How To Connect to Possibility and Joy When You Are Feeling Lost | Breakthrough Life Coaching

Welcome to the Healing Is Possible Hot Seat. I am the creator of Healing is Possible, Rebecca Silence here every Single Tuesday at 10am Mountain to do breakthrough coaching and to bring special guests and influencers to you that specialize in healing in all different forms. Today in the Healing Is Possible Hot Seat, we are doing some breakthrough coaching with my special guest, Cher Amy, and she has asked to take on happiness and joy. Even in the midst of feeling lost, the hot seat does get hot and sticky. I do ask some hard questions, but we also break through and create movement where there's been stuck. So, Cher, I'm so honored to have you. Welcome to the Healing as Possible Hot Seat.

Hi. Here.

Oh, Cher, our connection is shaky. I can't hear you very well.

Oh, you can't hear me now? I can't hear you.

Okay, there you are. Okay.

Okay. Leaving it where it's at.

Yeah. You're in Louisiana on the water, surrounded by yachts right now.

Yes. Yes. In Grand Isle, Louisiana. Yes. So it's like the connection's very rough here.

Well, we're going to make it work. Welcome to the Hot Seat. What had you want to join me.

Today to help me to find myself and find happiness again? Since struggles of debts in the family and going through everyday life in general and just trying to find yourself and happiness again.

So what's the difference to you between finding yourself and finding happiness? Let's just dive right in.

Feeling to be able to breathe and relax and not feeling this heaviness on your chest to enjoy company and to enjoy the company of my loved ones instead of being so tensed up and worrying about this or that or what's going to happen next in our lives.

Okay. Okay. And then when would you say the last time that you were experiencing happiness and enjoyment was?

Probably when my granddaughter was born in February. At the end of February of this year. I can remember the. Yes. Of last year. I can remember that's probably the last time I could breathe and be happy and joyful.

Okay. And then what happened?

I guess through the struggles of marriage and finances and trying to, you know, my daughter moved with the grandbaby and everything. So it's like I want to be near them. And then we're here. And so it's like I just lost connection, you know, lost myself somewhere along the way.

And it feels like just in the last year or is there a history of this experience?

It's a history. It's a history. It's a history for years now, you know, Years.

Can you tell me a little bit more about that. Like, the history of feeling lost.

I would say since my nephew passed years ago, probably about. I think it's four. Four years since he passed was very traumatic. And it impacted me pretty. Pretty well. That now is like, I live in fear of my kids, you know, and I'm always, like, worried where they're at, and they're. Even though they're in their 20s. And, you know, it's like, I'm always like, where y' all at? What y' all doing? Baker, make sure you do this or that. And they like, mom, relax. But I can't, because I live in fear of getting a phone call like I did for him.

Yeah, yeah. Feel that, Cher. Super brave. And so many people right now are going through stress and worry and feeling lost. You're not alone with this, but let's go. Let's go back to the loss of your nephew. What is it that has you almost held hostage?

I think as having trouble letting it go, letting, you know, processing it into my mind that he's really gone, even though it's years later. You know, it impacted our family very hard. And it's. It keeps my body hostage. It keeps me, like. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

Are you willing to discuss this a little bit further?

Oh, yes. Yes. So will you.

Will you just share what happened?

What.

What happened?

I was at work, and I was fixing to have lunch, and I got a phone call that my daughter was calling me to see if I heard it was true that he suicide. And I just pretty much blacked out. I. How. I drove from 45 minutes away to his house. I don't even know how I got there. And it just hit me like a hurricane hit me, and I can't feel. And I want my kids to be able to enter, enjoy their life without me having to always worry and pound them.

Yes.

Or that. Or just being safe, you know? And then it's. It's. It hit our family very hard.

Yeah, we'll get to the kids and. And what you want for them, but I want to go back to the moment where you got hit with this hurricane of information that you lost your nephew to suicide.

I took my breath away. I put up this wall against my family, against my husband, against everybody. Like, I just go in motion every day. I get up, I get dressed, I go to work, I come back home, sleep. The same thing every day. You know, except when I get to see my grandbaby, you know, I let it go a little bit better than that. I'm putting A wall up in front of everybody.

Tell me. Tell me more about that wall. I'm so sorry for your loss and the tragic death of your nephew. And then this wall. You're saying that you've been feeling lost. It sounds like we need to get you over this wall and back into your life.

Yes. Yes. Anytime anybody tries to, like, come and try to be close to me, that wall's there. Like, you can't get in. How can it. I don't know. I don't know how to break it down.

Okay, well, we're going to work on this together. Okay?

Okay.

What is it? What's. What is the wall? Is it a belief? Is it a story? What is it?

I don't know. It feels just like a solid wall. I don't know how to. I'm not letting nobody in. I'm not letting my husband in. I'm not letting him show me love. I'm not letting him anything to me.

You know, it sounds like you're not letting yourself fully live.

I'm not. I feel like I'm a hostage.

