Having a Better Relationship With Food – With Guest Rebecca Spataro M.S.

I remember deliberately making the choice that I didn't want to give a shit anymore about the external influences and the things that I thought I should be doing. And I really wanted to funnel my energy and passions into what feeds me. Because health is not just my body, it's my mental health as well. And in fact, I think mental health sometimes should be placed ahead of physical health, because if your head is not in the game, your body is not going to follow. Okay, we're going.

Okay. Three, two. One thing is possible.

Experience.

I'm your host, Rebecca. Silence. And today we are talking about body and food and self worth and how you can have a new experience and relationship with all three of those things. This show is here to take you on a journey of hope and healing every single week. Healing is possible. It is not promised, but with commitment, there's nothing you can't heal. There is nothing external that is more powerful or stronger than you and your innate ability to heal and live and thrive. And today, I am so, so excited to bring Rebecca Spataro to the Healing is Possible Experience show. This is a woman I have known for over a decade. Rebecca holds an AAS in Communication and Public Relations, a BS in Exercise Science, and an Ms. In Applied Clinical Nutrition. An educated woman is a woman after my own heart. She is also highly trained as a yoga instructor and holds her Eryt 500300 hour in Restorative Yoga therapeutics and is also completing her certification in intuitive eating. She has worked professionally in corporate wellness and is currently a cook at City Cafe in Whitesboro, New York and the owner of not so Ordinary Nutrition Counseling and Education. And Rebecca works with individuals in and out of her hometown and my hometown of Utica, New York. Rebecca, it is such an honor and privilege to have you today. Welcome to the show.

Thank you so much for having me. Rebecca. This has been such a long time coming.

It has. I know. And the timing is divine and perfect. And I just know that we are going to disrupt paradigms that people live in, thoughts and beliefs that people have today. And I'm so excited to do that, to disrupt the standard and to create an opening for people to decide for themselves what they want their relationship with food and their body and self worth to look like. One of the first questions I love to ask is just simple, what does healing mean to you?

Oh, what a great question. So healing means to me living in alignment with myself and more so like recognizing what that looks like internally. And I actually have a new phrase that I kind of came up with because I kind of stepped into it and I was trying to figure out how to describe it. And the word is unfuck withable. For me, healing is standing in my power that comes from deep inside and just being, and being confident in who I am and what I do and embracing my health as it is today. And that's, that's healing for me and it's the best place to be.

Yeah, well, and for those that are listening that might think, well, I can't get to a place of actually believing I'm unfuck withable, especially when it comes to my body or nutrition, you know what, what would you say to them? Because I will say I agree that that's a possibility. I've lived it. And even for, for me, it, it was a goal to get unfuck withable. And then it was like, and I don't need to be with. To prove that I'm unfuck with the bull. I can just decide I'm unshakably whole. How about that? Right? So what would you say right. To people that are like, oh, that sounds good for these two Rebecca's, but I don't get access to that.

So first of all, you do not need to be named Rebecca to get here. I have a theory that women who are named Rebecca are like, just like we're top notch humans. So but really to get there, it's a mindset, you know, it's an internal mindset. It's not being influenced by, you know, external anything. And it's a commitment to the self. So everybody has that within their grasp, within their toolbox. And if it needs a little bit of sharpening, that's what we're here to do.

Yeah, but the muscle, the ability to commit to yourself on this level, it is within only every single one of our grasp. And I'm so glad you said it that way. I got chills. I love it. And you know, for me, I knew Rebecca before cancer and baby and chemo and postpartum and hormones and adrenal failure. And after, I've stayed connected to you and I remember I've known your message that an intuitive relationship with food and your body has been there ever since I've known you. And I've loved watching it blossom. And I want to hear about how that happened. So tell us your story, because you're not here talking about a concept. You're talking about a lived experience and transformation of your reality. And I just want to say, you know the original title of the book, Coming Back to Life that I wrote and published this year with HCI Publishing was I'm not too fat unless I look in the mirror. Because my personal struggle before cancer and enduring and after was this experience of body dysmorphia and this experience of my body being the problem and my body being broken. And I remember a coach saying to me, so, so what? Healing is possible for everyone and everything except for you with your body. And I'm like, well mic drop sir. Ok, you know, but I think, I think we get afraid to hope. And I think part of it too is I know at least for me it is easy to take on the generational programming like it is gospel and has to be true for me. And you know, I remember being in a cancer bed, not able to walk. I had dropped foot from chemo, not being able to hold my baby. I had had so many surgeries, not being able to breastfeed my baby, which for me was the most devastating part of my cancer diagnosis. I had breastfed my oldest for 13 months. I wanted to have this experience with my second baby that I felt cheated out of. I couldn't breastfeed her, I couldn't hold her, I couldn't move. And you know, I remember this moment where I recognized this is bigger than my personal ego based relationship with my body. This is like an opportunity for generational healing unlike any I've ever experienced. And I also like we have the ability to commit to, you know, a relationship with our body where we let it guide us. We have the ability to decide I, I must be able to do this healing because it's right here. It's in my experience anyways. I just want to say how important I think your work is and how grateful I am that you are the loud, disruptive voice that, that you are around these paradigms around body and food. And I've lived the, the journey from. Sounds great, but it won't work for me to the point where I absolutely trust and listen to and pay attention to the guidance from my body around food to the guidance from my body around self care. And I never thought I could actually get there and I'm here. So let's talk to them about your journey and you know, how you got here and what you've experienced.

