Getting Out of Hiding Mode | Stepping Back into Leadership Post-Pandemic

Silence. Welcome to the Healing Is Possible hot seat. So what is healing? Healing means it doesn't hurt anymore. Healing means that emotionally you're free and clear and living with confidence and certainty. Healing means that there's life beyond survival mode and life beyond emotional pain. When I was seven months pregnant with my second baby, I received a life changing diagnosis. I had cancer. When I told my older daughter, she said, so? So you're going to die. And the only thing that saved my life during that time was knowing how to emotionally break through and how to emotionally heal. Welcome to the Healing Is Possible hot seat. Again, I am your host, Rebecca Silence. I am a speaker, coach and the creator of Healing Is Possible. And in each episode, I prepare you for life beyond survival mode. Every week I invite you into possibility as I coach brave guests like the one we have today into Breakthrough and bring you interviews with leaders in healing that are offering you their best. Get ready to heal and break through. The Hot Seat is brought to you by my team and rebeccasilence.com Please note that the content of the Hot Seat is not meant to be therapeutic or to replace any personal growth work that you're already doing with a coach, therapist or mentor. The goal is to take the content, have it inspire you, and then keep working with your support system. With that being said, today our topic is about getting out of hiding. Take that in. We have an incredible guest here for Breakthrough Coaching, Mark Burwell, who is an integrative, holistic coach with his own coaching practice and online community that is ready for a breakthrough so that he can be more of service at his next level. Mark, welcome to the Healing as Possible hot Seat.

Good morning, Rebecca. Thanks for having me on.

It is such an honor. So Mark and I graduated our certification program through Legacy Training International together. We were in the pilot program and we've both been going strong with our practices ever since, which is about 12 years officially as graduates of Legacy Training. And coaches need coaches too. So it is an honor, Mark, to be here supporting you today. And let's dive right in. What is the breakthrough that you are longing for and looking to have today?

Well, I noticed shortly after, I guess shortly after Covid came to the world, myself and and many other people I know just kind of went into hiding. And I. And I have. I have noticed that it's not. It seems to not be letting up. It's hard to come out of it because we're. The fear in the world. Today is so. Seems to be so intense and it's like, you know, do I Want to be the one that, that speaks up? Well, I do, and that's why I'm here today.

And if fear wasn't an issue, what would you be saying and what would you be doing? Like what, what's the result that you're, that you're hoping for?

Well, like all of us, we want to get back to normal. But you know, again, normal is not, I don't think normal is ever going to be the same. We have to reinvent ourselves almost all over again. And just in the same way that you're doing all the time.

And if you were reinvented, let's take it off of the generalization because I agree with you. There are many people in hiding. There is fear very present and intense and I would almost suggest magnified. Like the fear has been here, but it's almost like we can't ignore it anymore. We can't ignore the offness around how we've been living our own lives and how society and the world is not taking care of humanity in a way that it could. And with that being said, I agree. But let's get it even more focused and pinpointed on Mark Burwell. Mark's life purpose, Mark's legacy, and what you're wanting. So if you weren't in hiding, what would you be saying? What would you be doing and what would you be reinventing?

Well, I'd be more engaged with the people in my life, my clients and just, just in general, everybody around me, you know, hiding, it's not new to me. It's something I did my whole life on and off, you know, even starting back in childhood. You know, I grew up in a, well, a drama filled household, if you will. And so, you know, as a child I just, I didn't want to, didn't want to see or hear that. So I would hide, you know, and be to myself. And it's, it's an issue that I've had, you know, on and off my whole life. So it's, it's constant work to, to put myself out there.

Okay. And then what I'm hearing is maybe it's either not clear to you or it's just hard to say if you weren't hiding exactly what you'd be doing. What I'm wanting is to see like, what's the carrot? What, what's going to make it worth it for us to dive into this pattern. And I love that you're speaking of this hiding coping skill, if you will, as a pattern, because it is. And we get so Blind, in my opinion to the patterns that we're living that keep us stuck. So you're awake, you're aware, you see it, you know, this isn't new. But we don't necessarily have clarity or at least you haven't said it yet today, but on where you would be or what you would do if this block, this pattern was no longer right here.

