Embracing The School Of Hard Knocks For Your Kids: How To Handle Understanding Your Teenager!

All right.

Live and local, It's Big Papa in the morning on a Mental Wellness Wednesday with life coach REBECCA Silence. Rebecca. Silence.com. rebecca, good morning. How are you?

Hello. And happy Mental Wellness Wednesday. Let's go.

All right, we're going to talk about something that. It's been going on a lot here and it's been going on a lot nationwide since school started going back into session.

And.

And this is social media. Kids on social media making cryptic threats to schools like, there's going to be violence, but there's nothing behind it. And it's all the resources that from. From local. I'm just talking locally. It seems like every day there's a mass text or a press release going out that it's been reported that there was a threat to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was on blah, blah. And. And this one we found was unfounded. And. But they have to treat every single one like it's the real thing. And kids, I are just doing it because they think it's funny for the attention, but it's causing the local municipalities and the local first responders and, and whatnot. And, and all the schools to really, like, button down. It's some scary, scary stuff. And it's not just happening here. It's happening all across the country. Mm.

Yeah. It is a very interesting time. And it's. It's even more than on social media, right? Like how kids text each other, how kids have multiple Instagram and Snapchat accounts that so often parents don't even know.

I think that's a good point because people may not even realize that, oh.

Parents, I guarantee your kid has counts you don't know about. Guarantee it. I've been around 20 years working with families and their kids, and I mean, there's just so many layers to this. So tell me, Gary, if we could do anything with this conversation, what are you hoping for? Because there's so many places I can go.

Let's take it from the parent point of view as far as trying to communicate with your child just how serious something like this is if they are the one that is doing it or how serious it is if they know someone who has done it. And just, you know, the ramifications that are possible because of this stuff, because a lot of times they're. A lot of times the kids, you know, kids are invincible in their head. You know what I'm saying? They're bulletproof. And then all of a sudden it's like, well, I was just joking. I was just joking. But it's so not bad anymore, right?

I mean, I think for parents, knowing, number one, that your children's choices are not a reflection of your parenting is where we need to start. Because so often we make it personal. If my kid is making a choice that is going against every single thing I've ever taught them, every single thing our family values, how do I not make it about me? The answer is, you just don't make it about you. There's no easy way to not make it about you. It really is a decision. But understand your kids are, especially if they're in middle school, high school, they're not caring at all about fitting in at home. And all they value is belonging in their peer group. So so much of this is stemming from, and I always say it isn't what the behavior, it's why the behavior underneath it. So there is, as cheesy as it might sound, this element of crying out for love and needing to belong in the peer group. And so often your kid will do anything to belong. And what you need to know is this isn't about you. This isn't a reflection of your parenting. And the more you nurture conn connection and are a safe space for your children to come to you, the better. Just last night, my 9 year old came to me with something she saw at school. It's so interesting to me that now this is what we're talking about today. And she was scared and she was crying and she was like, I need your help. That's ultimately where we want your kids to be, with you as a parent, knowing it's safe to come to you and my child right now that we're talking about is 9 a little easier than when they're 19, 12, 11, 14. But, you know, I'm letting her know there's nothing we can't figure out together. And it's always the right thing to do to come to me. And we had a really hard phone call to make together and we dealt.

With the situation and we are just scratching the surface. So this conversation is going to continue online right now@mixonet5.com on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca Silence. Rebecca Silence.com For a ton of information. All right, Rebecca, go ahead.

So the next two things I want to talk about is what if it is your kid and what if it isn't? But now you found out and your kid has a friend. So if it is your kid, what you want to do is not make them wrong or come across as shaming. And it's very Delicate.

That's a. That's a really hard thing because emotions are going to be high.