So just start like just to give people an idea like so I'm 46. That's where I fall on the age spectrum and I absolutely love my age. My 40s have been one of the most revealing as to my path and why I've experienced the things that I have and I'M incredibly grateful for my. My history and my life. I, you know, a typical kind of suburbany upbringing, professional parents. But I remember very early on being the taller, little, chunkier young girl. I have very vivid memories. I think it was the fourth grade. Do you remember, like, the 80s, like, when, like, glitter was in, like, the sweaters. Sweaters, yes. So I still remember getting up from the lunch table in the fourth grade with my. And it was a cat. I'm not. I'm a cat person now, but I wasn't then. It had, like, this pink, like, glittery cat. And this girl that was at my table looked at me after eating, and she said, it's amazing how your belly sticks out further than my belly. And I was like, I just remember that, like, really crushing. Like, oh, oh, that didn't feel good. And in the sixth grade, and it's funny that you mentioned generational trauma. And I think this bears a little bit of discussion at some point, even if it's right now. So, like, one of those, like, kind of key moments that comes up in memory is when I was in the sixth grade, I weighed 106 pounds. And I remember talking to my grandmother about this. Like, it just happened to come out that I weighed 106 pounds. And she looked at me and she was like, oh, well, honey, you're going to want to be careful. Because I weighed 106 pounds when I got married. And, you know, it hurt. You know, it definitely felt like a standard that I was unable to obtain now. Now, as an adult, looking back and understanding diet culture and understanding body image, she was not trying to oppress me by any stretch of the imagination. So I'm not angry with her. I recognize that that is how she was raised. That was a value that she had, and that was a concern that she somehow I would be harmed on my body weight. And she, being the loving grandmother that she was, just really wanted the best for me. But, you know, sixth grade, Rebecca was not completely aware of that at the time. You know, I remember being on Weight Watchers in my early teens. I remember, you know, getting pregnant for the first time and having my son and you know, what that did to my body. And I think body image really started to come back in around that time because, you know, I gained weight as we do when we get pregnant and have babies. And I just remember this drive coming right out of pregnancy to get as small as possible as I could, as fast as I could. And it just was not a good situation because it was by, like, any means Necessary. And I too, at the time was breastfeeding. And sometimes I can't help but wonder. I had a hard time keeping up with my son and breastfeeding to the point where he started to decline in his health. So I had to start to supplement with a bottle. And, you know, in hindsight, I was like, did I. Did I do that by, like, trying to, you know, just cram my body back into something that it wasn't? And then being married, I had so many, you know, ideas that, well, I have to be this body type in order to have a good marriage, in order for my husband to desire me. And then on top of that, it was compounded by becoming an army wife. And army culture, army spouse culture is brutal. And a lot of it is a lot of judgment based on how, what size you are. There's a military term depend upon a miss when you're a military dependent and you didn't want to be that wife. And, you know, my husband at that time was very driven in his physical fitness. He had a very strenuous job. So I really felt that I needed to level up and match him. And then when he was deployed, one of the things that was given to us army wives was two hours of free child care every day, which was a blessing. But you had like, one of three places you could go. The gym, the art center, or the bowling alley. So I committed to going to the gym. It was after my third pregnancy and backing up a little bit. Like when I went in to deliver my third child, I got on the scale because for whatever reason, they. They weigh you, like in the middle of contractions, like, oh, let's see what your. Your weight is right now. Why do we need this? And the number on the scale. I remember my then husband saying to me, oh, look, we weigh the same. And I was just like, oh, wow, like, excuse me while I go crack out a kid here. But, like, that was like such a zinger, you know. Shortly thereafter, he deployed, I went to the gym utilizing my two hours. And this is where my kind of disordered eating skyrocketed because I was analyzing everything that was going into my mouth. I wanted to be the perfect body when he came home from war, all of that good stuff. And I went From a size 16 to a size 4. Four in a matter of about a year. And looking back, that was completely unsustainable, Absolutely unsustainable. What I was doing. Offered myself a little bit of grace, gained a little bit of weight, went into the wellness industry. Wellness is also incredibly Brutal, because there is this notion that if you are, you know, the wellness coordinator, if you're the yoga instructor, if you're out there putting yourself out for the benefit of wellness and health, that you damn well better look like whatever that is in the magazines. And I was having a really hard time keeping up with that. And all the while, like, I was just becoming brutal with myself. You know, my marriage was starting to deteriorate for a multitude of reasons. I was so unhappy with how I looked and I felt like if I could fix my body, all of these little things are going to fall into place. And it just wasn't working out that way. It just, no matter what I ate, no matter how I killed myself in the gym, no matter what I told myself, what berating, you know, Rebecca, you're, you're failing at this. You're failing your children. They're not going to want to be seen with you in public. All of these things like flooding my life and I kind of just broke and you know how we get stuck in our heads and our heads are so loud. I noticed that I was living here and not here. And around this time, you know, I was coming back and reconnecting with my yoga practice. And I was introduced to restorative yoga, which is probably one of the hardest forms of yoga because it's, it's, it's really kind of removing all physical sensations from the body and dropping into the internal sensations of the body and quieting the mind. And I'll tell you, a lot comes up during that, but I realized that I had such a huge disconnect between my head and my body that that really needed to change. And I started to get to a point where I liked dropping into my body, I liked feeling what I was feeling. And around this time I started to reconnect with my kitchen and here's my lady and food like I didn't like. I remember deliberately making the choice that I didn't want to give a shit anymore about the external influences and the things that I thought, thought I should be doing. And I really wanted to funnel my energy and passions into what feeds me. Because health is not just my body, it's my mental health as well. And in fact, I think mental health sometimes should be placed ahead of physical health because if your head is not in the game, your body is not going to follow. And there are some unconventional things that I've done in the last couple of years. One, I don't have a full length mirror in my house. At first that was really hard But I didn't want to continue to live with the judgment of all of my preconceived notions. I really wanted to learn to experience my body from the inside out. I wanted to feel what it felt like to feel good without physically taking the time to be like, oh, well, you shouldn't be wearing those pants and oh, look at the way your body flops over your C section line and stuff like that. I don't own a scale. I haven't owned a scale in over four years. You know, that's, that's hard. That's really hard, you know, especially when everything is so weight driven. And one of the big changes was actively seeking self compassion in a relationship with myself. And yeah, that, that was like the big change, the, the being kinder to myself because so like, so we've all done this. Have you ever looked at Pictures of yourself 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, and you're like, wow, I really didn't look that bad. And I was so hung up on this. So now when I'm like, well, if I thought, you know, 10 years ago I looked good, now looking back and you know, wishing that I had had the time and energy that I gave to the gym and stupid diets and all that other stuff, I looked good. So I figured now that the 46 year old Rebecca, when 56 year old Rebecca looks back, she's gonna be like, 46 year old Rebecca was a doll, you know, so I'm just like, I'm not gonna wait 10 years. I'm just gonna think that I'm a babe now.

