From Transactional to Transformational Living with Rebeccah Silence & Megan Henry

Welcome to the Healing Is Possible hot seat. I'm Rebecca. Silence, creator of healing is Possible. Here to shake it up. Get hot, get sticky, get messy. Around what's in the way of our healing. Today's episode is with the fabulous Megan Henry, Hollywood actress and friend of mine. And she's here to talk about moving from transactional to transformational living. And with that being said, Megan, welcome to the hot seat. Such an honor and privilege to have you.

Oh, my gosh, thank you. It's such an honor and privilege to be here. I know we've been wanting to do this for a while, so I'm glad it aligned commitment.

We made it happen. Let's kick off with what does healing mean to you?

What does healing mean to me? You know, it's so interesting that you bring up this topic because from a higher understanding of consciousness, there's nothing to heal because everything just simply is. It's just an experience meant to expand us from a human aspect. Healing is really remembering. Right. Calling back fragmented aspects of self and just stepping into sovereignty.

And what do you mean by that? That's a gorgeous definition. Just tell us what you mean by that. The stepping back into sovereignty. Will you elaborate a little?

Right, sure. You know, it's. It's really getting into your heart and knowing that nothing's wrong. You didn't come into a broken world to fix it. There's nothing wrong with you. Right. Inherently. And where we find disease, for example, our body is telling us something. I had a lump that I found in my breast. Now, thankfully, it's benign, but you go through all the feels, you're thinking, oh, my gosh, what is this? And you go to the doctor, you take all the steps. And I was guided literally to just stop. And this brought me to tears because so many of us are so disconnected from our bodies in this physical realm. And my guidance said just touch just wants to be acknowledged. You're so afraid of who you are in so many aspects. Just touch it. Just be with it. It's okay. I mean, it seems so simple and silly, right? But it was profound and now it's still there. And I'm not concerned about it. And I talk to it and I ask it questions. And this probably way too much information, but it's really just about connecting to your body. And, you know, I know our breasts symbolize nourishment and nurturing, and where have I withheld that from myself? Where have I not allowed that? And so it's just been, you know, for me, that's been very Healing to come back into. Oh, yes, okay. I can have agency over my body and this isn't happening to me. This is happening for me. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm not being punished. Can feel that way. But it's more about, aha, where have I been? Off kilter or discordant from my soul expression.

Yeah. And what part of ourselves are we rejecting or resisting or what part of life? Right. And as a cancer survivor myself, you know, I like to play a game. I don't even think it's happening for me. I just think it's happening. And then who am I going to be? How am I going to be? What am I going to be willing to step into a higher version of me or roll over and play dad or give myself permission to be a lesser version of me? Right. Like, it's literally just happening right now. Who are you going to be? And I think that's a little segue into asking you about what is transactional living like, Talk about that. This is a hot topic and an important one for you. Yeah.

It is. You know, I, and I, I feel most of us are living transactionally to some degree. That's what we're taught, you know, A plus B, this for that tit for tat. What's it going to cost me? What's the trade off? What's the payoff? We have such a contractual way of moving through the world. And my life quite literally started off as a transaction. I was adopted not yesterday, but a thousand years ago. And it was a private adoption. And I'm very blessed and my parents are wonderful. But the story I told myself around that was, huh, I'm only $300. Oh, that's interesting. You know, lawyers fees and such. And so I was very confused about the.

Oh, you're on mute. But you're here.

I don't know what happened. Okay. I don't know what's going on. We're playing.

We're playing with the. So you were saying $300. How am I just with that $300.

