Growing, Growing, Grown! Is All That Inner Work Worth It?

This inner work and all of the inner work that you've been doing worth it. That's what we're talking about today on the Healing is Possible Experience with me, your host, Rebecca Silence. This show is designed to take you on a journey of hope and healing and to offer you real tools to take with you into your lives so that you can get even more emotionally healed, so that you can make the difference that you want to make in the world and be your best for those you love and those you come into contact with. The practice of emotional healing is my passion, my life's work, my mission. And today I want to talk about how do you gauge and know whether or not it's working and whether or not it's worth it? Because when with the practice of emotional healing we really are opening up Pandora's box, we really are being brave and courageous and beginning to face our emotions. And what's in Pandora's box that has felt threatening, that has felt bigger than us, and that has felt so dark and so difficult that it doesn't necessarily seem worth it to confront those things. This can be past trauma, this can be past heartbreaks. This can be places where you have felt defeated, where you have felt powerless. It isn't cookie cutter, right. The practice of emotional healing is about helping you find the right way and the right way to live and heal and grow for you. I'm never saying here's the way, I'm saying here's a way that my hope and wishes are, will help you come back to you, live fully as the you you want to be and find your path. The practice of emotional healing is here to help you create the roadmap for you that will help you be the most emotionally healed and free that you've ever been. So there are so many clients that I've worked with over the years and people that have come to me inquiring about work with me, but have slammed their foot on the brakes because they're afraid it's not going to be worth it. You know, and I work with people that are highly functioning and highly successful and emotionally they're just in some way shape or form not feeling as fulfilled as they know they could. If that's you, I want you to really listen more because this episode is going to be incredibly powerful. I have not actually, if I am honest, ever met anybody that was brave enough to take on their personal growth and self improvement and didn't at some point in time wonder is it going to be worth it? You know, and it is real that we get scared that all of the work that we've done and all of the results that we've built, you know, we don't want to lose that. Right. So part of. Is it. Is it going to be worth it, Rebecca? Is I don't want to lose my career, my reputation, my family, my marriage, my child, my closest friends and inner circle, my money, my home. Right. That. That's. So I just want to give voice to the fear that we don't want to lose what we've already built if we're going to go there. And when I say going there, I mean to the place in you that hurts, that you're afraid if you. If you begin to tackle it, there will be collateral damage. So I'm here to talk about how going there is worth it and how you know that to be true today. And we're going to do that in a few different ways. Imagine a life where you're no longer trying to fit in to the world to, you know, being this person that you're supposed to be. And instead you've built a life that fits in with you and your soul. It's possible. Imagine a life where you feel the way you want to feel about you and about your life, regardless of external factors. That's possible, too. And imagine that you can get to a place where you've become a version of yourself that never needs life to be different than it is, and that never needs life to be different than it was, because you know how to feel, how you want to feel, and you know how to create a new experience of life within yourself, even if the external hasn't changed. So let me unpack this a little bit further. So, first of all, have you ever really known that your life is working for you? It's so easy to focus on mindset and strategy and who am I supposed to be and how am I supposed to be? And to be focusing on, do I fit in or not with the external world? And that can be in your marriage, that can be at work, that can be in your family system, that can be with your friends. It's easy to focus on am I fitting in? But that will keep you in a place where you will inevitably feel not good enough or even in the moments where, yeah, it's working. I do feel like I'm fitting in. There can be fear that that will go away if you aren't showing up just right. Do you feel the stress and the pressure of this narrative that almost everybody has running at one time or another? And a lot of us have running more than we ever would care to admit. Am I fitting in? Am I fitting in? Am I fitting in? Who do I have to be to fit in? How do I have to be to fit in? These are the wrong questions because they end up having you feel like shit. It's not worth it. So I want to invite us to ask ourselves some new questions that will set us up for a new level of certainty that the inner work is working. Okay, so first of all, when I'm talking about the inner work, I'm talking about the only thing that matters and the only thing that you can actually control, which is why I'm saying it's the only thing that matters is you on the inside. This inner emotional landscape, how you are feeling, how you are experiencing life, that is 100% the inner work that changes everything. But when you take that on, there will be moments where you are questioning and wondering, is it worth it? Is it working? Oh my God, how much longer is this going to last? Right? Because that opening up of Pandora's box, it does result in you beginning to feel through what you've been avoiding or scared to face. And it doesn't have to be painful. And I don't actually believe, and this is really important, you know, when we're talking about how do you begin to create a life that fits in with you instead of being so focused on how you fit in. I think there's so much freedom in. It is my life and I am the leader of my life. And I can be who I want to be and feel how I want to feel, no matter what is going on outside of me. That is hard work. But I don't think we need crisis and breakdown to be the prerequisites for a breakthrough. So I think we anticipate that it's going to be even more painful than it's going to be. I don't we need a breakdown to get to a breakthrough. It's just I'm starting to feel suffocated. I'm starting to feel like I am either trapped or living a life that is boring or feeling too small for me now and I'm ready to grow. I want more. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting more. And there is so much more possibility available to you than is even comprehensible. There is so much life and possibility and miracles and love waiting for you. But it all starts with how are you experiencing life on the inside? I say the mission is healing. The cure is self responsibility, not because you're responsible for literally anything going on outside of you. But because you're responsible for who you're being on the inside and for facing and being willing to move through and conquer anything going on on the inside about how you feel about you and life on the inside, that's in the way of what you actually want to be experiencing. That's your work. This healing and the practice of emotional healing process that I'm living every second of my life and teaching a lot of my life is, I think, a pathway to fulfillment and freedom. That's been a big missing, but it will require you to be extremely brave and it will require you to get willing first and foremost, to let go of life the way it's been. That's having you feeling stress and pressure and worry that isn't actually that useful. So as we take this on, I don't think it needs to be as painful as maybe we're afraid that it's going to be. But that doesn't mean it won't be confronting. And that doesn't mean there won't be a lot of letting go required. I think. I think that's the biggest thing, right? Like you get to be building a life that fits in with you and excited about that. And then at the same time, there will be a grieving and a letting go of who you've been and how it's been and what you've been attached to. But what's left is you feeling great about who you have become and about where you're committed to your life going and all that's possible for you. And it doesn't mean I'm asking you to become a whole new version of you. It doesn't mean I'm saying let's throw the baby out with the bathwater, you know, drop everything, start over. I am not saying that at all. I'm saying it's mostly this fear of who you're supposed to be that fit to fit in. I think. I think that's the biggest fear. Who do I need to be to fit in to the world, to my life, with my spouse, family, whatever it is that keeps us feeling less alive, it will have you feeling less alive and less excited about your life to be in a perpetual worry about who do I need to be to fit in? Am I fitting in? And I'm just going to suggest it's not worth it. It's not worth it to live your life in a way where you're worrying about fitting in to anything outside of you. I want you to learn not only how to be comfortable in your own skin and confident about who you are and where your life is going and why that's to you, in you. And that unwavering certainty and that level of confidence about who you are, where your life is going, and why it's important to you. It's available to you 100% of the time. But you will have to let go of this need to attempt to be fitting in out there. And I have found that when I'm working with clients, when I'm seeing people, you know, that I respect and admire and working with big influencers out in the world, that the more true to themselves they are, the more their lives fit in with them, actually the more attractive they become. But maybe not to the people that they're wanting to be attractive to. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, we get so attached to who's still on the bus, who's still with us, who's still, still, you know, seeing us and respecting us and caring about us and supporting and encouraging us. I want you to know that the right people will be there. But the number one thing is to not be willing ever again to lose you. Because you need to fit in out there. The only thing you have to lose is you. Don't you dare let that happen. Don't you dare instead create a life that fits in with you, that you're proud of, that you love, because you've become a person that you respect and admire and love and believe it, and all of that is possible. And from that place, you begin to feel very differently about life. It just becomes all about choice and all about possibilities that are there only all the time for you. But if we need that possibility to validate us, if we need a result to prove something to somebody else or even to ourselves, we're going to still have an experience of life where we're feeling stressed, pressure, anxious, worried. And I want you to get to a point where you feel comfortable in your own skin, where you feel confident knowing that you get to be who you really are out there in the world. The world will never be safe enough for you to fully, honestly and authentically begin to show up. You got to learn how to be safe with you. And that's a feeling that's your right, and that's an experience that's your right. And I think we can get really safe within ourselves when we begin to know that we have our own answers. I'm not, when I'm working with clients, ever thinking I know what's best for them. All I know is what they told me that they wanted. And then we get to remove the blocks to that possibility one at a time so that from there they can see if they really want it or not. And often people come to me thinking they want a certain job or a certain amount of money or a new relationship or a marriage or a new support system or whatever it is. And then we remove the blocks to the possibility, and they realize that's not actually what I want anymore. Awesome. You just became the person that got out of the way and got through all of the blocks to that possibility, and now you got to powerfully choose. How cool is that? So just know that your life needs to fit in with you, and you get to feel about your life and about yourself and about others how you want to feel. Now, how do you do that? Again? It starts with a willingness to kind of face the music, to take inventory of how life is now, where life is now, and what your part in those results are. What are you doing or not doing? What are you saying or not saying? To create the experience of life that you're having, and how do you actually want to feel? And I think, you know, the inner work is working simply because you're aware enough to be asking yourself these questions, right? We think the inner work is working when we finally feel emotionally orgasmic. That is not the point. And yes, get to that place, Feel