Oh, this is so good, Rebecca. I, I want to pull out three big pieces of what I'm hearing. So yes, let's get back to the generational trauma because I think the mental health issue is very real. And often it's not even our own voice that it sounds like our voice, it feels like our voice. It feels like it must be true, especially if it's fear based. And at least for me and my 15 plus years of experience with over 1000 clients at this point, you know, it isn't that we want to follow our fear based thoughts, but we think they're so real, we don't even know the fear has won or is taking over or that we're in a trauma response. Right. So let's talk a little bit more about that. And then there's a couple other pieces I want to pull out of what you said because, you know, the self compassion component is so healing and so critical and new success Metrics. I mean, that's what I'm hearing, right? Like, let's talk about generational healing and trauma healing, and let's talk about self compassion, and let's, let's invite our audience to come up with some new success metrics. Because, you know, at the time, for example, of writing coming back to life, and even now, I think I'm technically still on the obesity charts, but I also haven't weighed myself. I'm also measuring how I feel. I just trekked around Ecuador with my kid and was unstoppable. And, you know, I've still been dealing with healing the nerve damage in my leg and my feet. The doctors told me I'd never walk again even if I lived. And for those of you that are just meeting me for the first time, my story is I've been a coach for over 15 years. But seven years ago, I was pregnant with my second daughter, got diagnosed with cancer, was given a 5% chance to beat this, this melanoma that was already in my lymph nodes and had spread far, and I didn't even have symptoms. I had no idea I was even sick. So I think all of this is so, so good. But let's talk about, you know, mental health and generational trauma. And what do you do? Because for me, what I've done is I've created the practice of emotional healing to help heal the mental health, to give you access to the body. Because when you're all clogged up and funky emotionally and afraid of your emotions, you can't even differentiate between what's my voice, what's fear, what's somebody else's voice. So what have you learned and what do you want to share about this?

So what I've learned is, you know, and I'm just thinking about, you know, my life, other women that I know. And sometimes I, you know, I have three boys and I listen to what they say sometimes. And one of the things that kind of was like a highlight for me was, you know, their perceptions of me. And how I've parents parented sometimes is a little skewed than the message that I was trying to put out. But then upon realizing what they were saying, you know, I, you know, I had to explain them. Like, I was kind of parenting from, like my own traumatic experiences, and I didn't mean to impose those on you. And so I was like, well, you know, I'm learning this as I'm going, You know, I'm a product of my environment. I take those things with me, you know, My, my childhood, my upbringing, you know, every, like everybody has that. So I had to take it from me and realize that, you know, like the women in my family, like my mother, my grandmothers, other people that are, you know, influencers in my life, they all had their set of circumstances and that they were doing the damn best that they could with what they had based on their own experiences. And those experiences did not necessarily need to be held so dearly to influence my life anymore. I need to know where they came from. And a lot of them, I do now know the root of where they came from. And those were like their experiences. And they were coming at me with love based on their experiences which have not manifested in my life. And I don't need to carry their traumas anymore with me. I need to know where they came from. I need to respect that because that is their journey. But I don't need to blame anybody else in my life for their experiences that they are putting on me. That is how I am breaking my generational trauma. And it's free. It's unfuck with the ball. It's, that's really how I processed it. Just realizing that there's a bigger picture. Because when I heard my kids saying, well you know, you said this and then I reflected, I was like, oh shit. Like this is where I was at my life. And I can see how that was like, not like I had a loving and intentional message to give to my children, but because it was coming from a fear based place, it was not received as such. And you know, through those open communications with my kids now, like I tell them I was doing the best that I can with the tools that I had at the time. And those tools have evolved, as will our relationship. And I'll tell them, you're going to do the same thing with your kids, don't you worry.

