In a live segment on Mix 102.5’s “Big Papa in the Morning,” host Gary invites love and emotional‑healing coach Rebeccah Silence to discuss why divorces often turn ugly and how they can be handled with grace. Rebeccah explains that an ugly divorce is usually the result of unhealed childhood wounds and the tendency to blame the ex‑partner rather than look inward. She stresses that patterns of disrespect, feeling unappreciated, or betrayal are vibrational matches for past trauma, and unless those wounds are healed, they will replay in the divorce and later in other relationships. The conversation highlights the importance of self‑responsibility, staying emotionally clear, and modeling respectful behavior for children, who learn how relationships work by watching their parents. Rebeccah introduces the concept of a “graceful divorce,” where both parties remain mutually respectful, express gratitude for the shared history, and avoid carrying toxic patterns forward. She notes that most people who divorce (citing a CNN study) did not initially want to, indicating that divorce is often seen as the only exit rather than a conscious choice. The segment ends with a call‑to‑action for listeners to contact Rebeccah for coaching to achieve a healed, beautiful love story or a dignified divorce.
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We're live and local. It's Mix 102.5, Big Papa in the Morning on a Mental Wellness Wednesday. And now welcoming the world's leading love and emotional healing coach, theunsilentwoman.com. She is Rebeccah Silence. Rebeccah, good morning. How are you?
Well, hello everyone and happy April.
Happy April to you. Let's talk divorce. Okay.
You and I have both been there.
We have, we have. And we also know how easily things can go from cordial to going off the rails. And so what I would like for you to talk about this morning is talking about when divorces get ugly.
Okay. Yeah. So I teach that you can actually have a graceful divorce. I just love that terminology. I never care when couples hire me if they stay together or not as long. Is they, if they end it, are mutually respectful, back to a place of love and genuine gratitude for what they've built, and they're not taking their patterns with them. So what on earth do I mean by that? We all experience relationship the way we felt and experienced love growing up with our families as adults until and unless we heal. So the divorce is ugly, because you're playing out unhealed wounds and patterns from your childhood. Maybe your primary trigger is you feel disrespected or unappreciated or unwanted or betrayed.
But, but before, before we get into all that, a lot of times when a divorce gets ugly, it's they did this, they did that, they're doing— it's a blame thing, and it's not necessarily them looking at people looking at themselves. Well, 100%.
So yes, that's exactly where I'm going, is if I feel disrespected and now I'm blaming you for that instead of seeing essentially I'm a vibrational match for this wound, so I can have an ugly divorce and kick you to the curb and take my power back by taking all your money or cheating on you or whatever it is. But you have to do the work to break through the pattern that is creating this experience like it's Groundhog Day, and the cheese will move and it'll just be whack-a-mole in your life. You can get divorced. That isn't going to solve the problem. So Gary's been working with me long enough to know we have to get to the self-responsible part, Rebeccah Silence. And yes, we absolutely do. So ugly divorce is going to—
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt. The reason I came off that way is anytime someone is talking to a friend of theirs, an acquaintance of theirs, and they're going through a divorce, 9 times out of 10, they're going to be like, that son of a gun, they're doing this, they're doing that. But when people are going through it, 9 times out of 10, that's what you're hearing.
100%. And the other person is never the problem. Doesn't mean they're not behaving terribly, but they're not creating what's going on inside of you. So, right, if the divorce has gotten ugly, you are fighting with the ghosts of your past, and you have a pattern to heal, or several, that you don't want to take with you. Because if you don't heal them now and before you get divorced, you will take them with you. And you maybe will say, yeah, but I'm going to be celibate for the rest of my life after this, Rebeccah. It's just not even worth it. Well, then you'll play out the patterns with your boss with your team, with your clients, with your friends, with the new person you met at a mastermind. I am telling you, the patterns repeat, the patterns repeat, the patterns repeat until they heal. So you've got to make sure you're not ugly in the divorce, even if your spouse is being ugly. Your number one job is to stay clear and to stay clean and to stay the best of you. And I know you might be thinking, yeah, but they don't deserve that. I don't care. You do, and your kids are watching. They deserve to see you gracefully divorce, even if the other person isn't on board for that. And all that means is you're emotionally clear and you are the best of you, and you're offering solutions, and you're treating this person, whether they deserve it or not, the way you would want to be treated and the way you would want your kids to be treated. Your kids are learning what their future romantically will be, watching how you treat each other, not how you treat your kids. How you treat your spouse is how your kids learn how they can expect to be treated growing up. And it's an unconscious commitment that this is what's going to happen to me. So if you've got to get divorced and move on, I get it, but you better make sure you're as clear as I'm just putting down the fork. The meal is over. My heart is open. I have love and respect for you, and our paths are just going different. If you are not there, you are not ready for divorce, and you should definitely DM me and set up some time with me because I want you to have the most healed, beautiful love story, but also divorce if that's what needs to happen. And it's like 95% of people that get divorced, statistically— CNN did a study on this— didn't want to get divorced. That's just the only thing they saw as possible or the way out. And then they took their patterns with them. So DM me and let's get you clear and healed and you staying the best of you and committing to, I'm not going to be ugly and I'm going to heal whatever comes up for me on this divorce journey so I don't take it with me or pass it on to my kids.
In fact, Um, you know what, the question I'm going to have, we're going to do a whole other segment on it for— I'll save it for next week. All right. So if you want to learn more, you can go to theunsilentwoman.com, theunsilentwoman.com. It's a Mental Wellness Wednesday. The world's leading love and emotional healing coach. She is Rebeccah Silence, and we'll talk to you next week.