that way as much as possible. But just being in the awareness is everything. It is giving you your life back to just be willing to be awake and aware about. How am I feeling? Is my life working? Is my life feeling how I want it to feel? Am I fitting into my life? Is my life fitting in with me? The way I'm living? Does it fit in with the way my soul and my spirit are wanting to live? These are the right questions. And it won't always be feeling good or comfortable, but again, it doesn't have to be terrible or devastating. It's just, you got to get out of resistance. If I'm feeling defeated, I know this is an old experience coming from a wounded place. And this is one that recently I've been working through nonstop, you know, kind of breaking up with any availability for defeat. Because, again, life goes your way. It doesn't go your way. None of that's about you. It's just life. I don't think life is happening for you. I don't think life definitely. It's not happening to you. It's just happening. And then you get to navigate internally. Okay, now what who am I going to be now? How am I going to be now? How do I want to feel in the face of this reality that I can't change? I want us to stop worrying about trying to get life to be how we need it to be, people to be how we need them to be, the scale to look how we need it to look, our bank account to look how we need it to look, and then we can begin to feel how we want to feel. That is crazy business, as my husband Mark would say. He likes to say that that's crazy business, right? And it is. To think we need all this to change, and then we can start to feel okay, and from there get to the place where we feel how we want to feel. No, I could get to the place where I felt confident that I was going to live, like I was going to live, and that I was going to use my cancer journey as the ultimate seminar where I got to meet myself. Right? And, man, was that empowering. Right? And I talk a lot about becoming the source of your own encouragement. And that's a big part of the practice of emotional healing that allows you to begin to get to the place where you're feeling how you want to feel. Even when life is happening the way it's happening, that may be inconvenient, that may not be your preference, or that may really hurt. But it's all an opportunity for you to rise to the occasion of your one precious life and how you feel about yourself. When you're willing to take all of the external and use it as an opportunity to rise to the occasion of being the best of you, even with those circumstances being what they are, that will begin right then and there to have you experiencing yourself and your life differently and others differently. They get to show up how they're showing up, you know, and good luck telling someone, you don't get to do this or you don't get to talk to me this way. Sure they do. But you don't have to engage. You don't have to take that shit. But you get into a place where, you know they don't need to be different. I know who I am, and I get to still feel about myself in my life however I want to, no matter what they're doing that's available for you. And again, just being awake and aware of, am I in alignment with my highest self? Is this choice, is this action, is this intention that I'm setting in alignment with who I really know I am and who I really want to and long to Be, you know, you might not feel like you've crossed the finish line yet. That's okay. Just be aware that you get to feel how you want to feel and you get to be who you want to be, no matter what's happening outside of you. And just knowing that that's possible, I think makes the inner work worth it automatically. And then here's a hack. Here is an emotional healing hack. I want you to help yourself feel how you want to feel. Remember that you can either in any given moment be in the experience or just with it. So I can be in it and now it's got all my power, or I can be with it and it doesn't have power over me. Here's an example. My daughter had her prom very recently. Man, was she gorgeous. And I was so proud. And it was a big, for me exercise that night in letting go of control. She is going to be with her friends. She has earned the privilege of the freedom and the opportunity and the experience of her life that night, working for her, fitting in with her, feeling how she wanted it to feel. She gets to make her choices and then course correct from there. But there were so many moments where I wanted to go into a control drama. Whether it was a couple moments she was getting stressed out about certain things. So I can go in that with her or I can be with her while she's in that, holding the standard and the possibility that she can get to a place where she's not in it anymore, she's with it and from there she gets beyond it. Right? Because that's how it works. I'm in it and then I can be with it and then I can get beyond it. Ok? And we do this with ourselves and we do this with other people. And that night I was so proud of her and I was really proud of me for just letting go of control, holding her capable and being with me while I was with her. And she had a great night. Now it's not always going to go well, but I can still be with it instead of in it. In the moments that don't feel like they're going well. And I have so much more power then and so much more life that I get to experience from that place when I'm in it. My availability to experience life fully is so limited when I'm willing to be with life as it is, not needing it to be different and with myself experiencing life as it is without needing me to even be different. Man, it can change so fast how you feel on the inside about you and about your life and about other people. And again, I don't want you engaging with people that treat you bad, that are mean to you, that are out of integrity, whatever it is, but don't villainize them. Just powerfully make your next choice. This is good for me, this isn't. And that's a great question to journal about. You know, from this place of awareness. What I know is good for me now is. What I know is no longer good for me now is. And what I want next is. These are great questions to journal about. What I know from this place of awareness is good for me now is. What I know is no longer good for me now is. And what I know I want more of is. Or what I know I want to experience next is go create that for yourself. I want us to have the experience of life that we're longing to have. And you can have the experience that you want to