Yeah, I think you're bringing up so many important points here. Number one, this isn't a conversation just for women or for people that identify as a woman. Right. Men also and all genders experience, experience body dysmorphia, disordered eating, an abusive relationship with their body is a possibility. It's, it's for anyone to understand your relationship with food, your relationship, your body can be what you want regardless of the programming, regardless of the messaging, regardless of the influences. And I love what you're saying. It isn't their fault, it's not our ancestors fault. It's just they're a product of the patterns and ways of coping and managing that they learned that helped them survive. And we all have an opportunity to make a decision about what we want our experience with food in our body to look like, what we want our relationship with ourselves to look like regardless of the programming, even if we've never seen it done before. It really is a distance decision and it's a decision. Right. And it, it isn't exclusive to women. And you know, I love that you brought your boys up because I work with people that identify as, as male and men all the time and this is not a topic that they're immune to.

No, it's not. I see it with them, I've seen it with other men in my life. You know, body image is huge. I mean we, we, we project upon them as much as like we're projected upon as women or people who identify as women. You know, you need to be this type. You, you know, you need to be the, the provider and the big burly, whatever and it's not working. You know, we keep creating boxes and try to shove each other into it without taking the time to be like, no, I don't, I don't want to box anymore. You know, and, and, and it's scared because like, it's scary. You're, you're stepping away from part of your history. Like when you generational trauma, like you're like you're making a break and you know there are those tethers and you have to sever them and it doesn't need to be a sever. And like that's dead to me. It's severed. There was a learning experience there and that's really how I like to look at that sort of stuff. And that, that deliberate decision and it is like it is sitting down and as a reasoning and reckoning with the self that I'm not going to do this anymore. I'm not going to live this way anymore. I am making the decision right here, right now to forgive everything that has happened in the past, to forgive myself to the standards that I held myself to. And I'm going to move forward with a clean slate.

Yeah, let's talk about forgiveness as a methodology to arrive at more self compassion because this is a word that gets thrown around. This is a word that can be upsetting and triggering for people if they think it means they have to accept the unacceptable or give people that harm them a free pass. I'll just say that for me, you're right on the money. I mean, I also used Phoenix Rising Yoga therapy and restorative Yoga practices in my healing because I was A marathon runner, and then now I'm essentially crippled for the rest of my life. Yoga. It was so helpful to have me feel what I was afraid to feel. Feel. I felt like the more I connected to my body, the more unsafe I actually was. And it just actually is the opposite. And when I forgave the parts of me, meaning I loved myself as innocently as before I was harmed or hurt, that's how I started to hear my own body talking to me. And I know that for me, the difference between a fear based message that is learned, that is coping, that is survival, and my own intuitive, you know, guidance and divine guidance coming to me through my body is, it's, it's divine. When there's no charge, when it doesn't hurt, when there's no threat, if it feels threatening or charged in any way, that's fear. So I can lovingly, with compassion, go, thanks for trying to love me. Just like our ancestors, our parents, our grandparents tried to love us, you know. But I'm not gonna follow you, right? So forgiveness, at least for me, is about accessing me again. The truest, highest, wisest version of me. It's not about letting anybody or anything that is unacceptable suddenly be treated as though it's acceptable. But tell us your version of forgiveness and how forgiveness can help us have more self compassion.

My version of forgiveness? That's a great question. My version of forgiveness is recognizing that I did the best that I could with what I had at the time and recognizing that it wasn't always healthy, it wasn't always the best thing and gleaning from it the good, bad and indifferent lessons. And like nothing is ever wasted, no experience is ever like a myth. There's always something to glean from every interaction, every thought. And they're not always beautiful and they're not always painting you in the most ideal light. But when you can step far enough back to see when some of those things are coming from deep places of hurt, places that haven't been explored, traumatic places, it changes the game a little bit when you can say, I see you for who you were, I see you for what you were experiencing. I'm almost getting a little emotional and I forgive you. But now you're smarter, so move forward smarter.

Well, and what you're modeling so vulnerably, the commitment to real, the commitment to vulnerability and authenticity, to me, that's the.

Medicine, that is everything.

