How to Grieve and Be Held (When You're Tired of Being Strong)

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We're live in local on a mental wellness Wednesday. It's mixed with a 2.5 big papa in the morning. Welcoming life coach the unsilent woman, Rebecca. Silence online. The unsilent woman.com Rebecca, good morning. How are you?

Well, I'm very well. Drinking coffee from my healing as possible mug. Let's change lives. Let's go.

So most people that follow me either here or watch the, you know, the, the broadcasts or, you know, follow me on social, know that there's been a lot of people passing away. There's been three people that I care about pass away within the last like month and a half. So unfortunately, that's what life has been like and I know how I am feeling and I know that other people are. People lose loved ones as every single day, unfortunately. Let's talk about dealing with the loss, the passing of a loved one and how to I, I'm maybe just to help people grieve or maybe they don't even know how to grieve.

I think that's so real. And this is the time of year where what is not with us anymore and who is not with us anymore gets back very, very loud and hard to just be busy and going through the motions and ignore or deny. So thank you for your vulnerability. And I think that's the word of the segment is, you know, grief brings up extreme vulnerability. And so we have your relationship to grief, but we also have your relationship to vulnerability. And I want you to know it's strong and it's not safe to be vulnerable. And let's definitely break down and talk about how to grieve. And I'm actually gonna read from my award winning book, Coming Back to Life, a piece on grief because I didn't know this is what we were going to talk about. But, but let's just take it right from, right from the book. And I want you to know that taking the time to grieve is never gonna make things worse. It's not a threat. It's either you're gonna stay clogged up and emotionally funky or you're gonna do the work to grieve so you can keep living. If you won't grieve, you don't get to keep living. Right? And this book is called Coming Back to Life because regardless of circumstances, we. While you're still here, while you still have breath, we need you. We need you living. So what I want to read to you here is for those of you that have the book on page 45, for those of you that don't order it right now. It's on audio too. But here's what I have to say about grief. Grief is an emotional message that you are letting go of something you loved very much. Okay? It is real that where there's grief, love is present. Grief is what keeps our hearts open. Grief is the full expression of the sadness that could shut our hearts down if we are not careful. Grief doesn't mean we're weak or a victim. It means we cared with all of our hearts. It shows us that life has changed and won't ever go back to how it was before. When we grieve, we make room for miracles but possibility and more love. The sadness is okay. So how do you move through grief in a safe, non threatening, healthy way? Here are some ideas. Cry until it gets gentler. And it will. You have to get it out. Let the tears flow and find a way to practice self care in a gentle way. Write love letters and goodbye letters even to those who have passed or to people, places and things that you aren't willing or ready to face. Face them now on paper and let yourself grieve how much you loved, how much you cared and how much you gave. Don't let grief shut your heart down. You will feel so much lighter as you grieve. You make room for excitement, joy and what's to come. So that's from coming back to life. I'll also say there are three types of tears. I don't know anybody else who teaches this, but let me just share with you. There are victim tears.

Before you get into the the three types of tears, let's wrap it up on the radio side. Check out theunsilentwoman.com rebeccasilence.com if you want to grab the book, it's also available wherever you get your books. Also available on audio. And if you want to listen to the rest of this conversation on a Mental Wellness Wednesday, just go ahead and visit mix1025.com okay, three types of tears.

So there's three types of tears. There's victim tears which are like poor me, why is this happening to me? I can't handle this moment right now. And then there's grieving tears where you're just letting go of what was and keeping your heart open. And then there are tears of joy. And I want you to pay attention because most of the time we just associate tears with victim tears, which is why we don't want to let ourselves cry. You've sometimes got to cry the victim tears to get to the grieving tears. And you've definitely got to cry the grieving tears to get to the tears of joy. But again, the most important part is keeping your heart open. And grieving means you're clear enough to hear your own voice and what you need next. And it's okay to grieve. It doesn't make you weak. It's okay to cry. It doesn't make you weak.

So my, my question is, and this is just me personally, and I know if I'm have going through something, I know that other people are going through something similar. I find myself getting very overwhelmed. I find myself being lethargic. I find myself things falling through the cracks that never fell through the cracks before. I'm not, I'm not me. And I'm not able to do the things that I do, you know, regularly, like, like it's nothing. And all of a sudden I'm messing stuff up, which I never have done before. And I. And it spooks me to be quite honest.

Well, thanks for being so honest. Other people have this too, right? So this is where I say, your best is enough. Your best is enough. Your best is enough. Let your best be enough. But also I want lovingly suggest the feeling lethargic and overwhelmed might actually feel safer than how vulnerable you are right now. And so when we focus on overwhelm to protect us from having to be vulnerable, that's where balls get dropped. But the other piece of it is maybe it's time to enlist some support and some health because you, especially Gary, you're Mr. I can do it all. And in seasons where we're really vulnerable and grieving, we just can't. So this is where I would say what is really important that you absolutely have to do? Where can you delegate? Or where can it wait? Right? What's important? Where can you delegate and where can it wait? Because I think a lot can wait and you could delegate, Ask other people for some help right now on certain things and just focus on what, what's really important. So every morning if you just asked yourself, what are the three things I have to do today? And that's it, and then the rest can wait or get delegated. Let your best be enough and let it be simple and know it's okay to breathe into your vulnerability and even to let certain people witness you in your vulnerability. Not everybody, but at least some people. I'm so honored and grateful you'll reach out to me. But you, you don't have to be Superman right now. And we can keep it simple with an open heart and let your best be enough and not let the overwhelm be comforting.

It is a mental Wellness Wednesday. Theunsilentwoman.com is the website. You can also check out rebeccasilent. Com and the name of the book.

One More Time is Coming Back to Life. A roadmap to heal from pain, to create the life you want. It's one best self love, best self worth, and it's here for you this fall, whatever you're facing. And for those of you grieving, I can't emphasize how important it is to me that you get this book because it's ready for you and it will bring you peace.

Life Coach Rebecca Silence on a Mental Wellness Wednesday. We'll talk to you next week. Thank you.

Bye everyone.