Yeah.

Inside my body.

Okay.

And I just can't live, you know?

So can I ask you some hard questions?

Yeah.

Keep feeling. You're doing amazing. The emotional release is going to give you some of you back. But I want to take this even deeper and get to the bottom of. What is it that has you feeling like a hostage in your own life? Would you be willing to close your eyes?

Share.

And I want you to tell me where the wall is in your body.

So. On the outside of my chest.

Okay.

On the outside of my body. Like, I don't. Yeah. Let nobody near me or get to it. Love my heart. I don't even know what it is to share, to love a heart.

So what would you need to be willing to let love and life back in?

I think I need to work on myself and to work with my heart.

Well, let's be even more specific. What's in the way of your heart opening back up? Because it sounds like that wall is. Is keeping your heart closed.

I think it's a lot of pain, anger, hurt. Anger, hurt. You know, with your breast cancer. And just like it's always at the back of your head. Foreign to let me fully. Because I might not be here one day.

Okay. Okay. So your nephew's death, did it bring up the possibility of your own death and fear about your own death?

For years. Years. Okay. For years.

Okay. Do you know that I'm also a cancer survivor?

Yes. That's how I First met you. I read your story.

Okay. Okay.

Congratulations.

Well, you too. So how long ago did you have cancer? How long ago did you beat breast cancer?

Three years. Three years, May 10th.

Okay, so share. What would it take for you to let yourself relax into your life the way you want your kids to relax into their lives and to enjoy their lives?

I think I needed, you know, dealing with the death and then dealing with the cancer. It's like two traumatic things. And in the middle of that, a lost sibling and, you know, stepmom and, you know, so it's. I was trying to let God in me. I love him and dad, but I want him fully in me. To heal my heart, heal my body. To not be in fear of death, to not be in fear so we can live. You know, like if we're doing outing, like, oh, don't do this or don't do that. You're gonna hurt yourself. You gotta do this. So it's like I don't even go and enjoy joyful things because what if I. What if I get hurt or die or something during this? You know?

I do. I do. And then this is even more reason for you to live because you understand what it's like to have your life threatened, to have lives of those you love lost in the blink of an eye.

Yes. Yes, in a blink of an eye.

So, cher, we don't know how long we have left. I haven't talked about this publicly. I have three tumors in my liver right now. They're benign, but they're there. And I have to get extensive testing and further analysis to see if. If these tumors could become cancerous later or not. There is something about having cancer that I believe gives us an opportunity to live more if we'll choose to. So I'm going to paint a picture for you of possibility right now, ok? You've got, in every moment that you've got left, a choice to live fully or to shut down and be guarded.

And that's what I've been doing.

It's a actual choice. I can take the information of possible evidence of disease or danger and choose to shut down. Or I can take this as an opportunity and a wake up call to live even more. Do you follow me?

Yes, I do. Yeah.

I'm not comparing our stories, but I'm telling you you have an opportunity to turn up the volume on your life. And there's never going to be a good time to do that or a good reason to do that. And there's always going to be fear. So if you're waiting for the fear to go away, to live. You're never going to live.

I hear you.

And what are you hearing? And what does that feel like hearing?

I need to take this wall down and live my life to the fullest.

I want that wall of fear behind you in your dust. Breathe into that. Yes, breathe into that. It's never going to be a good time to go for it in your own life. And if cancer and the loss of your nephew and loss of your other loved ones isn't enough of a wake up call in the birth of your new grandchild, enough of a wake up call to let yourself live while you're here, what's going to be the wake up call?

I don't know.

What if it's literally just a choice? What's it going to take for you?

It is just a choice. And it's a choice I have to make. And it's a choice that I have to take down that wall that's been guarding me and enjoy it and be happy and fulfill every day. That's what I need to do.

I want to do a little visualization exercise with you. If you're open, can you close your eyes again?

Mm.

Do you see that wall in front of you?

Yes. I don't want to see it. I feel it.

Okay, you see it and you feel it. What is the big, big fear? What. What is the biggest fear that that wall represents?

It's my past that is keeping me hostage.

And what about your past?

I guess hitting with, you know, so many traumatics in your life, and I never took the time to deal with it. I just went in the motion of life each day and didn't deal with it.

Okay, so this wall represents trauma.

Yes.

Okay, let's have you close your eyes again and connect to that wall. Is it in front of you right now or behind you?

It's still in front of me.

Okay, that's really honest. So what we're going to do is an exercise where I want you to imagine this wall of trauma. And do you see yourself in front of it?

I see myself behind it.

Okay. So I want you to imagine that you have everything you need to get over that wall right now.

I do. I have everything. It's all in my hands.

So what. What do you have in your hands right now that's going to help you get over this wall in the next couple of minutes?

It's hope and strength. Because if I could be cancer, I could beat this.

