers and you already know it, but a lot of times people are just looking for that. Yes, you're right. Yes. It's okay. It's almost like they just need, even if it's just one person to get that, you know, to get that it's okay. You know what I'm saying? And once. A lot of times, once one person gives that validation, it seems like it's a whole new world with a lot of people. Am I correct or am I wrong?

I'm gonna say you want to tread carefully there, because if you're doubting yourself and you're looking for someone's approval, then it's not. You can't BS your way into confidence.

I'm not necessarily saying approval. I'm just saying it's okay.

I get what you're saying. I think a lot of people look at it like, oh, if one person gives me approval, then I'm gonna know that I made the right choice.

Okay.

That's what I'm saying is dangerous. Now, here's what I think is absolutely healthy and important. Having somebody that you're holding yourself accountable to saying out loud, okay, I haven't been wanting to admit this for myself or about myself, but I am. I'm admitting it to you. Let's do this. Can you support me? That is healthy. And having one person hear the truth can make a huge difference.

No, it's a good thing that you. That you, you know, made that differential because that was what that was what was in my head. But the way it came out, it.

Definitely could have been exactly what you meant.

Yeah, it could have been miscrewed, mistrude. I should really work on my vocabulary before we do this live show. Ton.

Okay. But you're absolutely right. There's a huge distinction between needing approval from other people and having somebody that you're just telling your truth to. And now it's real and it's out there in the world.

Okay. So in the email, the emailer says, having a hard time figuring out who I am as a person and my sexual identity. Always feel shy and secluded. I'm always unsure of Myself and I find it hard to commit to a relationship. I.

How.

Does this person kind of focus themselves?

So first of all, you're not going to be able to commit to a relationship until you've committed to the relationship that you have with yourself. And if you're already saying that you're not quite sure about who you are and what your sexual identity is, what that says to me is that no big deal, not bad or wrong. But we have some work to do on your relationship with yourself that comes first.

Right?

Right. And so many people think, oh, once I have the relationship, I'm gonna find myself. Once I have the relationship, so many people, this person is gonna complete me. And I say, be really, really, really careful because that's a recipe for disaster.

There's so many people were like, all I want is a boyfriend, all I want is a girlfriend, and then I'll be happy, right? No.

And it's just not ever going to work. And people even do it with thinking if they have a better job or a certain college degree.

How many times have you heard that, oh, I'm gonna start over.

I used to be her.

Oh, I know.

I moved all over the country.

What up, Ms. Vegas?

Right. It didn't give me any more sense of being who I was or fulfillment. So what I'm suggesting is, yes, have that long term goal of being in a great relationship. But first and foremost, you gotta have a solid relationship with yourself. Now, when I say I believe you already know the answers, that includes about your sexuality. Right? When we're doubting any part of us, we know that's a red flag. We know that there's truth underneath it. So whatever you're doubting about yourself, listen, listen, listen to your intuition. It's absolutely always right and it's there. And it's just a matter of whether or not you have the volume turned up. So listen to your intuition. I love writing. And it doesn't have to be dear Diary. All right, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about just getting real with yourself on a piece of paper, getting your truth out of your body. So here would be a great journal exercise. If I was confident about my sexuality, this is what my intuition would tell me. And then just start writing. Just see what comes out. Just let the pen move. You don't have to edit it. You don't have to think about it. Just see what happens.

And you don't have to share it.

With anybody, not at all. This is just for you. And I am so clear that when you get real with you and you can figure out, all right, how do I step into my truth, then you have a shot at having relationships with other people.

And all of a sudden it feels like a weight is looking off your shoulders.

Right. Because if you're holding back within yourself, of course you're not going to be able to be fully present in a relationship and you're not going to be able to give the real you to this person because you haven't even given the real you to yourself. So I would encourage you to do some journaling and find a coach or a therapist and really start diving in to looking at who you are, because it's there. You already know. It's just there's some disconnect between you stepping into, owning your worth. And you talk about being shy. I just want to leave you with this. That is a great personality.

Yep.

Right? And there are personality types that are more introverted and more shy, and that's okay. And that's perfect. We need you. So don't make yourself wrong that you should be a different way because every one of us has different personalities. And that's what creates balance. So you don't need to change your personality. It's just about looking at and absolutely embracing who you actually are.

Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com the email address bigpapnykiss.com B I G P O P P A nykiss.com Experience this in person tonight Confession Tuesday live at the theater at MVCC tonight, 7 o' clock. And we're gonna break him back. More Confession Tuesday coming up next on Kiss fm.