How to Overcome Fear of Change and Find the Courage to Succeed

Taking life into our own hands and designing change, leading change and experiencing change in a way where we feel in control. I think the thing that makes change the most difficult is when it feels out of our control. Okay, we're going. Okay, three, two, one. We're going. @ some point or another, we've all wanted our lives to change and we've all desired change on some level. And then how do you overcome the fear of change while you're desiring change, especially at the beginning of a brand new year? That's what we're talking about today on the Healing is possible experience. I'm your host, Rebecca Silence, emotional healing and relationship coach. And on this show, I help you master your emotions and get fully alive. I think that's our number one most important job is to be fully who we are and fully alive, especially in the face of impending change, change that we didn't expect or see coming or even just the changes that we desire. So today I'm going to give you four steps to get beyond fears around change, to overcome that fear of change. And do please stick around to the end of the episode where I'm going to share a mantra that recenters me and re energizes me anytime change is feeling daunting, scary or difficult, or sometimes even threatening. Okay, so let's dive right in. So again, whether you've wanted to change careers, whether you've wanted a change around health, whether you're in a change when it comes to relationship or wanting a change in your relationship status, whatever that looks like for you now, whatever change is upon you, knocking at your door, or that maybe you're actually even recovering from a change that happened that you didn't want. Because that can happen too. I've had so many clients over the years that didn't see it coming. They that a partner was going to ask for a divorce or that they were getting fired, or that they made an investment that they thought was a sure thing that didn't work out, and now they went from feeling financially secure to really having no money in the bank account. Whatever it is. Change is cliche. As this is going to sound, it's inevitable. And then how do we navigate change in such a way where we're not afraid of it and where we're actually taking life into our own hands and designing change, leading change, and experiencing change in a way where we feel in control? I think the thing that makes change the most difficult is when it feels out of our control. I was just watching a movie. I'm trying to Think of the name of it. Oh, it was Ever After Happy. That there's that series of Ever After Happy Happy. It's not Happily Ever after, but there's the series on Netflix. There's three different movies now. And this couple was talking about could they have a baby or not. And the partner that was male, did not want children. The woman did, found out she couldn't have children, shared it with him, and he said, well, now I feel like something's been taken away from me. Now I don't feel like I even get a chance to choose. I now maybe want kids now that I know that you can't have kids. And it was such a human moment captured on this movie. And this is so common that maybe we didn't want something. But now life is thrown a curveball and now that it isn't feeling in our power and control, we feel like change has now become a threat. And the point of today's episode is to take you on a journey of hope and healing that allows this idea of change that is inevitable. And we know that that's not new information, but we want to get to this place where change no longer feels like a threat by the end of the today's episode. So let's dive in to our four steps. So number one, let's just talk about why we fear change and normalize that. All right? Let's look at the truth and understand why we fear change at all. Because that alone will give you a sense of agency again and power and control in your particular situation. So why do we fear change? So I already mentioned we fear change when change feels threatening. Now, why is change threatening? It's threatening to our survival personality. That's the only reason it feels like a threat. Our survival personality, otherwise known as ego. In many personal growth conversations, our survival personality is trying to make sure that we don't get hurt. Our survival personality is wanting us protected and wanting us surviving our way through life not thriving and being fully alive as the truth of who we are. So our survival personality, it's the personality we created unconsciously to survive our childhood. And then we can very easily mistakenly think that that's who we are. And it's not. It's who we became. So if you're an adult that is not feel good about who you are, is not feeling good about life the way it's going is not trusting change. Chances are your survival personality is trying to protect you and keep you safe and small and comfortable and thinking this is you instead of going and taking a time out in the corner and letting who you choose to be now be the one leading your life. The adult you are now empowered is actually who we want leading your life, especially when it comes to change. But your survival personality is going to try to trick you into thinking you can't want more. You can't let change be a good thing. How many of us experienced heartbreak growing up around changes? Maybe a parent lost a job, maybe a parent died, Maybe someone in the family, you know, was an addict and things were very unpredictable. Maybe we had narcissists around us or people teaching us that codependence is love and you have to give you up in the name of love or you don't care enough about the people that you claim to love. Whatever it is that was going on in childhood, changes