Episode 49 - Unleashing Your Authentic Sales Identity with Rebeccah Silence

Well, let's just dive right into it. I want to hear your craziest sales story, Rebeccah Silence.

My craziest sales story was walking into a top 40 radio station with this much media experience and really this much sales experience and pitching, I should have airtime, not advertisements, airtime on your station as a life coach in a community that had never even heard of a life coach yet. I'm kind of a dinosaur in the industry. I was a trained therapist that then went coach because I like to break rules and make my own rules and not be confined. So it was one of those stages of life where I had a lot of uninformed optimism and nothing to lose. And I put myself out there, and long story short, I landed a radio show that 14 years later I'm still on the air. And I let them know, I'm gonna get you to number one. And the owner said, we need to boost our female demographic. I don't think you're going to get us to number one, but I like you, I like your energy, I like your name, and let's just have some fun together and see what we can do. But that was a gutsy move. My husband, out of love and protection, was like, honey, you're gonna do what? Like, we're not gonna have a private pay private practice take off in this community. And the radio? Like, you don't even have any experience, babe. And it wasn't that he was trying to be unsupportive, but he just hadn't ever been able to see anything like that as a possibility in that community. But I think that's one of the things, as you're calling in your own damn leads, everyone out there, to really own Your vision, it was given to you, and you're the one, the only one, that can actualize it. And without selling it, you can't actualize it. And if you can't sell yourself on the vision even when no one else can see it, how are you going to sell it?

Oh, and you know, that's one of the things that I love about early on in the sales industry. When you're first getting started, you don't know what you don't know. You're literally going out there with just made-up con— like, if there was any time to fake it till you make it, and I absolutely despise the saying of being fake, but if you had to put on a face and just go out and get after it, early on in the sales career is it, because you don't have the answer to every question. You don't know everything there is to know about your product or service, and you certainly haven't had enough experience to be able to solve the problem that every person you're talking to has. What I love about it though, is blind faith and optimism. Just having that belief and that, that trust in yourself to say, you know what, whatever happens, whatever goes on, we are going to figure it out. And I love that you, you leaned in on the rule breaker mentality of, hey, I'm classically trained, I have the skills, all the people that say these are the skills you need to have have agreed I have those skills. And also, I think maybe those skills aren't the end-all be-all. Maybe there are other ways to approach this process. And so on your journey, 14 years, private practice, radio shows. Hey, what's going on everybody? Welcome back to Call the Damn Leads, the show by sales professionals for sales professionals. I'm your host, Drew B. Wilson, with more than 2 decades in sales. I've seen it. Been through it, heard about it. Now I'm bringing it to you, my favorite people in the world, the sales community. Because let's just be honest, this is the greatest job on the planet. Doesn't matter what personality, what background, where you come from, what you've been through, you can cut out an amazing life in sales. And today's guest, someone I'm very excited about, we connected before the call and I know she's got some crazy stories. So help me welcome Rebeccah Silence.

Hello, Drew B., and everyone out there in sales giving your heart every day in service to humanity. I thank you for putting yourselves out there and making a difference, and I'm honored to be here.

I can only imagine the number of conversations you've been able to have. What would you say has become kind of your sales superpower? What's the thing you do different than everybody else in this game?

Well, you know, one of the things that I will share is I've helped over 150 women start and crush their own companies. I'm really an entrepreneur. My book club even jokes, Rebeccah Silence is going to make us all an entrepreneur by the time, you know, we're, we're done here, however many years that's going to take, you know. But it's all about differentiation. And I really want to go back to what you just said about faking it till you make it, because a kinder, gentler way of saying that is you're gonna have to choose an identity that isn't comfortable, that isn't the you, you know, and recognize and give your nervous system the chance to catch up. But the deal is we don't wake up one day and know who we are, right? And I am working with clients day in and day out on how are you leading and how are you serving in a way that's authentic to you that isn't comfortable yet? What is your unique model and message? So many of us don't have our own proprietary process. That has us trying to sell in a way where we're a sheep. I want us the black sheep, right? I want us, you know, more and more and more volume turned up all the way on the truth of who you are. So I'm working with clients and creating an identity that is aligned and authentic to them, even if their nervous system isn't confident or comfortable yet. And the deal is we're never not selling, even in our personal relationships. We are selling possibility and our worldview and our values and what's most important to us. And we do not focus enough in business or personally, in my humble opinion, on making sure our wants and our needs and our feelings are part of the conversation and validated and expressed and most importantly, met. So I'm a lifestyle entrepreneur that supports lifestyle entrepreneurs, and for so many years in my career in business, I was held hostage by the business. I wasn't a lifestyle entrepreneur, I was an entrepreneur hustling and scrambling and trying to build my life around a business. And then I'm a cancer survivor, that's part of my story, and I wrote a book about it, which is another wild sales conversation, getting a major publishing deal, you know, as a white middle-aged woman in this time in history is really hard to do. So, you know, I write more about my story here, but cancer changed everything for me in terms of prioritizing. Mm-mm. I am only interested, my life on my terms. That's it. And that has to include my business on my terms. And that meant I let go of being Vanilla Ice, "If you've got a problem, yo, I'll solve it." And I targeted much differently what I sell, who I sell to, and how I work and when I work. And for everyone listening, let's channel your inner Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman, so that when it comes to sales, you say who, you say when, you say how much, it's on your terms. But really it's about differentiating yourself. And this is one of the things that I do best. Thank you, God. I pull a model and a method out of people so that they can be excited about their proprietary process and intellectual property and then build their entrepreneurial journey around the lifestyle.