Right. So I was very confused about my value and my place in the world. And, well, I don't know what the terms are. And somebody else decided on my behalf. And so I really shut myself down. I take full responsibility. This is. Nobody else told me this. This was the story that I told myself. This was my own perception of this transaction. And so I shut down my light because I wasn't sure what it would cost me. I wasn't sure if I would be locked in to somebody else's terms or who sort of. This sounds terrible, but just for the context of the conversation, like who is in charge, right, of my life. And I felt that in that $300 exchange that I was made aware of that I had over delivered. I was the girl, I had blue eyes, healthy, you know, ba, ba, ba. And yet $300. So I over deliver and I'm underserved. Story I told myself. And so I think most of us, and myself especially, go through life sort of well, that's just the way it is, right? It's this way or it's that way. And we don't live in an infinite field or, you know, I've got to give up. I've got to sacrifice some part of me or feel depleted, right, in this intimate exchange of who I am and how I'm being in the world. And it took me decades, really, to have the courage to look at that and go, where the hell did this come from? Right? Because it's not serving me. My parents don't want it. My birth parents didn't want it. Hell, that's why they gave me an opportunity, for Christ's sake, you know, and here I am squandering it because I'm just not sure what the terms are. And so recently I've had a huge epiphany that I've been living a very mediocre life, A very meh life. The irony of it being my initials are literally M E H. I mean, how funny is that? And I'm here to disrupt all that and to invite other people to disrupt that. Because we are not mediocre. No matter what we do, it is not mediocre, right? Whatever our soul gifts or our soul journeys are, there's so much value in that. But we've got to take it to the highest potentiality. For example, you know, I was at a job that I didn't like for many, many, many years because I thought that was what you take what's given, right? That's the terms of your life. You just kind of stay quiet and don't ask for any more because you were spared this life. And, you know, you're alive and that's all you get. And I thought, gosh, you know, I'd really just like to serve my gifts at a higher level and be appreciated for that. You know, all of the contractors and the customers would ask for me. I wanted to feel that I was in demand. But to the ego mind, that wasn't good enough because I wasn't serving my Gifts in the way I wanted to be serving them. And then I had an epiphany. Oh, my God. People are asking for me because I am serving my fullest potential in this moment without realizing it. And so I am in demand. So how can I really be present with that in my heart space to expand that, to appreciate that? And as soon as I did that, my life radically changed.

Just by asking that question?

Yeah, just by asking that question and by really getting into your heart and going, okay, if I'm going to the grocery store and I'm buying apples, right. That's like no big deal. It's kind of just routine. We all do that. But there's so much more than just buying apples. I'm going into this grocery store and I'm bringing my consciousness and I'm bringing my joy and I'm bringing my awareness for health. And I'm celebrating the apple orchard and the people that own the apple orchard. And I'm celebrating the people that work in this beautiful grocery store, Trader Joe's or wherever you are. And you opened yourself up. What is the highest potentiality of this moment? And then you may have the most life expansive or fun or playful conversation with the cashier. And maybe that cashier had a really shitty day and you just opening up to the fullness rather than just this is a transaction giving you $3.50 for this bag of apples. Okay, but what else is possible?

Yeah, well, and I think possibility. That is the magic. Yeah, right. Like potentiality. Awesome. It's a different way of saying it, but it's again, what if nothing is happening to us or for us, it's just happening and then possibility available. That is available. If we're willing to go beyond a mediocrity state.

Right, right.

Situation. I think this is really profound. So here's a question for you. What in your world, Megan, is the difference between knowing you did your best and oh, it's mediocre? Like, how do you. How do you know? Right. Because I see this all the time with clients. There's slippery slope between, oh, it was mediocre and then, yeah, we don't want to let ourselves off the hook. And then we do want to have. Right. And our best is enough. So I just wonder your.

Absolutely. You know, and again, I speak for my own experience. I've really been tuned in more to my body and to my energy. Do I feel complete? Maybe it didn't actualize the way that my ego mind wanted it to, but do I feel complete? Right. Do I feel satiated and full, or do I really go, you know what? I didn't even try because I was caught up in what's the trade off going to be? Or I don't know if it's worth it, or any of the saboteurs that creep in. So for me, it really is just about that feeling of satiation.

Yeah. And I would say I love that answer. For me, it's about did I let fear win or not?

Oh, yeah, right.

Because we always have. You're using the word ego, another word for that. And just fear. And I don't think we ever escape our brains going into fear. Fear. But we can have it be more and more and more the exception and less and less and less of the rule. When I think of mediocrity, I just think of fear and I think of frozen. Yeah. And then did you do your best in the moment to be your best and to connect to possibility then in my world, that's enough. And then there are plenty of moments where we let fear win and they're great opportunities. You use the word compassion a moment ago to have more compassion.

Yeah. And it's so true. The point that you, you bring up about fear. Right. Because fear just equals, you know, I don't know what the actual acronym is that's floating out there, but it's just fewer options. And so, like you say. Yeah, so. And I think Sarah Landon said that. I would love to be able to take credit for it, but Sarah Landon and the council, you know, she channels this incredible, exquisite wisdom. But, but like you said, it's really just using our fear for fuel. Right. Because especially now, we're shifting and changing, all of us unconsciously and many of us consciously as we do the deep dive into, you know, self exploration. But we're shifting so rapidly now. Time is, is not the construct that, that we've been taught that it is who we were two seconds ago is not who we are now. And so we haven't been this version before. Of course there's fear.