So talk to us about what your success metrics are like. For me, if it doesn't honor, respect or take care of me, it is a no. That's it. Those are my metrics now. Not, you know, does my ass look good in these jeans? Is this going to make me appear sexy enough, you know, as you feel and just share your heart so beautifully and so profoundly with us? What are your success metrics and what's your coaching for people that they're like, okay, this sounds great, ladies, but I don't know a different way. I don't know how to feel different. It's like impossible, this concept of what we're talking about for so many people.

I think I'm going to start with, what would I say to those people that are like, this is great, this doesn't apply, and it's so trivial. But baby steps, you can't get there. Like, you got, like, I got here after 46 years. This is not like a turnaround sort of moment. Like, this is a baby step. Like, what little tiny thing can I integrate into my existence right now? And there is always something. We always find time for something and usually it's crap to fill our time. What can I do today, right now that just changes the plan or the vision? 5% better start there. You know, and, you know, kind of going around to like, the relationship, weight loss. And this is like my least favorite time of year because this is where. And I've already seen the spike on social media with the, oh my God, I'm already eating too much. And like, soon it's going to be the new year, new me bullshit. And nothing makes me want to pull my hair out faster. But we've all been there. We've all been like, yeah, this is my hair. And like, we have it in our mind that we're going to be 50 pounds thinner and all of these things are going to fall into place. And I don't know a single person that ever fucking nailed it. Not at all. And like, we've already set ourselves up for failure by envisioning what the end game looks like. And by and large, that is not unobtainable because we wildly fabulous imaginations of what we should look like or should be doing without taking into consideration what our actual body type is, what our actual caloric needs are, what our actual medical conditions are like. Nope, it's all about the body. No. So that would be how I would talk to somebody and saying, I don't know how to do this. Yes, you do. One little thing. And for me, what success feels like. And I do. You know, again, hats off to my restorative yoga work and my quiet time And a lot of changes in my life in the last four years, much like you. If it doesn't feel good to me anymore, I don't want it in my life. I have. I have lost too much. I have worked too hard. I have started over. If it is not contributing in my life, get the hell out of it. That's it. Period. Like, end of story. Yes, bills need to be paid. We'll figure out how to pay them. You know, we need to have our social life and all those things. And yes, they have a place. But if it is not contributing to my mental awesomeness, because that's all I want to feel like, I want to just drop in and feel amazing all the time. Like, who wouldn't want that? If it's not there, it's gone. It's out of my life. You know, that's why I recently had such a huge career change. You know, I took a staggeringly awesome salary cut to take essentially the dream job, which is like being a line cook and creating specialties. But my mental health has skyrocketed. And to me, like, honestly, the financial loss that I took, My bills are still being paid, but I mean, that was getting ready to be poured into, like, seeing a counselor because I couldn't handle what I was doing at the time. Yeah. So that part of it. But I mean, like, on a physical body sense, I touch my body all the time. I'm just like a touchy feely person. Like one of, one of the things that I like to tell women. So I've had three kids and one of them was a C section. And I noticed it even when I got down to that size four, that there's a lot of extra skin hanging out there now. And I would get. I would take a bath and I'd like make a butt out of my belly, you know, and like, that was always like my, like, don't touch it, don't look at it. How do I. How do I suck it in, hold it up, do all the things? And I realized that, you know, part of that was the. I'm destroying myself by vilifying this particular part of my body. And so again, deliberate made the choice to rename my belly, which at the time I thought was one of the most disgusting parts of me, my love. And I refer to it as such. And at first it was the most awkward feeling in the world. Like, oh, my love. Because when you're. Especially when you're teaching yoga and you're standing up there and leggings and a tank top you want to talk about vulnerability, But I wanted to find comfort with the part of me, the physical part of me that I hated the most. And now I love my belly. It is what it is. And it grew my babies. And I have a partner that loves my belly and I allow him to touch it. And like, that's even like a new sensation, you know, like having somebody deliberately, like, and it's got some love and he just. And it feels so good now. And I'm sure there are people listening going, I could never let anyone touch my belly. Oh, my God. It is like one of the most exhilarating things ever. And because it's so vulnerable, like, that is been for 23 years. That's how old my eldest is going to be. Oh, wow. That's been my most vulnerable part of my physical body, and I love it more than anything now. And that.

That success. Yeah.

Well, I love.

I love this share so much. My first coach gave me an assignment after a seminar to privately get naked in front of a mirror until I could stand what I saw.

And how was that for you?