Ooh, there's a lot of things to unpack here, Rebeccah Silence. So I've been taking notes. I don't mean to be like, I'm not looking away, checking my phone. I'm like, oh, this is so many gems in here because Hey, you know, I hear you're talking about we're never not selling. And that is so true because from the moment we're born, we are selling everyone around us on something, taking action, providing us a service, doing a thing, right? When we're babies, we scream, we cry because we want something. We want food, we want held, we want sleep, we want— we don't know what we want yet exactly. That's why we're babies. And so I would be really curious though, because you also mentioned that identity shift, that change, and I love the perspective of it's not fake it till you make it. It's, hey, you're going to have to be someone who you're not necessarily yet, and you're going to have to get uncomfortable with it. And I really think that's super powerful. And as someone who's trained classically in this field, one of the mentors I worked with along the way, I'll never forget, I had gone through a pretty massive level up in my life, had been making more money for a little while, had like experienced all the things. And I kind of went through this weird, I don't know, season of depression, I guess is the best way to put it. And he was telling me, he said, well, hey, Drewbie, here's what you got to understand, that essentially your identity is dead and you are in a period of mourning where, you know, at first most people deny it. It's like, oh, that's just not real. I just don't believe it. And then they start having to accept that change. And the reality is that that person is no longer with us anymore. There are parts and pieces that still exist mentally, spiritually, physically. And yet, we have to go through that mourning in order to reach the next phase of the cycle of the human brain, to be able to accept and say, yeah, I'm not that person anymore. I am now this person who has these core values and these things that are important. How true do you think that is?