Well, the carrot as you call it. That's a good analogy. Would be to be out there in the world, be online with my clients more, have more clients, work with, with people, you know, one on one and just have, have a great coaching practice again like I did in the past.

Yeah. So you're, you're wanting to relaunch your coaching practice. Am I hearing that accurately?

Yes.

Okay. So just notice what I'm doing. I'm saying let's, let's get clear on the point to all this. Right. Because it's so easy to go into the dark and into the pain and if we don't have a destination in mind for where we want to go after we've dealt with that, it's really easy to just spiral and stay in the dark and the stuck in the pain.

Ok.

Right. So this is really brave work. So we want to relaunch your coaching practice. Now you use this word, normal. And while I'm, while I'm sharing with our audience a little bit about normal, my request of you, Mark, is I want you to think about, close your eyes. If, if it helps and if it feels comfortable, please be thinking about what is the fear that has me hide. Let's get to the root of the issue. Hiding is a symptom. It's not the issue. Can you find that?

Exactly.

So if you can, and again, close your eyes if it feels helpful and anybody else watching that can relate to hiding or to whatever coping you're doing right now in your life to survive the pandemic that no longer serves you. And you know that be finding what's the fear, what's the root fear that has me go into hiding or has me go into this coping place. So Mark, while you're finding that, I just want to address normal because you know, for me my biggest breakthrough around normal and wanting life to go back to normal was when I had quit chemo, which for those that don't know my story, when I was pregnant with my second baby, as I shared earlier in the episode, I got diagnosed with cancer. I had 12 back to back surgeries. My body had no time to recover from one surgery to the next. And then I started chemo. And then I had such severe reactions to chemo that my right leg had all of the nerves going down. My entire right leg die. And I had what's called drop foot. And so I'm not recommending that anybody quit chemo that has cancer or is undergoing cancer treatment. But for me, it was the next right thing, because I was very convinced that the chemo was killing me, and they had already gotten all of the cancer out of my body through the surgeries that they could. And it just felt like the right decision. So I did it. And then I knew as soon as I quit chemo, it was like a light switch went on that had been off. I was in a chemo coma. And I think, Mark, the way you feel to me is you've been like, in a pandemic coma. Right? Like, right, okay. So I was in my chemo coma, cancer coma, and then boom. I mean, my husband jokes about how inaccurate my interpretation and my memory of that time was because it was so foggy. Right? And so, you know, whether you're Mark or you coming out of this pandemic or me back then with cancer, you know, when we go into a fog, it gets hard to see the forest through the trees. It gets hard to see the light at the tunnel. And what happened to me, and for me was, all right, I quit chemo. Now the light switch went on, and I'm suddenly more awake and aware and alive in a ton of pain. Having doctors tell me my leg will never work again, even if I live telling me I was crazy for getting off the chemo and quitting it. But it became such a. Such a state of darkness and despair and depression, realizing, ok, I am alive, I am awake now, but my life is never going to be the same again. I didn't have hope or inspiration yet because I was so longing for the life I had before I got sick. I had this great practice radio show, gorgeous community. I was a leader in service in that community. I had an amazing marriage, great older kid. Now I was having a new baby. Life was great. I had beat my past, and then I had. I didn't expect or anticipate that there would be another kick in the ass because I thought I had done all this work to heal my trauma from my childhood. So now I had, like, the rest of my life. Very naive, right? And I think it's important for all of us to consider. And you're doing amazing going first work for us today, Mark, that we don't get to be done and then that's not like bad news, it's just reality. And if we're arguing with life's going to throw us curveball after curveball so that we can meet ourselves, live more, experience more of our greatness. Not because we're being punished, but because life's just being life. It doesn't stop. Life doesn't stop. Our lives don't stop until it's over. Right? And we don't know. Mark and I both had a mentor, Carol Reynolds, that would talk about how life is a time, time to vent and we don't know how much time, right? So for me, that longing to go back to normal had me in a suicidal, depressed state. I scared myself. And what I realized is, you know, normal is abusing drugs and alcohol, highly medicated on antidepressants, anti anxiety, like you talked about your family growing up a drama filled home. We all right, in our own way, shape or form, grew up in a drama filled home. So we've got to break up with glorifying normal is the thing I want to say about that. And then our other mentor that we both share, Heather Steele, that owns Legacy Training International, said to me when I was in that dark place, Mark, what if it isn't about trying to fit in with the life you had anymore? What if it's about from here creating a life that fits in with you?