and life being unpredictable often had our survival personality feeling unsafe and threatened. And that's why we fear change. So next, number two, let's talk about so what's success? Because we want change because we want more of an experience of success. I'll say that again. We want change because we want more of an experience of success. And then we fear change because we don't want to fail or end up in an even worse position than what we feel like we're in now. So what is success? Success, I'm going to say, for the purposes of today's topic, how do we overcome the fear of change? Success is about navigating change in a way where you stayed true to yourself. That success, the change doesn't have to end up exactly how you think it should for then you to be able to relax and know that all is well. That's not a way to stay in your ability to be in control of who you are and your destiny and the experience you're having of life in the face of change. You successfully navigating the change in a way where you can be proud of how you showed up. You can stand behind the decisions that you made and you can know that you were honoring and respectful towards yourself in the process. That is success that we're talking about. Because you know, just like every day, day turns into night every season, the weather changes every quarter, you know, we become a new version of ourselves. We can't escape change, but we can make a decision and a commitment to navigate it successfully. Meaning we did our best and we let our best be enough. So success in the name of change is about you successfully leading and navigating the change without going into fear or overwhelm or panic. And it's you Being your best and making the best of the situation in front of you and then letting yourself, yourself be proud of how you show up. Okay, next number three. So how, how do you overcome the fear of change? Because I don't think it's real that you're going to not be afraid in the face of change. And success isn't you not being afraid. Success is, again, you just putting one foot in front of the other. Keep that one breath at a time. My best is enough energy and momentum going. Right. But what do you do with the fear when it's present and showing up, even when you're successfully being the adult, powerfully choosing and navigating to the best of your ability? Well, the fear is always a sign to recommit to my best is enough. When fear shows up, it's an opportunity. It's your guides, it's your angels, it's God, it's whatever you believe in the universe tapping you on the shoulder, saying, hey, all you need is to be your best and do your best. What is that for you next? Just do that and you're okay and all is well and it's enough. You let yourself be human when the fear is present. You let yourself understand that your survival personality just doesn't trust that you're going to survive if you let yourself ride this wave. But the truth is, the waves of change, just like waves in the ocean, they're either going to kick your ass or you're going to ride them and be exhilarated in the process of riding that wave. Okay? So the waves of change, they only take you out when you resist, when you fight. Just like a wave in the ocean. If you've never gotten beat up by a wave in the ocean, just imagine that you're either letting that wave take you for a ride or you're deliberately and intentionally and powerfully choosing to ride this wave in control, deliberately in the driver's seat, taking your own life into your hands, that's critical, especially when fear is present when it comes to changes in your life now, also when it comes to how do you overcome the real fear that's very present that it doesn't seem like is going anywhere? In a moment of change, you breathe, you ground, and you remember that you're more powerful than your fear and you, you have compassion for your humanity. My coach, Stefan Lovegrove, loves to say there's no spiritual nutritional value in worry, in panic, in shutting down. Where there is extreme spiritual nutritional value is in embracing and honoring. There is fear present and remembering. It's not more powerful than you and that you can ride the wave. It doesn't have to take you for a ride. And then just stay committed to where you're going and let again, your best be enough here. Okay. Last, but certainly not least, when it comes to the fear of change, I want us to recognize that it is, in fact, an illusion. This is my fourth step today. The fear that is present when it comes to change, they're two separate things, but we often have it collapsed together. That change means I have to be afraid. It means that there has to be a threat and let's separate it out. Recognizing that the fear is an illusion. The change is neutral. So I am a cancer survivor. So those that haven't met me before, I think this is the strongest example I can give for all of us right now. Never been anything more scary for me. And I have been through a lot of scary things prior to a cancer diagnosis, as when I was not just diagnosed with cancer, but I was diagnosed with cancer while I was pregnant. And then I was given a 5 to 10% chance to live. I write about this in my book coming back to life. You can get it at rebecca silence.com or anywhere books are sold. There's so much more about my journey in that book and how I overcame and how I chose life, and so much goodness there for you. But that moment where I received the diagnosis and I actually received it from a client, I was coaching a plastic surgeon who did the surgery. I had a progressive metastatic melanoma diagnosis, and this client had seen me in my office and asked to have me come in to take care of this. His wife was adamant as well, who was a nurse. And I went and I got it taken care of of and then