Well, I, I love this direction we're taking the conversation in because the way I teach it is we all have a survival personality. We all created who we need to be to survive. And if you don't think that that applies to business and sales, I'm going to tell you what. Let me be the only person that ever told you your survival personality is a ceiling in your sales, period. And what I say is when you start to let go of your survival self, it will feel like you're dying, but you're not. You're in an opportunity to be reborn. You're not dying. And I think that's the mourning. It really is a grieving. Right? Because this— you tried so hard. And really, here's how to know the difference between survival and alignment. And by the way, if you can survive survival, which you all can, you can also survive alignment. The reason we default to survival is because we literally know we can survive it. It's comfortable. It's comforting more than we give ourselves permission to admit. But the deal is this. You wake up one day and you know something's got to change. I'm not satisfied. I'm not fulfilled. I'm not the me that's fun and flirty and enjoying in a way I know I could. And you can have that fun, flirty, enjoyable experience of you at work and you'll sell better the more you're you, right? But I love this because we have to decide who the version of us beyond survival is going to be. I'll share a quick— my experience, and then I'll share a quick client story, because this is everything if you want to be fulfilled and making your most healed impact in the world. So you're going to wake up one day and know who you're not, and then you're going to have to decide who you want to be. And I think that is terrifying for so many people because we know what we want for everybody else. We know what we don't want, but it is the hardest question when I ask somebody, "What do you want?" for them to answer. We're so programmed to be codependent, even in business, right? Let's give ourselves away in the name of the sale. Let's be who they need us to be. But survival is you fitting in, and it's going to have you wanting to crawl out of your skin at some point if you're not already. Alignment is a life that fits in with you because you designed it. Because again, you're not going to wake up one day and know who in the actual hell you are. You're going to wake up one day and go, what am I doing? So how do you decide what you want and who you are? You can make a list of everything you know you're not, what you don't want anymore, and guess what the opposite is. Or you can write down what you want for the people closest to you and just admit that's what you want for you. And then for me, you know, Rebeccah Silence, I was in a domestic violence marriage, my first marriage. And trauma is interesting because it's not enough to understand it. I had a master's degree in counseling, 4.0 GPA, but I recreated my childhood. I grew up in domestic violence, knew better, learned a lot, and then found myself in a domestic violence marriage anyway, married to a guy with the last name of Silence. And what was so ironic and interesting about that is at the time I was real committed to silence. My second husband jokes, I can't even imagine that, Rebeccah, because now you can't shut me up, right? To save your life. You could try, but I'm not really interested in being quiet. I want all of us breaking the silence, especially when it comes to sales, right? The fullest expression of who we are coming out. So I decided Rebeccah Silence was going to find her voice. I couldn't do it for me yet. I had a daughter that was 2, and I wasn't going to have her growing up like me. So I designed, this is going to be me, the first woman in my family to ever financially support her family. This is going to be me, the first woman in my family to ever stand on her own two feet. And I had to work 3 jobs and scrape my way up and go bankrupt and get divorced, battered and bruised, literally. And I became Rebeccah Silence. And then there was no turning back. And I kept the last name because I love of who I became. And then I have a client who is a financial advisor and crushing it financially, doing great, everything on paper beautiful, but she was really unfulfilled and literally described her husband as a coaster. I just move him around and I just go to work and I come home and he's there and the kids are here and I'm really unfulfilled. And within a year of working with me She designed herself and realized, I have this inner athlete that I've been neglecting. I'm actually really into woo-woo and fun, and I like the finances. But we talked her company and her husband and her kids into a month abroad in Spain. She was like, I don't want to leave anybody. I don't want to quit my job. I don't want to leave my husband. I don't want to leave my kids, but I want me again. And talk about having to sell. We had to enroll everybody. And this woman did a month abroad in Spain, and now she's just Anne in Spain everywhere she goes.

I mean, you know, the beautiful thing about life is that when you make the decision to accept nothing except what you want, oftentimes that's what you get. The problem is people settle. They are just okay with being okay. And they, they, they are just comfortable. And, you know, the thing about comfort is it will strangle you. You don't understand this necessarily because you don't— haven't been through that deep of a trauma experience yet. Not that I want anyone to have to go through that, but the only way to truly grow is to experience a little pain, to get uncomfortable, to go through that transition, to have that grieving period and know like, yeah, it sucks. But it was also— there's great times to be taken from that and lessons to be learned and extracted. And one of the things that I think is so interesting about sales and especially this conversation and going into it is I've done a lot of studying of psychology. I'm not classically trained, but I've done like neurolinguistic programming and kind of working on the psychological mind. Why do humans do the things they do? How do they operate that way? Why do they operate that way? And what I've learned, and you kind of alluded to this, is our unconscious mind, our inner thoughts, beliefs, whatever we want to attribute it to, it will continue to project out the things that we need to learn in the most obvious of ways. So for you, having grown up in a trauma situation, you needed to learn from it. You admitted, I didn't learn from that, so I basically redid it in a much worse, more intense way so that I could get the lessons and the learnings in order to make sure that— for me— for you, I should say, was you realize you didn't want your daughter to have the same experience you did. or your, your child. So it was like, okay, I don't want this to be the situation. So how do I make sure that they don't have to have the same lessons and learning? And so from a sales perspective, this is something I want people to realize. If you're having similar conversations and it's the same objections that are coming up over and over and over, what is the lesson that you need to learn? Where in it, that conversation, when your approach, the, the beliefs that you have How do you change that identity so that it's no longer a limiting belief? How do you step into that?

Yeah.

So Rebeccah Silence, this is the thing I know you really like lean in and focus on and helping people with. And for the sake of time, we can probably chat all day and nerd out about this because you and I are vibing and like we're on the same page with it.

Yeah.

That said, I want to be courteous. You know, your time is valuable. If you could give someone who's been going through a season where they feel like they're on the hamster wheel or they keep kind of having the same objection or roadblock block in their life. What little piece of advice might you give them on how to kind of like take that first step?

