EC Radio with Guest Rebeccah Silence

I'm back, baby! I hope you guys all enjoyed your Memorial Day weekend. I know I did. Shout out to my peeps over at Creative Concerts for putting on an amazing weekend with Twiddle and Aqueous and Dopeapod. And it's good to have some live music back at the scene again. Thank you, thank you, thank Thank you for all that attended. So also shout out to my peoples over at EJA Moving Services, the professional movers. When you're ready to move and relocate, hit up Eddie and his fine staff at 315-335-0516. There is no task they can't handle. They can pretty much do whatever you ask them to do. They wear back braces, they're respectable young men, they say ma'am and sir. Just, they're awesome, awesome people. So there's pretty much— they can move anything for you. Hit them up, ejamoving.com. Shout out to my peeps over at Joey's at Mohawk Street. Joey's at 307 Delicious Seafood food dinners. They got a revolving dinner menu. They even offering catering. Give them a call today, 315-864-3527, or hit them up at 315eats.com. Big ups to my peeps over at Utica Coffee. Wake the hell up! I'm woke, I'm telling you, I'm woke. Wakethehellup.com, you can find them online. And, uh, big ups to my friend over at Longoretta Attorneys, my attorney Dave Longoretta, 315-735-6162. If you need legal advice, give him a call today. And then thank you to Saranac Brewery for sponsoring Answering the D as well. Find them online, sarahneck.com. Rebeccah Silence, I don't think we could have timed this podcast any more perfect.

I'm intrigued.

No, my God, I feel like there's so much weird juju going on in the universe right now and it's following me. Joining me today, life coach Rebeccah Silence, all the way from Boulder, Colorado. Thank you so much for joining me today. How are you? It's good to see you.

Oh my gosh, it's a pleasure. You have been on my bucket list. I wanted to be on your podcast for so long. I'm so happy to be here.

I know I had your husband before I had you.

This is true. I don't blame you. He's a hot commodity.

He is, he is. Make sure you give him a big hug and kiss for me.

I will.

So Rebeccah, you, uh, your title is life coach, and I feel like you are like the guru of all the life coaches because I've had a few life coaches in the studio so many times and they all go back to you. I feel like you are the beginning of the life coach family tree. You're like right at the top and then all your branches are all my other friends that are life coaches.

Oh my gosh. Yeah, I am. I'm trained as an integrative holistic coach and facilitator and I've been part of certifying coaches ever since I became certified. So we do have about 19 legacy coaches in the central New York area that I have supported and promoted and been honored to have been a part of their journey.

Amazing, amazing. Was there one particular incident that happened, or was there a multiple incident, or have you always been a natural healer to get into this industry?

I, I like to joke that I've been a therapist since I was 10, but I actually got certified as a nationally board-certified music therapist for my undergrad, moved to Denver and worked at the state psych hospital here. I'm from Holland Patent, I'm from the Mohawk Valley, love Central New York, but I decided I wanted the hardest possible internship as a music therapy student. So I went to a psych hospital and that's really where I became fascinated with human behavior and decided that I would do my best to help with just emotional healing because honestly, most of the people at that psych hospital, 300 acres from ages 5 to 100, I worked with there. And I just, in my idealistic world, thought most of these people aren't crazy or suffering from mental illness. They don't know how to deal with their environment. Or their emotions, and they don't have healthy coping skills. So that's really where it started. And then I got a master's in counseling, and then they told us in our master's that, you know what, we're going to help you help people manage. And that wasn't enough for me, so I pursued even more education after that. I didn't want to just help people manage their pain or their suffering or their trauma or their past. I wanted to help them actually heal the root of where pain patterns started. So I've been a student for life and fascinated with people and wanting happiness and healthy lives for people, and that's what I do.

Amazing, amazing. Do you still do some sort of music therapy these days?

You know, where the music therapy comes into play is when I'm doing my 2-day couples intensives or 2-day family intensives or my live retreats. I use music as a way to just crack people's hearts open and get them to start connecting and get them safe with emotional intimacy because most people don't want to do emotional intimacy. And that is the key to healing. That is the key to freedom. So I use music to access emotion and open people up.

What's your go-to music for emotional intimacy?

You know, that's a Steely Dan. I've got, I've got some playlists I could share with you, but I'm super intuitive. It really does depend on the person. And I'm mostly just trying to help them feel into the emotion through music before they can connect to it with themselves. So it's very much— and I think that's a, that's an important piece of the work that I do. It is so not cookie cutter at all. I think a lot of personal growth is very cookie cutter curriculum. We're going to do the same thing with everyone. Mine is super intuitive and unique with whoever I'm working with.