Emotions are going to be high and it's scary. And again, for parents and for the kids, absolutely. But I do think back to how we started the segment. Your point about the kid is feeling invincible and bulletproof. And they're really. We have to understand our kids didn't grow up in the 80s and the 90s and in a time in history where there wasn't social media. Right. Like, we're really the last generation to have experienced no social media. Right. So our kids don't have the context that we do about the severity for so many reasons. Because in schools and in their generation, there's a lot of smack talking and there's a lot of, you know, just words that don't mean anything. And there is a lot of confidence behind a screen that has no ramifications unless we're caught. So you making them wrong and you shaming them isn't going to change the behavior or break this habit and pattern that has started because that's really what it is. And they really are right to say something to you like, well, everybody's doing it, right. It is not that everybody's threatening their school, but everybody is a little shady behind this.

Well, why not? Why now? What's it going to hurt?

You know, only if we get caught is it a problem, from my understanding. Is Gen Z's MO Just take that in for a second. It's only a problem if we get caught, right? So you're wanting to help your kid understand they're part of a ripple of spreading fear and doing harm, or they're part of a ripple of being the solution and making things better. But no matter what, you don't love them less, you don't support them less, you don't believe in them less. But let's look at the type of person we wanna be and the type of impact we wanna have. That's really the conversation. And if your kid is just rolling their eyes, whatever, Mom. No, really, your life is going to be harder because of the choices you make or easier because of the choices you make. And now is a moment where you get to be behind the wheel of your own life and decide, am I here for the hard path or the easy path? Because let me tell you what, I'm here for you, Matt, no matter what. But your choices now are about how the world treats you, not about what I think of you. I will be there no matter what, in your corner. The world isn't going to care about being easy on you if you've made a choice that does harm. Period. End of story. So let's look at this, let's look at who you want to be and let's look at how we want to res that and regroup and move forward from here. Now, if it's your kid's friend, it's a conversation about who are we hanging out with and why. And I don't care that everybody else is doing it. I care about you having friends that make you better. I can't tell you how many times with my kids I've sat down with them and their friends and encourage them to have friendships that are built on making each other better. Not giving each other permission to slack off, make self harming choices or be part of a ripple that does harm and damage. But the bottom, bottom line is you can't choose for your kids. And scare tactics and shame tactics only continue to make them write about the choices they make. And this is why I'm saying that when you're shaming them and scaring them now you're the jerk and they don't have to think about the choices they made now.

Now as you say that the quote unquote scare tactic. But if you're honest about the consequences of actions, is that considered a scare tactic?

No. If you're neutral like I am right now, like this, grounded and neutral. And here's the deal. I'm here for you. The world is not going to be here for you in the same way. And there are consequences for your choices.

And you, it's how you, it's how you, it's how you, it's how you communicate the, the, the information, it's the energy behind it.

And you know, you neutral and you grounded, just talking facts. I'm here. These consequences are inevitable and eventually the truth comes out and eventually the truth comes to light and eventually you will get caught. And as long as you and I have had that conversation, I'm here for you no matter what. That is very healthy parenting. And then, you know, I think the last most important thing to say about this is maybe your kid wants Hard Knocks University, let him have it. That's okay.

That's a tough little swallow as a parent.

It really is. And believe me, I got a 19 year old and a 23 year old struggling to find their way in terms of being adults in the world. And sometimes they're signing up for the school of hard knocks. And the best thing I can do is make sure they know I'M here whenever you're ready, I'm here no matter what. And there are real consequences. Another way to say it is there's cause, there's effect. And the effects that you experience are directly correlated to the choices you made at cause. And you get to choose and I'll be here no matter what. And maybe you're not going to get a car if these choices continue. And maybe you're not going to get as much freedom from me if these choices continue. But more importantly, I want you to see how the world works and I want you to know I love you no matter what. And it's all about you deciding what type of person you want to be and what type of impact you want to make. And then back to what I said earlier in the first part of the segment. You know, you can and should get as involved as you can in paying attention to what's going on with your kids. Social media, especially in 2024, and they have burner phones and they have fake accounts and everybody does it. And you want to be the parent that they feel safe with, but you also want to be the parent that's as educated as possible.

Absolutely. It's a mental wellness Wednesday Life coach Rebecca Silence. A ton of incredible information is available online@rebeccasilence.com thank you so much for the time. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye, everyone.