Absolutely. I was working with a client this morning on her new business and we had a few months ago, talked about services and a menu of services. And I just asked her today, let's revisit it. Because who you were when we had this conversation last has evolved dramatically light years beyond the last time we. Let's look at it now and see what feels the most inspired now. And it's a very different version of what had happened before. And I think that's just a simple example of what you're Saying, you know, I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and each other is to meet ourselves where we are in a moment and to meet others where they are in a moment without this idea of thinking we know who we are, who they are, or what is going to happen.

Right. Oh, it's so beautiful. And that really does. That does inspire compassion, as we spoke about earlier. And it, you know, it does disrupt the fear because we just allow what is. It's okay. And I really love how you said, it just is. It's not happening to me, for me, through me, any of the things, it's just. It's just happening.

Right.

I love that.

Right now you also like to talk and speak week about the differences between gratitude and celebration.

Yeah. So this may feel a little bit disruptive, but, you know, who doesn't like a little bit of delicious disruption in life? We gotta stir the pot in a. In a healthy way. So, you know, and this all ties into the adoption. This again, the stories that I told myself. Nobody told me this. Oh, well, you know, your. Your life was spared and so just sort of take what's given. Well, that fosters a lot of resentment. And so, you know, my whole life growing up, you know, in religion with a religious background, and then just, you know, being in the world, you hear about gratitude. The intention of gratitude and the sentiment of gratitude, the virtue that it is, is just beautiful. It wasn't until I realized it's okay to feel the resentment and the gratitude, which is actually a form of limitation. And here's what I mean. So many of us are thankful for these apples that I just bought at Trader Joe's. It's very subtle, but there's also an energy in that that indicates both. But I may not have the opportunity to buy the apples again tomorrow in this infinite multiverse that we're in. Right. Or it also is this. Again, this is very, very, very subtle. It's slightly attached, in my opinion. And again, this is going to feel or sound disruptive to victim mode, Right. Well, thankfully, somehow the apples just came here rather than I am co creating this experience. So whereas in my opinion, gratitude is a form of limitation and we also tend to only be grateful for that which we want. Or we have a harrowing experience and we come out on the other side of it. Right? Celebration, we celebrate everything as like you said so beautifully, it simply is. It simply is an opportunity to expand into more. Celebration is liberation. It takes you out of victim mode into conscious co creator and you know, you're Playing in the quantum.

Yeah. I love this conversation. For me, gratitude is so interesting because I feel like it gives me direct access to possibility. And then I think of gratitude as it's everything. If I'm not grateful for everything, I'm not grateful at all. I can't pick and choose what I'm grateful for. And I think what I love about this, Megan, I do believe that healing is so individualized. It's so not cookie cutter. And you knowing yourself so well and modeling so gorgeously, here's what's important to me and here's what it means to me. This is something everyone watching has the ability to develop as a skill for themselves. Right. And gratitude means something different to me and means something different to you. I don't think we talk enough about what's important to us and what does it mean? And when other people are sharing what's important to them, asking, well, what does that mean to you? And then I think you're bringing up a really great point because I think gratitude can be such a bullshit. Like, like affirmations can be so such bullshit. Like if you're not aligned with an affirmation, who cares? Not doing anything for you except reinforcing to your unconscious mind that you're not buying. You can actually have it.

Right? Yeah. I mean, how many of your clients come to you and say these affirmations aren't doing anything right? And do you find that it's more of a wishing and hoping energy versus a commanding and declaring, well, yeah, or.

Said another way, it's about the difference between fantasy, which we don't really believe can actualize, and a commitment to making a dream happen. And I do a lot of teaching about commitment and you're talking about the difference between transactional and we'll get into a second. The transformational living. And I see that as a commitment. Like, are you committing to day to day? Good enough is good enough. I'm grateful for what I have. And I'm in that victim consciousness sometimes without even realizing it. Maybe even mostly without even realizing, not expecting or committing to more because isn't good enough good enough to write? I am the co creator, the maker of my destiny while I'm here. And what am I committed to transforming within myself and around my experience of life so that I can get the most out of it. It's a really fun game.

It is a fun game. It sounds like you're living, transformational living.

Well, I try.