Yeah, and it's important to really connect with your clients on that emotional level and just, you know, you got to really dig into the inner psyche and Man, I kind of want you to dig into my inner psyche right now.

Hey, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid.

Before we do though, uh, are you a musician yourself, Rebeccah Silence?

Yeah, I used to be in the Denver Opera Company. I'm a singer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And who knew? It's so funny because I never thought all that vocal training would come in handy for speaking. I speak all day, every day, and I'm so grateful for that training because it really keeps my voice solid and, and fresh. Knock on wood.

How cool is that? How many clients a day are you seeing?

It depends. On average, 6 to 10.

6 to 10. And it's all different, like emotional traumas and just—

oh, it's all different.

Do you do business growth as well too? Like, help people?

I sure do.

Do you?

Yep. And you know, I like to also say that the team training in businesses, it's really just family coaching. It's all it is, because people are hitting their emotional blocks with each other at work the same way they do with their families.

Huh, interesting. And you try to do some team building exercises and whatnot.

Yeah, exactly. Especially with COVID I mean, every team out there needs to refresh, reinvent, and heal from the personal experiences they've been through and with the company, what the company's been through. So I'm doing a lot more with businesses and teams now than I ever have.

I'm glad you brought up the C word. Has it been hard to connect with people through like Zoom meetings and whatnot? Does it take a little extra time to maybe connect through the virtual platform?

You know, I find no, and I was honestly virtual pre-COVID because the majority of my client base has been in the Mohawk Valley. And so when my husband and I moved to Boulder 3 years ago, I had set up shop online in 2019 prior. And so, you know, I never would have tried, I don't think, the 2-day couples intensives, for example, pre-COVID. I hadn't done that yet. But even that, I just need to connect the couple to each other. They don't need me there.

Gotcha.

It works great.

So with all, you know, do you connect to— with— let me, let me rephrase this because I've been going through a couple things lately. I, I've been on edge lately, Rebeccah, and I think it's universe is a little bit out of whack. I've been arguing with more people. I feel like, um, easily disrespected, uh, just kind of, kind of flying off the handle a little bit lately. And I really feel the universe is a little bit out of whack. I'm feeling that. Is that something maybe you're feeling as well? Are you tapped into the universe as well?

Well, we're in Mercury retrograde, so I don't know how much you know about all of that kind of woo-woo stuff out there, but I do. Mercury. Yeah, I blame it on Mercury retrograde, and we all go through that. And I think we can become a victim to, you know, the, the universe and the just alignment of where the planets are, or we can go, you know what, I'm all stirred up because I'm ready to leap, I'm ready to launch, and I'm ready to heal something that I just wasn't ready to heal before.

Ah, Gina say Mercury, Mercury in retrograde is a nightmare for communication. And I feel like that's exactly what's happening, is like a lot of miscommunication going on and, uh, just people not paying attention to details. And I'm a very detailed-oriented person, and when I feel like things aren't getting done, I get, uh, I get a little frustrated with that on top of other things as well. But, uh, yeah, so the whole universe is completely out of whack. Now, this is something like everybody's feeling, or is it just like people people that are sensitive to these types of energy?

You know, I think it's interesting. We can blame it on Mercury retrograde, or we can just acknowledge that, yeah, you're sensitive. And the, the people— I call it persecutor energy— that are kind of flying off the handle easily, having a short fuse, honestly, I believe those are the people that care the most, and those are the people that we need to listen to the most. Because honestly, you're fighting for something. And I think that's the most important piece, not to shut down whatever it is that's coming up, but to try to figure out, okay, maybe I need to learn how to land it better. But if there's something here, there's a reason why.

There's something I need to work on is the way I talk to people, I think, sometimes.

And, uh, what are you wanting to land?

Well, it depends on like how— what I'm trying to get across, you know. I work, I work in a high-paced environment as far as the music industry goes, and, and then also here at Disruption Network. So I have a lot on my plate, so I just like the things to be in order, and when they're not, I kind of like lose it. But lately I've been flying off the handle, and I know it's me. I, I do know, and there's something inside of me that's making me flip and not making me think. And usually I am one to be patient and think before I act, but sometimes I don't. I can be hotheaded and, and hard-headed as well. That's the Italian in me. But, uh, lately though, I just feel like people are coming after me and just ducking punches. And, and so I don't want to blame Mercury in retrograde because, you know, that's just an excuse to me.