Right?

And so I want to offer you that today. What if now it's about creating a life that fits in with you? And in order for us to do that, we gotta address this fear, whatever it is.

Okay? Yeah, I'm ready for that. I've got, I think it go, you know, I think what I'm, what I'm feeling is that, and I don't, I don't mean to sound, you know, repetitive, but it's, it's the fear of not good enough.

Okay.

And, and you know, that comes up for so many people. I've, you know, I've worked with people and it's like, oh, but that can never happen to me. Well, it is, it is. I really believe it is the root cause of a lot of things that stop us, that keep us stuck. We just don't think we can do it or we don't think we're good enough. Who's going to listen to me or why would I do that? Because no one's going to listen.

Okay? So not good enough and no one's going to listen. They're two separate issues. And again, let's keep it as close to you as possible. And I think, you know, another thing to point out about leadership is we go first. I had to. Inspired results is the name of my company. How am I going to be inspired regardless of results? And my tagline was make the impossible possible. So I'm, like, going first all the time in that Your business is called, what, unlimited potential. Right. So you're leading and going first, getting through all of the limitations to your potential, and a couple of them are feeling not good enough and being afraid no one's going to listen. So which one hurts more? This fear of not being good enough or the fear that no one's going to listen?

Probably not being good enough. I think that's the root of it.

That one hurts more.

Well, yeah, and I think the fear of no one's going to listen to. I think that's just a. That's just a trailer hooked up to the first part.

That's a great metaphor. Totally. Okay.

Right.

So I'm just checking it out because I think a lot of times we think we know what the issue is, and then I just want us in our bodies checking it out. So the fear of not being good enough. Let's play with this. Okay.

Okay.

I want you to, if you're willing, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and I want you to find where this fear of I am not good enough lives in your body. You know, to tell me where it is yet, but just give me a nod where you. When you can find it.

I'd have to say it's. It's. It's in my chest, in my gut. That's where it comes. That's where it shows up.

And is it all just one big block around your chest and your stomach?

It's actually painful, I believe.

Is it taking up this whole cavity?

Yeah.

Okay. So if you can close your eyes again, I'm seeing it almost like a shield of armor. Does that resonate?

Right.

Okay, I'm gonna say something hard. Okay. Just keep your eyes closed. And I'm gonna challenge you. All right.

Okay.

I want you to entertain the possibility that you are committed as long as this shield of armor is protecting you, to not being good enough. Fear of being not good enough. I want you to transform into an honest awareness that you've been committed to feeling not good enough. Tell me if that feels true for you.

Yeah, I believe it does.

Okay. So I'm not telling you how you are. I'm just saying that once you've done the amount of work that you've done. Mark, if fear of not good enough is still a thing for you. Now it's a commitment. So now we got to recommit. You talked about reinvention. We got to commit to something new. Because fear of not good enough, it's old. It's a habit. It was real. It's not your fault as a kid, but it no longer serves you, and it is limiting your potential when your whole life purpose is about unlimited potential.

Yes.

Tell me how this resonates. What lands? What doesn't.

No, I think you totally. I think you nailed it. Yeah. If I feel that way, it's because I'm committed to feeling that thing.

Yeah. And. And it's not your fault. But let's. Let's knock this train in a new direction.