I have.

You know, I'll just say this real quick. I haven't Thought about it in that term and those terms in that way. I do think about transformation all the time. When fear is louder than possibility, I look at what in me needs to transform to get back to possibility. I look at. I like to defy the odds myself, disrupt statistics myself. I was told when I was sick that I wouldn't ever be able to use my right leg again or walk again. I was told I had very slim odds of living. Here's your will. And especially because I listened to my own internal guidance system and quit chemotherapy after being pregnant, having cancer, having the baby, I quit chemo. I was committed to transforming my body to be able to walk again, to be able to thrive again, whether that was realistic or not. So, you know, I do hope I'm living transformationally and supporting others in doing that. But I think conversations like this are so important because so many of us, especially in the darkest moments, we don't even see that as an option. Right.

Well, and the fact that you listen to your intuition that right there took you through the transformation again, because a lot of us in those situations, and it can feel very scary and we're vulnerable and there's all kinds of things and fear coming up and uncertainty and oh, my gosh. And the stakes are high. And so many of us tend to just go against what feels right to us, even though it may defy logic or the status quo or what have you. Right. And we tend to go into the, okay, this is a transaction. You're going to tell me to do this, I'm just going to do this, and I'm just going to follow you and I'm going to dismiss my inner wisdom.

Yeah. So tell us more about transformational living and what it means to you and how do we connect to that inner wisdom and that inner guidance that's always available.

Sure. Well, one thing I like to do, you know, celebration, first of all, celebrate everything. Celebrate your triggers. There's treasure in your triggers. It may. May not be pretty. It may not come in a Tiffany package. I mean, most things don't. Let's. Let's change that. Let me, let me give you a. Let me give you a few. I mean, it may be a shit show or a dumpster fire or all the things, but I promise you there's treasure. So let me give you a few examples because I believe in, like, practical. Most of us see super, you know, superheroes sort of before they've accessed their powers and then at their pinnacle, but we don't see how they actually access their powers. So I was up early one morning, you know, apartment living, the walls are thin and yes, I should be able to, you know, have the blender going at some God awful hour in the morning. But at the same time you need to be considerate because my neighbors should also be able to sleep in peace. So what do you, you know, how do you kind of maneuver through that? So one morning, you know, I, I pretty, I walk pretty loudly on hardwood floors and I'm, you know, stomping around and I'm just totally oblivious. And he sent me a text message and he said, listen. And he was very kind. He said, you know, would it be all right if you can sort of either put on socks or just be mindful of the fact that, you know, my wall butts right up to your kitchen and I exhausted and it's, you know, some God awful hour. I was triggered right away in that moment. Oh, what the hell? Like, you know, this is so inconsiderate. And doesn't he understand I've already been in, you know, I've already been considerate and get in all the noise that we go into. And then I went, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, take.

A breath.

There'S something here. What am I being guided into? And sometimes the answer comes right away. But I realized this is a gift right here. This is an opportunity for me to accept, expand, consideration. Where have I not been considerate with myself that now I have an opportunity to step into this and instead of seeing this as, you know, he's imposing on me and you know, trade off. Right. Or transactional. Stop fricking making noise. I'm, you know, trying to get some sleep. Oh, okay. I really can, like be more present in my steps and be more mindful in going to make my coffee and connect to who I am, am and be peaceful and therefore, you know, elevate the peace in his experience. So it's just moments like that that have really transformed my life. And I've transmuted, you know, old stories and, you know, disempowering beliefs.

Yeah. And then what are your thoughts on. I hear this all the time. I've done all the work on this. I should be through it already.

I mean, hello. Yeah. Don't you feel that way too?

Oh my gosh. I'm not claiming to be outside of that in my own mind, but I know it's important to talk about because.

I think it is.

I think we think we've transformed. And then when this back around, in my opinion, to give us access to so where am I now on my journey with this old wound? Right. My definition of healing.

Right.

If it's healed, it doesn't hurt anymore. So I see again happening, and when it comes back around, where am I now? But we do think, I think often, especially in this society, transformation means next, right?

Yeah. Oh, you bring up such a good point. You know, in my own experience, and I love that you, you said that, you know, when you're healed, it's not a wound anymore. Right. So there's. There's not a charge or there's less of a charge or a hold on, you know, than there was, you know, and you also touched on the fact that, you know, time is just loops of consciousness. So I think, first of all, we have to stop judging ourselves. Whoops, I'm judging myself. That I'm not through this yet. Because to your point, there's different levels and layers of the onion. There's different levels and layers of who we are. And it's just an opportunity to just get richer.

