Financial Disaster And What To Do About It

Live and local. It's big Papa in the morning mix photo 2.5. And it's a mental wellness Wednesday with life Coach Rebecca Silence. RebeccaSilence.com how are you this morning?

I am so grateful to be here. We are just on the verge of spring. New beginnings. I love that.

So yesterday I was. I told the story how I got home and my water was turned off. And it had. It had nothing to do with financial, but it was, you know, somebody had to come and check some sort of gauge and, you know, the time had run out for them to do it. So that automatically just shut it off there. It's up now. Everything's good now. But I was talking about how the different things that, like, can really just drain on a person. And I started.

I.

And I started lifting, listing off mine. I was like, all right, let's see. The. The water got turned off. Okay. Power got turned off. Having to run an extension cord downstairs to keep the refrigerator cold. All right. Car repossessed. Okay, I got, I got that one done, too. And just like, like all that stuff. And I know that there are people out there that are going paycheck to paycheck, and I know there are people that are out there that are doing multiple jobs. And no, it seems like no matter what they do, they're barely treading water. They're barely keeping their head above water. So what I would like to ask you about is for the people that seem to be just going crazy and working hard and they just can't seem to get ahead financially, what can we say to those people to kind of help them?

Oh, this is such an important topic. And anyone out there struggling, I've been there. I've been bankrupt. My house got foreclosed on. I had to surrender a vehicle. And, you know, it is not easy when you're in the moment to recognize that it won't last forever. But what I promise you is it won't. And a big thing I say a lot is I don't believe life is happening for us. A lot of personal growth experts talk about it's happening for you. I'm going to be the coach that says, no, it isn't. Is not happening for you. It's just happening. So in the moments that are the most difficult, those are the moments we have an opportunity to rise into a version of ourselves we haven't even met yet. So what I want us very hyper focused on in this conversation is one step at a time. This isn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't even believe we're being tested. It's just life is happening and, and all you need to figure out is your next step from the best of you in the direction of forward momentum versus in the direction of survival and shutting down.

We can't before, before you go on. That was, that was, that was a lot.

Yeah.

So what you say, you're saying, what is the next step for you to go in the right direction? What's the difference between right direction and surviving?

Yeah, that's what I'm wanting to unpack now because we can't avoid pain and pursue pleasure at the same time. And when I'm using the word pleasure, what I'm, what I'm talking about is forward momentum. We are human beings, we are emotional creatures. We are here to enjoy our lives, in my opinion. And if you want to be someone who enjoys life, then we have to be aware of are we in a step that's going towards pleasure or towards avoiding pain? You can't avoid and create at the same time. So when I'm talking about what's your next step, what just brings you one itty bitty step closer to the direction you want to go? So backing up a little bit more, we know very clearly what the problems are. Right? So we have to identify the problem. But let's not get focused on solving the problem. Let's get focused on what we're creating from here. I'm a cancer survivor. Many of you know that, maybe you don't, but I wasn't. When I was sick, needing the cancer to go away, I was focused on, I am committed to life. I am committed to being fully alive, especially now. So I had this little north south star that I would focus on. If I'm committed to being fully alive, what's one step closer to me being fully alive right now? And it's, it's funny because last night my 9 year old and I were watching the movie Home and the first and only other time I had watched that movie, I was dying in bed with my older daughter who was nine at the time. So now I'm with this nine year old. The first time I watched it, I was sick and dying in bed with my oldest who was nine at the time. And what a full story circle moment. But the day I watched Home with my kid, that was the one thing like, what's your next step? You're going to watch this new movie your kid is dying to watch in bed with you. And we laughed. I hadn't laughed in nine months. I was so sick. Find the one thing, and it's not about being positive or making the best of a bad moment. And it's not trying to figure out how this is happening for you. It's just one thing that brings you more alive, more in the direction of enjoyment. And maybe that's even a better word than pleasure, enjoyment. Because sometimes we seek pleasure in an effort to avoid pain and numb out. I want us enjoying and fully alive and knowing above all else, you have what it takes to figure out the situation you're in. And I guarantee you have been in a position where you had to talk yourself out of a paper bag and you made it and you didn't know how, but you did in your past. You're going to figure this out. But it's baby steps. It's one step at a time. You enjoying life, you fully alive, you recognizing how capable you are. And then, Gary, the last, most important piece here is please ask for help.

Right?

Don't try to do it alone. You know, so many people have been there in their own way. We think when we're struggling, nobody else has been there or nobody else would understand or that if we tell people it's going to bring them down. None of it's true. We have all been through hell and we all, as human beings face expected challenges and unexpected challenges. And you do not have to do it alone. Talk to people, Let them know, here's where I need help, here's what I'm struggling with. That is one step that will change your life. You don't need to reinvent the wheel. Talk to people who have been there. Talk to people that have resources. You don't have to figure it out alone. And you're not alone.

Can I real quick just, you know, because I talked a lot about finance when, when we set up. So I'm just looking for maybe a couple examples of the small steps that someone can take if they feel like they're drowning. Even though they're working two jobs and even though they're doing all the things, they just can't seem to get ahead. Can you give an example of like one or two small little steps like we were talking about?

Yeah. Thank you for bringing it back to the finances piece because I have been there where I didn't open up the bills for six months because I had an anxiety attack just knowing piling up as I'm going bankrupt. I mean, I've been there. So, you know, finances related to self worth, first of all. But the real strategy is write it down. Look at it. You got to face it if you're going to move through and conquer. So step one is you have to get your bearings. You have to know what's real. Sometimes it's not as bad as you think. Sometimes you have to face it. And all right, this is a doozy. But the facing it part, it builds that momentum in a forward direction. So you've got to face it. And then please make a piece of paper, line down the middle two columns and list out what am I doing financially that's working and what am I doing that is keeping me in a holding pattern or not working very well. There are some things you're doing that are working there, some things you're doing that aren't. And then find a financial advisor. I'm not a financial expert or coach, even though I've learned a lot over the years. There's the a third, a third, a third strategy, right? You save a third of what you.

Vegetables, protein and dessert, right.

Or save a third of what you make, invest or no, I think your expenses are a third, save a third, spend a third. That's what it is. Different from what, right, your expenses should a third of what you make, save a third, spend a third. You know, I mean you can even just look at that. But facing it, getting honest about what's working and what's not and then figuring out where you need help and actually seeking it out is huge. And I, you know, upstate New York, I live in Boulder, Colorado now, but I don't know a more beautiful community across the globe that is there for the people that live there, loving and supporting the people that live there. There are so many programs in the Utica area. I know if you're a women owned business through suny, there's all kinds of programs. Thank you. Bayter is amazing, but you can just Google Utica, New York financial resources. I don't know what they are right now. I haven't lived there in several years, but I know they exist. There is not a better community to rally around you and hold you and support you as you get back on your feet. And I have lived in multiple states and I have never seen anything like what Utica offers. You have the ability to make money, you have the ability to pivot, you have the ability to be someone that creates more money than anyone ever has in your entire family system. I'm the first woman in my whole lineage that owned her own business and was able to support my own family on my own. I never seen that before. So don't limit yourself based on your current situation or what you've seen before. All right, get real. Write it down.

Get help to Mental Wellness Wednesday. For more information about Rebecca and details on the book and everything she has to offer, go to rebeccasilence. Com. Mental Wellness Wednesday. Rebecca, Great stuff as always. We'll talk to you next week.

Love you all. Thank you so much.