Confession Tuesday "Walls Are Up" 10-8-13

It is a confession. Tuesday at local life coach Rebecca silence is in studio. Inspired results coach.com coaching circle tonight or.

No, we're doing through the fall. So for November and December, it's just the first Tuesday of the month.

And now explain what the. What the. What the. Coaching circle.

So coaching circles are just your opportunity to meet me. And in a group, I give a new tool every single time. So we have a topic. You guys leave with tools and strategies around something specific and you come with an intention. So whatever your goal is, if it's, you know, to be drama free in your workplace or to get a promotion, whatever we're talking about, you can apply to whatever tool I'm doing.

For details, go to inspired results coach.com Speaking of drama free workplaces, you're doing a lot with businesses and going into people's workplaces and working like, with like sales teams and like different teams at different places and you're getting a lot of great results.

Thanks. Yeah, it's, it's been so much fun. I'll be at Faxton Hospital all day on Tuesday of next week. I've also, you know, I'm doing everything from parent workshops and student assemblies and teacher in services at schools to corporate trainings. So anything that you know is feeling out at work, if you're in management, you know, give me a call and I can either write a training for you or I'll show you what I've already got.

Because it's, it's one thing to have the manager come in and be like, you know, guys and try to rally the troops, but to have, you know, someone like yourself to come in, fresh face, fresh voice, a fresh outlook.

And I'm objective. I don't have anything invested. I don't have favorites. And it is kind of nice. Sometimes I get to be the bad guy, if you will, and just talk about. All right, well, here's the truth about where we are and then we can create from there.

Except for me. I'm one of your favorites.

You are one of my favorites.

Okay, so here's how it works. You email in bigpapacnykiss.com and we handle it free and confidentially here on the air. This email says it's very simple. Do you do marriage counseling?

Yes, I do a lot with couples coaching. I don't call it marriage counseling, even though I do have a master's degree in counseling. Coaching is a little bit different. Like you heard me say in the last segment. We are focusing on what are the results that you're looking For. And then we look at those emotional blocks and patterns in your life that you recreate. And I really do believe that everything that's going on in your relationship that's not working is based on fears of things that have happened in the past, things that you saw from your own parents. I'm not talking specifically to you.

No, I know that. I know that. I know that because you have like this little. This little grin on your face. I realize you're not saying about me, but. Hi, welcome to My Nerve. You just hit it. Go ahead.

Oh, how funny. Okay, well, I'll continue. So it really is based on what we've seen from our parents relationship, what we learned about ourselves, and, you know, just a couple of things that I would do in couples coaching that might be a little bit unique and different. I work with people together and separately because there's a lot going on that has nothing to do with the other one.

Well, absolutely. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, because one of the big things, and I'll talk about me, one of my big hurdles is fear of things that have happened in the past, whether it's things that I've done or things that have happened to me. And I absolutely have a wall up and I'm afraid to bring that wall down. And heaven forbid that wall starts to come down, I freak out and I bounce, right? You know, and that's. That's what happens. What is a good way to kind of help get past, you know, that. That a past trauma that, you know, that is. That's a recurring thing even today, right?

Well, number one, you've already survived every one of these heartbreaks and past traumas, right? You're still here. And anybody that's listening, you're still here. That means you've survived everything that's happened to you. And we have this illusion that we can't get through it again. But consider the possibility that a lot of these traumas that you're talking about might even be things that haven't happened, that you might have seen in other relationships.

Oh, no, they've happened.

But there are some too maybe there are some too maybe that haven't. Or you're afraid it could get worse.

Okay, I'll give you that one. I'm afraid it can get worse. You're right.

And for a lot of people, maybe not you, but for a lot of people, they're afraid of things that probably haven't happened, that they've seen happen to other people that they don't want to deal with. Too.

Sure.

So, you know, in your story there, who's the one holding you hostage?

Oh, it's me.

Okay, good.

Oh, I know it's me.

Okay, good. But see, I think a lot of.

Times, and I feel bad because people get hurt and it's. It's me not getting out of.

Yeah, but they get hurt because of them, not because of you.

All right, get that.

Nobody is that powerful that you can hurt another human being.

And the all powerful Gary Spears, you.

