Rebeccah Silence shares how to handle kids' testing anxiety. When your child melts down about standardized tests, ask what they need, validate their fears, and teach grounding techniques like touch anchors. Make testing week pleasant with yoga and small treats.
Questions this video answers
Seneca; 10 years old; fourth grade.
Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain to Create the Life You Want.
rebeccasilence.com (offers a free masterclass, "the three must know secrets to heal and save your family").
Foreign. We're live and local. Big papa in the morning. Next photo 2.5. It is a mental wellness Wednesday with the unsilent woman herself, Rebecca. Silence. Theunsilentwoman.com and of course, rebeccasilence.com Rebecca, good morning. How are you?
Good morning. I love you all. I'm so excited to change all of your lives. Let's go.
One of the things that is really challenging and it's almost taboo to say is parenting. There's, you know, there's quote unquote, there's no book, but there's books. But no, everyone's afraid that they're doing, like, parenting wrong. What I'd like to do today is bring up, like, standardized testing. Like, every, like, at the end of every year. There's end of the year test finals and state tests, and sometimes there's like, state tests in the middle of the year and whatnot. Can we talk about setting our children up for success for the big test or academically, as far as that stuff goes?
I love this. Do you know my daughter is literally in standardized testing week this week? And this is my life right now. Did you already know that?
Yeah, that's actually why we're talking about it.
Okay, cool. So, yes, and we're going to get into the standardized testing. But let me just tell you, there is a freaking book on parenting because I wrote it, and it's called coming back to life. A roadmap to heal from pain, to create the life you want and what we need. My mission above all else. I have been helping people heal since 2002. I want our kids to have healed parents. So the best parenting you can do is heal your past, heal your heartbreak, shed your survival self, and step into being happy. That and free. With that being said, the standardized testing, I mean, I've literally been living this because my daughter is feeling the pressure, right. Like all of your children of the testing. And it feels like a measure of, for my daughter anyway, her value and her worth and her. Okay ness. Right. And my daughter so struggles with writing and with spelling and with typing. She's brilliant, but it's really hard for her to get her brilliance.
Some people on the papers and some people aren't well.
Right? And the same with learning, right? Some people are like, I'm a natural born learner. Right? I have a master's degree. I am learning with the best in the world every single day of my life. I love it. It's natural. It's easy. That's not true for everyone. And so know your children's. Strengths and weaknesses when it comes to learning and when it comes to expressing themselves and help them know that. Right. Like, as much as you can ahead of time. But I'll just tell you some of the fun ways that we are setting my 10 year old, who's in fourth grade, her name is Seneca, up to win number one. We talk about the fears. So I'm not trying to, like, rush her past the fears and the insecurities and the pressure we spent. I just got back from Austin, Texas, with the ultra mastermind that I do working with Brendon Burchard. And the night before I left, Seneca wanted to talk about how terrified she is because I'm gonna come home Sunday night and then she has to take the test Monday. And I need your help, mommy, because this is really stressful and this is really scary and I don't feel ready. So. So she literally asked me for time the night before I left to start talking through this, which I was so grateful for. So we just went there, like, how is it feeling? Where is it heavy? What are your biggest fears? And I'm not trying to correct it and I'm not trying to rush her through it. I can't emphasize how important it is that your kids know you can handle their fear.
Well, that's a, that's a huge thing. I. Is the fact that you ask those questions a lot. You have a great relationship with Seneca, so you guys can have that open communication. The thing with, with most people is they don't necessarily have as open a communication. Not that they don't want to. They just don't necessarily know how to.
Yeah.
So. And a lot of times what will happen is, oh, you'll be fine, and then just kind of brush it off rather than literally just ask those questions that you asked. How are you feeling? What do you, you know, how can I help? What do you, you know, what are your fears? Having those conversations as opposed to, oh, you'll be fine.
Absolutely. And then this is the biggest question. But you can't start here. Right. And let me just say, you can turn this around so quick if you feel like, okay, because of my history, I couldn't just sit my kid down tonight. Bs. That's a bunch of baloney. And I'm not a fan of baloney. You can definitely just start. And that's for all of us in any area of our life. It's a decision. You have to decide to decide that the way you've been doing it isn't good enough and step it up. And it's incremental. It's baby steps. You're not going to get from A to Z. You're not going to get from New York to California tonight. But just knowing you can turn things around and it's your leadership that's required, your kid can't lead your relationship with you.
Give us a good, give us a good step one.
Okay, so once you've talked about the fears and you know, I mean, I'm.
Talking before that I'm talking.
I literally just told you, I literally just told you. It's decide to decide to have a better relationship with your kid where you're the one leading. That's step one. So many of you are at the effect of your children, at the effect of their behavior, at the effect of whether or not you think they like you, at the effect of their emotions. You've got to just decide to decide to take control not over them, but over the relationship because you showed up. It's simple. It's a decision. And then you start by talking about their fears. And then you ask this big question, what do you need? And then you listen. So many of you are telling your kids what they need. You're talking for them. And with my 20 year old, I am guilty of this all day. There were many, many years where I was trying to talk for her, you know, and the 10 year old gets a mid-40s Rebecca silence. Not a 23 year old that doesn't know what in the actual hell she's doing in the beginning. Right? So it's different now. Let your best be enough. But this question, what do you need? And then you shut up and you listen and they do know. Just like you know what you need and what my daughter asked for. And I'm going to tell you what to do if they don't know what they need. But my daughter was like, I don't know what to do in the moment when my feelings are so big and my thoughts are so big that I don't think I can handle it. That's literally direct quote from Seneca. And my kid has a lot of emotional intelligence. We talk about this all the time. But I was so proud of her. And then you validate them, okay, so you ask them what they need and, and then you validate. I get it. We all have big thoughts and emotions that feel like too much and big feelings that feel like too much and that feel like we can't handle it. And I said to Seneca, most people just aren't honest about it. You're being honest about it and I'm so proud of you. So I told her, which I'm going to say to all of you and tell your kids this. Nothing is wrong with you and you are more powerful than any thought, any situation, any feeling and any emotion. So what we're going to do is we're going to give you three techniques so you can stay in your body and you can hear yourself and you can trust yourself. Because the most important thing you can do during a test or any hard moment is stay in your body, listen to yourself and trust yourself and be the safe space for yourself you need.
It is a Mental Wellness Wednesday Life Coach Rebecca Silence the unsilent woman.com rebeccasilence.com Go over the book again. Where can people find it and what's the name?
Yes. So the book is coming back to life, A Roadmap to Heal from pain to Create the Life youe Want. You can also go to rebeccasilence.com and get my free gift, the masterclass the three must know secrets to heal and save your family. But let me give you this one last quick piece because it's really important. What I had Seneca do was find a place on her body that she could touch. For her, it was her left temple to just remember, I'm safe, I got this and let's go. And then in the morning we've been doing yoga. I bought her some new earrings. We're having fun during standardized test week. Last night we got pedicures. So you can make it light and you can make it fun, but be the space that can handle wherever your kid is and be the parent that decides to be the best parent you can be and you can't go wrong. And I love this discussion and I love all of you so much.
It's a mental wellness. Mental Wellness Wednesday Life Coach Rebecca Silence Rebecca silence.com on Mix 2.5.
