Life coach Rebeccah Silence explains why long to-do lists and tasks done for others kill motivation. She suggests picking one priority, delegating what doesn't matter, and reframing obligations as choices you actually want to make.
Live and local with big pop in the morning mixed with a 2.5 on a mental wellness Wednesday. Got life Coach Rebecca Silence. RebeccaSilence.com Rebecca, good morning as always. How are you?
Hello. I'm so grateful to be here. Hi, everyone. Let's do it.
So one of the things that I'm struggling with, and I know if I'm struggling with it, other people are struggling with it as well. Motivation. It's so. Especially when it's kind of gloomy outside, just getting yourself motivated and not waiting from somebody else to, like, give you a kick in the rear. Just got to get stuff done and just being able to force yourself to get off the couch, force yourself to get out of bed, get yourself to get off the chair, get yourself to, you know, just stop and make one more stop that you need to make rather than just passing by. Let's talk self motivation.
Okay. This is such a huge topic, and obviously you're not the only one struggling with it. And I think a few, A few things happen that have us just want to forget it. I'm just going to sit on the couch and watch Netflix or scroll through my phone. This is too much, right? Number one is you're just spread too thin. So a lot of times we're not trying to motivate ourselves to do one thing. We're trying to motivate ourselves to do 20. Okay, I've got to do this. I've got to do this. I've got to do this. Right?
Everybody's got a huge to do list every day.
Not just a professional to do list. Right. We have a professional to do list, but we also have a personal to do list. So our brain can be like, listen, If I start one, I have to do all 20, and I don't have the bandwidth. Right? So literally back that butt up. And just what's the one thing that needs to get done, if anything? Because a lot of times we're also focused on, this isn't even what I want to do. This is what I think I have to do to keep the people in my life happy. So if you've got a 20 item to do list, and if your to do list is all about keeping the people you love happy and it really doesn't take care of you, these are two reasons why you're not going to want to do anything.
Hey, Rebecca, can you do me a favor? Can you explain a couple or just give a couple examples of doing things that maybe you don't want to do, but it'll make other people Happy?
Yes.
Because people may not see that because they're so into their, their lives.
Right. So maybe I've done all the grocery shopping for the family this week, but my daughter wants me to get these three things that weren't on the list. And I told her I would make a separate trip to the store. Maybe it's about, you know, for your spouse, it's really their job to take care of the bills. But this week you said you would or you want to say you would. You know, it can be these little things, it can be these big things, but if it really isn't something that takes care of you in a moment, but you just want to do it, maybe it's, it's even like your kids. Kids laundry. I mean, so often it's not even something somebody asked you to do, but you're just used to doing it for them. And I see this a lot where, you know, the parents working all day every day and the kids are going to school and not helping out with anything. Maybe your kids should be the one doing the dishes, doing the laundry, raking the leaves, shoveling the driveway. But you keep doing it because you want to make sure everything is running smooth in your house. But really it's draining you.
So if it's to avoid confrontation and to avoid that friction.
Right, right. And to just have this sense of, you got to be, you know, the superhero in the family. But if it's at your own expense, stop. What can you delegate? What can you put on hold? Right. Maybe your kids want you to take them to get their nails done. Maybe your kid wants a new, you know, hoodie or some new Jordans and you're just so used to, they want it, you do it without considering, does this even take care of me? And I'm wanting you to have more motivation because you made sure you were taken care of first. And that's something that we don't want to do because then we're selfish, then we don't care about the people we love. But no, I mean, and it can even be as simple, right? We do family movies Sunday night and I don't agree to watching a movie I don't really want to watch. Everybody else wants to, you know, Daddy Daycare. My 9 year old wanted to watch. And I'm like, I've seen that a hundred times. I don't want to watch that. So stop agreeing to what you don't actually want. But in order to do that, you have to factor in asking yourself, do I even want this first? And that's something we skip over and we don't even realize we didn't even consider ourselves. And if you're resentful at home, if you're drained at home, if you're not motivated and just not even wanting to get off the couch, I know for sure you have way too much on your plate and you're doing things that you don't even care about and you're sick and tired of it. So one thing at a time that really takes care of you. Factoring in you first will give you so much more motivation. And then this is the third hack that I swear to God will change your life. Look at the fact that you don't actually have to do what you're telling yourself you have to do. You don't have to and you won't do it. If it's coming from and I have to energy, you don't have to. And if you're ready to throw in the towel or put it on hold anyway, just tell yourself I don't have to do this. And nine times out of ten you're going to want to just because you gave yourself permission not to. You don't have to. You get to. And either you're going to do it now, you're going to do it later, or you're not going to do it at all. I'll say that one more time. Either you're going to do it now, you're going to do it later, or not at all and get really honest with yourself and just know. Make the decision from an empowered place, taking care of you first. And that benefits everyone. But don't worry about people being upset or there being conflict, because people are going to be upset and there's going to be conflict anyway. And if they're upset and if there's going to be conflict anyway, you might as well be taken care of first.
Exactly. It is a Mental Wellness Wednesday Life Coach Rebecca Silence get all of your silence needs online. Rebecca silence.com thank you as always. We'll talk to you next week.
My pleasure. Bye everyone.
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