Well, it is and it isn't, right? It's really real that highly sensitive people are impacted by the energy around us, and then the whole state of the world is shaken up. It's so much bigger, right? I mean, we've all just been through over a year of hell, and it's been different for everyone, but I really think that This pandemic helps us see what is working, what's not working, and our tolerance for coasting should be at a minimum. We've been tolerating so long, and then now we're all getting to see what can happen if we don't. Are you asking people specifically for what you need from them?

Maybe sometimes I don't. Maybe I need to rephrase things better. Um, but I feel that sometimes I do, you know, it's, it's a fine balance, I guess. I don't know, it's a fine line if I'm getting my point across or not, or maybe sometimes I am beating around the bush.

Well, and I like to think about it too just in terms of commitment, right? Like, like if this person that has agreed to come through in a certain way isn't, I'll give them another chance. I'll say, hey, did you need support? It was this not clear? And then if it's a pattern, put them in a different role or goodbye. I think again, it comes down to toleration.

Right. High tolerance of bullshit.

And let's all like lower our tolerance for bullshit because it's only going to make you resentful. It's only going to make you frustrated. It's toxic to be tolerating what doesn't actually serve you. And you're in a big game and you deserve to be supported in that game.

Rebeccah Silence, you being a life coach and holistic healer and stuff, how do you combat like depression or any kind of like sad trauma or anything like that? You being in the industry, is there— obviously you probably have someone you talk to too, but is there some kind of self-exercises that you do to combat that?

Oh my gosh, yes. And I have an army of coaches and support, and that will be true for the rest of my life. I want to continually be leaping living and growing and making more of an impact. And the only way to do that is to stay emotionally clear. So when I think of depression, I think of being shut down. And the only thing really that we can shut down is our emotion. And there are only 5— there are only 5 naturally occurring human emotions. Everything else is drama and learned. And those 5 emotions are anger, grief, fear, joy, and excitement. So the first thing, if I'm starting to feel depressed, that I'll go to is just what's the stuck emotion? And what is the resistance to feeling it? And I think especially now, again, we are all in this huge opportunity to create the lives we've always wanted to. If COVID didn't shake things up enough to give us permission to live our lives, what's going to? And then that comes with a lot of resistance. And usually when we're wanting more to experience, to live into, to create, it's uncharted waters. And I think it's so much easier to be depressed and shut down and comfortable than it is to risk being shaky on our feet and uncomfortable and heading into the unknown. So another thing I like to do beyond just being willing to feel whatever emotion is up is I'll actually imagine myself surrendering into a free fall from the possibility I'm in into the next level. And we've got to be our own lifelines. I've got support, but I have to be my own lifeline. I have to be my own safety net, my own sense of security, or I've got my life in other people's hands and that's a lot of pressure and they're never going to actually be able to fill any voids in me.

Excellent.

We got to be there for ourselves. And we also have to know where the hell we're going. That's where it starts. Like, do you even have a direction? Do you even have a— a dream or a goal that you're pursuing, because that is everything if you want to feel in control of your life.

Yes, and staying present too is very key in life as well. And what are some of the ways that you tell your clients to stay present, or how do you stay present yourself?

Yeah, so I have 5 steps. I have a Healing Is Possible movement that I've created, courses that I've created, and 5 steps to healing that I believe work regardless of circumstances, no matter who you are. And these steps in this curriculum and this movement was born out of me being a cancer survivor. 6 years ago I was pregnant and I had cancer. And because of that time, that's probably the most depressed I've ever been. If, if the cancer didn't kill me, there were so many moments where suicidal thoughts were so loud that it would have been easy to give up. And then I didn't. And after I came out of cancer, I was like, well, what did I do? And it's these 5 steps. And the first one is courage. And it's about having the courage to face and move through and conquer fear. And the fear is always going to be there, but you are stronger. And then the second step is wellness. And this is something again that I think COVID gave us all a huge opportunity to step into— wellness our way. So many people are looking for somebody outside of them to tell them how to be well, but their lives aren't set up well for them. So that's what my wellness step is about. And then The third step is inspiration, and that's not about positivity or glitter or, you know, cheerleading. It's about staying inspired to keep moving, especially when it's hard. Finding a way to be in the courage and wellness to stay inspired is not easy, but it's doable. And then the fourth step is faith, and faith is just about life can only get better. I'm not looking at faith as a religious experience. I'm looking at faith as knowing because you're still here, because you have you, And because you're willing to grow, your life can only get better. There's no going backwards. There's no life getting worse. You can use every moment and circumstance to your advantage. And then the fifth step is power and just knowing that you have the power to create your life as you imagine it. If you're gonna be courageous enough, live into wellness, stay inspired, and have the faith to do that.