Okay.

Okay. So if you can close your eyes again, imagine the shield of armor and describe it to me.

It just feels like a pressure, like something sitting on my. Sitting on my chest. No, I can just feel it.

So I want to invite you to be courageous and to look at it. Is it silver? Is it gold? Like, describe it. Connect to it.

I think it's black.

Yeah.

I don't know. The best way I've ever been able to describe it in the past is just dark energy.

Well, let's. Let's turn it into a shield with a handle that you can actually get a grip on because it's been bigger than you for long enough, and it's had a grip on you for long enough. So now I want to give you a handle on this.

Okay.

Do you follow me? Can you find it? Can you find where in this black shield of protection the handle is?

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. I want you to grab it literally.

Okay.

You got it? It's right up around your heart. Okay. All right, so we've got a handle on this thing now. So just take a few breaths and connect to your body and connect to this shield of fear of not good enough that has run your life long enough. And tell me what it feels like to be gripping and grabbing onto this handle and taking a hold of this thing.

It feels. It feels. It feels difficult. I'll be honest. It feels difficult, but I've got a hold of it.

So take some deep breaths, and if you can connect even deeper to what the emotion is, that's difficult. What's the emotion that's difficult?

I think it's not knowing. It's not knowing what's behind it. Okay.

And what emotion comes up when you realize you don't know what's behind it?

Fear.

Okay. So you can just breathe into the fear Mark, what do you want to be on the other side of this shield of self protection and not good enough. That keeps you safe and small and not using your voice as much as you could.

I think freedom. Freedom describes acceptance. Yeah, I think those are the two words that describe.

So is it still feeling difficult on the same level holding on to this shield or things changing? What's happening now?

Well, it's. I can feel something starting to. To. To move in a different direction. It'll. You know, it's going to. Now that I have this tool, I think it's something I can meditate on, because I meditate every morning. I think I can meditate on that and keep. Keep trying to break it open. I. It just feels really hard. Feels tough.

Well, we're not done yet.

Okay.

I'm not leaving us here.

No.

Do you want to sit and meditate on this for a while or do we want to, like, break through today?

Let's get it done then.

So to your point, all the healing isn't going to happen this second, but we can definitely get you beyond the hard if you're willing. Okay.

Okay.

Okay. So close your eyes again. You got the shield in your hand still. So now I'm going to invite you. We're going to literally move through the fear. So I want you to imagine and literally do this. You've got the shield in your hand, and I want you to just move it away from you and let your chest be exposed and your gut. This part of you that the shield of fear has been protecting. Let's just open it up and let yourself be fully in the world without the shield in front of you. Just right here, right now, take some big, deep breaths. I want you to breathe in freedom and exhale fear. And I want you to do that 10 times. Breathe in freedom, exhale fear.

Okay.

And how is that feeling? What's happening?

There's something moving. I mean, I can feel. I can feel. I can feel a change. It feels good.

What's changing and what feels good?

Well, to have it. To have it moved away from me. There's definitely, definitely a change. I'm more. That I can be more open.

And what does that mean? Being more open?

Being available. Being available to myself, Being available to the world.

Here's the problem. If you can't be with your own fear, you won't be able to sit with your clients and theirs. And you've done so much work, right. And we spend a lot of time in our training that it's fun to Know what your training is, because I had it too. On our grief and on our anger and on getting more available to receive joy and excitement. But fear is one we don't work through that much. So this one is just a new emotion potentially for you to take your power back with. But fear is normal. It's natural. It's not your fault. And it's always going to be there if you're going, this is how I see it, Mark. So we have this possibility we're in. And you've done a lot of work to go from a small, itty bitty possibility to the one you're in now, which for a long time where your life is now, was a dream that you weren't sure you could have, but you did it. So now we're talking about the next level. So here's what has to happen. And it's terrifying. We've got to literally have the bottom fall out of the possibility you're in so you can free fall to your next level. We don't want to free fall because we don't know we can survive in the next level. But then we can't stand being here because now it's suffocating and it's old and it's not feeling as much of the potential that you have that you know you have, right?