Right.

With what we want to create, what we want to be, what we don't want to create, what we don't want to be. And it's just refinement. To me, in my experience, I've been really hard on myself and I say that all the time. God damn it. This has been a 20 year odyssey. Am I not getting it? What's going on? I think part of the problem is we discount the small steps because we're in a bigger, better, faster paced world. Yes. We can have quantum shifts. Absolutely. However, when we discount, like.

Oh, we lost her again, she'll come back. And I think it's so cool to be thinking about the opportunity that we have to be taking the time not just to plant the garden, the seeds, metaphorically, that we're wanting to, but then we have to wait for them to bear fruit. So keep going. You cut out. Yeah.

So.

Yeah.

You know, and I think. I'm not even sure. Oh, we can't discount our progress. Right. A lot of times we think, oh, a quantum leap means I go from a Honda to a Lamborghini. Okay. But everything starts in every. I mean, that's a hell of a quantum leap. Yes, please. Everything starts. Everything starts in the internal first. Right. So the example that I just gave, that's a huge quantum leap where, like, for a month straight, that may have, you know, brought me into a disempowered state or brought me into victim consciousness, or I may have been an asshole to myself or other people because of that incidence Whoa. I took a moment connected to myself. That's a huge frickin quantum leap, you know, and when we can, when our mind can start to recognize that, you know, another thing, for me, we have to be willing to expand possibility and potential around what we want. For example, I want a life full of more beauty and fun and magic. Okay, great. So are you walking down the street and you're seeing a bunch of, you know, crows on a wire, bird on a wire, and they're singing, that's beautiful. But are you not allowing that to be the beauty that it is? I mean, there's no good, bad, right or wrong. But this is how you start to transform your life and open up your container of abundance. I mean, what do you think? What are some of your experiences?

Well, I think it's back to your word celebration. Right. Celebrating the progress while you celebrate the possibilities that still exist for you all at once is a really doable, intentional way that you can live. And I think we get attached. And I think attachment is the number one thing that can kill transformation versus again, commitment. Right. Like when we're attached to what we think beauty is what we think success is what we think healing is what we think the right way is. Then we can miss all of that potentiality and possibility without even meaning to. And I also think wanting it isn't the same thing as committing to being who it takes for the chance to occur. Right. And I think it's way more about being than doing. Every single time.

I got chills. Oh my gosh. It's so important. And it's what we're up to in this new paradigm. I mean, I'm not the first person to say this. You know, we're human beings, we're not human doings. And we spend so much time doing, doing, doing, doing, doing that we forget that wait, we're really just here to have, you know, an experience in this physical body.

Right, Right. And I would love if you would give us an assignment. What homework would you give our gorgeous healing as possible family to integrate a little bit more of what you're saying about transactional versus transformational living. Yeah.

So. And I, I really am just so obsessed with, you know, your, your awareness around. It's just happening. Right. So next time something is just happening. Judgment, the bad, right or wrong, we pay attention to how it feels because your body's a barometer and that's important. We don't want to deny or discount our feelings. But we also don't need to lock into a story. Oh my God, this is the best day of my life. Oh, my God. This is the worst day of my life. Just experience it, move through it. But I would invite you to just get into your heart, take a few deep breaths. If nothing comes up, great. If something comes up, great. Maybe It'll come up five minutes later or 10 minutes later. This is happening. Fantastic. Thank you. What is the higher awareness here? How do we take this to a higher possibility of full expression for myself.

So good. And how do people get in touch with you?

They can go to my website, actormeganhenry.com I'm also on Instagram @meganhenryofficial, as well as Facebook. Although those are always wonky handles. It's like a weird number and hashtags and who knows?

Yeah. Megan, thank you so much for being here today. Any final thoughts?

I would say, you know, just celebrate. Celebrate who you are and keep going because we're always being as you say and becoming more of who we are.

Yeah. So gorgeous. The healing is possible. Hot seat is brought to you by my amazing team and by rebeccasilence.com please visit rebeccasilence.Com for more information on how to book a discovery. Call with me on my services and or message me if you want to share your story or get laser coaching in the hot seat. We're here every Tuesday, 10am Mountain. Thanks again, Megan. Healing is possible.

Thank you.

See you all very soon.