I wanna back up to the faith thing because faith, you said not tying it into a religion, but I do see it as a spiritual thing. And, and, and separating spirituality from religion is, you know, it's necessary. And that's what I, you know, having faith in a higher power or having faith in yourself or others in the highest version of yourself too.

And, and really your life can be a spiritual experience. And you talked about staying present earlier, and I think it's more important to stay present when life is hard than any other time. And when you've got that intention of where you want your life to go, that presence is a spiritual practice of of paying attention to how aligned you are with where your life is headed or not.

You hit the nail on the head too when you were talking about being locked down in COVID and really evaluating, reevaluating your life in your circumstances. I, you know, it's, it was, as I like to refer to it as the Corona coaster, so many highs and lows because there has been some highs throughout this pandemic and there's definitely been some ultra lows in this whole thing. How do you coach people through all that? Like, I know people have been super sensitive, especially have been on the lockdown. I mean, it's got to be a little bit of a difficult task for you to go and coach these people throughout this horrible pandemic that we're going through.

Yeah, I am so honored and grateful for the opportunity to support people. I also have a free Healing Is Possible community on Facebook that gives people a space to meet each other, share each other's stories, support each other. And the thing is I want to make it really simple. It's just about identifying what's working and what's not. That's it, you know. Start there. What's been working and what's not? And then when our focus is on what's not working, we're screwing ourselves. Do I— not working. But don't stay there too long. What do you want instead? And that's such a hard question when I ask people, what do you want, you know? So whatever has you in a short fuse lately and flying off the handle, I'd be asking you, well, what do you want the outcome to be? Not what don't we want. It's so much easier to put the focus on what we don't want, but it'll have you spin out. So what has been working? And I think this is a great homework assignment for everybody listening. What have you learned about yourself? What have you learned about your spouse, your family, your workplace that is working? Start there. What do you want to keep? And then what is it time to let go of that isn't working? And then what do you want instead? It's that simple. It's not easy, but if you'll give yourself permission to go there, then you can start to set the intention to create what you do want with support, and you become unstoppable.

I love it. Are you one to make lists and to actually educate people on making lists, pros and cons?

I think about it again as like Everything is a yes or a no. Everything is either working or not working. And so there are some people that lists are a spiritual yes for, and they work really, really well. And then there are other people that aren't going to do it, overwhelms them, they're not down. So we would find something else. What I am very clear about is being intentional and having that big dream that you're pursuing and then finding some sort of a structure or system to help you identify and rein in what you're doing that's getting you closer or taking you from. And so for me, yes, I am a list person, but I don't just coach— again, I'm not cookie cutter— everybody to make a list. But I know every single day what are at least the 3 big things that need to happen by the end of the day, by the end of the week. What are the deliverables that need to happen by the end of the week, the end of the month? And that's how I get quite a bit done in amazing amounts of time.

I'm hanging out with Rebeccah Silence today, who recently launched a podcast. Yes, I did. Yes, congratulations, sister. Let's talk about your podcast a little bit. How often is it out, and exactly what kind of content are you delivering?

So this story is hysterical. The, the whole idea of a podcast for so long was a spiritual no for me because I was insanely overwhelmed by it. And I have been on radio for over a decade. I've been doing media for a while, but the idea of the podcast, for whatever reason, it just freaked me out. So I was approached by an amazing team from Life Stuff Media, and they I asked if they could produce a podcast for me, if they're producing it for me would help me want to get it going, and that was an immediate yes. So what we did was we created the Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast where we're basically just focusing on stories of breaking through stuck. And that breakthrough is always available, and the breakthrough is just the moment the opening starts. And once you've got even the tiniest opening, you can create anything from there. So what I'm doing is we launched last week on Thursdays. So May 27th was launch date. First 2 episodes are out. Then every Thursday a new episode launches. And we're on Apple, we're on Amazon and Audible, we're on Spotify, we're on iHeartRadio, we're on all of the podcast platforms. And I'm so proud of this show, Z. I'm so proud. Excellent. Of the people that came on and of this show. Congratulations. And I'm so grateful to LifeStuff Media. Yeah, thank you.

So you're pretty much— the podcast is based on stories from adversity, correct?

Absolutely. I've got interviews with healers and influencers that are just sharing how they broke through and achieved success. I've got case studies of clients that have worked with me sharing their own personal journeys and experiences and what we've been through together. And then the third format is me basically just riffing on some topics and sharing my own stories and stories of people that I've known, helping, I think, I think most importantly, people understand they're not alone. I think we think we're alone in our suffering and that's why we get depressed, because we isolate and become hermits and we don't want to be too much or we don't want anybody to know what's going on, when the reality is, if you knew every single person's story when you're driving down the road past their car, you would so get you're not alone. We all are suffering. Absolutely. And we all have the opportunity to use that suffering to become more and higher versions of ourselves and to create our our lives the way we've always imagined that we could.

