A Mental Wellness Wednesday interview with life coach Rebeccah Silence focused on identifying "red flags" in relationships, work, and personal behavior. Rebeccah defines a red flag as "a no for you" and outlines external signs (words/actions mismatch, poor self-care, broken agreements, codependency) and internal signs (editing your truth, failure to communicate, prioritizing others over your needs). The segment includes coaching advice and a call-to-action to Rebeccah's site and membership (theunsilentwoman.com).
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Local. It is a Mental Wellness Wednesday mixed with a 2.5 big papa in the morning as we chat with the unsilent woman herself, Rebecca Silence life coach extraordinaire, theunsilentwoman.com you can also go to rebeccasilence.com for all of the details as well. Rebecca, good morning. How are you?
Well, I am excited for a Mental Wellness Wednesday. Hey, everybody.
All right, so what I'd like to talk about today are red flags.
I wore the appropriate lipstick, didn't I?
You sure did. So I'm. When it comes to red flags, everybody can. Has dealt with red flags before.
Yeah.
And my. The question is, how do you deal with red flags? Because there are some times where there's. There's a certain a red flag is so big that you're like, okay, no, and it's a complete N. But then sometimes there are times the, the red flag, you know, it's kind of tiny and there's a couple other green flags. And it's really interesting over near that red flag. And you know, whether it's a person, whether it's a situation, whether it's job or, you know something, there are red flags all throughout our life. What, you know, how do we deal with that stuff?
What a great question. I don't know if we've ever done this in all of our years together. So let's define a red flag first as just. It's a no for you.
Would you like a picture?
So it's. It's a no for you. Okay. Now there's a couple things that are really important because we want to talk about the red flags looking at other people in situations, but you also want to look at the red flags within yourself. There are red flags that indicate you're about to self sabotage. I know, you know, I'm gonna bring something that nobody saw coming. Right. But seriously, we'll get to that at the end. But first, a red flag is just. This is a no for you. I was just working with a client late last night. My clients get daily access to me on Voxer. It's a walkie talkie app. So we were in a conversation because there's this guy she's dating and. And she's like, you know what? There were these red flags. But Rebecca, like, I'm not done with him. Because I said the second you saw the red flag, why are you continuing the conversation? And so she gave me the reasons why she was continuing the conversation. And my coaching to her just last night was, I love the quote when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. And I said to her, if in the fresh love beginning stages, this is the behavior. And it was just canceling a date last minute, being in the same town and not calling and then making all these excuses later. Now, my client, I respect free will and agency. There's a lot of lessons and growth for her here. But what I was saying is if that's how he's showing up in the beginning, once it's gotten comfortable and best behavior's out the window, do we think it's getting better? Get. Okay, now, I'm not an easy coach. I will change your life. But I will tell you what you need to hear that nobody else is going to tell you. And when it comes to people's red flags, they show up at the whisper level. First, it's subtle. Then it can escalate to like a problem level, and then it can escalate to a crisis level.
So people like, like I was just, I was just saying the, you know, you have the little teeny tiny red flags and they have the medium red and then you have like the red flags that are, you know, the size of a building.
Right. So are their actions and their words matching? Okay, this is something to look for because often we have people telling us what we want to hear and it can actually not just show up romantically. I had a contractor with me for seven months last year. I freaking know better. That just kept telling me all the right things. So I kept paying him and I kept believing him and. And then finally I stopped paying him. And I'm like, either you don't know how to do what you told me you know how to do, or you just don't have the bandwidth. So I'm not going to pay you until you deliver anymore. And then it ended up he didn't actually know how to do what he said he knew how to do. And he kept telling me all these reasons why it wasn't happening yet and why I needed to keep paying him. And I just kept listening and the actions didn't support. So even me, I live this, I teach this, I. I catch myself. So do their words and actions align? How do they treat themselves? That's the next thing. Look at how they treat themselves. If they are talking down to themselves, if they're mean to themselves, if they don't show up for their self care, their spiritual wellness, they will never treat you better than they treat themselves. So those are. They will never treat you better than they treat themselves. They will never show up better for you than they show up for themselves. So beware of that.
And we're going to continue this conversation online right now@mix425.com learn more about Rebecca and all that she has to offer@theunsilentwoman.com.
Okay, third red flag to look for in somebody else. And then we got to get to the ones in yourself. Okay? The third red flag to look for in somebody else is are they someone who is their word? Do they keep their agreements? Are they dropping the ball, breaking agreements, breaking down trust and making excuses for it? If they aren't their word, the relationship is going to be in trouble. Okay? And I'm not saying people need to be perfect, right? We all have human moments. We all get the right to be forgiven and to grow with each other. But especially in the beginning of a relationship, if they're breaking agreements and breaking down trust, that will be the relationship. And the deal is how it starts, is how it goes and that's how it ends.
A lot of people are probably thinking of romantic relationships, but this could be a work situation as well.
Freaking percent if you're not showing up to an meeting and making an excuse for it later versus just saying, hey, I had something come up. Renegotiate before the agreement is broken. Right? I know. I just told Gary right before we started. I've got six people on my team right now. I just onboarded a new full time assistant this week and I am going to pay attention for the first 30 days. Are you your word, right? Do your words and your actions line up? How are you showing up for you? Because how you show up for me is very indicative of how you show up for you right now. Bonus. Fourth one. If they want a codependent relationship, what I mean by that is their world is you. And that can be personal or professional as well. Run. Run away far and fast. They need a life outside of you. You can. I'm a relationship expert. Helping people heal since 2002. Have independence and a relationship. So now let' about the red flags within yourself because this is the most important thing. When you are editing yourself, when you're afraid it's not safe to tell your truth. To ask for what you need to confront. Okay, this didn't work for me and here's what would work instead. That's not the other person's fault. It will never be safe enough for you to tell your truth. The unsilent woman wants you to unleash your inner unsympathetic silent leader inside of yourself. It is never going to be safe for you to be yourself, for you to say the truth, for you to have the hard conversations. You just do it so you know you did. And ladies, if you want my support with this, go to theunsilentwoman.com and join my own youn voice society. It's a membership. It's where I coach you. It's extremely financially accessible. But a lot of the time the biggest red flag is you didn't communicate. That is a huge red flag. And when you don't communicate, the person can't have a relationship with you because the real you isn't available for them to relate to. Relationship relate. If you're editing yourself being nice, saying what you think everybody wants to hear instead of your truth because you don't want conflict or upset, there's no relationship. The second big red flag is if you are more focused on their needs than your own. We sacrifice and betray ourselves in the name of love and it is a bunch of bs. Your needs take care of them first so you're equipped to be there for them. It isn't either or. I'm not saying be self absorbed and all about you. And you don't take care of people. You if you're listening to this segment, you take care of people. You give, you serve, you lead. But you gotta factor you into the equation because they won't take better care of you than you are. Just like, right. You can't think somebody will show up for you better than they show up for yourself. So the two biggest red flags I want you to focus on this week within yourself. Are you talking and are you making sure your needs get met and prioritizing your needs so you can be even better for people.
And if you want to be a part of the situation. What was it called?
The own your voice society, baby.
If you want to be a part of that, go to theunsilentwoman.com theunsilentwoman.com on a mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca Silence. Thank you so much. We'll talk to you next week.
All right. Be careful with each other's hearts and don't think not using your voice is an option this week. Use your voice. Use your voice. Use your voice.
