A February 2014 radio/podcast-style segment (Confession Tuesday) featuring host Big Pop and local life coach Rebecca Silence. Begins with a promo for Rebecca's coaching circle (cost, location, time, website), then reads a listener email about setting a $40 limit for Valentine’s Day gifts while the boyfriend plans to spend more. Rebecca discusses power dynamics after job loss, the importance of clear communication about needs and boundaries, avoiding manipulation, and the advice to 'let people love you.' The piece mixes practical coaching, relationship norms, and local promo information.
Questions this video answers
$15
156 Main Street, Whitesboro
7:00
inspired results, coach.com (transcript phrasing)
cnykiss.com
It is Confession Tuesday, local life coach Rebecca. Silence in studio. Good morning, my dear. All right, so number one, let's get. I totally spaced on the fact that you do coaching circles.
Yes.
On, on, on.
There's one tonight.
Okay.
$15.
Okay.
At the office in Whitesboro, it's 156 Main Street. And you just get to work with me in a group setting. And I'm going to have different tools and strategies every single week. It's very different every time, but it's great. It's a great group of people. And you get to meet me and get a little taste for the coaching.
Absolutely. So if you want to, like, dip your toe.
Yep.
It's. It's kind of like. It's kind of like Joshua, when he goes swimming, he's got to dip the toe in. Yeah. If you want to dip your toe into what it's like to, you know, be a part of the life coaching, this is a. There's no, you know, quote unquote, there's no obligation. There's no.
It's just a drop in 15 bucks.
And you check it out. And honestly, you don't necessarily have to because people get intimidated with. With that kind of stuff, especially if there's people.
I'm not working one on one with people.
Well, this. Well, that's what I'm saying. That's why I said that, because, nope.
Not in the group. I'm not going to work one on one with you. You're just going to get to take in the information. However you take it in, take what you want, leave the rest, and you're going to get to meet me.
And the details are at inspired results, coach.com. you get to meet me.
Yeah, well, I don't mean like that. I just want to meet you, too.
That's just funny, the phrasing. You get to meet me. Honestly. Well, the thing is, people.
Because all these people are saying, all right, what is this?
Yeah, let me check it out. So this is your chance, and this is your chance tonight. 7 o'. Clock.
7 o'.
Clock. Details, inspired results, coach.com and of course, you can add them on Facebook and Twitter as well. How it works here is you go to cnykiss.com and you tell us your story. What's going on in your world, what is your drama? What is in your way? What goal would you like to accomplish? And Rebecca will handle it free of charge and absolutely confidentially here on the radio is how we kind of roll here on a Tuesday. You ready?
Yes.
All right. Dear Rebecca, I lost my job six months ago, and I've been living pretty frugally until I find a new one. But my boyfriend doesn't have that problem. In fact, he has a great job where he makes lots of money. I told him I didn't want us to spend more than $40 each on Valentine's Day gifts this year because it's pretty much all I can afford, but he said he's already gone way over that. Should you talk about how much you're willing to spend for Valentine's Day? Should guys always spend more on Valentine's Day?
Yeah, there's a lot in this email. Thank you so much. You know, I think the first thing is that whatever you're dealing with, with losing your job, it's important and it's real. And, Val, Valentine's Day may just be a symptom of anything unhealed around that issue.
Okay, what. What is that? What? All right, give me that in English.
Yes. So what I'm saying is that you, you know, you. You lost your job six months ago. You're having to find a new one. Having to live frugally. Now, that's difficult.
Oh, sure.
And so I'm just suggesting that Valentine's Day is bringing up that bigger issue, that Valentine's Day probably isn't the bigger issue here.
Yeah, it's. It's the. It's the.
It's just a symptom of a bigger problem.
It's the lack of disposable income. You know, it's. Oh, it's Valentine's Day. Okay. We can.
Now, there's. There's a new power dynamic in the relationship now. It's not necessarily balanced, or it might not be feeling balanced to the listener who wrote the email. So in terms of. Should you have these conversations? I love that you brought it up ahead of time. Absolutely. But here's the thing. You don't have control over what your partner wants to do.
Right.
And we can't make demands and force people to do something and accept the relationship to survive. Right. Every time you use force and think that that's power, you're killing off your relationship a little bit more.
Absolutely.
So we don't want to try to impose our will and influence people into doing what we want them to do, or else this becomes a problem. So what I would suggest is that you're just really clear about what you're willing to do and about what you're wanting, and then the rest isn't your business.
Yeah. And remember what she said. Be very clear don't try to, like, Jedi mind trick, because this is, like, this is what happened. No, seriously, this is. This is the kind of stuff that happens, especially around Valentine's Day, is, you know, a lot of passive aggressive, a lot of hinting, and there's a lot of disappointment that goes into it, you know, and sometimes it's tough to have that blunt conversation. But, you know, five minutes of an awkward conversation can save a lot of drama on the back end.
Well, and it just gives you information because you might find out this person actually isn't willing to work with you in the way that you're wanting. And that's good to know, because guess what? If it's true, that was always the case. So avoiding the conversation for another six months or six years doesn't change the dynamic that there might be incompatibility here.
Right.
So. So it's super important to have these conversations and find out now so that you can next move on or. All right, we need to talk so that we understand each other better here.
Yeah. Not necessarily the fact that getting the information may not be what you wanted to hear. It's good that you got that information and hearing it and realizing it may sting and it may suck. I mean, because what you said is, that's good to know. That's after the initial shock of like, oh, okay.
But the thing about it is, it's real, Right? So, like, the cameras are rolling. People can see what you don't want to deal with while you don't want to deal with it. It doesn't mean that it's not there. Right. It's real. So I'm suggesting that it's always better to have the information. You know, I had this great conversation with my little one last night. We were talking about telling the truth. There were some girls at her school that aren't telling the truth. And then I caught her not telling the truth. And so we had a nice little conversation about why this is important and what we're teaching people when lie. And it happens in relationships that people sugarcoat because they want to make the other one happier. It will always blow up in your face. Always. Every time.
Absolutely.
And you're only responsible for your needs and your half of the relationship. So I just want to say something about disappointment.
Okay.
If you find yourself disappointed in your relationship or in your lack of a relationship, which can happen, too, I just want you.
Especially this week.
Right. I want you to get that anytime you're disappointed, you have set it up to be disappointed. You have not set yourself up to win, to get what you want. So that doesn't mean use it as ammunition to beat yourself up. But what it means is look at. Well, how did I set this up so that I don't set it up again? Because if you don't see it, you won't be able to avoid it coming again.
So thank you very much for the email, and nice job actually having the conversation.
Say what you want. And here's the deal. If your partner wants to spoil you a little bit more than you can right now, take it in, because let them love you.
Yeah.
I mean, it doesn't mean anything bad. It'll come out in the wash. If this is a lifetime deal, there might be a year where the roles are reversed. So let him love you. You said what you wanted. You said your piece. You put it out there.
Love me.
Yeah. You know, and it sounds silly. Let him love you. But I can't tell you how many people come into my office, and that's the issue. They don't let anybody love them. And that's what we're all hardwired to do.
Wow.
Is love each other.
That's. That. Wow. That's. Wow. Okay, I've never heard you say that. And you're. You're. Wow. Yeah.
Right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So that's the homework. Let people love you.
Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com email address bigpapacnykiss.com and of course, you can use hashtag Confession Tuesday as well on Twitter and on Facebook. Gonna break. Come back big pop in the morning. Kiss F.