Okay, so 3 things. Number 1, I am going to lovingly challenge this idea that you have to have pain to learn a lesson. What I know is there is purpose that comes out of any pain you've been through. But what I also know is you don't need a breakdown to break through. You do not. You have been through enough. Anybody else will tell you you need a breakdown to breakthrough. I'm going to say you could just decide right now, enough with the hamster wheel. And here's what I think you need to actually get off the hamster wheel. I want you at the place in sales where you get— you are never losing anything. You will always be the one that got away if you didn't close the sale, because they're missing out is the energy I want you in. I want you so about what you're selling and your mission that it's their loss if they say no, not yours. And you are just on to the next aligned right prospect. I think we take it way too personally in business and we make it about ourselves way too much. And we're addicted to this breakdown to breakthrough cycle. That's just bullshit in my opinion. So I think it's about you getting so madly freaking in love with who you are and what you're selling and knowing you're the catch. And if they walk, it's their loss. But the deal is you have to know you showed up. Did they feel your heart? Did you value them enough to really identify and understand how your work can change their life and communicate that? Were you needy for the sale more than you were about service? These are the things you can really address because it's about caring so much about this person. I treat every communication like I might but never hear from the person again. Because there are times you don't know that it's going to be your last time with somebody. Even a valued client, you know, all of a sudden can drop off the face of the earth or literally pass. So I treat every interaction like it's the last one and like this person is the most important person. And I find out what they want and I am very clear about what I offer so I can know if this is really what you want. Here you go. And from there, if they walk, I'll say, and you can do whatever you want. I'm here to support and encourage your free will and agency. And if you feel like it's a fit, great. I am here for you and I can guarantee these outcomes. And if you're not, I bless you into your future. And then the last thing I'll say is I just try to make sure no matter what, I've offered at least one next step for the person, whether it's me or not. You know, I care about you. I care about what you want. I'm making it clear that I listened and I'm validating you and I'm validating what's important to you. Now, whether it's me or not, let's commit to, by the end of this conversation, one right next step for you that does feel aligned. Let's get you moving forward. Hmm.

Rebeccah Silence, you dropped some gems today. And again, I know we could probably do this all day long, and, and we would find so many more amazing little nuggets and things that we could share, but you've absolutely blessed us with some, some, some good stuff today. I personally have a whole page of notes. I know anyone who is paying attention should also have some notes unless you were driving, then come back and make notes later. But you know how this goes. That said, what would be the logical next step if they like what they heard? They think you have a cool vibe. They want to know more about dialing themselves in and stepping into this new identity. What's the best way for them to find you?

Oh my gosh. Yes. Anything I can do to support your leadership, your business, your model, your method, reach out. You can check me out at rebeccahsilence.com. You can get my book Coming Back to Life, which is exceptional for leaders to next level your leadership. And you can also download at rebeccahsilence.com my free masterclass, The 3 Must-Know Secrets to Heal and Save Your Family, which is really the 3 must-know secrets to be fully expressed and free and an extraordinary leader. And you can also check me out at Rebeccah Silence. Rebeccah has an H, R-E-B-E-C-C-A-H, on YouTube, on all the social media channels. And if you listen today. Shoot me a DM, shoot me a DM and let me know your biggest takeaway. I'd love to get to know you. I'd love to serve you. But above all else, check me out at rebeccahsilence.com and get that masterclass.

I love that. And one of the things that I know is that if you get the things dialed in from a family perspective and things are good there, you're going to feel way more confident when you show up on your sales calls because you're not going to be thinking about all the things you got going on at home because you're in the right frame of mind. And that extra added level of confidence makes a world of difference when you're going to deliver. So I would be remiss if I did not tell you how important it is to go check that out, go through all the free goods, and then have a conversation. Send her a DM, give her the biggest takeaway, because if you enjoyed our time here together, it stands to reason there's only more amazing things to come. Spending a little more time investing and learning, because the investment in yourself is one that can't be taxed and can't be taken away. So do a little more of that. Check out Rebecca's stuff. Thank you so much again for your time today, Rebecca. Cannot tell you how much we appreciate it, how grateful we are. And for those of you that were listening, if you have a great story, you want to come on, you want to share your mission, help us help more people because, you know, that's what we're all about. Head over to CallTheDamnLeads.com/podcast. Send us your info. Share this episode. Tag us @CallTheDamnLeads, @RebeccahSilence. Rebeccah Silence with an H. I'll make sure all that's in the show notes so you guys can see it. But send us a DM. Let us know you got something out of this because that's what we're here for, because we want to help people. So Rebeccah, thank you so much again. I truly appreciate it.

My pleasure, Drew B. And don't be afraid to call the damn leads.

That's right. We'll see you guys on the next one. You heard it. Call the damn leads. Later, y'all.