How to Find Your Voice and Speak Your Truth (Part 2) - Hot Seat Coaching Sessions

Our voice doesn't go away. Something happened, and we made a decision about what was or wasn't acceptable or okay around using our voice. And then that little kid's perspective runs the show. Right? Okay, we're going. Okay.

Two, one.

Okay. Medora, welcome back. This is part two of our healing is possible breakthrough session around how to find your voice and speak your truth. And if you would share with us where you are now. Coming to our part two session.

I've been working on the homework, and I had to meditate to get more into my body because my head was just going in circles. So I did that and I just started writing.

Could you just share for those that may be tuning in for the first time? You know, the homework that you had and where we left off from your perspective with part one.

During part one, we were trying to figure out how I could find my voice better, kind of what happened to it. And during that, we got to where my mom was more of a part of it than I had ever thought about that she had kind of put it in my head about, we're a team, the girls are a team. And more that just delving back earlier than I had thought, where I have some of these problems with men and women being, you know, us versus them and that type of stuff. And we got felt like it was in second grade. So my homework was to write questions to my younger self and see what happens. See why? Well, not why, but what was going on. If I could, you know, get it to come up. Because in my head, I don't remember so much, but the feelings are there. And so asking the questions really was. It was good. I just started writing. I'm like, well, just start from what I remember and just get into it. And I came up with three questions, and I have 1, 2, 3, 4 and a half pages.

Wow.

Stuff that I wrote down.

Can I ask you to clarify one piece of what you're sharing? And great job just modeling going for it. When you say, you know, the feelings are there, but it's not quite in your mind yet. This isn't how you said it. I'm paraphrasing, maybe having the dots connect. What are you meaning by like, the feelings are there?

I get a lot of have ibs and when we were talking, my stomach felt sick and I wasn't getting, you know, I had some idea when we were talking, it just, like, stuff would come up. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I've never even thought of that or, you know, so it's not like, right in my mind, but through the feeling of it and talking about it, because I'm good at pushing things down and blocking and not remembering stuff.

So your body was almost giving you signals we're on the right track. Something's here, and then you didn't quite know what it was yet. And I just love this. A couple of things you're saying, I just think are so important for everybody to hear. Number one, our voice doesn't go away. Something happened, and we made a decision about what was or wasn't acceptable or okay around using our voice. And then that little kid's perspective runs the show. Right. And then I really want people to hear what you're saying about connecting to your body and the feeling. Right. We don't need to know why or where it's coming from, but don't stuff it down more.

Right. And I've always felt like that's what I should do. Well, that doesn't feel good. Just put it back.

And then when we stuff it down, it has nowhere to go. Right. And, you know, any of us. It's so interesting. You know, we're working on voice with you right now. If there's a, like, need to cough or anything going on in your throat as we go on, I want you to go with it.

Okay.

It's your voice. Is there anything going on in your throat?

Yeah, it feels like it's.

Quivering.

Yeah.

I almost am feeling it in mind. So, you know, let's just. Let's do something. Let's cough for a second. Like, cough it out. All right. And let's let. Don't see the feelings.

Yeah.

Go with it. Are needing to come out or there's nowhere to go. Right. So I just wanted to invite you if there was anything physically happening, it doesn't just have to be your stomach or an emotion that you start to feel. Let's just be with any of it. And, you know, I have a phenomenal coach, Heather Steele, owner of Legacy Training International. And I remember her telling me 12 years ago that my body was going to be my greatest tool as a coach. And I think our body is our greatest tool as humans. It guides us.

Right.

We can't get very far, in my opinion, just trying to use our brains or what we already know. Our bodies give us signals all the time around what is and isn't working, what we need. And how easy is it to just go on autopilot, disconnect from our bodies and miss the message, and then the body has to get louder. Right. Cool. Okay. What Next, would you like to share with us what you got from the homework and where you are now in terms of what you'd like to work on next?

Doing it. I started just writing. I said why are you sad? And the first thing that came up was mommy left without saying goodbye and I don't understand why.

And you are how old Medora? I just want to make sure everyone understands the homework because this is. Was it age seven?

Yeah, second grade. So it was like, I think shortly after school started. I don't really remember exactly, I just remember my teacher and what grade it was.

And we guesstimated age 7, is that correct? And then I just want everyone to understand the assignment was for the adult Medora to write a question and then to allow the seven year old to answer. And this is just a writing assignment and this is something an author, Neal Donald Walsh does. I got this exercise from him. I didn't come up with it. So yeah, I just wanted to make sure everybody understood that piece. So let's continue.

So just in the first it was she's gone, nobody's telling me what's going on. They don't understand why I'm asking and my brother seems fine. Why am I so upset? And it's kind of what my grandparents were trying to just silence me. She's just at the hospital. And then it got into well, she didn't say bye. Why didn't she say bye? Did she go with my dad and she left me here. Did she die? When we had the dog, they took it to the vet. They even brought the dog back before the dog died. So why don't they bring her back? And I just really didn't understand what was going on. Before she went in she thought she was being poisoned. And that was both times that she went in the hospital.

