A short YouTube interview (Mental Wellness Wednesday) with life coach Rebeccah Silence about why social media comparisons can mislead and harm mental wellbeing. Key points: comparisons often trigger self-loathing; many social posts (e.g., Valentine's Day couples) are curated and do not reflect behind-the-scenes reality (speaker guesses ~8/10); instead of spiraling, Rebeccah advises noticing what you like, taking one concrete action toward it, and choosing honest posts going forward — neither curated perfection nor public confessions are required. The clip promotes her book Coming Back to Life and emphasizes vulnerability, self-acceptance, and incremental change.
Questions this video answers
"8 out of 10" (stated as the speaker's guess)
How comparing yourself to what you see on other people's social media can be. It could be a positive and it could also be a negative.
Absolutely. I mean, comparison in general is always a recipe for self loathing and feeling terrible. Right. Look at what you like about what you're seeing that you would want to apply to your life and, and then find a way to take one action towards what you want that you feel like you don't have yet instead of going down a spiral that has you just feeling like crap because you don't feel like you're good enough. Right now you are.
Mix with a 2.5. The best mix from the 90s. Now it's big Pop in the afternoon Mental Wellness Wednesday Life coach Rebecca Silence, author of the book Coming Back to Life. Everything's available@rebeccasilence.com Rebecca, how are you?
Well, hello and happy day after Valentine's Day. Hope everyone is feeling loved and remembering that at our core, we are all love.
It's funny you bring up Valentine's Day because that's kind of what's sparking my thought process here. Let's talk about how comparing yourself to what you see on other people's social media can be, it could be a positive and it could also be a negative. And let's, let's get into this because the Valentine's Day is a huge thing for that, right?
Absolutely. I mean, comparison in general is always a recipe for self loathing and feeling terrible. Right. But especially, yes, when it comes to Valentine's Day, looking at the picture of other people's love stories that they are portraying can have you feel like maybe something's wrong with you or life, like you're off track. And let me just say, I mean, who knows the actual statistics, but my guess would be 8 out of 10 of the couples what you're seeing in terms of what they're portraying and posting it is not the reality behind closed doors. Right. And it's easy to get that conceptually and intellectually. But let's just really, really own the truth behind what I'm saying. It's not really what's happening behind closed doors what you see on social media. And sometimes it's even better than how it looks on social media. But in the majority of cases, people are painting the picture of what they want people to think is going on and that's not necessarily their reality. And what we want is to have your reality matching what you're portraying and posting that is the most important thing. I remember so many years professionally comparing myself to other coaches, to other influencers, to under other industry leaders online. And I've seen over and over again over the years people that I would put on pedestals. It was not what they were posting and portraying. There was a lot of stuff. Smoke and mirrors, actually. And what I can say is that what you see with me is what you get. And Mark and I, my husband and I had a show that we did In August, about 10 years of marriage and lessons learned. And we talked about the good, the bad, the ugly, the crises, the miracles. Right. But it's all of it. So what you see, look at what you like about what you're seeing that you would want to apply to your life and then find a way to. To take one action towards what you want that you feel like you don't have yet, instead of going down a spiral that has you just feeling like crap because you don't feel like you're good enough right now. You are.
Yeah. Smoke and Mirrors has been my entire career. Don't tell anybody.
Yeah. Actually, I think you're very good at vulnerably. And I think it's important to acknowledge this, just being real about being a human being going through life. And that's one of the things that I think makes you so lovable. But it's all of us, right? No one is immune to our own humanity. And my coach likes to tell me you don't get to, like, spiritually bypass your humanity on your way to enlightenment. Right. Like, we're all human. We're all going through it. There's vulnerable moments where we can't even believe how good life is. And there's vulnerable moments where we're in those wtf, how did this happen? How did I get here? Places, and it's all okay, and none of it is the end of your story. And every moment is an opportunity to take one action step in the direction that you want. Or you can just, you know, throw in the towel and decide you must be a failure, you must be doing something wrong. But you never have to feel that way or make the choice to feel like something's wrong with you. Just get closer to being who you want to be. And don't be afraid of, like, the real picture, the real life you're living right now because it's all in process and in progress. And you're always getting closer to the life you want if you decide to pursue life like that.
So let's flip the script real quick. We were looking at it as people looking at social media and, oh, I Wish I had what they're portraying. Let's look at it from the person who is portraying something that isn't real on social media, because I've been there as well. And, and, and it can be a very empty feeling when, when you do this.
Well, of course it is. Right? Because it only breeds more shame and maybe even guilt and maybe even just more insecurity and more belief that something must be wrong with you, that life is the way it actually is. And the truth is that if you are trying to over play your hand online, like make people think it's better than it is, don't worry about what's already happened. Worry about whatever you post next. How do I make that more honest? You know, don't. There's no going back. Don't judge yourself. Don't beat yourself up. But you can start fresh in this moment and decide what you're going to post next that is honest. And don't feel like you have to air your dirty laundry online. I mean, this is another big pet peeve I have, right? People go to extreme. They're either, you know, portraying themselves and life is better than it is, or they're unloading all their dirty laundry online and basically going to confession. And we don't have to do that either, right? You know, we all get to pick and choose what we share and just have each post honest one post at a time in a place where you feel good about what you're doing, you've posted and you can actually stand behind it. And maybe it's, I skipped my exercise this morning and instead, you know, I'm having, you know, a session where I'm watching TV and not doing what I said I would do. But, but you don't have to tell on yourself. You don't have to feel bad, though, for the truth of who you are. That's the point. The truth of who you are. It's enough. Your best is enough. And if you say, I'm struggling and I'm committed to making the best out of this day and that's your honest post, good for you. If you're, I skipped my workout and just putting this out here so I can be accountable and get back to my workout tomorrow, good for you. But you don't have to feel bad about who you are and where you're at. Just do your best, let that be enough, and let your next post be as honest as possible.
It is Mental Wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca. Silence. Get the book coming back to life. Wherever you get your books, you can also get it@rebecca silence.com Great stuff as always. Talk to you next week.