Know, I mean, you can hurt people physically. You can. It is national Domestic Domestic Violence Awareness Month. So I'm not saying that there isn't violence in relationships that's emotional, sexual, financial, physical. But what I'm saying is, you know, if you call me names, I don't have to believe you and take it on and get triggered. You know, there's. There's me in charge of what I'm gonna put up with or not. So you're not actually that powerful to be able to make or break someone. That's something that I really believe. No one is that powerful that they can make or break another human being. And I think that's a big downfall in relationships that they sign up. It's codependent, and they think the other person can make or break them. What if that's not true? What if you can survive anything regardless of how your partner shows up? That's what I'm working with people on in couples coaching, getting through all the things that they bring to the table that have nothing to do with their partner, that they think have everything to do with their partner. Now it's actually not true. And then we get you together and we work on designing the relationship the way you want it. And that actually is important, designing the relationship the way you want it. Because different people are gonna want different things. There's no cookie cutter relationship. I don't want anybody else's relationship. And I bet a lot of people wouldn't want mine. And that's okay. It's about designing it the way you want. You know, I joke. I travel a week, a month this year.

Right.

I didn't even plan for that to happen. It just did. There's a week, a month that I've been gone. I, in my relationship need a partner that is open minded and flexible and trusts me and trusts himself when I'm away. And that's not gonna work for everybody.

Right.

I work a lot of hours. That's not gonna work for every type of a partner. So, you know, you have to know who you are and what you come to the table with and what it is that you're looking for. You know, I also want a lot of adventure, and I know exactly what I want, and I was able to communicate that with my husband. And what was so funny about this story I probably shared with him? Maybe date three. My list. I had a list in my phone of all the things I wanted in a partner, and he pulls out his list. He had one, too.

Did you give him homework or did.

You say, I did not give him homework.

Did he already have. Did he already have the list?

He had the list.

Wow.

And I thought, oh, my God, I have attracted my match. And he's like, you're everything on this list. And I looked at mine, and I was like, oh, my God, you're everything on my list. And I really think that's so important to come to the table, knowing what it is that you're looking for. And even if you've been in a marriage for 20 years, 10 years, it's possible to do this and get that foundation built. Even though you have a history, you don't have to start fresh with somebody new. You've already got history with this person. You've already been through how many world wars and how many issues, so you might as well give it a chance and see. Then after you've given it a chance, you can determine whether or not this relationship is going to work. But how do you know if you haven't put it out there, what exactly it is that you're looking for?

So should I. Never mind. I've already made the list. I've already done that homework.

Here's how you could do it a little bit differently if you're interested.

Oh, crap.

This is an invitation. This is not something you have to do. Okay, Rebecca, so when you were writing the list before, my gut tells me that you were writing it like, yeah, right. This probably isn't gonna happen.

Wrong.

Okay.

Absolutely wrong. But then I was. I was absolutely truthful and sincere.

Wait, so then what about this? So were you writing it like it's a someday type of a thing?

No.

So you're writing it, like, right here, right now.

I know this exists right here, right now. This is. This is what I want, and this is what I'm looking for. And, yeah, that's. That's how I approached it.

And so I.

That's. That's. That was the homework that Rebecca Silence gave me. And I didn't want to get Rebecca silenced on the air, so I did it.

I am proud of you for Doing your homework.

Well, thank you.

But there's still something you're doing in your life that keeps it far away from you. It's not right here, right now. In your experience. Yeah, it's right.

It's layers and walls.

And so what I'm saying is consider the possibility, everybody out there listening, consider the possibility that exactly what you're looking for is available. You now. Not someday, not in 10 years, now. Everything that you've created in your life. Everything that I've created in my life. Big Sexy, who's about to come on the air, everything that he's creating, this has all been available the whole time for anyone. Right. And you've just tapped in. I've tapped in. Big Sexy's tapping into what's already available. You're not creating something out of thin air. So this relationship that you're looking for is waiting for you to be ready for it. Everyone out there listening in your relationship that you already have, or if you're single, the relationship that you're wanting is ready and waiting for you. As soon as you're ready for it.

You realize that, like, so many people are just like, preach on, sister. That's what's going on right now.

But it doesn't even just have to apply to your relationships, career path.

That's with anything.

Anything you want is available to you. You just have to be ready to tap into it. So that's what I'm doing with people in the couples coaching. We're tapping into what's already available to you.

Local life coach Rebecca silence. Inspired results. Coach.com make sure you like her on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter at Inspired results. And coming up, three weeks from today, it is Confession Tuesday live. Yeah, it's at MVCC for details. Hit up our social media and MVCC Edu for that.

Yeah. And it is domestic violence awareness month. So get educated about what our community has to offer. The YWCA has a lot to offer the community.

They'll be in tomorrow morning.

Outstanding. And, you know, just really understand about domestic violence that it's not just physical, it can also be emotional. So look at what you're putting up with. Look at why, and look at how you're treating people. Please. This month for October, take on leaving people in a better place than you found them.

Local life coach, that's your homework. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Great job, everyone. Have a wonderful week.