And just for those watching for the first time we had a seven year old girl who was being raised by grandparents and mom and basically one day mom went into a hospital and there wasn't communication and dad had already left at age 4 and didn't come back. And so the 7 year old is confused and that's what you're sharing with us. And then what I also just heard is that this was really the first time potentially that you experienced being silenced or made up that you were being silenced.

Yes, we were always loud and I was, my mom was just always there, you know, and all of a sudden they're acting weird and just saying she's just sick, she's just sick. That's all they would tell me. And before she'd gone in, she had been more playful. And we had talked about us versus them. The girls have to stick together. Yeah. And then I was getting angry that nobody's taking me to see her. Then they did. I remember I thought it was in the second hospital, but it came back as I was talking. I did get to go see her, and she was terrified. And then I was angry that nobody took her home. Why can't we take her home with this? And I think we only. I can only remember going once. But eventually she did come home, and I was happy, but she was different. And then she got sick again, like, a year later. And then she left me at a dance studio because the radio told her to go to Alabama and she was going to kill herself. They told me that when they finally came to get me, but I just remember saying she'll never go back, so I really thought she was gonna kill herself.

And you were how old then?

I was eight then.

Okay. So that was just the next year, so.

Yeah. And the people at the school, the kids were so mean. They were. I never went back after that, that. I remember.

To school.

To the dance school. To the dance school. Yeah. I don't remember. But I didn't want to see those kids again.

What are you feeling as you're sharing all this.

Confusion, I think, is what was going on. I was just really confused. And it feels like, you know, my grandparents just didn't know what to do. And they were always in control. So for them not to know what to do was even scary. But it was. It was just a very confusing time. And I also asked what happened to my voice? And then I. That was my. Another question. And I says, no one will listen. They're tired of me asking questions. School isn't fun anymore. Nothing is fun. My mommy is fun. She made me laugh, especially at night. We always had this thing we said every night. Good night, Irene. Good night, Eileen. See you when the morning comes. And she wasn't there to do it. And it was. You know, nobody at school would talk about it because my teachers knew. But, you know, they sent it home on my report card. I'm missing a lot of school because of my stomach, and I'm quiet.

Is this the time that the stomach issues began?

Yeah. From what? I. I don't recall before that, so I definitely remember having stomach aches.

Was there any more to the answer.

About where'd your voice go? It. I never got it. Just talks about the hospital and going to see her. We had to be quiet there. We couldn't make any noise, and my mom would whisper. And she was terrified. That she was terrified because she told us the patients were threatening to kill her. Whether that's true or not, I don't know. She had major depression with psychotic tendencies. But I think today that she would probably be bipolar. You know, they would probably diagnose her because it wasn't very often that she got like that, but maybe five times in her life.

And you're a nurse, so you've got medical experience and history, as you're saying.

Yeah, yeah. And just the voice thing, I. It was just be quiet. Quit talking about it. And the only person I ever used my voice was my grandfather. And we would argue.

I can't hear you during this time.

Yes. Well, not during this time. Later.

Stay with this time. There's a lot here. And it's easy to. To start when you are connecting to parts of your past that you haven't connected to. Seeing a whole bunch at once, like a flood. Right. Of memory. But I'd like, for the purposes of your breakthrough around voice to just stick with this time.

I don't think it was. I don't think I talk much to anybody. Wanted to be like my brother.

Okay.

And there was more than one way that I want. I wanted for more than one reason that he didn't show the emotion. He didn't cry when we left her at the hospital. He what? He was older, Four years older. Yeah.

You know, stay with me for a second. Let's worry about the notebook in a minute. I think this is important. So you saw your brother as an example.

Yeah.

Did you cry when she went away?

Yeah. When we left her there. Yeah.

And what happened when you were crying? Did anybody say anything to you? Did anybody comfort you?

I don't remember being comforted. They weren't real comforty type people. I just remember, you know, stop crying. It's okay. And that was about it. And that we weren't gonna go back until she came home.

May I ask you a question? I'd like to invite you to just really breathe into that throat, that voice and your belly at the same time. And my question is, have you ever considered that shutting down your tears or your emotions is another form of shutting down your voice?

Yeah, but not consciously, you know, because I do shut down both ways.

It's expression that we're really talking about. Right. Our voice is one way to express ourselves. Our emotions are another way to express ourselves. Right. There are lots of ways we express body language, physical Touch. And I just wonder if it resonates with you to think about as we take on your voice today, just taking on your self expression. How does that land with you?

Yeah, that sounds good, right?

And the little kid hears the adults around her or him as supposed to at least know what to do and what they say. Right. In a lot of cases dictates the child's survival. And isn't it amazing how we make a decision as a child and then think that's the way it is until the adult version of ourselves comes in, intervenes and says, hey, how do I want it now for me, for you, the little child in me. What's happening with your throat and stomach now?

My throat cleared up a little. Just taking some breaths. And my. My stomach isn't quite as tight because I do have. I mean, just thinking about what you're saying that I do have trouble expressing myself and more than just my voice. And I'm not a crier. I'm not a. I don't know. I'm warm and fuzzy certain ways, but not in other ways. My husband is very much a crier. He's, you know, he admits it, he loves it. He's emotional. And I'm like, you're more girl than I am, you know, and it's just not a put down. And it's just I see myself as not being emotional.