Oh, I write about it. And coming back to life. It was one of the most excruciatingly painful, especially at the time, experiences I had ever had to face this body and to take the blame off of my body and to no longer need, like a crisis or a reason to turn my relationship with my body around, but to in fact, just make a decision. And I took it a step further because I wanted to face the way I was talking to myself. So I took Sharpies and I wrote all of the horrible things I would tell myself. So I was looking at this naked body that had birthed a beautiful baby. I was like a zero or two at the time in terms of my size, but I still, I felt so heavy and so big and like I was taking up too much space and like it was my body's fault. And I had had, at the time, six rapists. I had had so much that this body had been through. I didn't know cancer was coming. But this night, it was the dark night of the soul, like any other of just facing the dark in me and choosing not to believe it and not to be willing to see myself in that light, to talk to myself in that way. It was game changing. And I just. I hope for all of you watching, you can understand that you have it within you to have new success metrics around your relationship with your body and with food. You have it in you to make a decision that you want to experience Your body differently so that you can experience life differently. And I remember my first yoga therapy session where it was Phoenix Rising yoga and my eyes are closed and I felt so unsafe. And the therapist touched my leg and lifted it up to stretch it and I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. And I remember being so confronted because I had a master's degree in counseling. I'd been a coach for years. I got it emotionally, but my body hadn't caught up yet. So I just want to say if you find yourself in like a conceptual understanding, but your body isn't there yet, there's a great book, the body keeps the score. Your body holding onto the cells until you feel and release unapologetically, which I hope we're modeling for you today. Anything else you'd say about this?

No, that's pretty much it. I mean, we make like I'm listening to us and these are very profound stories. We also make it sound so easy. Well, and it's been.

I mean, I'm 42, you're 46. And we've been through hell and at least for me, and I think you're with me here. We're hoping you can decide it doesn't have to get worse before it gets better. It doesn't have to get uglier or scarier or you getting more sick. I mean, I remember thinking with the cancer diagnosis, is this my fault? All these years of anorexia, all these years of purging, even if I ate the littlest bit while I was running marathons all these years. I'm a, I'm a lifetime Weight Watchers member, trained Weight Watchers leader. I mean, I did the Weight Watchers train and I'm not knocking it if it works for people, but if it's fear based, it's not sustainable. That's the biggest word I want to circle back to sustainability.

Right.

Because if it's not sustainable, what the hell are you doing in terms of expecting long term results that come without collateral damage? If it's not sustainable, What I can guarantee you is there is no chance that there won't be some collateral damage along the way. And then we all have to trial and error our way into our own next. Yes, Right. But yeah, let's talk about sustainability.

I want to talk about that. You bring up some really good points and I'm just going to readjust like, I love my kitchen, happy here. And my little yoga body is saying you need to sit cross legged now. Yeah. Fear based. Let's talk about this. Like we even have medical science that now is driving this fear based weight bias. And I mean I don't knock anyone who is coming to nutrition, food management or weight management from a fear based place because why wouldn't you? That is what we are surrounded with 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And you go just one open of social media and it's flooding in. It is so hard to kind of buck that and figure out how to come from a place of love and compassion, self love and compassion. Because you're right, if you're coming at this from fear based places, you're not going to succeed. It's not going to be the outcomes that you're thinking because you're coming at it from the wrong perspective and it's your head and it's not your heart. And, and that's heartbreaking for me because there are so many fabulous people walking on this planet, especially here in the US because let me tell you, dysmorphia is not universal. Food issues are not universal between cultures. Absolutely not. Like this is like a wonderful like baked up. We're Americans, we do everything great. Yes we do. We even drive ourselves into the ground trying to manage weight. Like people don't even know. Like the background of bmi. Like BMI is a mathematical equation that has nothing to do with your health. It's just an indicator of how big your body is and not even how big your body is, but it doesn't even indicate like your waist size, which is a better indicator of body size.

It just.

And like the other thing with BMI is that it was originally used. The BMI calculation is about 200 years old anyways. But main purpose in the beginning was used by insurance companies who are selling life insurance to figure out what your rate should be. So there you go, there's your like the whole thing can just be like a rabbit hole. Like when you start looking into things like even like the USDA food pyramids, like that is government based, not health based. But when you, when you come to the place of love and forgiveness and wanting to move forward from a. I want to experience this more internally and whatever that looks like for me. And it's going to be vastly different for every individual. Like you're setting yourself up for success. There are new studies that when it comes to health management, weight management and you know, again they are relatively new because self compassion is a relatively new word. They're finding people that are bringing self compassion into their healing process are actually succeeding with weight loss if that is what you desire. I'm not a proponent of you know everybody needs to lose weight. I think that's a lot of shit. But finding that level of compassion with the self regulates like upregulates to the mind of like better like outlooks in general. And it just don't like the fear based stuff has got to go. Like don't feed it, don't, don't be part of it. Don't let an external fear based bullshit line influence you to the point where you're going to starve yourself, you're going to kill yourself at the gym, you're going to beat yourself up for how you look. It has absolutely nothing to do with you and somebody out there is just trying to make a buck and don't give them that buck.

Yeah. And you know, for me I also would invite everyone listening to think about and what is it that you truly desire underneath this metric of weight loss? Like once I get to this weight, what do you think is going to happen? How do you think life is going to feel different? Right. Because I know for me when I and I have paid a lot of people a lot of frickin money, holistic healers, physical therapists, all the, all these people along the way to get to the place where my body isn't just functional but thriving again. I really wanted energy back and no pain. Like that's what I desire because I knew I have a lot of life left to live. I am putting my foot all the way on the gas and going into the highest gear. I feel like I have been given this miracle opportunity to heal another impossible. This time it was a cancer diagnosis with a 5% chance to live. So what do I really want? It's not to get back to a size 4 or even a size 6. It's to have no pain and to have the energy to be on the biggest stages, to be serving at the highest levels. Like that's what I desire. So I just want to invite the audience to be thinking about what do you truly desire that you think weight loss will give you more access to and let the weight just fall off as a symptom of you living your most true, most healthy, most well for you life. And I think that's another thing to talk about like for sustainability purposes it's not sustainable if it's not well for you. And what's well for you is not going to be universal. Like the conversation we're having is universal. What's well for you? Maybe not. So what can you share with us Rebecca, around how people can Access what truly is well for them and what truly is sustainable for them.

