How to Discipline Your Child in Public: Tips for Parents

You're out in public and your kids just won't behave.

One of the hottest tips I have is to get proactive and literally in the car. What are the top three expectations? I used to have my little kids actually say this back to me when they were young. Be like, so I expect listening. I expect please and thank you. I expect asking for what you want, not just grabbing what you need. And if all these three things happen, then we can play in the indoor mall playground, or then we can go get an ice cream cone.

Mix order 2.5. The best mix from the 90s. Now it's big Cop in the afternoon. It's a mental wellness Wednesday. Life coach Rebecca Silence online. RebeccaSilence.com and her book Coming Back to Life is available now. Rebecca, how are you?

Well, hello. So grateful to be here. So.

This week, what I think we should talk about is.

For.

This is for the parents now.

Okay?

You're out in public and your kids just won't behave.

Okay.

And some people have, you know, some people have a way of getting it done. Some people just can't control their little ones for anything. Like, I know when I was growing up, what got me to fall in line when we were out in public was the. Was the bug eyes. I get the bug eyes and they would talk to me through their teeth. I knew I was. I was in for something. I knew I was in trouble later. I was like, you know, I knew that. That's what I knew, that I crossed the Mendoza line. But for, you know, general people, what's a good way to kind of help some set everybody up to win? As far as, like, okay, we're out in public, please make sure you use your manners. Make sure, you know, you're mining your p's and Q's and whatnot.

Yeah. Well, and when I was growing up, it was my mother's nails, like, into my hand or my arm. I remember specifically in church, I get, like, the nails dug in. So it was silent. Right. So whether you're trying to quietly tame your kids or. Or you've just outright had it and there's a more visibly, you know, disciplinary moment happening, there is a way to set yourself up to win and your kids up to win. And if worse, you know, case is happening and there's actually a tantrum, what do you do? So one of the hottest tips I have is to get proactive and literally in the car. What are the top three expectations? I used to have my little kids actually say this back to me when they were young. Be like, so I expect listening. I expect please and thank you. I expect asking for what you want, not just grabbing what you need. And if all these three things happen, then we can play in the indoor mall playground or then we can go get an ice cream cone. But ask them, do they agree? Have them say it back to you. And don't be afraid to bribe your kids. I mean, we've talked about this on the show before. I'm not above bribery. Right. Like we work for a paycheck. So what's the incentive? What is it that if they show up in cooperation with you, you will show up in cooperation with them, that they want that little simple top three expectations. Here's what we get if all goes according to plan. If it doesn't, we don't get this. That alone can be game changing. And they don't have to be little. You know, it can actually evolve as your kids get older. What are the expectations? What's the reward? Everybody's on the same page. We've had the conversation that proactive communication. I can't emphasize enough how powerful it is and how much that can help. Now if you're as.

Can I just say, as an adult, I know that I have been bribed just to go to events, let alone my, my p's and Q. I mean.

I've got a five day wedding, I'm a maid of honor in October and I was just talking to my husband about, you know, I'll be doing wedding duties, like, here's where I've got to be. What is important to you when we're there? You know, like everybody should get their needs met in relationship, in family all the time. And what a great baseline standard for our families that many of us didn't have growing up. That doesn't mean you can't create it for yourselves. Now if total bleepity bleepity bleep is hitting the fan and you're in public, what do you do? This is my best coaching. You've got to drop worrying about what everybody is thinking because they're judging you based on their filters, their experience, what they would do in the situation. Everybody's judging us when we're in leadership. And that is so important what I just said. Everybody's judging us when we're in leadership. And when you're in a situation with a child in a breakdown in public, guess what's needed. Your leadership. So whether we're talking about professional leadership or parenting leadership, when we lead, people watch, therefore people judge. So I want us to get to this place when it comes to fear of being judged, where it's just so what? And okay, they're judging because you're leading. That means you're courageous and you're brave and you're strong and let them have their judgment. And you pat yourself on the back for showing up. Now, I can't emphasize enough how much it helps to actually get down on the child's level. This proximity piece, if you're, especially if they're really little, you know, standing up and looking down on them and pointing fingers, it just creates fear. And when there's fear, your kids either escalate and lash out more or they shut down. We don't want either one. So getting down at their level, getting calm, getting grounded, been asking for what we need to happen next. So it can just start with, let's take a deep breath. I love the game I play with my 8 year old, that I've played even with my 18 year old her whole life. I'll say, can we do a 1, 2, 3, start over. Let's take a deep breath. Let's do 1, 2, 3, start Over. If that's not working, I'm with you. You're safe. I love you. I love this line. There's nothing you could do to make me love you less. And I don't know what you need right now. I don't know what you want. There is an unmet need that is underneath every behavior. I don't care who you are, I don't care how old you are. What I do in my private practice work that you can find more information about@rebeccasilence.com is we get to not what the behavior, why the behavior, so that we can correct it. So your children need to feel connected. They need to feel safe. They need to feel seen, loved and heard. And then it's your job to explore. Okay, what are you needing and wanting? I want you to get your needs met. And then if they're really little, and sometimes even when it's an anxious teenager having a panic attack or even an adult having a panic attack, they might not know, right? So. And that's really important to acknowledge. And if you've been programmed to just be who you think you need to be to avoid conflict, which is almost everybody, right? If that's you, you're not alone. You know, when someone asks you what do you need, that can be a really confronting question. And if for no other reason to hire a therapist or a coach to get to a place where you know who you are, and you know what you need in any and all moments. I don't think there's anything more liberating or freeing. Right. So if your kid doesn't know they need give them choices. This is love and logic type parenting. There's a book on love and logic. It's extraordinary. But just do you want this or this? Not multiple choices, but two choices. Do we want to take a drink, you know, or get some food or something to drink? Do we want to go to the bathroom, you know, do we want to go sit on this bench? What is like give them power and control in the situation because they're obviously feeling powerless and out of control. So give them options, give them control, but try to limit it to 2 max, 3 choices and then just let them know there's no shame, there's no punishment, you're not wrong or bad. And this isn't working. We can reset like that. One, two, three, start over. And a lot of this is preventable if you've had the conversations ahead of time, right? And I mean I even do it with music in the car. My child and I alternate who's picking the song, I pick the song, she picks the song. You know, bring them into the conversation, help them understand what's going on. Another great strategy just to get ahead of all this is on a weekly basis, talk to your kids about the week coming up. What's the lay of the land, when are you around, when are you not, what are their activities, what is going on with family? That's a relatively non negotiable that you want their participation in. Where is their free time that they get to choose what they want to do and how they want to spend their time. Time have that conversation and as many proactive conversations as possible. And you staying grounded and neutral, you being very present, you asking them what they need and offering choice so that they have power and control again. That's how you navigate public breakdowns and hopefully prevent them.

The name of the book is Coming Back to Life. It's available wherever books are sold and of course online at rebeccasilence. Com. Life coach Rebecca Silence on a Mental Wellness Wednesday. Great stuff as always. We'll talk to you next week.

Enjoy your family even when they behave badly. Love you all. See you soon.