Well, and how healing for you. And I happen to know your partner to have a partner who is so expressive and then, you know, I'm sorry, but it isn't just girls or women that are emotional. The men that I know have the honor of working with are just as. If not more at times sensitive than women. Right. We're all emotional and we're all born with the right to express ourselves in this lifetime. But then life happens and it's easy to go into confusion and shut it down. I have an idea for something we could try. And I know we're just kind of at the tip of the iceberg here, continuing to chip away, but sometimes just a little chip is enough to create some real movement. What would you like for yourself for the remainder of the session today before I offer up this exercise?

I guess just to. I'm not sure how long we have, but to. Now that I. I see why I shut down. Just like some tips to keep from going back there. I know we talk about her timeline and that type of thing. We just. That's what the drama is. Going back in her timeline, meaning childhood. Mm. Just. And I think I ask you this Every time. How do you do it? Because it's still just foreign to me. Not just to shut down.

Possibility. Yeah. My idea was to do a quick process with you to create just a spark and maybe a little bit of movement and in a new direction where you get to experience expressing yourself so that there's something new to connect to. When you're so connected to what you've known and we are so connected to what we've known and what we've done. And I'm not hearing as much why, you know, your voice went away as I am hearing. Where did it start? The cycle of you choosing to survive, to shut your expression down. Right. And not just your voice. We're getting to uncover that it's been multiple ways. And it almost occurs to me that mom went away and then big part of you went away with her. And I'd like to bring that part of you that went away back. Because the one person who's never gone anywhere in your lifetime for you is you. How does that feel?

Good.

Okay. All right. I've not done this before. What I'm about to invite you to do. Are you open something maybe a little weird, see what happens. Okay. Here's what I'm going to invite you to do. And if we need to tweak it, we can. But this is my initial gut to have you go on mute. Okay. So we're not like yelling at everybody. And before you go on mute, I'd like to know the One thing that 7 year old needed to hear that you're just gonna declare and you're gonna go on mute. So you can like shout it from the rooftops and let everybody hear you. And then we'll have you come back and do it so we can hear you. But what did she want to hear? And again, this isn't going to solve it all, but it's a beginning. And breathe into that stomach and that throat. Eyes closed if you need to, to find it. But like, what's the phrase that's going to get you taking on and taking back your self expression in session one, you wanted to be heard, you know, but if you've been dismissing or disconnecting from your own expression and voice, you're never going to experience the world is hearing you. So what, what is it?

An IM statement or.

I don't know.

I feel like that I'm. That I'm important.

Okay, I'll take it. How does that feel?

I don't mean it narcissistically, just.

And so what if anybody thinks you do? Are you important? Have you ever owned and declared that?

No.

Well, what if we do it now? Now do you like the idea of going on mute or do you just want to go for it? But I don't want it to be a question. I want you to like tap into the part of you that's gonna like make sure we can hear you.

I think I can do it. I can do it.

Awesome. Let's go.

I am important. Oh.

You want to do it again? And feel free to connect to all of whatever comes up. That was awesome.

I feel like I'm the seven year old telling my grandfather, do it.

Let's go tell them.

I am important. You can tell me, let me know what's happening.

What about saying it to your mom?

That's different.

You don't have to fight for it. Let's just own it.

I don't know why I feel so different about her. But it's seven. Get back to seven.

Right? We're growing her up a little bit.

I am important. You include me. Talk to me. That's all I want is just talk to me because I'm important too.

So I'd like to invite you to say I am important one more time in a way where even the seven year old way back when can hear you. And this isn't about taking on I'm important so another person gets that. It's about taking on I important so you get that. So you're including you in your own lifetime.

I am important.

Breathe into that. Feel that. What are you feeling?

Like a lot just came off.

No one can give it to you. So what I'd like to invite you to do for homework next and anyone else watching that can resonate here is take on for the next seven days, I'm important. I want you to walk into rooms like you're important. I want you to look in the mirror like you're important. I want you to get yourself dressed like you're important. I want you to practice self care like you're important. I want you to eat like you're important. I want you working with your patients like you're important and so are they. But if you left the building, who can hear you? Let's just take it on I'm important and see what happens. And it's a simple process. But I'd love for you to share with us after seven days how this went for you. How does that feel?

Good.

What's happening in your throat and stomach now? And I'm remembering the swirl that was there the chartreuse in the first session. Where are we now?

I don't have the swirl. It's almost, like, giddy, like, butterfly feeling. Definitely younger. Because it gets heavy after a while.

What does that mean?

The weight of the past. Stuff that I've pushed down.

So you're saying you're feeling younger versus feeling young?

Yeah. Versus feeling so heavy and. Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Can you give us one word how you're leaving this session.

Lighter?

Thank you so much. You're important. We all are. If we won't own it, then we try to get the world to fill us up. And good luck with that. Right. Thank you for your work. Thank you, everyone. See you soon. It.