How to Be Your Best Without Pushing Yourself Too Hard

When it comes to just life in general, how do we also know that we've been our best and didn't let ourselves off the hook? And how do we not push to the point where we break emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially.

Mixed with a 2.5. The best mix from the 90s to now. Big Papa in the afternoon. Time for another mental wellness Wednesday with life coach Rebecca. Silence online.

Rebecca.

Rebeccasilence.com Rebecca, how are you?

Very well. So grateful to be here. Hello, everyone.

So today I figure we would talk about the yin and yang and the push and pull as far as pushing yourself to be the best version of you, that you can be. The best, you know, father, best parent. You can be the best partner, you can be, the best employee you can be, as opposed to overextending yourself, putting yourself too much. Like, where is that fine line? Where's that? Like, where's that, Mendoza? You push yourself, but you don't want to push yourself too much and overextend yourself where you end up, like, doing bad things. You know what I'm saying? I want to say bad things, but you end up making yourself sick and, like, it's contradictory. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, well, absolutely. It's like with exercise, right? How do you know where that edge is so that you're not going to the point of injury? So how do we do that in our essence, in our desire to be the best that we can be? This is such a beautiful conversation. And by the way, happy belated Father's Day to you and all the dads and dad figures out there. I think it is so important to honor fathers, so I wanted to take a moment to do that.

Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that.

Absolutely. So, okay, when it comes to just life in general, how do we also know that we've been our best and didn't let ourselves off the hook? And how do we not push to the point where we break emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially? So let's just start with disclaimer, your best is enough. We don't ever let ourselves relax into that truth. Your best is enough. And what if you're always doing your best, but if you find yourself frustrated and unable to do better than your best, how do we navigate that? But your best really is and always has been enough. And just relax into that truth and let yourself exhale and let yourself believe that, even if it's just for five minutes. Say it out loud. My best is enough. My best is enough. My best is enough. Now let's look at, you know, how, how do we stop pushing? Because I think it actually is counterintuitive to think you have to push to be better. It creates more stress, it has hormones like cortisol flaring up and it has you going into fight, flight, freeze. So instead of pushing, I want us to relax into our best and ask yourself, what is the best I've got, what feels right instead of how do I be who I think I should be? That's such a toxic question. Pushing is toxic. And trying to be who you think you should be instead of just relaxing into what feels right, what feels good, what feels like the best I've got to give in this moment.

Do you hear Rebecca, you say relax into it?

Yeah.

How in the world do you do that? How do you relax into being the best version when in the back of your mind you think that the best version of you can step up and do one more thing?

Yeah. Well, here's the deal. A lot of being our best is that word being. It's less about doing and it's more about the energy that you're bringing to the table. It's more about how people feel in your presence, in how you feel in the situation than any action you're taking. My coach loves to say there isn't always action to take, there's just action to take when it's obvious action to take. What there is always available to you is who are you being and how are you being and have you even checked in? So when I'm saying relax, I'm saying take the pressure off for a moment, breathe and just check in what feels right, what feels needed, what feels like the next right thing. But it isn't about you trying to over function, over give, give love at your own expense. That's going to make things better. It's about you being relaxed. The most powerful person in the room is the most relaxed person in the room. And if you care about being your best, it's because want people to have a better experience. You want to help, you want to serve. So start with checking in energetically, knowing the more relaxed you are, the better you're serving already. Even if you haven't done anything yet. Don't underestimate the power. I think Oprah had a sign on her door for decades. You're responsible for the energy you bring into this room and we are. And we don't pay attention to that enough. So give up the push, give up the force, give up the over functioning, the draining your batteries in the name of love. And just relax into who you're being and the energy you want to bring to the table, that's enough to start from there. It is about going beyond your comfort zone. I think one of the hardest things is to have the cards on the table face up when you're afraid that the cards on the table face up, you saying the hard truth, you disclosing a secret or something that you've been avoiding because you're afraid of conflict. You know, it's so important, whatever it is that, you know, we need to face for there to be more connection. Because that's really what it's all about, right? You're wanting to help, you're wanting to serve because you care about someone. And the more connected you are, the more you actually can serve and the more you're served. Because connection, connection, it's reciprocal. It goes both directions. We want to help, but we also love the experience and the honor of getting to help, right? So we want to maximize the connection. First step is relax. Second step is connection. And you can't be connected when you're withholding or when you're afraid to address certain things because you don't want to create conflict or you don't want to make things worse. But I am here to tell you and Gary, I think you can testify to this, the more the cards are on the table face up, the more likely there's a healing, there's connection, there's breakthrough for you, for the other person, for the relationship available.

There's more. There's more communication because you're not worried about what's. What's being, quote, unquote, what's being hidden and what's not being said, and you're concentrating on what's actually, you know, happening.

Between the two of you and what's real. It's not going away, right? If there's cancer and you turn on the other cheek and just don't look at it, you didn't stop the cancer. You actually are guaranteeing the spread of the cancer. So think about that metaphor in relationships. And here's how I like to talk to my clients about this. And we all have to navigate how do I have the hard conversation? How do I lead when it's hard? Well, think about it like you're just gathering information, you're delivering information, and then you're going to gather information in terms of the other person's response. The person is either going to be grateful that now we're dealing with this thing that we haven't faced yet, or they're going to be defensive, they're going to have whatever negative reaction they have. If that happens, they're either just human and having a reaction and they're going to get over it and they're going to work with you, or they're looking for a reason to run. They're looking for a reason to pull that emergency cord on the parachute so that they can bail. So when you're in a hard conversation, they're going to easily work with you. They're going to get mad and get over it, which is often the case. And in that moment, you can ask, are you just having a human moment or are you not wanting to go here with me? Don't make assumptions. Communicate. Or they're looking for a reason to run. And if that's the case, they inevitably will find a reason to run. So I like to tell my clients, let's find out sooner rather than later, shall we? Because if they're not going to stick around, if they're not going to grow with you, if they don't want the depth, right? Because if you're caring about leading, if you're caring about service, you absolutely want more depth. You don't want superficial, you're not trying to scratch the surface, right? So in your relationship, you deserve reciprocity, what's real and giving and receiving, not you doing all the work. You deserve to be relaxed. You deserve to give up the push and you deserve to know what real and you deserve to speak what's real without fear because you're not doing anything wrong. By the way, if you're addressing something that's real, it needs to be addressed. If you know it can be anything from, you know, your child lied to you to you have a team member that's constantly behind on deadlines and not wanting to talk about or deal with that to you've got an ailing family member that is getting sick and it's time to deal with what are we doing here. Because you living on your own is no longer the safest choice. Whatever it might be, it deserves to be addressed. You as relaxed as possible will make it so much easier. And whatever other people's reactions are, that's not your focus. That's not your business. You knowing you showed up all the way up, that is something you can be proud of, no matter the outcome, no matter how other people showed up. And just go as far as you think you can go and then take one more step, let that be enough. I love that coaching. My first coach, Carol Reynolds, we used to do ropes course team building seminars. And she'd say, just go as far as you think you can go and take one more step and let that be enough. And remember, your best is and always has been enough. I promise you that name of the.

Book is Coming Back to Life. It's available wherever books wherever you get your favorite book. And Rebecca silence.com for all the information and tons of great, great content there. A lot of it is free as well. It's a Mental Wellness Wednesday Life Coach Rebecca Silence, always a pleasure. We'll talk to you next week.

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