Beautiful words, Rebeccah. I'm so glad you came on today. I'm feeling so much better. You've enlightened me already, and, and we're not even done with this podcast. But congratulations on your podcast. It's the Tougher Together podcast. What's the name?

The Tougher Together.

Yep.

Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast.

Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast by my friend Rebeccah Silence. Go check it out on all podcast platforms. Every Thursday you release a new episode. That's great. Are you having fun? Are having fun doing it?

Oh my gosh, since I don't have to do any of the production, I'm in heaven. I'm just doing the shows and booking the guests and having a ball. And then I've been a one-woman show for 15 years, so to have this whole team with me has just been a whole other version of a dream come true. They're wonderful, and it's so fun to learn and, and grow with that team and to have this opportunity.

Cool. You got some of the girls on the, the live stream right now. And if you are watching on Facebook right now, if you could do us a favor and click the share button, help spread the word of what we're doing here on DC Radio and Rebeccah Silence's new podcast, uh, it's called the Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast. So a couple of girls are wondering on, on Facebook right now. So very cool. What other social media platforms can people check you out on?

Well, I have a new virtual assistant that is helping me with my social media presence because I'm a mess with it, but I'm on everything. I'm on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook probably the most, but I'm everywhere. And you can just find me at Rebeccah Silence. The website is rebeccahsilence.com. Rebeccah has an H in it, and that's how you find me. And I would love to hear from you, to have you follow the Instagram, and to know what's going on in your life.

It's smart by having a virtual secretary, if you will, take care of all the social media. It's hard to keep up with it, isn't Isn't it?

Oh my gosh.

Too much.

When I decided in COVID, I created the Healing is Possible private Facebook group because I thought I can't do my women's retreats. I can't create community the way I'm used to. So we'll try this online format and that free community became a full-time job, but it is so much fun. And then, yeah, I'm just growing so fast that I'm super grateful to have support that I have. And my virtual assistant, Erin, shout out to you. She's a rock star. I just go live on Mondays. and then I do a hot seat coaching on Tuesdays, and she takes all that content and she puts it out everywhere for the rest of the week and manages it, and she does it beautifully.

Nice, you got it like that. That's cool.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

I love that. How important is physical activity for a human being to, to do, to absorb self-love? Talk about the physical activity and how important it is.

Yeah, our bodies are like everything. Your body is the vehicle, your body is the vessel for the essence of you to come out and to come through. And we're so clogged up. So I also work with kids, Z, and when I'm working with kids, I help them see we're basically born this clear channel, and then we get heartbroken, or we get disappointed, or we get our feelings hurt, or something happens, and we start to have these stuck emotions get stuck inside of our bodies. So if for no other reason than to make sure your body is clear, move your ass like every day. Every day. It keeps it clear and flush. And then especially with COVID there is so much that our bodies are holding on to that mentally, emotionally, it needs to come out. We need to process. And then there's no— just like not everybody should be a list person. There's no like cookie-cutter way for you to be moving your body. But for me, I do actually— I still work out with my Utikins. I work out with Whitesboro Fit Body Boot Camp every morning, 30 minutes, busting my ass in my living room, and it's perfect. It keeps my body clear. It keeps me fresh and strong. And I think if we'll just be willing to move, we have a huge opportunity to connect to those answers around what's our spiritual Yes, to connect to those answers around what do we want, what is working, what's not, what would work instead. And if we're just stagnant, it makes it a lot harder to move through your life.

Oh, for sure. It makes—

I think it's everything.

It makes the day— it's a great way to kick off the day too, you know. If I don't work out, I— the day is off, you know. I'm a little off throughout the day.

Yeah.

But if I do work out, it, it's more of a, you know, an easier day to deal with, you know. You're in a better mood, you feel better about yourself. Yeah. And find your way.

Exactly. Yeah, find your way that, that works for you and is high vibe. But if you won't love yourself enough— back to your question about self-love— to listen to and connect to and care for and move your body, then you're gonna be more miserable. Like, period. And I had a coach that told me, I don't know, this is probably 12 years ago, your body is your greatest tool as a coach. And I looked at her like she had our heads because at that point I had eating disorders, I had all these body image issues, I have a pretty severe history of abuse and violence that my body had gone through. And I'm like, what do you mean my body is my greatest tool? Hands down, 100% accurate. I trust my body more than anything in the world now. I listen to it. I encourage all of to connect more to your bodies.