You know, going back to self reflection. You know, you bring up a good point. Like, I recently joined a gym. I really hate gyms in general, but there was a purpose. Like, I'm not just going to beat myself up. I don't want to do that. But I have noticed where I am in my life due to having desk jobs, so on and so forth, and then picking up a very physically strenuous cooking job. I'm not as strong as I was. I want to get stronger. I don't care about shrinking my size. I just want to feel physically stronger. I do a lot of camping. I want to wrestle the bear. That's it. Yeah. But you know, this is where it's important to get out of here and feel what's going on here. You know, it's going to be different for everybody. But if you can hone in on like those things, like, I mean, realistically, is losing weight going to save your marriage? No. And if it is, then you might want to talk about who your partner is. That might be a bigger issue. Is losing weight going to get you the dream job? No. Is losing weight going to change all your bills? No. Maybe on an only fans page. No. I'm kidding. But like, like really think about it. Like what? Like peel back the layers. Like really, what are you going for? And I think you bring up a great point. Like you wanted more energy.

Yeah.

Awesome. You know, I want to be stronger. Great. Somebody out there might want to connect with their kitchen a little bit more. That's fabulous. Because why would you want to connect with your kitchen? Well, you have more control over your health and your well being when you're in your kitchen. Because food not only fuels the physical body, it also fuels the mental body. That's kind of it. It's a hard question to answer and you just really have to do your own self digging. You need to talk to people like the Rebecca's here and say, hey, this is where I'm at. And allow us to help guide you in kind of peeling back those layers. Because sometimes it can feel like a pit. Like, well, I don't know what the ultimate goal is. And sometimes it takes a third party to ask the questions to help you drill down more. But it's there, it's there.

I think that's the most important piece. Right. The answer is in you. Your answer, your soul's answer. Right. And I love that we're encouraging the audience to not take their mind too seriously. Unless it's feels really empowered and clear and to take our relationships with our bodies way more seriously so that our body can guide and direct us. And from there I believe we get access to our soul.

Yes.

Truth of who we are. And that is truly the only thing I want to listen to is, is my soul even at this point beyond my mind and my body. And if I can't connect to my soul, I connect to my body which then allows me to connect to my soul. But the point is those deep answers are available to you.

Yeah. So what I want to say to that too, like living that sole purpose like you and I, we're definitely on that path solidly. We know what that feels like. And here's the thing that I would say to listeners where this might feel like unattainable. Go back to that 5%, like what can you do that makes that 5% difference that you're stepping into your more authentic self or living your sole purpose or like. But here's the thing. When you are truly listening to your body, your body is going to tell you and it is going to feel amazing. And for me, like the, the renaming the belly as that started to feel better, I craved more. It like the path just kind of opened up because I planted the seed and allowed the seed to start to sprout. And it just like that is how I know that I'm not going to fall off of this path because this feels so amazing to me. And I like, this is why I'm doing the work that I'm doing is because I feel amazing and I want you to feel amazing. And I want people that have really struggled and have been like trapped by, you know, all these external things that have become internal and we've just screwed with ourselves so much. It is possible to get to the healing is possible. It is possible to step onto that path even if it's just a toe to start. But I assure you it will make a palpable difference in one's life. That you were like, okay, I can do this. Well, let's put my whole foot on the path and see how this feels. And the beautiful thing is that you're in control the entire time. It's not fear based anymore. It's not external. When you start to shift from that fear based to that loving compassion movement, it changes the game and it changes it in a huge way. Huge way. Yeah.

And you're the ultimate game changer for the experience that you've been having to change. And for me, I remember one lunch you And I had it ocean blue. And I could just feel the power of your commitment to not being willing to live in a way that was misery anymore. And I think that that is so profound. Right. To model suffering and misery and being miserable in my body and in my relationship with food specifically, it's just no longer an option. And, and I do think it is as simple as just a decision to no longer be willing to suffer. And thank you for living that. Thank you for leading so beautifully and so powerfully in your truth, which gives us all the opportunity to recognize there is, there is my way versus the way I've been living available to me.

That would work.

That wouldn't be miserable. That would be freeing. So I just want to thank you so much for the gift you are to humanity and to your community specifically. Any other, any other final thoughts or anything else that, that you think is super important for our audience to hear. And then I'm going to ask you about how they can get in touch with you.