Correct. Yeah.

Okay, so what age is the little boy that hides? How old is that? How old is this shield?

4.

Okay, take a deep breath and I want you to just take this shield, look at it and see 4 year old Mark's face in the shield. And now I want you to do again what we did before. You're going to see four year old Mark in the shield and you're just going to open, open. And I want you to tell this little four year old, I'm taking you with me when I need you. When you need me, we're together. But the adult Mark is running the show now, not the little four year old that doesn't have what it takes to run a business that's coaching practice that helps people on the level that the man can. Can you do this with me? Just. The shield is with you. You're going to need this. We're in a global pandemic. Like shit's hard. So we need the shield and the sword at times. But if we're just guarded and protected, it becomes a security blanket that keeps us from the world. So let's use this in a whole new way.

Got it.

And it's time to start the free fall, man. We need you. And so what if it's scary? So what? So what? You've done scary shit before.

Yes, I have.

You're badass. What's happening now?

The four year old, he's there.

Put him with you, right here next to you.

Okay.

Not in charge. He's next to you. Can you see that?

Mm.

So your homework is to be very, very conscious of when you do this with the sword, the shield and the sword.

Right.

And when you notice you're doing this, it's time to open up. And I want you to just be conscious of the four year old, but I want you to be committed. We said we needed a new commitment to the man choosing to lead through fear.

Right. I can do that.

Okay. In your words, what is your new commitment to your potential and to life beyond hiding?

Well, my commitment is to. Is to come out. Come out of hiding and be available to myself so I can be available to others.

So let's get it even tighter. Is it a commitment to being available for fear and to leading through it?

Breaking through it? Yeah. Walking through it?

Yeah. Yeah. So. So let's. Let's reinvent our relationship with fear.

Right?

Right. Because when fear has come up in the past, you go into hiding and you're not really available for it.

True.

So let's be committed to. I'm available for it. That doesn't mean we want it. I don't want cancer or that experience of cancer. But I get my checks every few months and I do what I got to do. I have a brain MRI tomorrow night. I do what I do to keep leading through the fear. So that's your commitment. So close your eyes. I lead through fear.

Lead through fear.

I lead through fear. And then just imagine this shield. It's with you to help you with that. But we can't have it in charge. How does this feel?

It feels different. It has to feel different in order to change. I know that. So it does feel different.

And you and I are going to keep going on this offline, but I'm super inspired by your courage. And man, are you not alone. Anyone out there watching this that's been hiding and afraid and not knowing what to do with that and not knowing how to reinvent. Let's start small with a commitment beyond that, self protection. And Mark's new commitment is a lead through fear. And we need you, Mark. The world needs you. We need healed, safe men. Being a stand for healing for all of us. And you're that.

Thank you.

Does this feel complete? For now.

Yes. It's a great starting point.

Okay, what's your biggest takeaway?

The takeaway is that I can do it and that it's possible to. To remove the shield and to. And to be different and to be better and to be available.

Yeah. Brendan Burchard talks about how it's so scary to let people see us start small. Right. We don't want to be seen until we're where we're going. But I just will leave you with this. Don't be afraid to start small from where you are and where you are. Starting small today is where you'd always dreamed you would be years ago.

True.

Hey, thank you so much. Thank you so much for your courage. Thank you all for tuning in today again, I'm Rebecca Silent. The mission of the healing is possible Hot seat is to bring you along on a journey of hope and healing. It's possible for all of us to lead our lives out of survival and self protection mode and into healing breakthrough and possibility. Join me every Tuesday at 10am Mountain and listen as I coach people into breakthrough and listen as I interview world leaders in healing on what they do and how they do it. If you haven't already, please subscribe to the Rebecca Silence YouTube channel to see all of our past episodes. I'm a cancer survivor. I'm a coach. But mostly I'm an idealist who believes in the possibility of healing for you.