A short YouTube interview with life coach Rebeccah Silence about motivating family members to help with chores. Key advice: pay children an age-based allowance plus bonuses for extra tasks and set clear minimum responsibilities; create systems with partners such as weekly check-ins, visible schedules, and solution-focused communication to prevent resentment. The segment includes an anecdote about paying an 8-year-old to set up an art space and closes with a plug for Rebeccah's book and website.
How can you motivate your family to help with the chores with whatever they are inside, outside, whatever?
Well, it's really a team effort. Right. And it is about having everyone feel incentivized to be a part of the team and valued.
Mix with a 2.5. The best mix from the 90s to now. Big pop in the afternoon. It's Mental Wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca. Silence, of course, online. Rebecca, silence, calm. Rebecca, how are you?
I am so well. In Colorado, it is already summer, summertime. We're out of school and summer has begun.
So we're getting close to out of school here in central New York and the weather has finally, has finally changed. I put my snow shovel away. But this actually leads me into this week's topic, chores.
Oh, okay.
If you're a parent, how can you help motivate your kids to help?
Oh, my gosh. And we actually spent the weekend with our 8 year old setting this up in my house. So this is, you know, very timely. And I think the thing about chores.
Before you get to, before it, before you get going, because I know I wind, I wind you up and I let you go not only with the kids, but also significant others. How can you motivate your. Okay, let's, let's do it this way. How can you motivate your family to help with the chores with whatever they are inside, outside, whatever?
Well, it's really a team effort. Right. And it is about having everyone feel incentivized to be a part of the team and valued. And it's funny because actually right before this, my husband was joking about, you know, some husbands just don't do any dishes. And I said, and that would have never been a type of husband I would have married. Right. Like we're in this together. Right. So with your kids and then we'll get into partnership. Do yourself the favor of paying them to be an active participant on the team. Here's why it doesn't work when you get to live here. So I need you to jump when I say jump. They get resentful and they push back and they rebel. And you're wanting to teach them about money and you're wanting to teach them about the value of work and you're wanting them to experience the gift of getting something for their work. Not. Not because we're in this culture of like, everybody wins and everybody should be rewarded and no, they actually can learn about how money works and how work works and they should. Starting with you. So I'm an 8 year old.
Yeah, they Earn.
They earn it, they earn it and then they feel valued and then they want to help and do more. So just for example, our 8 year old, what we do is you get an allowance that's your age per week, and then there's about five things max that are the minimum requirements. And then if you do those minimum requirements on a daily and weekly basis, then you can get paid extra. So I wanted, for example, my daughter to take all of her art supplies and bring them down into our basement because she'll paint in her room, she'll paint all over the kitchen island, the kitchen table, all over the house. I don't want to stifle her creativity, but I want to have a spot in the house that is where art is designated and you don't have to scrub every time. I'm sick of the glitter explosions, right? And literally, like on my arm, get rid of glitter. No glitter. She just put unicorns on me yesterday because glitter is the thing, right? So anyways, I gave her an extra 10 bucks to set up an art space downstairs. She moved carpets around, furniture, we had an art table. And she was so proud of this new space that's hers. And she was so proud that she did this on her own. And she's so excited to create. And that was an extra 10 bucks beyond the 8 bucks of last week. So yesterday we go to the Little Mermaid. Guess who has $18 to spend at Clicks. She's thrilled. Right? So incentivize and teach your kids, and especially if they're little, eight bucks a week, even if they're 15. 15 bucks a week. Help them learn to apprec value of work and money and help them learn money now with your partner. A system that has worked for my clients. And my husband and I do this too. Every week we have a conversation about what needs to get done this week and who's doing what, what bases are getting covered. And it isn't necessarily about delegating the chores, it's about agreeing as a partnership and to all the bases being covered for the week. And that's just a different way of looking at the same thing. But it's so important to have systems and an agreement in place where again, everybody feels like, you know, they know their role and it's not imbalanced. So we have on our refrigerator, who's taking the kid, who's picking the kid up every single day, who's doing karate practice, and then we just talk about who's doing dinners, what nights, who's got the kid, what nights, and Have a loving conversation. Now I'm just going to go here, Mark and I guess what, we have this conversation in our hot tub with coffee on Sundays. And it's lovely. We make it fun and relaxed and it's no pressure. So think about what are the essential bases that need to be covered. Quit keeping score. What I mean by that is you're going to drive a wedge between you and your partner when you're in that. Here's all I've done and here's all you've not done. And now I'm resentful. Just talk. What do you need? Ask for what you need. Ask for what's working, you know, to continue and ask for what's not working, to be different. But here's the key. Don't just tell your partner where they're not measuring up and what you think the problems are. Offer solutions while you offer appreciation. It is game changing. And we don't miss a week. And I invite my clients and the couples I coach don't miss a week of checking in and taking inventory of where we're at and what's needed and set your week up to win. It's.
I literally. I literally thought that you were inviting your clients to into the hot tub with you and your husband every Sunday morning.
No, no, no, no, no, no. But I do invite them to do it their way. Right. Because you miss a week, disconnection happens so fast. Something we don't talk about enough. Right? If you're ever wondering why. We were great. We were on top of the world. We were so close. We were connected. And. And what changed? It's been like 24 hours. And now I feel like you're so far away. You don't want to miss a week of checking in and honoring and valuing and appreciating how your partner does show up. And don't blame them when you haven't asked for what you needed. I see it all the time in my couples coaching. People feel resentful of their partner, but they're not communicating. Communicate, but communicate in a way that's offering solutions, not just the problem.
The book is called Coming Back to Life. It's available wherever you get your books. It is a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca Silence. To learn more about Rebecca and all of the things that she has to offer. A lot of them are free. You just go to rebeccasilence.com Rebecca, as always, thank you so much. We'll talk to you next week.