Sure. I do want to circle around to food. Food is wonderful. And let me save everyone a shit ton of money to not have to get a degree in exercise science and nutrition. Movement matters and what you eat matters. And I am a huge proponent of a plant based diet. Not ruling out all the goodies that life has to offer, not ruling out meat, because I love a good steak. Eat the food. Eat without looking at labels. And actually if you have a lot of labels, maybe get some food with less labels, like that whole produce section that people just typically bypass. Spend a little time there if you want to learn how to cook. There are so many resources available. But I found that like going back to metrics of success, my connection with my kitchen has been not only therapeutic, but a creative journey. Like I identify as a food artist. Playing with food is wonderful. And I think we should all play with our food. And as a society, we've really moved away from the kitchen. And I think in order to kind of regain our overall health and mental well being is that we need to reconnect with our kitchen. But food can be very, very overwhelming. But I mean really, like easy rule of thumb is if it's a whole food, it's going to be good for you. If you prepare it with love and the intention of wanting to nourish the body, that's going to make a difference. If you're like, oh, well, she probably eats perfectly all the time. My go to snack is a White Castle cheeseburger right out of the freaking celloph. I love it. But by and large, all the food that I make is from scratch. And I would really love, especially like, if you're looking for an intention for 2013 or 2013. Wow, I just sent us back a decade. 2023 would be to spend a little bit more time in the kitchen, reconnect to food, play with it a little bit. It really is the seed of our health and it's so easily bypassed in our society now.

Yeah. I love that you're sharing this. And for anybody out there that's still feeling skeptical, I never thought my body would tell me what to eat and how to eat. And then it did. It just started talking and I started listening and I've never felt better. And I'm watching you, Rebecca, living in a way where it appears as though you've never felt better.

Oh, God, I haven't ever felt better. Like, this is, this is my dream life. I am, I am so happy. I feel so loved. I give so much love. You know, again, I've forgiven myself from my past. I've learned to love those not so lovable parts. And it does it. I can't wait to see how the rest of things play out. Like, I'm excited about life now.

So beautiful. And, you know, it does also, I think, work to even just be thinking about, what am I feeding myself? And not just the food. Right. But in general. Like, how are you feeding yourself? What are you feeding yourself? If your body knew what you needed to feed you on a soul level next, what would it be? Let's just start playing with. Not, you know, just the kitchen and yes, play with the kitchen, but just what are you feeding yourself and what, what is your soul longing for you to feed it? And what would happen if you took the risk and got brave enough to let yourself feed you the way you want to be fed versus the way you think you should be feeding you?

Again, it's all fear based. It's somebody else living outside of you telling you it's not even somebody else. Like, there are some great nutritionists who will guide you, registered dietitians and medical professionals that truly will take you into consideration. But if you're getting your messaging from like restaurant, a gym, social media feed, like, there's so much toxic messaging out there. Like, be very aware, like, and you can't go wrong if you listen to what's going on inside. Like, your body's going to tell you, like, what it needs when it's hungry. And you have to learn to kind of drop in and really recognize those cues.

Yes, yes. And if it's, it's fear based, you can feel it. Like there's, there's a physical experience of tension that at least for me, it lets me know, yeah, maybe that's not something to pursue right now. Unless I'm at least neutral. Then I'm not ready to pursue this because it's, it's not right for me and it needs to be right for you. There's no right way, you know, to feed yourself. There's the way that works best for you and that way is available. So Rebecca, if people do want your guidance and support and expertise after watching this, how do they get in touch.

With you so they can email me? I was telling Rebecca earlier I am not technically savvy, so eventually I'll get a website. But not so ordinary nutrition1wordmail.com I am also on social media. My Instagram is public. You can find me under not so Ordinary nutrition or not so ordinary underscore Rebecca. One of them. You'll see my shining face. You'll probably see a lot of food posts. You can hit me up through messenger there and chances are maybe you know someone that knows me and I'm more than happy to connect with you.

Yeah. And you do work with people remotely.

Anywhere there, anywhere they are. And if you're interested in restorative yoga, even like that is a part that like you, if, if we are working and you are in the Utica area where I can do hands on work with you, that is a great experience that I can provide. But yeah, I just, ultimately my goal is to provide women a level. Not women, but people in general. But I do tend to want to work with women just because I am a woman and I walk the walk. I want people to feel this level of unfuckwithableness. I want people to get there through mindset, through nourishment and just, just, you know, rock what you got. Feel good in it.

Yeah. Yeah. And what I will leave us with is just a gentle and loving reminder that healing can't happen when we think there's something wrong with us innately. And, and what if there's nothing wrong and it's your birthright to experience food in your body and your life exactly the way you've always imagined you could. Thank you for watching the Healing is Possible experience with me, your host, Rebecca. Silence. Thank you for Rebecca, for gorgeous and delicious and wonderful show and time together. Get in touch with either one of us. You can reach me@rebeccasilence.com you can reach Rebecca by emailing not so ordinary. Nutritionmail.com the show is brought to you by my team and the Emotional Survival Kit a less than 3 hour do it yourself journey back to you. You can buy that course@rebeccasilence.com we will see you all again very soon and hopefully this show helps you have a new experience of food this holiday season which brings you more joy which again is your right. Love you so much healing is possible for me, for you, for all of us and we'll see you soon.