And the other thing with self-love too is you really can't give love until you love yourself. How do you feel about that statement?

Well, I think it's absolutely true. Like, the, the ability in you to give back and care for others— and people argue about this with me all the time, and that's fine, they don't need to believe me, but I know I'm right here— there is no way you can love more to anything outside of you than you do to you. That's it. And it's especially important to remember this when life gets hard. You can be great to people when things are great with you, with them, with the relationship, but how much you're able to love and give to them and to anybody outside of yourself when life gets hard is directly related to how good you are to you when life gets hard. Hard. That's the measuring stick.

All those life lessons are in the emotional trenches, right?

Oh my gosh. And I think again, like, who cares how great you are when life is good? Who are you going to be when it's hard? Who are you going to be when you're challenged? Who are you going to be in your relationship when your relationship gets challenged? And it's especially when you want to shut your heart down or push someone away that it's time to give them more. But if you don't know how to do that with yourself, yourself, you won't be able to do that with them. So I actually do want people to get really selfish, like ruthlessly selfish, about how well are you being taken care of, how clear are you, how much are you living into inspiration and the life you want. Because from there, you can be someone that actually is helpful to the community, to humanity. But when you're all clogged up and helping so that you can feel good about yourself and validate not that helpful.

What are some of the ways to be acceptably selfish?

So listening, paying attention to how you're living and how aligned it is with your spirit, actually having compassion for yourself and being willing to love yourself into creating the life you want. We will defend our bullshit just inevitably until we decide it's not that valuable to defend our nonsense. Sense, and it's more valuable to be the best version of ourselves we can be because you can't have both at once. You can't be the best version of yourself and be defending the worst of yourself at the same time. Hmm. Step into who you want to be.

Great.

And then we've all inherited our parent— our patterns, right, from our parents. And it's not their fault. I'm not blaming anybody's parents. Everybody's parents did the best they could, mine included. Lots of love for my family, for everyone's family. But you can design a future that is so far outside of what you saw. And that doesn't mean what you saw was even bad. But if you're suffering, it's because you're not living into the life you imagined for yourself. And likely that's because you haven't seen it yet. Doesn't mean you can't create it.

You can't. So setting goals, I mean, super important too. To plan and set those goals and hit that route and hit the ground running and do it in silence though. How do you feel about that? You know, not being a bragger or a rah-rah type of guy or woman, you know, just, yeah, you know, set your goals in silence and not brag about it on social media. How do you feel about that as well?

I mean, I mean, that's a tough one. I think we should all be very humble, and, and I'm, I'm creating my life of my dreams for me to be fulfilled and so I can make the most impact and so my daughters can see their mom living exactly the life that I want to live so that they can create whatever lives they want to live. And so I think there is an element of, of course, go tell everybody about all the amazing things you're doing and ask for support and ask for people to let people know. But again, it's about, are you sourcing from a neediness for validation, or are you sourcing from trying to be an example of possibility and have a positive impact, right?

If you're being attention—

right, exactly, right? Yeah, I mean, same thing, right? I mean, me, me, me, me, me, do you see me? Do you see me? Do you see me? Totally unattractive. Here's what's possible. Come with me. I want to make a difference in your life, in the community, in the country, in the world. Way more attractive.

Yeah, social media too can bring out ugly people. Because you know what I would like to see, and I'm challenging a lot more people out there in social media, because everybody shows and how fancy and glorious their life is, but nobody shows the struggles. I want to see more struggles out there. To me, that's, that's— I want to see the realism there instead of like, oh, look at me, I'm standing on top of a mountain and taking a photo shoot. You know, I want to see, you know, I I'm struggling right now mentally and I need some help, you know. I, you know, or just promote your stuff and not get personal on social media. Actually, that's my PSA of the day: stop being personal on social media, right?

Well, unless it's, unless it's helpful, right? Like yesterday I had no makeup on, I was like raw with my live just talking about happiness and freedom, and I wanted to just be me. Here's me raw, real on a platter, take it or leave it. It a voice of possibility for all of you. I, I think we can get personal on social media if it's sharing a real story of where you were, what happened that made you better, and where you're going now. If it's again to get that approval or that validation or coming from that place of selfishness that keeps you small— see, selfishness can either make you more of who you want to be, or it can make you less. So know the difference.

Know the difference and find the balance.