went in for the results. Very naively thinking, all right, it's melanoma. So if it is malignant, they just cut it out and I go on with my life, right? No, it was very advanced. It was not possible for my cancer to be staged while I was pregnant. So we had to do an emergency c section early, then stage the cancer. Then it was in my lymph nodes. So all the lymph nodes had to be removed. At this point, I've had somewhere between 17 and 19 surgeries related to cancer. I beat that 5 to 10%. Statistical odd that I was given. I had to master my emotions to be emotionally well and fully and unshakably whole as the best of me in this scenario. And man, was it scary. But the change, it was a diagnosis. That diagnosis was neutral. And luckily I knew enough and I had done enough work to know like a course in miracles says nothing means anything until I give it meaning. And it's the meaning I put on what happened, the circumstance, the event, this experience that either brings me more alive or has my soul feeling defeated and has me feeling less alive in the face of the change. So the change is neutral. The fear is what will either have us give empowered meaning to the change or disempowered meaning to the change. This is so important. So I had to remember that it was up to me that my survival personality could not, should not, would be inappropriate if it was leading. And I needed to become Rebecca 2.0. I needed to become Rebecca that never lost sight of my desire to live, my commitment to live that was only going to use this change to my advantage and come out better and stronger, landing on my feet. And that's always available. So the fear is separate from the change. The change is neutral. The change has no meaning. And it doesn't mean that that it's fun, it doesn't mean that it's ideal, it doesn't mean it doesn't suck. But the change is not the problem. Your fears around the change, that's what we have to face, move through and conquer. And once we've done that, we can celebrate. Okay, so remember and recognize that we don't have to be afraid of change. We can actually use change to our advantage. And that's my fourth step here. Use change to your advantage by not welcoming the fear, not being like, oh good, I'm glad you're here, fear. But going, okay, the fear is present and that fear still isn't more powerful than my ability to choose and create and use this change to my advantage. So let's end with a new mantra to quiet and calm the fear and to ground and center yourself when it's very real. Remember the fear and the power of the fear. That's where the illusion is. We don't have to give fear so much power. Dean Graziosi talks about. We can just as easily be focused on what is the most compelling future available to me here as we are focused on the worst case scenario. Hell, that often is all we can see, especially when we're afraid. What's the most compelling future? Is it really possible to overcome the fear of change by knowing that you can use change to your advantage and you can be your best and you can make the most of any situation you find yourself in and you can find victory no matter what? I think that's available to us. So here's our mantra. If you're comfortable, close your eyes with me. But the mantra is I am free to choose to connect to my power in this moment. I am free to choose to connect to my power in this moment and in the next one. I am free to choose to connect to my power in this moment. I am free to choose to connect to my power in this moment and in the next moment and in the next moment and in the next moment. It gives me chills. It's so powerful. There's your mantra and here's an exercise for you for some homework journal about what fears are present now? What change is bringing up fear in you? What change do you desire? What change is present that you don't desire? And even with that change that's present that you don't desire, what change can you use to your advantage even in this situation? And who will you be that makes the best of this scenario? My team in the comments will write all these questions out for you for your homework, but your only job is to remember how powerful you are and there's no change more powerful than you. Thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you so much for already healing just by being here and for valuing healing. Healing means it doesn't hurt anymore when something hurts. The answer is healing and it's always available to you. And change can actually help us heal and be more alive and be more of who we truly are. And fear. That's just our humanity and our survival. Personality doesn't have to win in moments where we're afraid of change. We get to win. And let's decide that and let's remember that. Thank you for joining us today for the Healing is Possible experience where every week we take you on a journey of hope and healing, reminding you of the truth of who you are, helping you master those emotions so you can be fully alive. If you've enjoyed this, please share with friends and family members that you think would benefit from today's message and be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel so that you don't ever miss an episode or one ounce of the healing goodness that we deliver here every single week. Thank you for my team for bringing this show to you and visit us again@rebeccasilens.com if you want access to the free Trigger Trauma Release Masterclass for a next step. Love you so much. Healing is possible. It's not promised, but it's possible. And when you no longer feel change, fear, change, it's possible even faster. Love you so much. Thank you for taking the time to join us today. And see you very soon. Healing is possible. Family. I'm Rebecca Silence. Signing off. Sending you so much love into your weekend, Sam.