have, no matter what. You can have the experience of happiness, joy, excitement, freedom in the face of any external factor. I know that to be true because I lived it with a very small percent chance that I was going to survive cancer. I had the experience I wanted to have. And there was a moment where I am just going to vulnerably share here. There was a moment where I got really scared that if I let myself get too happy, I'd be dead. Like, what's the point of living if I'm at the place where I'm fully free and fully happy and literally for me, experiencing heaven on earth and God with me at all times, and I'm never alone again, and I am the master of my own experience and destiny. If I let myself get to that place, doesn't that mean I'm going to be dead? Well, I risked it and I'm going to ask you to risk it. You are meant to feel all of the good that is available to you. You are meant to receive all of the best that life has to offer you. No matter what choices you've made, no matter what traumas you've been through, no matter how heartbroken you are right here, right now, or defeated, you get to experience all the good that life has to offer. Because nothing is wrong with. And you're not crazy. And it's your right. You're magnificent. But have you experienced that yet? Have you experienced how magnificent you are yet? That's the path the inner work is taking you on. And I think that's the ultimate destination. And it isn't about arrogance. It's about feeling great about you and your ability to create the experience of your life that you've been longing to have. It's available to you. It's supposed to feel good. And that doesn't mean that the hard realities or the places in your life where there are messes that need to be cleaned up aren't right there waiting for you. But take them on in a way where you have now become a version of yourself that you can be proud of. Take them on because you want to, not because you're ashamed or guilty or so afraid of what would happen if you didn't. You're magnificent, and so is your life. And you get to experience life how you want to, no matter what is happening or has happened. And that's my big message for you today. And how you know the inner work is worth it is you start to realize that you have choices, choices. And from there, you start to feel about you and about your life how you want to feel, even when things aren't necessarily going your way or how you want them to be yet. And then there's a day where you're in an old trigger or an old situation that at one point would have brought you to your knees and you just know who you are and you're not impacted anymore. And then you get to a point where you're just really free and at peace with you exactly as you are with life, exactly as it is. And that is the ride I am wanting to begin to take you on and offering you that that is what's possible and know, amount of money, dress size, job title, credential, relationship status, your kid getting into the right school or making the perfect set of decisions. None of that will have you feel how you want to feel about you and about your life. And I'm wanting you to give yourself permission to get out of the goddamn hamster wheel and just live and let yourself start to experience the beauty and the miracles that are available to you. And ultimately, you know, I put myself on this process when I start to feel really, really confronted or questioning. Oh, my gosh, am I a crazy person? Is this worth it? And I ask myself that often. But I don't ask myself that from a place of shame. I just acknowledge the fears so that they no longer have any power or control over me. And then I remember miracles are waiting. And the process I put myself on when I'm the most confronted is I just. I pray for a miracle. I pray for a miracle. Show me a miracle. I'm available for a miracle. And all I think a miracle Is is the situation didn't change, but I'm experiencing myself and life in a way that feels great. And even though the experience didn't change and when I'm up against big decisions, I ask myself, you know, what miracles are available to me and what path takes me to a new experience of a miracle versus what keeps me in the same old same old? Another great question I ask myself when I feel confronted is what will grow me the most? You get to experience the benefits of inner work, but don't quit before you've let yourself have a new feeling and a new experience about you, your life, others, yourself. And I think of everything outside of me is access to understanding what's going on inside of me better. And then I take on getting to a place where I get to feel how I want to feel and experience life the way I want to, no matter what is happening. And what I focus on is what is happening in me instead of what is happening out there. And from that place I can't be threatened. And what if that's true for you too? What if what you have control over is what is what is happening in you? That's what you have control over. What is happening in me? It's a great question to ask yourself instead of focusing on what's happening out there and how do I manipulate it, how do I change it, how do I get it to where I need it so I can feel safe and comfortable. That's going to keep you hanging on by a thread. Feel how you want to feel, experience life the way you want to and focusing on what's happening in you is the path to get there. And I'm so proud of you. You're always at choice. None of this is easy, but it really is simple and I want to invite you to get support so that you can begin to open up Pandora's box so it no longer has control over you and your life. It's already running and potentially even ruining your life. What's in Pandora's box that you're afraid to face, move through and conquer? So let's look at it. I promise it's not as threatening as you think and I'm here to support you. Visit rebeccasilence.com and tune in every Tuesday, 10am Mountain to the healing as possible experience for more tools and goodness and light and possibility that's only available to you all the time. I think the inner work is always worth it. And it starts with being willing and then being aware and then knowing with certainty that how you're feeling and how you're experiencing. Life can change if you will be brave enough to focus on you on the inside. Not trying to change the external, change the internal. You always can. I'm so proud of you. I'm so here for you. And remember, healing is possible for you, for me, and for all of us. I love you. Thanks for tuning in.