Well, yeah, and, and don't let yourself stay in that self-absorbed— I used to be a school counselor, Z, and I would do this with the little middle school girls, like, it's all about you again, all about you again, right? Like, what about other people, you know? So when we're just all about ourselves, it's not that helpful. And we've all been there. And, and when you catch that, or catch depression, or catch that part of you that is volcano ready to erupt, it's useful if you'll wake up, pay attention to it. You talked earlier about wake the hell up, you're woke. Like, let's get woke to the moments that we don't want to stay in because they're messages that something's off. Yeah, we can't avoid them, but we can use them.

Definitely. Um, we have a couple questions out there. What's the youngest age you will work with, with kids?

5.

5 years old?

5 years old. They're amazing.

Yeah, they're amazing.

And get this— yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

No, no, I just— I mean, how do you coach a 5-year-old?

Yeah, so when I was a school counselor, and then I actually lived in Vegas for a year and I was a school counseling coordinator, when I went back to Utica, I I got hired at most of the school districts, and I would come in and I would do assertiveness training. And the thing about kindergarten is, if I ask a kindergartner already by age 5, do you think there's anything wrong with you? They always say yes. Do you think you're better or worse than other people? They always say yes. So where I start with the little kids is I say, do you know there's nothing wrong with you? Almost almost every single time they start to cry. They already think something's wrong with them. Nothing is wrong with them. And that's where we begin. And then I do a lot of assertiveness training around communication too, and just emotion and education around none of it's bad, none of it's wrong.

So you feel a 5-year-old is just more of a free spirit and would not think of these types of things, you know?

They're already programmed.

Wow.

It starts so young. Basically, our personality is intact by 7. What we think is right, what we think is wrong, what we think about the world, marriage, family, body, health, everything, because we've seen it already. What's scary is we don't have the words for it at that young age to be able to process or to know the difference between this is something I'm learning and this is something that I believe. So where I come in is I help people people get inspired to connect to what they actually believe, who they actually are, what their values are beyond what they inherited or learned is the right way to do life. And if you're living life the right way and you're suffering, it's not right for you. And that's okay. We need to shift it, pivot.

And work on it, right?

Yeah.

My mother's saying sometimes giving more to others, you forget what you need. Can you elaborate on that a little bit? I know what she's referring to, as she's throwing that at me. That's my mother throwing it at me.

Your mama loves you.

She does.

So yeah, I think a lot of times too, giving to others can be a distraction from making sure our needs are met. So either, either you're giving from a place of you're already solid within yourself, you're already a fully charged battery. Right? That's when you're actually giving, when your battery's already charged, when your needs are already met, when your self-care is solid and strong, then you're giving. If you're giving from a place of your battery is drained, you're already running on fumes, and it's not really a give because you're going to have collateral damage that you experience after that so-called give. So it's really not a give at all. So that's why we're saying start with being selfish, making sure you're taking care of mind, body, spirit. It, then go give back. And then here's another thing people do all the time that's going to get their asses kicked: they give to people that they think need their help with no permission. That's like the ultimate disrespect. I agree, you know. So if you're giving because you need to be needed, if you're giving from a place where you're already drained, if you're giving because you're in judgment that you know better for another person than they they do for themselves, no, won't work.

Interesting. So align your chakras before you start giving. Is, is that what, uh, you're saying to me, right?

I love chakra work. Not everybody knows I've got my little, uh, pendulum here. I'm always like clearing out my chakras, making sure everything is ready to go, opened up. Yeah, but really, again, it's about connecting to the parts of you that you don't want to— the discomfort, the blocks— opening those places up, keeping your heart open all the time. Really, it's more about is your heart open or not than even your chakras, right? Because we'll give to people that we think deserve it, we'll be the best versions of ourselves to people we think deserve it, instead of like, no, this is just who I am and how live.

Yeah, that gets an applause. Yep, I like that.

Thank you.

Yeah, I imagine when you're meet— when you're meeting with somebody all day long, you know, you have all these clients. You, you mentioned earlier you meet 8 to 10 clients a day. I imagine that drains your energy. How do you recharge your creative batteries?

Well, I'm really clear about the structure that I work in. So before I do any work with clients in the morning, I've already meditated, worked out, had some laughs with my family, had coffee and green juice with my amazing husband. He makes the green juice every single morning. So I've got like my little morning ritual. And then I decided a while back, like, I'm done at 5. And I used to work nights, I used to work a lot of weekends. I'm done at 5. So I've got from 5 on every single night, after all that amazing work with my clientele, to just be with my family, recharge, eat some good food, and enjoy my life. Before I got sick, I was basically just grinding, grinding, grinding, work, work, work, work, work, and then I would fit my family in where I could. Now I'm like, hold on, the work is a priority, but so is my family. I've got an almost 17-year-old daughter that's going to be out of here in about 5 seconds, so I'm really trying to make sure that I live in a way where I have no regrets and I'm present—your word—with my family at the beginning and at the end of the day. And I love nature. Boulder is like the perfect place for me to live because the hiking is amazing. The mountains are like right here in our backyard. So I'll get out in nature too.