Hell yeah, Cher. If you could beat cancer, you can beat this. You're an expert at getting through trauma. So hope and strength. So what? Imagine hope and strength are tools right now. What tools do you have? What's the hope and what's the strength? Like, do we have a ladder? Do we have a rope? Like, what are hope and strength. Right now?

It's climbing over that ladder. Okay, it's coming over.

Okay. So can you close your eyes again and imagine your hope and strength ladder up against that wall? Okay, so let's. Let's do this. Can you keep your eyes closed and stay with me? I want you to grab onto that ladder with both hands, and I want you to step up onto the first rung, and I want you to tell me what you're believing now that's going to help you get over that ladder. What's the first rung? What's the first rung and the belief that you're stepping into?

I'm breathing better. I just don't have that as much heaviness as I've been on.

Okay.

And I'm going to get over this. I'm going to follow and be happy.

So. Okay, so the first rung is I can breathe. Can you step up to the next step?

Yes.

And can you say, I'm going to get over this.

I'm going to get over this.

Step up to the next step. Are you imagining this?

Yes.

Can you say I get to be happy.

I get to be happy.

Okay. Keep feeling this, Cher. You're doing amazing. Step up on the next one. What's the next one?

I'm coming over that water.

Okay, keep breathing. Next one. What's the next one?

For a better life. For a better me, a better life.

What's the next one? Keep stepping.

To let my kids have happiness.

I'm gonna be happy so my kids can be happy. Is that what that one is?

Yes. Huh.

How many steps do we have left?

I'm almost there.

How many steps are left? You are almost there. Keep going. Close those eyes. How many steps are left? You're doing great.

I'm gonna work on my marriage.

Okay. You've got love, your husband.

Yes, I do. Yes.

Can you step up onto the next step and say, I'm still here, I'm still here.

I am here and I'm breathing?

Yes. How many steps are left, cher?

Just to work on me, to get through this, Break down these walls, and I'm coming over it.

So are you at the top of the ladder?

Yes, ma'. Am.

Okay, you can do this. You get to live. Can you say that? I Can do this and I get to live.

I could do this and I get to live.

What you're doing right now is courage. Share. It takes courage to outwit and outsmart and outlast your fear. And you can do it. And we don't know how much time we have left. None of us do.

No.

So I want you to do a trust fall. What is on the other side of that wall? What is going to catch you? Is there a trampoline? Is it your husband? What are you jumping into now?

Jumping into happiness. Okay. And jumping into. Not breathe. I want to breathe, and that's what I'm jumping into.

Okay. You're going to breathe and you're going to jump into happiness. But what's catching you?

My kids.

Okay. So you're going to imagine jumping into the arms of your kids, Your husband, too?

Yes. Yes.

Okay. Can you close your eyes again? I want you to imagine taking this jump into all that love and the family that you have. That's still here?

Yes.

Do you feel it?

Yes. Take it in.

What's that feel like?

Release.

Is the wall behind you now, Cher?

Yes, ma'. Am.

Yeah. I want you to just take it in. You did it.

Yes, I did. You did it.

What's that feeling? You're amazing. You're welcome. You did it. What's it feel like?

Feels good.

Cher, who are you going to lean on for support? I want to really encourage you to get a coach or a therapist or someone to support you in your next steps after today. This is a big start, but there's a lot to process.

Definitely be following you and your podcast. Yeah. And learning. Learning from you.

Okay. And I would. I would love to invite you. Have you done my five day challenge yet?

I did not.

Okay. I'm going to gift it to you. I have your email, so I'm going to gift you a five day challenge, and I want you to do that. Will you do it?

Yes.

Okay.

Yes.

Okay. So I'm going to give that to you today. And then after that, potentially we can meet one on one and follow up. But I really want to make sure you're supported.

Thank you so much. This is a lot.

But, Cher, you're going to have so much evidence to give you permission to shut down. And I want you to commit to living when you want to shut down. It's not easy, but it is this simple.

Yes. I'm going forward. I'm not going back.

Open up that heart. I'm going forward like a Care Bear.

You remember the Care Bears?

I want you to do.

Yes.

Like open up that heart. It's time to live. Your family needs.

So here. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. What's your biggest takeaway from our time together?

It might sound crazy, but I could breathe. I don't have this. I don't have this break on my chest, and I could breathe.

The fear isn't going to ever go away, at least in my experience. But it doesn't have to run your life anymore.

And that's what it's been and that's what it's. I got to control it. It's only me, thank God, to control it.

I want you to. When it's there, imagine that it's rocket fuel. I want the fear to motivate you to live more instead of less.

Yeah. So.

So play with that. I can use fear to live more. That's your mantra. Okay. And then I'm going to send you this challenge. Thank you so much for your bravery.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Anyone out there that is feeling lost or stuck in fear, today was for you. And Cher just did her work for all of us.

Yes. Oh, my goodness. Ok.

If you ever want to join me in the hot seat or work with me privately, I am just a message away. And I am here to say, Cher, that healing is possible, especially when it feels impossible. And you just did beautiful work today. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Have a good day.