Super important though to, you know, separate the work life and the personal life so you can get back to your work life and and deliver the possible— the best possible content you possibly can to your clients.

Well, yeah, and this is what I want for everybody, because honestly, I don't really see it as a separation of business and personal. I see it as a— am I choosing how I'm living my life? Am I choosing how I'm spending my time? And is my life structured to meet all of those needs? And then I think we all have to admit that how we live is self- selfish, right? And, and let's just powerfully choose that. My fifth step to healing: I'm powerfully choosing how I'm spending my time. And you're going to see some new things coming out from me beyond just the new podcast. There's a book coming out. I'll go back to live events here pretty soon. But it's just really about, are you powerfully choosing how you're living and spending your time, or are you just in reactive, at-the-effective mode where you become a victim to your because you don't need to be.

Talk about what you have, you have coming up. You just said, you mentioned you got a book coming out. What else you got going on? What's your future?

I've got the big thing is the new podcast. I've got a book coming out, and then I am doing a little bit of a restructuring with the business around how I provide services. More team retreats and trainings for companies, more live events for individuals are coming. I've got courses that are done and produced, but I'll be doing some more courses live with people and just really putting the content in me that I don't even think is me. I just think I get to be this messenger in as many inboxes, screens as possible.

This has been a great conversation today, Rebeccah. Thank you so much for hanging out with me, and I really needed this. It was just— the timing is so perfect. I feel so much better. Like, today is kind of like, eh, you know, and now I feel better.

I do. I I think if everybody could just understand that when you're upset, there's a good reason why. Nothing bad is happening. Nothing's wrong with you. It's just time to evaluate what's working and what's not and what would work instead and lean into it instead of away and out. And then you have an opportunity to break through. You're a beautiful soul. Oh, thank you so much, Lee. This has been an honor. So much fun.

Plug where people can get in touch with you and if they're interested in maybe doing a virtual meetup with you or, you you know, the service that you provide.

How can they get in touch with you? Absolutely. So rebeccahsilence.com is the website. rebeccah@rebeccahsilence.com is the email. And then you can find me basically on any social media channel. The Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast on any of your favorite podcasting platforms. Get in touch with me. I'm kind of everywhere. And I would love to hear from you. See how I can support your business, your life, your family, your relationship. Relationship, whatever it is, because healing is possible no matter what you're facing. There's never a situation where that's not true.

I'm gonna follow you on Spotify as soon as we hang up. Are you— do you guys plan— do you guys plan to come into the Mohawk Valley anytime soon?

Well, I would love to. I mean, I— in 2019, before COVID I did 18 seminars. I was traveling 18 different weeks that year, and I, I kind of missed that. So I'll be putting something together, I'm sure, in Central New York at point soon. But feel free to give me a call and bring me back home, guys, too. I'm also on Mix 102.5 every week with Gary Spears doing Mental Wellness Wednesday, so you guys can find me all over.

Gary and I used to DJ weddings together back in the '90s.

Oh, we went to high school together.

Did you? Yeah, when he was in the Rhythm Lights and stuff.

Yeah, were you in the Rhythm Lights too? I never did Rhythm Lights because I went went to music therapy school in Rochester.

Small world. Great guy though, Gary. It's been a friend for me. Oh, he's been awesome. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, and you've been awesome too. And give a big hug to your husband for me. He's a great man.

Oh, I will. He loves you so much.

Ah, great. Awesome. So check her out, rebeccahsilence.com, and check out her podcast, The Tougher— we say it again, I forgot—

The Tougher Together Breakthrough Tougher Together Breakthrough Podcast.

And for sure, we had a breakthrough here today on EC Radio. You are the best. Thank you so much, Rebeccah. Thank you to EJA Moving Services. Thank you to EJA Moving Services, Joey's at 307, Utica Coffee, Attorney Dave Longaretta, and Saranac Brewery. If not for the sponsors, this podcast is not possible. And thank you so much to our sponsors for believing them. And I hope all you people go out there and support our sponsors. We have some amazing ones that deliver some delicious and awesome products, so go check them out for sure. Rebeccah, thanks so much. Much again for hanging out with me. Let's do this again. And when you are in the Mohawk Valley, when you do come to Utica, let's, uh, let's get you here in the studio. I think I lost her, but that's okay. We'll see you tomorrow. Later.